Jump to content

Should we have a forum for older asexuals?


Amcan

Should there be a forum for 'older' AVEN members?  

  1. 1.

    • Yes
      59
    • No
      26
    • Not sure
      18
    • Other - please comment to elucidate
      3


Recommended Posts

JokeyFairbobbin

I voted "no." Partly because, what's the point? If someone has a question specifically for older asexuals, it's easy enough to put it in the title of the thread, much like the ones that say things like "Question for men" and such.

Also, I agree with the setting-a-precedent line of thought. If there is a forum for older asexuals to discuss older-person things, can there be one for younger asexuals, to discuss younger-person things? What about different ethnic groups? Or different countries? And what about people who are somewhere in between? An older-person board would make me feel left out, even if I was allowed to post there and such. Right now, none of the boards are targeted at a defined group of people. I think it's better to keep it that way.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Right now, none of the boards are targeted at a defined group of people.

Sure there is: the Alternative Language Forum.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Cate Perfect

The entire board is a 'younger person' board.

And having one forum that made older people feel welcome wouldn't exclude you in any way--you'd have the whole rest of the board.

I think the point of a forum for older people would be for them to share experiences--not so people can ask 'for older people' questions...

Link to post
Share on other sites

I voted YES, and I'll add, please...

I'm 59. A lot of what I have lived through is both irrelevant & unknown to much younger people. Much of what immediately concerns me (aging parent, arthritis, increasing tax burdens, decreasing strengths) is totally out of the natural concerns of people a generation - or two - younger.

A forum wherein I could talk with similarly-aged people (yeah, I know, very few here!) would be A Good Thing.

That said, one of the major reasons I have hung around is to be a signpost for younger/young asexuals in Aotearoa-NZ - hey! If I could survive extremely uncongenial times for asexuals, guess how much better you can do, can thrive through! I have learned there are *extremely few* such in my archipelago (both asexual people I have met originated elsewhere). That reason has therefore stopped as a need to continue posting here.

Kia ora tatou.

Link to post
Share on other sites

What are the things that will be posted on the 'older asexual' forum that can't be on the others? (Maybe learning that will make me see why we need one).

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think Islander9 answered your question alreaady:

I voted YES, and I'll add, please...

I'm 59. A lot of what I have lived through is both irrelevant & unknown to much younger people. Much of what immediately concerns me (aging parent, arthritis, increasing tax burdens, decreasing strengths) is totally out of the natural concerns of people a generation - or two - younger.

A forum wherein I could talk with similarly-aged people (yeah, I know, very few here!) would be A Good Thing.

I would like to add: menopause and the physical/hormonal changes it brings; dealing with chronic pain; how self-image changes as we age. There is no reason these subjects cannot be posted on the forums we have now; but because we older people are so outnumbered and the subjects in question are of so little interest to those under 30, the posts would quickly drop out of sight. Having a forum devoted to issues of aging would keep such topics current for those who are interested.

On another but related subject: Admins and mods, any idea when there will be a decision on this?

Link to post
Share on other sites
PrairieWinds~

I feel the same way as islander9 and Aeriel, and for the same reasons; and oh my God, I can't wait to talk about menopause *banging head on keyboard* (hahaha) It's a world in itself.

When I was younger most of my friends were much older then I was, but from my perspective, I didn't understand or see any difference between us. Now that I'm much older, I appreciate those friendships more and more for what they brought to my life and I've come to realize there were huge differences in our thoughts and feelings, not to mention experiences.

I think life should be a heavy mix of all ages - the young keep us young, and the old keep us learning, so to speak. Age is a relative thing. Imagine my amazement when I discovered that I think people in their 40's are young - but it's true, for some things, I find age makes a difference.

Maybe that's just me, but if that's how it fits for me then I need to pay attention to that and help myself accordingly. Therefore I have come to realize that an 'older members' forum' would be a great thing to have. Not to exclude anyone but to include myself.

Hopefully I've made some sense of my thoughts and feelings, and that I've not offended anyone as I wish us all the best and hope we all get the full benefit of a site like this.

