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Whats a none awkward way to explain why I dont date people or try to avoid people?


Sherlocks

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I have a lot of issues socializing and I was very abused in the past by people so I tend to be rather disconnected and highly objective. I also good at reading people so I get bored because I can more or less predict how most people will react in situations. For this reason I tend to prefer people with mental issues for a number of reasons. I sympathize with someone who been rejected, it gives me a project to fix, harder to predict, and not as quick to judge me right away since to them odd is normal so if I do something abnormal to someone whos already different that is just normal.

 

I also on the other end of things hanging out with extremely socially awkward nerds who are highly intelligent. I often end up most intrigued with people of severe mental issues and that doesn't always end well. When I was young the world was chaos and I had to be calm and reserved in order to tame all the chaos. This also makes me rigid at times because I insist everyone plays within a set of rules. No one understands these rules and I explain the rules must be followed or bad things happen. I have to systematically organize people, things, behaviors of nearly everything in this world.

 

 

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TheGrumpyBear

I just don't feel like it. That's not me. Not interested in it. I don't like being around people.

 

These are ways I have used to explain it.

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NerotheReaper

I'm sorry to hear you had issues in the past with people, 

 

I also have had couple issues in my past that makes socializing and being with people hard, I now just go about my life. I know not everyone is going to like me, and I don't like many people. So when the stars aline and if I like someone and they like me, I will explain to them very vague at first about why I am like this. Then if they have a problem with it I kick them to the curb, if they understand then sweet. I am not against making friends or whatever, but I prefer being on my own. Being alone however isn't always the best thing

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11 minutes ago, NerotheReaper said:

I'm sorry to hear you had issues in the past with people, 

 

I also have had couple issues in my past that makes socializing and being with people hard, I now just go about my life. I know not everyone is going to like me, and I don't like many people. So when the stars aline and if I like someone and they like me, I will explain to them very vague at first about why I am like this. Then if they have a problem with it I kick them to the curb, if they understand then sweet. I am not against making friends or whatever, but I prefer being on my own. Being alone however isn't always the best thing

 
 

"Attachment is the key to misery" 

 

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I know how you feel. I've been very abused by my friends in the past, so I try to avoid people.

 

I either tell people I'm just happiest alone or that I'm extremely introverted. That doesn't mean that they always understand. I get left out a lot because people think I don't like being around them. People will plan going places while I'm around without inviting me and I'm like, "Yeah, I probably won't be able to go with you but at least invite me along!" For the one or two people that understand, their friendships mean something because they'll invite you even fi they don't expect you to go. They let you play by your rules, and if they don't understand it doesn't make them like you any less as a friend. They just accept you're weird.

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Haloumi_Sandwich

I can relate to you, @Sherlocks. I just say "no thanks" (or some sort of "soft no") to social invitations I'm not into. I think it is better for me to have some social contact. I have family of course, but otherwise if I do something with others, it's focused on my interests. So I interact with people to do something specific rather than for the sake of it.

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Lord Jade Cross

Well, if youre not concerned about any after effects, acting like some self righteous, self entitled, arrogant asshole usually does the trick. Otherwise people tend to say:" why? How do you know you wouldnt like it if you never try? Give people a chance. Not everyone in the world is non compatible. You would change your mind if you tried." etc.

 

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3 minutes ago, Jade Cross said:

Well, if youre not concerned about any after effects, acting like some self righteous, self entitled, arrogant asshole usually does the trick. Otherwise people tend to say:" why? How do you know you wouldnt like it if you never try? Give people a chance. Not everyone in the world is non compatible. You would change your mind if you tried." etc.

 

 

 
 

Well I could try I just know what im attracted to is bad for me, and what is good for me doesn't make me happy. 

 

I guess in a way that means im self destructive. 

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SithAzathoth WinterDragon

I know how you feel, I ave had issues with this as well. For the most part people will always be that way. We can really do nothing about it. I went through this  a lot in grade school and more. I tend to stay to myself for the most part and sometimes I talk with people who I know and ignore other. I was hated in grade school for how good I am in science, now I have a few friends and I keep my circle small. I will just say keep trying, you'll find people out there that will like to talk to and actually be good. I avoid dating as well because I have no interest in having anyone with me, I rather stay to myself and stay happy.

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Lord Jade Cross
1 hour ago, Sherlocks said:

Well I could try I just know what im attracted to is bad for me, and what is good for me doesn't make me happy. 

 

I guess in a way that means im self destructive. 

But are you trying to look, however improbable you deem it to be or are you just not interested and only looking for a way to convey the message of "no thanks" to others?

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I'm always a fan of the "no time for that" reason/argument.

 

For many years I would say I wasn't dating or looking to date because I was too busy with school, and given my time constraints it would impossible and unfair to attempt to start a relationship. I'm not aro, but this was before I realized I was asexual and was at least half avoiding dating to avoid sex coming up (and the rest of the avoidance came from actually being too busy). 

 

Or maybe say you're both busy with, and prefer focusing on, other things? Just shows you're really dedicated to whatever you're doing and I've never heard anyone sound awkward saying something like that.

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NothingHereToSee

I think I've mentioned this in another thread already, but my current go-to phrase is "I consider myself a lone wolf". No idea why, but so far people seem to have responded well to that statement. Probably because it sounds a whole lot more mysterious and empowering than "I'm an asexual recluse". ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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I feel like I'm always going to be socially awkward and as long as it doesn't have an impact on my professional life I really don't care. We live in a great age were there's Internet: a lot of interesting, anti-conformist people who don't care about social norms just a click away.

I feel like hanging out with people you want to "fix" might not be the best basis on which to build a friendship. If you feel superior to them, that's not friendship. You have to feel equal, or better yet, feel like they make you a better person in some way or another.

To answer your main question, I usually say something along the lines of "I like being single" or "I'm not looking for anything".

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1 hour ago, Thea2 said:

Ah, the old chocolate versus sprouts dilemma. :lol:

 

There is a fable about this? 

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