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Valaria

NSFW First Post: Could it be asexuality or something else?

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Valaria

Hey

 

This is my first post on here but I felt it was good to ask here as I don't really know any other place where I could have asked this.

 

I am a soon to be 19 year old born male virgin that possibly is transgender from Sweden.

 

Since a young age I have felt grossed out by nakedness and sexuality. I am not really sure why this is but it just never came to me naturally. I can remember once when I was very young and my classmate mentioned sex, I remember never having heard of it back then and actually could not imagine what it was.

 

However this is something I still feel today. In 9th grade in Swedish school pre highschool, a lot of my classmates started having sex and got into relationships. I had been bullied by quite awhile previously and in that class I was left out aswell but I still created a pressure on myself to fix a relationship. I started trying more "masculine" etc which was hard in regards to social anxiety and self esteem issues.

 

All that time however I still had this 'disgust' in regard to sexuality. I hated my body but in general I was just disgusted entirely by the entire idea of penetrative sex. Around 11 or 12 I started masturbating and got into fetish art porn. The characters always wore clothing that I was more aroused by alongside the body shape but whenever the clothing was removed it just turned to disgust. I still can't masturbate to penetrative sex or pure nakedness, for me its required to have some form of sex related clothing etc. But also the very idea of penetrative sex is a big turn off for me and it kinda grosses me out to be honest.

 

Then alongside this and my transgender thoughts have made me think about having either male or female bodies and I have started to imagine myself with a naked form of either. I am only met with disgust when I think about this as for some reason I just find genitalia and breast regardless of gender to be gross and probably a bit taboo. This makes it kinda hard for me to really solidify how I want to look.

 

Finally I also really don't want penetrative sex. Imagining myself in any gender or position is making me feel weirded out regardless. The only thing I have ever been able to not entirely feel weirded out by is probably the idea of being a girl with another girl doing something like just seminaked cuddling. As I am into BDSM aswell I could see myself engaging in sexual activites and I am attracted to women but the idea of sex itself, the "normal" one still is something I don't want at all and seem to hate.

 

 

Apologies for this post but I am really unsure and out for some answers. Please give some feedback and what you think. Also sorry for basically spelling out my ideas about sex and all but yeah. I am really sorry if this also isn't fitting for the forum but asexuality in itself is something I came to think of and googling around only turned up posts from here. Could this be some form of asexuality as I am only wanting non intercourse sexual activity? Or could it be esteem things?

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Star Bit

So you desire/yearn to have non-penetrative sex and don't just find it to be a type of sex you could be ok with concenting to? That's not asexuality; asexuality is not desiring any type of sex with anyone (concenting to sex is not desire). You just desire to have sex in a specific way; so that's just a normal sexual person with a preference. There are people who only want non-penetrative sex, but it doesn't have a nickname like other sexual preferences do, but it's a real thing.

 

Also, some trans people don't desire sex because their body is 'wrong', but once they do transition they do desire sex, so what you're experiencing could be normal for trans people, but experiencing something they do doesn't automatically mean you're trans either. So do you really feel you're a girl/in the wrong body or do you just feel having sex would be easier in a different (female) body? (the latter is not trans)

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Xenobot

I just want to chime in and say that sexuality without penetrative sex is totally valid. If you desire non-penetrative sexual activity, then that is a totally valid way of expressing yourself as a sexual being. Asexuals, on the whole, prefer not to engage in any partnered sexual activity of any kind.

 

What you describe sounds to me a lot like being sex-repulsed, so that might be worth looking into. Sex-repulsion is more common among asexuals, but sex-repulsion can be caused by many other things.

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.Lia

Asexuality = no desire for sex, regardless of whether it's penetrative sex or not. You can be asexual and still enjoy any type of sex for the physical aspects, and the hormonal aspects that sex has. But desiring sex of some sort breaks the definition of asexuality. You can also be sexual and sex-repulsed by very specific types of sex/bodies. 

 

In your post, though, you only say that you can "seen yourself" engaging in certain types of sex, and that you do not desire penetrative sex. Do you desire the other types of sex you mentioned? Or are those the types you're simply not repulsed by and might consider engaging in them for reasons such as making your partner happy, or purely for the physical aspects, etc.?