Link to post
Share on other sites
QuixoticGal

When we all sign on here we immediately go to the forums that interest us most to check them out for new or interesting information. If we have no need or desire to connect with other people we may look at the "meet-up" forum once and never return. Maybe we look at the one or another of the existing forums daily, maybe they simply don't interest us and we never or rarely go there.

The point is the Older Asexual Generation(s) is telling this site they would like to have a forum that allows them the same freedom - they share similar interests that other members do not. A site that they can go to on a regualr basis without having to shift through mountains of information and forums to find the threads that interest them most. They are telling the other members that they don't post, that they don't participant on an regular basis, because this site is missing something for them. And they are saying this can be fixed by simply adding a new forum.

They are not asking it to be exclusive. If a younger member has a parent going through menopause and wanted to log on and discuss it, it would fit here as well (and I'm sure they would get a wealth of ideas of how to better deal with or comfort that parent). If a younger member wanted to know what it felt like to live through the sexual revolution as an asexual this would be the place there that information could easily be discussed.

I see so much similiarity here to the complaints members relate about being asexual. People just do't get it (or me). I'm tired of having to state my position over and over. My needs are just different, no better or worse than yours just different. We ask others to understand and have tolerance of us (asexuals) simply being different, yet this thread shows just how easy it is fall into intolerance when we don't understand the needs (or lack of need :wink: ) of others who don't share the same experiences. As we grow older this same situation happens. Our experiences, or needs, change and become different in a way that younger people simply have no reference for understanding totally.

The reason this site was created was to offer a community for asexuals that they never had. The older members are simply asking for a new forum that would make their visit here easier and maybe more comfortable. Having this forum doesn't mean we would shut ourselves off from the rest of the community. It fact, I'm betting it would help maintain the Older Generation in active membership.

Link to post
Share on other sites
On another but related subject: Admins and mods, any idea when there will be a decision on this?

Well I said I'd let the poll run forawhile and it has generated a lot of debate.

The answer so far seems to be yes.

With that in mind other issues need to be worked out - the form it will take, possible modding duties etc.

So it might be awhile yet before we're ready to go live as it were.

Amcan

Admin.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for the update, Amcan.

Meanwhile, I need to vent--I voted for the forum a few days ago, but I've thought of another reason to support it. Sexuals with questions often have trouble taking younger asexuals seriously. It's often come up where someone will explaining a point of asexuality on the boards and a sexual person will say "you're only __, you can't understand/you'll change." It would be nice to be able to refer them to the older AVENites at a separate forum.

Link to post
Share on other sites
rainbowwahine

Wow!!! Great to hear in from so many people aged 35+! I voted yes -- while I truly enjoy interacting with younger AVENites and continue to learn much from them, it would be nice to also have a place where those of us of a certain age can, as several other members have commented, discuss common concerns and also support each other. It saddens me how many "older" people feel they are the only one in their age bracket here. At the same time, I am thrilled to see some "older" AVENites post for the first time!!!! As my role model, Billie Jean King, always says, "Go for it!"

Link to post
Share on other sites

I've been thinking about this and the only reason I'm not supporting it 100% is I'm not quite sure what the question is asking. Computers aren't my strong point - so when posing the question of a new 'forum' does that mean there will be another category for older people (one like off a, or JFF)? because if that's what it is, sure! Or does it mean splitting one of the categories into two? or something? Or maybe I've been studying too much and am not thinking straight, which if it is the case, just ignore me :D

Link to post
Share on other sites

It would probably mean that a whole new forum would appear, like another Off-A or Just for Fun.

I have decided that my feelings are so mixed on this subject that I will simply support whatever the board decides. I admit that I am surprised by the number of older members who have suddenly appeared and posted for the first time.

It makes me wonder ... what is so daunting about mixing with younger people? :? I don't understand the problem, but then I guess I don't really have to.

If it's a valid concern for some people then that's enough reason to address the problem and take steps to solve it.

