John2896

Questioning if I'm aromantic.

6 posts in this topic

I'm a 21 year old bisexual male. I definitely feel sexual attraction to people, but I keep question whether or not there I have any romantic attraction to people. The last time I can say I actually felt like I had a crush on someone was when I was 16 or 17 years old. Since then, I've tried to force myself to like people, but every time I've tried to develop feelings for a person, I can't imagine myself being in a relationship with them. I almost entered a relationship with someone earlier this year, but any time they tried to do be romantic or tried to get me to be romantic, I felt confused almost. Like there was nothing for me to say. Now that I think about it, for years, any person I've been "interested in" it's more or less just a person that I want to be friends with, and also have sex with them. Typically "romantic" stuff does nothing for me. Any time I've ever made out with someone, I was entirely focused on not trying to screw up, and got no enjoyment out of it. I haven't done much looking into exactly what aromantic means, so maybe I'm just not into typically romantic stuff, but I feel like I only have platonic feelings for people. 

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^^ it would make sense to be something like a bisexual aromantic. try not to force anything let you be you, whatever you may be :P anyway! hope you're doing okay

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I've just being thinking about it a lot lately because of almost entering a relaitonship, which I haven't really even gotten close for 4 or so years. I felt really bad because should would practically beg me (at least it felt like that to me) to be romantic, and the idea of doing that made me literally want to vomit. Now all of my friends are asking me why I cut it off, and telling me I should just go for it because I "might like being in a relationship, and you don't really know until you try." I don't quite know how to tell them, the idea of being romantic is disgusting to me. I can't ever imagine that type of affection not being forced for me because it all seems like a fake performance in my eyes. 

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it sounds complicated. but i guess at least you have some sort of understanding about what you are like in a relationship. ^^ 
You don't have to explain your personal feelings to your friends if you don't think you need to/ don't want to. I don't, it's nice to be able to avoid all of the inevitable questions.

also, i don't think you should take your friends advice lol, especially if they don't know about your sexual and romantic orientation,  you'll have to rely a lot more on yourself to decide how you treat situations, but hey, people here will be more than willing to give advice too. if anything, don't hesitate to ask me ^^

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Yeah, I see what you're saying. I'm open about my sexual orientation, but I'm not sure romantic orientation would be something I'd be as willing to talk about, mainly because I feel like saying "aromantic" can kinda just sounds like "I'm an a** hole." And the reason I feel the need to explain myself to my friends is that a lot of them are starting to be worried. Like, I've never expressed interest in someone to any of my friends or family. This is the first time I've ever told anyone about a girl, and when I said I turned her down, my response was "Eh, I don't know." As far as I know, I liked her as much as I've like many people. She was my friend, and I found her attractive. She started telling me she was interested in me, and we started getting somewhat involved, and then I just felt completely trapped. I've felt this way about things for years. Any time someone starts acting like they like me, I start to feel like I'm suffocating, and then I just get terrified any time they try to talk to me. 

Thank you for talking to me by the way. I feel a bit better just talking about something I don't normally feel comfortable talking about. 

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3 hours ago, John2896 said:

I feel like saying "aromantic" can kinda just sounds like "I'm an a** hole."

maybe to people who doesn't know what it means. :P I'm sure if you explain it to anyone open minded enough, they won't think that.

^^ you could be a little more selfish if you like and leave your friends to worry. you aren't hurting anyone and are old enough to be aware of the relationships you may enter.  Telling them you're aromantic would (id hope) make them worry less. it's not something you're in control of at the end of the day, it's just another feeling. but they might question you a lot about it. i'm not sure how you'd feel about it, but the questions would end after a while. (just make sure they don't go telling everyone in the neighbourhood) 

 

 

3 hours ago, John2896 said:

Any time someone starts acting like they like me, I start to feel like I'm suffocating, and then I just get terrified any time they try to talk to me. 

i think you should be a bit selfish here too. ^^ sometimes people 'acting like they like you' don't, or do and won't say anything about it. either way they're harmless. if someone does openly express romantic interest. there are an array of ways to turn them down nicely. at the end of the day, they have to ask your permission first, so you've got all control over the situation.

maybe you could even write down some ways to turn someone down. :P adding compliments i'm sure would make them feel better about the situation. oh! and telling them you're honoured to be appreciated.

Anxiety kind of sucks, but how you think of certain things can change the situation for the better. and facing things head on with a positive outlook helps a bunch! you'll get better with practice!

:D i hope you feel better about it all soon!! being a little selfish sometimes doesn't hurt anyone. and of course! i had to reply, i don't want you here worrying by yourself XD 

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