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Come out as demiromantic?


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Sorry this is so long.

 

Around sophomore year of high school, I made friends with this guy. I'll call him Bob here. We were in choir together, were in some of the same classes, and had some mutual friends, so we saw each other a lot and started talking. Initially, it was just stuff like "Did we have homework?" but it evolved into joking around and actual friendship. He's really smart, kind, and funny. We would talk about books a lot.

 

Fast forward to junior year. Again, mutual friends and the same classes, so we saw each other a lot. About a month (?) before Homecoming, he sent me a text asking me to the dance, immediately followed by another text that said "JK." I kind of panicked at the first text and felt relieved at the second, but my mom explained he probably did want to go to the dance together but was nervous about asking me. At that point, I had never had real romantic feelings for anyone. The next few times I saw  Bob, I was scared he would ask me to the dance again, and I wouldn't know what to say. I didn't really want to go to the dance in general (I hadn't gone to any dances freshman or sophomore years), and like I said, I didn't like him romantically, but I also didn't want to hurt his feelings. However, he didn't mention the dance, and I relaxed. Over the next couple weeks, I started to develop romantic feelings for him. For example, I realized that just thinking about him made me smile. My mom suggested I go to the Homecoming Dance, and since Bob and several of my friends were going, I decided "Why not?" and bought a ticket and a dress. Eventually, the day before the dance, after several false starts, Bob asked me to the dance (he already knew I was going, so it wasn't like he expected me to get a dress at the last minute), and I said yes. I was so happy, I came home singing "Ten Minutes  Ago" from the Rodgers and Hammerstein Cinderella!

 

When we got to the dance, we waited in line together, and someone asked if we were dating. Bob and I both said something along the lines of "Uh..um...uh...we're not...um...uh...no. No." Once in the dance, I had a blast. Although Bob and I were technically "dates," there wasn't anything inherently romantic about our interactions at the dance. I hung out with both him and my friends, and we didn't kiss or slow-dance or anything.

 

We ended up going to Junior Prom, senior-year Homecoming, and Senior Ball together. We did slow-dance at those dances (sort of; it was more like holding hands and swaying), and he kissed me at Homecoming. At some point, we admitted we had romantic feelings for each other. We started hanging out more, and we would kiss (pecks on the lips) semi-regularly.

 

Now he goes to the local community college, and I go to college on the other side of the country. I'm bad at keeping in touch with friends, so we don't talk that much, but it makes me really happy when he calls me. I still like him, and as far as I know, he still likes me. Should I come out to him as demiromantic? I'm also gray-ace (or maybe just ace, I'm not sure anymore), but since pecks on the lips are the farthest we've gone, I don't think there's any real need to mention my sexuality. My demiromanticness, though, does seem to affect our relationship. For instance, I like kissing Bob more because it symbolizes romance than because it actually feels good. Holding hands, hugging, cuddling -- I like those much more than kissing. I don't miss Bob's kisses, but I do miss his hugs. Plus, I think Bob might be demiromantic or grayromantic as well. Apparently, our first kiss was also his first kiss, and he has mentioned that he thinks people should wait to say "I love you" until they've been in the relationship for a while. He also sometimes asks me what I think the difference between friendships and romantic relationships are. I don't know how much he know about the aro spectrum, but maybe if I come out as demiromantic, he'll look into it and see if there's an aro spec identity that fits him. So should I come out, if so, how?

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