Yamato Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 So my best friend told me yesterday that he likes me as more then just a friend and has done for a really long time. He knows I'm ace so isn't expecting me to do anything sexual. I have been struggling for a while to identify my romantic orientation and figure out if I am romantically attracted to him. I don't know how to respond to him, I think I want a relationship but I'm not sure how much I want to do. I don't really understand why but him telling me has made me feel really anxious and I don't know how to deal with that. Sorry if this doesn't make all that much sense. I'm really confused right now and just need to talk to someone. I might try and post again later when I am feeling less anxious. Link to post Share on other sites
luzblue Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 Anxiety isn't really a good sign in my experience... From my perspective, you have two options: 1) you want to give it a try. You can still change your mind if it turns out it's not what you want. 2) you are too anxious/uncomfortable to try... And you just don't, because you don't have to. Whatever you do, communicate with your friend, let him know what you think, be open about the situation, let him know it's not gonna happen if you know it's not gonna happen. Then again, don't tear yourself up over it. It's okay for you to be unsure and confused... and he's the one who put you in a tough spot in the first place by putting romance into the mix. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Yamato Posted March 22, 2017 Author Share Posted March 22, 2017 Thanks for the response I get really anxious a lot so it may not be as bad a sign as it may be for other people. When you write it like that it seems obvious that those are the two options but I'm just not thinking particularly well at the moment. I think I will give it a try but I'm really worried that if things go wrong and we break up, our friendship will also end. He is my closest friend and I currently spend a lot of time with him. If that ended I would be really lonely. But he also values our friendship and doesn't want anything to happen to that so hopefully my worries won't happen. Anyway, thanks again Link to post Share on other sites
nanogretchen4 Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 I think you should focus on making new friends either way. If he is in love with you and you don't reciprocate his feelings, that will be painful for him and he may ultimately need some time away from you before he can get over you. If you try to have a relationship with him despite your incompatible orientations the relationship may break up and again you may need time apart. However, you don't have to end up lonely either way if you plan in advance and divide your time and emotional energy between multiple friendships instead of being too heavily dependent on one friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
currypan Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 Just one question, what is it that he hopes to get out of the relationship. And is this relationship going to be "exclusive", ie possible future partners other than you. He has to understand that if he has sexual needs in the future, he needs to find someone else and it will complicate things. Link to post Share on other sites
Lara Black Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 Hello, RedHawke. You can take this one step at a time without letting your imagination take you too far. Do you want to try anything romantic with this person? Any possible form of relationships? Are you against all forms of sex or you might be okay with pleasing him in some way? Do you want to search for what makes each of you feel good when you are together? It doesn’t have to be sexual or even physical – just good. Going through little steps like that without letting your imagination run wild and flood you with what-if questions might really help organize your thoughts on the matter. And after you understand what you want, you can have the Talk with him: what does he expect, what do you want etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Yamato Posted March 25, 2017 Author Share Posted March 25, 2017 thanks for all the responses I decided to try a relationship. We have spoken about what we both want and don't want and he is very understanding of me. He won't do anything that makes me uncomfortable and is fine going at the pace want. Hopefully it will go ok. Link to post Share on other sites
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