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Valaria
5 hours ago, Star Bit said:

So you desire/yearn to have non-penetrative sex and don't just find it to be a type of sex you could be ok with concenting to? That's not asexuality; asexuality is not desiring any type of sex with anyone (concenting to sex is not desire). You just desire to have sex in a specific way; so that's just a normal sexual person with a preference. There are people who only want non-penetrative sex, but it doesn't have a nickname like other sexual preferences do, but it's a real thing.

 

Also, some trans people don't desire sex because their body is 'wrong', but once they do transition they do desire sex, so what you're experiencing could be normal for trans people, but experiencing something they do doesn't automatically mean you're trans either. So do you really feel you're a girl/in the wrong body or do you just feel having sex would be easier in a different (female) body? (the latter is not trans)

Thanks for your reply. Thinking about it a bit more its just penetrative sex I feel certain that I have no interest but other forms of it is something I am more uncertain about. Anyways apologizes for claiming to be asexual but thanks for kinda clearing that out :)

 

In regards to sex and transitioning. On that front I have never intended to transition for having sex, actually sex still feels wrong even if I decide to transition when I think about it.

I do have an interest in wearing specific clothing etc that would be related to sexuality in that case but mostly its due to appearing more like I feel. I can't really explain it all too well but for me personally its more just that I would generally prefer the female body shape over the male one but also more expressing my internal self. I am questioning because I still am unsure if that is what I truly want etc however I have been dreaming of being a girl for years and questioning a lot the last year after realizing I might be.

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Valaria
5 hours ago, Xenobot said:

I just want to chime in and say that sexuality without penetrative sex is totally valid. If you desire non-penetrative sexual activity, then that is a totally valid way of expressing yourself as a sexual being. Asexuals, on the whole, prefer not to engage in any partnered sexual activity of any kind.

 

What you describe sounds to me a lot like being sex-repulsed, so that might be worth looking into. Sex-repulsion is more common among asexuals, but sex-repulsion can be caused by many other things.

Thanks, I will look into that :)

 

Truly considering other forms of sexual activity makes me unsure of what it would be and if I would be interested in it but most forms of sex in general seems to make me feel weirded out/grossed out by it. I actually can't even see myself having sex. Due to not having any experience I can't really say anything about the other things but yeah for some reason I am just really uncomfortable with the idea of penetrative sex.

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Star Bit

Maybe trans, maybe just into drag (sounds like some stuff I've heard them say).

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Valaria
4 hours ago,  Lia said:

Asexuality = no desire for sex, regardless of whether it's penetrative sex or not. You can be asexual and still enjoy any type of sex for the physical aspects, and the hormonal aspects that sex has. But desiring sex of some sort breaks the definition of asexuality. You can also be sexual and sex-repulsed by very specific types of sex/bodies. 

 

In your post, though, you only say that you can "seen yourself" engaging in certain types of sex, and that you do not desire penetrative sex. Do you desire the other types of sex you mentioned? Or are those the types you're simply not repulsed by and might consider engaging in them for reasons such as making your partner happy, or purely for the physical aspects, etc.?

Thanks for your reply and clearing that out!

 

Its probably something like sex repulsed even if it involves basically all form of penetrative sex and naked bodies from both genders.

 

To be honest I am unsure of what other sexual activites is but for example as stated in the text is that I am into BDSM and would consider partaking in things like bondage etc. Other than that I can't say I really see myself capable of any sex as in general I am weirded out/grossed out by it and just thinking about it usually makes me feel uncomfortable as imagining it feels just weird,

 

I could probably put up with sex in a partner if they wanted it but imagining it still leaves me uncomfortable as I might not actually enjoy it myself. I can't know because I lack experience but yet I do "know" that I wouldn't appreciate it. I am unsure if I could find any personal physical pleasure in it and honestly I kinda hate my body and really can't see it doing something like that.

 

Anywas, thanks for your reply! I kinda suspected it could be something else than asexuality but I really couldn't find out anything about it so thanks. It didn't seem like asexuality to me to begin with but I am glad that became clear. Sorry for asking here about it but atleast I have my answer :)

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Star Bit
On 3/21/2017 at 2:16 AM, Valaria said:

To be honest I am unsure of what other sexual activities are, but for example as stated in the text is that I am into BDSM and would consider partaking in things like bondage etc.

There are many types of sex. Should I list them?

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