"Late Bloomer" Stories

[Galactic Turtle]

Hello humans.

 

Just thought I'd randomly start this thread. I'm not really sure how the term "late bloomer" is defined. I suppose it depends on the culture so this is really open to anyone who's bored and specifically anyone who I suppose grappled with sexual or romantic things later than what might be considered the "norm."

 

1. When did you first consider someone romantically? When were you first drawn to someone romantically? When was your first romantic relationship? Did you previously ID as aro or as someone who doesn't "do" romance? How have your first experiences helped you when engaging in other similar relationships?

 

2. When did you first consider someone sexually? When were you first drawn to someone sexually? When was your first sexual relationship? Did you previously ID as ace or as someone who doesn't "do" sex? How have your first experiences helped you when engaging in other similar relationships?

 

I haven't really "bloomed" but to answer my own questions...

 

1. I first considered someone romantically at age 20. I knew he liked me and he was quite handsome. Would I like it if we held hands? Would I like it if we kissed? Would I like it if we got time to ourselves? Through this consideration, answers to those questions came back negative. I didn't previously ID as aro but the concept of romance was very confusing to me. This incident at age 20 seemed like a glowing opportunity to try it but it kind of made me grimace similarly to when I might stub a toe. This experience helped me because it was the first time I really ever asked myself those questions. It led me to think about why I was defining romance with that certain set of parameters. I think if I ever do experience romance, it will look different from how it does amongst my friends and their partners in that the physical intimacy or burning desperation for proximity wouldn't be there. These days I write about all sorts of romantic pairings with romance not being the center of the plot in hopes that my readers will discover that they can love people in a lot more ways than one.

 

2. I first considered someone sexually... also at age 20 in reaction to the above incident. I was really confused by the way I felt about it and in my thought process I realized that sex had never really crossed my mind either with another person or with my own hand. To get rid of the uncomfortable reality of such an event, I took my favorite celebrity into consideration. I knew the plethora of shirtless pictures available of him made me frown or shake my head because while I didn't previously ID as ace, I wasn't shy about being a prude or valuing modesty. Getting past that I thought about what it would be like to touch his arms or his hair or his chest. I thought about what it would be like if he wanted me that way. Again, all answers to those questions came back negative. The entire idea repulsed me which increased feelings about being broken, talks with my parents, and the continuous push on me to date... which is why I ended up here on AVEN two years later. I think if I were to have a sexual experience, I would elect to participate as an observer. These days I support my friends in their sexual and romantic endeavors. I don't really understand first hand what they're going through but for some reason I seem to be the #1 person to go to for advice. 

 

[mxlky.way]

1. My first crush was when I was about 10, it was on my best friend of the opposite sex and it lasted 2 years and that's really where I pin point the start, however I am yet to have a romantic relationship and I feel romantic attraction really sparingly.

2. Here is where it gets complicated, as far as I can tell I've never had any sexual attractions towards another person, the thing is I'm able to identify romantic attraction instinctively, so I kept wondering why I couldn't feel sexual attraction as I assumed it would feel underlying different. I really relate to feeling broken because I still am unsure about what I am and how to represent myself. Honestly when I'm surrounded by other people who don't relate to me it's really hard, especially when you're 17. That's why I'm here, a journey of self discovery! Also same! I always seem to be the go to person for my friends relationship advice even though I've never had a relationship and I'm not sure if I will ever have a sexual one.  

[tunasupreme]

 This is an interesting thread. I have been wondering lately if I was just a late bloomer.  Answering your questions kind of puts it into perspective for me.

 

1. I was first drawn to someone romantically when I was 22. This person wasn't interested in me and it went nowhere. However, I consider this my first romantic event/thing because I found myself thinking the same things as the OP ( would I hold hands/hug/romance with my crush?) and the answer was " oh yeah!" ( I even dreamed about this person , in a platonic way)   Before I met this person, I  thought of myself as not romantically inclined.  I  haven't been in a romantic relationship and am not sure I learned anything from that super crush. (Except "Everybody plays the fool.")

 

2.   I haven't been drawn to anyone sexually. I definitely ID as someone who doesn't "do" sex.

 

 So I suppose if anything, I am a heteromantic late bloomer.

[timidcat]

I am a super late bloomer at 16, though I've heard people maturing in their twenties so I can't be that bad. I did relate with asexual people because my brain did not have the capacity to care or comprehend sexual feelings until now I guess. Though my feelings still puzzle me and invoke just a tiny bit of disgust and cringe I definitely have them. Fantasizing about what someone would look like naked isn't something that can go unnoticed or even be denied. And just because I don't exactly fit the norm of how and in what circumstances I feel this attraction I'm not gonna attach a made up label to myself, unlike some people.

[Homer]

^ There's no late blooming involved at 16

[SithAzathoth WinterDragon]

I've been told that I'm a late bloomer, I just say I rather put my full focus on my career and not go through hell in a relationship where the other will not respect boundaries set. I was in middle school early 2000's when I knew I was different but did not know the term until 2013. You're not alone, you'll find more who went through the same thing as yourself, as for me I never mentioned being asexual until last year.