Transgender and relationships (trigger warning)

[AVEN #1 fan]

I have no idea where to post this, probably move it to tea and sympathy.

As an panromantic, I feel crushes for lots of genders , but when it comes to men and women, I get bad vibes, specially from cisgender folks, like I always hear stories from Transgender folks with unsupportive, violent, abusive and transphobic cisgender partners, specially cis men, that end up very badly. heard a story once about a Trans girl who dated a cis man who didn't knew she was Trans and when he found out he tortured and drowned her, surprisingly he was not arested (people care less about women's and Transgender lives in my country by the way). Many Trans folks already told me they're perceived as fetishes, or secret lovers, I know Trans girls whose boyfriends wanted to keep their relationship secret from everyone, they couldn't even date outside.

Cisgender men doesn't have any interest in me by the way, I once heard from a guy I was friends with that hanging out with me was damaging his masculine reputation. Many of them think I'm a crossdresser or gay or emo creep or a geeky loser. I even developed fear of men growing up surrounded by toxic masculinity.

Cisgender women, on the other hand, usually find me gay and weird or a geeky loser or an emo creep, and usually they don't want nothing else beside a friendship with me.  like I treat a lot of chics better than their shitty crushes but in the end of the day, I'm still not lover material.

I hardly ask anyone out bc the most common answers im likely getting are: 1- they're straight, 2 - they're gay, 3 - I'm not their type, 4 - they already have someone, 5 - they need sex (being ace doesn't help as I'm uncomfortable with having sex )

Well, also being androgynous and enby doesn't help, people don't even know what I am, how to deal with me or if they could love people like me.

It's exhausting, I also suffer from depression, anxiety and gender dysphoria and a lot of cis folks don't know how to deal with it. After a lot of desilusions  and thinking I figured out finding an Transgender partner to have a relationship with would be the best option for me,  as I'm sure a lot of other Transgender people have the same struggles as me.

Cis people scared me when I was growing up... I don't hate them, I don't hate men, I just learned to be very careful around people I am scared of.

I think it's very unlikely for me to get into an abusive relationship with another Transgender person, after thinking about it, and I have more chances of ending up with somebody like me.

Well, I have more chances of ending up alone actually, it's very unlikely to find somebody like me nearby or to live in a highly sexist transphobic country like mine, I wish I could run away.

I already thought of looking for somebody online, but well, I'm very paranoid and I don't trust people in dating sites and social medias.

well, for my own good, I learned how to deal with loneliness growing up, I used to  struggle with jealously of others bc I was alone, I realized I should give myself value, and eventually I stopped trying so hard to get somebody and started focusing on what I wanted for me and valuing myself.

Srly, nobody is worth a shitty relationship, everybody deserves something, don't make yourself deserve something awful.

I learned a lot of things inside the feminist movement (I think transfeminism made my life better at some point), not only Transgenders, but a lot of women get scarred for life after getting inside toxic relationships with men, they even forget their own value trying to get in a relationship. and oh well, scaping toxic relationships is really hard, some people literally die trying.

Seriously all these nights crying of loneliness are better than losing control of your life.

 

[AVEN #1 fan]

Anyone else is struggling with loneliness bc their gender identify or orientation?

[Clumsy Fairy]

13 minutes ago, AVEN #1 fan said:

 

heard a story once about a Trans girl who dated a cis man who didn't knew she was Trans and when he found out he tortured and drowned her, surprisingly he was not arested (people care less about women's and Transgender lives in my country by the way)

 

Where do you live?

[AVEN #1 fan]

8 minutes ago, Lord Grep said:

 

Where do you live?

Brazil, we are the number 1 most transphobic country in the world as we  kill a Trans person  nearly every day.

Also 90% of trans women here only find jobs in the sex industry.i

iit depress and scares me a lot, I can't do anything about it.

[Clumsy Fairy]

5 minutes ago, AVEN #1 fan said:

we are the number 1 most transphobic country

 

I doubt that, however I don't say that to belittle your experience. I can't imagine how difficult things are for you.

 

I will say though #NotAllCisMen. 

 

Hope things work out for you.

[AVEN #1 fan]

Just now, Lord Grep said:

 

I doubt that, however I don't say that to belittle your experience. I can't imagine how difficult things are for you.

 

I will say though #NotAllCisMen. 

 

Hope things work out for you.

Well, I see your point, at least I'm not condemned to death for being Transgender.

 

I understand not all cis men, but I have a very hard time trusting them.

[argar]

I've made a few really decent friends and that helps tremendously with loneliness.

 

Mainly because of my orientation I gave up on the idea of being in a romantic relationship with anyone.

 

It got a lot easier for me when i decided not to worry and obsess over being in a romantic relationship.

 

Maybe on day it might happen, and I will do my best to be open to the possibility, but it is something that on most days I don't think about anymore.

 

I hope you either do make some really excellent and accepting friends and maybe find someone to be intimate with.

 

But there is nothing wrong being alone.

 

Have a beautiful night.

 

[AVEN #1 fan]

Just now, argar said:

I've made a few really decent friends and that helps tremendously with loneliness.

 

Mainly because of my orientation I gave up on the idea of being in a romantic relationship with anyone.

 

It got a lot easier for me when i decided not to worry and obsess over being in a romantic relationship.

 

Maybe on day it might happen, and I will do my best to be open to the possibility, but it is something that on most days I don't think about anymore.

 

I hope you either do make some really excellent and accepting friends and maybe find someone to be intimate with.

 

But there is nothing wrong being alone.

 

Have a beautiful night.

 

Sometimes I wish I was also aro so I hadn't to deal with Romantic needs.

 

Anyway thx you. well as Trans, getting friends is kinda hard as well. Luckily at least my family didn't reject me. And well,  can't forget about pets, if I could I would have a lot of cats.

[argar]

I am not aro though.

 

So yeah, I do get really lonely sometimes, but I think it is a seasonal thing with me.

 

Along with arousal.

 

Through out the year I do get really aroused, but it is never directed at anyone or for anyone.

 

I enjoy it, but I am also glad it goes away.

[SamwiseLovesLife]

On 20/03/2017 at 4:45 AM, AVEN #1 fan said:

Anyone else is struggling with loneliness bc their gender identify or orientation?

I struggle with this, Asexuality makes it hard for me to relate to my very sexual friends/family and I feel sometimes alienated from the LGBT+ community despite being homoromantic.
I wouldn't worry about being trans, yes some people are ignorant but being asexual means that the people unsure about genetalia-related situations have no reason to feel differently about you. I have trans friends in both genders and honestly I wouldn't feel uncomfortable dating one of them regardless of their birth-assigned gender, I don't really understand why anyone would.

Good luck and **hug**