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Asexual or a 'Late Bloomer'?


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Okay so I'm 17 almost 18 and I think I could be gray sexual or asexual. Basically I've only ever had 3 crushes in my whole life and they've always been people I'm close to, however when it comes to sexual attraction I'm sure I don't feel that at all, I can never relate to my friends when they talk about sex or anything sexual as I'm still at the stage of 'why', as in what's the point. When ever they talked about wanting to have sex with something I honestly thought they were joking, I never realised that people actually can feel that. I've always viewed sex as an obligation and i never considered you actually needed feelings if that makes sense? Like when my friends talk about tv actors and about how attractive they are I'm just okay, like I can never get any deeper than recognising they have an attractive face? Honestly I feel that I could just be behind in terms of everyone else, do my feelings sound legitimate or is this just because I'm too young to really know what I want yet? 

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6 minutes ago, mxlky.way said:

When ever they talked about wanting to have sex with something I honestly thought they were joking, I never realised that people actually can feel that.

That sounds similar to my experiences as an asexual person. I thought the media made that stuff up. I thought it was pure Hollywood bull.

 

8 minutes ago, mxlky.way said:

I've always viewed sex as an obligation and i never considered you actually needed feelings if that makes sense?

Well, if you're female then it makes sense you think that way, because there is a myth floating around in culture that says women don't really desire sex, only men do.

This way of thinking is incorrect and harmful. Incorrect because women can and do desire sex, and harmful because sex should never ever be an obligation.

 

10 minutes ago, mxlky.way said:

Like when my friends talk about tv actors and about how attractive they are I'm just okay, like I can never get any deeper than recognising they have an attractive face? 

So just aesthetic attraction then?

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12 minutes ago, mxlky.way said:

Honestly I feel that I could just be behind in terms of everyone else, do my feelings sound legitimate or is this just because I'm too young to really know what I want yet? 

It's possible that you're a late bloomer, but statistically unlikely. Most people will feel sexual attraction/desire by the time they're 17-18. Only time will tell, but I don't think that should keep you from using the label 'asexual' for the time being if you want to. Sounds like it suits you:

 

23 minutes ago, mxlky.way said:

however when it comes to sexual attraction I'm sure I don't feel that at all,

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On 3/23/2017 at 6:41 AM, Laurann said:

That sounds similar to my experiences as an asexual person. I thought the media made that stuff up. I thought it was pure Hollywood bull.

 

Well, if you're female then it makes sense you think that way, because there is a myth floating around in culture that says women don't really desire sex, only men do.

This way of thinking is incorrect and harmful. Incorrect because women can and do desire sex, and harmful because sex should never ever be an obligation.

 

So just aesthetic attraction then?

  Reveal hidden contents

tMPYX5d.jpg

 

It's possible that you're a late bloomer, but statistically unlikely. Most people will feel sexual attraction/desire by the time they're 17-18. Only time will tell, but I don't think that should keep you from using the label 'asexual' for the time being if you want to. Sounds like it suits you:

 

Yup I'm female, aesthetic attraction I think really defines most of my daily life, just an appreciation of their face, i've definitely had romantic attraction but as far as sexual goes nope and since all my friends are talking about it I'm hoping I'm not 'too young' for a label.  

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1 hour ago, mxlky.way said:

I'm hoping I'm not 'too young' for a label.

I don't think you're too young, but it's fine to simply not be sure yet. It's up to you to decide :)

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simplystella

I relate to what you are feeling so much. I guess you could say that I am 80% sure I'm ace and the other 20% is just plain confusion. I doubt myself everyday. The first thing that a friend brought up after I came out was whether we were old enough to label ourselves and it was directed pretty obviously at me :( I brought up the whole sex thing with my friend the other day after she had been talking about how she would 'so sleep with Emma Watson' right after I said 'oh she would be the best big sister'. I told her that I literally thought that everyone was joking when they talked about that stuff and it was only when I came across a tumblr post about it that I thought otherwise, of course she laughed her butt off but it really made me think.

 

Welp im 15 nearly 16 so I can't offer any advice on the whole 'too young' thing, however I personally just can't imagine myself being sexual with someone else even though half my friends are? But for now this term fits me and I think its ok if that changes later, I doubt it will change completely but I don't know if I'm demi or not so theres still more things to work out. And its not like its necessary to perfectly define yourself with a handful of words? I think whether or not you are old enough to be labeled also depends on what you think of labels, labelling myself as ace helped me find a community and become closer with a few friends, it also allowed me to find things that I can relate to and made me feel less alone. However if you're someone who finds labels constricting it might be more difficult. Hope I helped a little :) 

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AceCadmirer

I can 110% relate to the "hot actor" thing. Everyone sees these people and think "I wanna bang them." Meanwhile I'm sitting over here thinking that this is what society views as hot so I guess s/he's hot. It never made sense. I'm 19 now but when I discovered I was asexual a few years back it suprisingly helped me understand sexual culture a lot more. People we're more open about talking about their sex lives and teaching me stuff, verbally, because it had no meaning to me. 

 

Also, you're still young, most of us are. It seems like right now you're asexual but things can change. Use whatever terms, labels, vocabulary you believe best represent who you are at this moment. 

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