The "whys" can be philosophically discussed once we get all of the old folks on board in the new forum.

Inquiring minds will want to know!

-Greybird

Link to post
Share on other sites

Greybird- nothing daunting about mixing with - or mixing it with! - the youngies BUT

a lot of stuff that interests older asexuals emphatically *doesnt* interest young/younger asexuals!

And apropos the surprise about the number of older AVENites who've started posting? Unrealistic; it took my 79 yearold mother *quite* some time to realise her views were as legitimate as any other poster's on a quiet very local site-

Hey! Young people are still finding out who & why they are, and what & how they could/should behave and all that kinda crap we learned 30 years ago-I mean, when did our formal education finish? A very large number of young people on this site are still undergoing *secondary* education!

I am a bit bothered that VERY young mods & admins are going to decide about this matter, despite the overwhelming vote for another forum-comments from same, please-

Link to post
Share on other sites
rainbowwahine

I certainly am not daunted by mixing with younger people, even much younger people, either online or in "real life", but I must admit that I was hesitant to go to my first meetup, when I realized that all but one of the people who would be coming were at least 25 years younger than myself. That is not because I did not think I would get on with them. (I genuinely enjoy being around younger people, and perhaps the most significant emotional bond I have ever had with another human being was with a man 6 years my junior.) Rather, I was a bit afraid that they would look at me and wonder, "What is this dinosaur doing here?" I apologise if this offends any of my younger AVENites -- we had a great time and I have been to several subsequent meetups and I have continued to enjoy them -- the meetups and the people.

One of the strengths of AVEN, I feel, is its diversity in terms of age and cultural/spiritual/topical interests and affinities, etc. I do feel welcome here; hopefully, more "older" people will, too.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I think Islander9 answered your question alreaady:
I voted YES' date=' and I'll add, please...

I'm 59. A lot of what I have lived through is both irrelevant & unknown to much younger people. Much of what immediately concerns me (aging parent, arthritis, increasing tax burdens, decreasing strengths) is totally out of the natural concerns of people a generation - or two - younger.

A forum wherein I could talk with similarly-aged people (yeah, I know, very few here!) would be A Good Thing.

[/quote']

But what is it that makes all of that unsuitable for the off-a forum? That's what I meant.

Link to post
Share on other sites
But what is it that makes all of that unsuitable for the off-a forum? That's what I meant.

I don't think any of the subjects are unsuitable for the Off-A forum; but that forum is already very large. To my mind the primary advantage of a forum for older people would be that posts of interest primarily to us would stay together and could easily be accessed, instead of quickly dropping to the bottom of the active Off-A forum.

Others have raised some excellent points too; I particularly liked the idea that an "older asexuals" forum could be used by younger members when they are challenged about their asexuality with comments like, "You'll grow out of it." I'm not too old to remember how mad that used to make me!

Link to post
Share on other sites

I really hope this older asexuality forum gets approved because I keep coming back here and it just feels so right.

All ages are posting but it makes me feel more comfortable with some people close to my age around. I'm not that familiar with message boards and hope to continue to find interest here among people of all ages who share my asexual identity.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Let's not consider it a forum on "ageing" here, folks! Let's instead think of ourselves as "mature" okay?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes I think that's a grand idea! How many teenagers want to talk to people over 40 and how many people over 30 want to talk to teenagers?

Why not call the cliques, ah er, forums:

FRESHMEN- (15 - 21) (They are fresh, naive and very boring to adults!)

SOPHOMORES- (22-29) (Twenty something is a time all it's own!)

JUNIORS- (30-45) (Adults, intelligent, wise and witty but certainly not old!

PreSENIORS - (46-60) (Older but not old, no one wants to be older.

SENIORS - (60 til death) Older posters.

:lol:

Link to post
Share on other sites

But what is it that makes all of that unsuitable for the off-a forum? That's what I meant.

I don't think any of the subjects are unsuitable for the Off-A forum; but that forum is already very large. To my mind the primary advantage of a forum for older people would be that posts of interest primarily to us would stay together and could easily be accessed, instead of quickly dropping to the bottom of the active Off-A forum.

Oh, okay. Like I said, I voted 'no' because I didn't think it was necessary but if you guys want one and you're short one vote then I'll step on that side. It doesn't matter to me but it obviously matters to you so sure I'll vote 'yes' if it means you get your forum.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I am totally new here and definately an older asexual. I was a teen during the Free Love Era of the 60's.

Being New I don't really feel I have a right to vote on this issue. I believe it should be decided by those that have created and nurtured this forum along over the years.

If I had a vote it would be "Yes".

The reason is simple. Being new here. I have been weeding through the forums reading what I can and commenting here and there. Most of what I am reading is from younger members posting about their anxieties of being an asexual. My problem is that I feel like I'm intruding or Butting in when I post on their thread. Like I'm this Adult lecturing to youngins. I don't mean it that way, but I feel thats the way it probably comes across to younger people. I can't help it by the way, I'm old and lecturing is expected of me. LOL.

But it makes me feel awkward and the last thing I want to do is make whoevers post I comment on feel awkward. Being young and asexual is hard enough to come to grips with, without an old man lecturing you. LOL.

If a young person came to a Designated Older Forum and posted their concerns or anxieties or feelings, or whatever then I would feel more comfortable answering their post because they chose to come to older asexuals for answers.

But like I said. I don't feel it's my place to vote on this issue. When I have been here longer and become a part of the community then I will feel like I can vote on procedural matters, but that time isn't now.

Ziff

Link to post
Share on other sites
PrairieWinds~
Yes I think that's a grand idea! How many teenagers want to talk to people over 40 and how many people over 30 want to talk to teenagers?

Why not call the cliques, ah er, forums:

FRESHMEN- (15 - 21) (They are fresh, naive and very boring to adults!)

SOPHOMORES- (22-29) (Twenty something is a time all it's own!)

JUNIORS- (30-45) (Adults, intelligent, wise and witty but certainly not old!

PreSENIORS - (46-60) (Older but not old, no one wants to be older.

SENIORS - (60 til death) Older posters.

:lol:

:lol: Well done love. I like it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I am totally new here and definately an older asexual. I was a teen during the Free Love Era of the 60's.

Being New I don't really feel I have a right to vote on this issue. I believe it should be decided by those that have created and nurtured this forum along over the years.

If I had a vote it would be "Yes".

Ziff

You should feel free to vote, Ziff. You registered, so you're entitled.

I think I'm about your age, and I "butt in" all the time. :lol:

The people here have been really good about putting up with me and my nonsense ... so far!

-Greybird

Link to post
Share on other sites
PrairieWinds~

Welcome Ziffler. I arrived a few days ago and I'm glad I did, it's been a relief to me to find out I'm not a total misfit. :lol:

Greybird - I always enjoy reading your posts.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I am totally new here and definately an older asexual. I was a teen during the Free Love Era of the 60's.

Being New I don't really feel I have a right to vote on this issue. I believe it should be decided by those that have created and nurtured this forum along over the years.

.

Ziff

Yes you have a right to vote!

Link to post
Share on other sites
I am totally new here and definately an older asexual. I was a teen during the Free Love Era of the 60's.

Being New I don't really feel I have a right to vote on this issue. I believe it should be decided by those that have created and nurtured this forum along over the years.

If I had a vote it would be "Yes".

Echoing others you have every right to vote. If you feel strongly about it you should feel free to vote. You are a member here and that gives you the right.

My problem is that I feel like I'm intruding or Butting in when I post on their thread. Like I'm this Adult lecturing to youngins. I don't mean it that way, but I feel thats the way it probably comes across to younger people. I can't help it by the way, I'm old and lecturing is expected of me. LOL.

As one of the younger ones I have to say I personally love to hear the opinions of older asexuals. You're expeiences and knowledge are invaluable int hat way nad I know it would help a lot of youngsters to know there are older ones out there who are willing to offer advice and solutions to things thay may have gone through.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...