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Should we have a forum for older asexuals?


Amcan

Should there be a forum for 'older' AVEN members?  

  1. 1.

    • Yes
      59
    • No
      26
    • Not sure
      18
    • Other - please comment to elucidate
      3


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In one of the hotbox threads the idea of a forum for older asexuals has been raised by a couple of members so we're polling the community as a whole about it.

Please note that we wil no way restrict access to members. Everyone will be free to post in it, whatever their age.

It's likely to be more focussed on the things that older members may wish to talk about.

We know that sometimes defining older can be a bit tricky so it's up to you.

For the moment we're gauging interest.

As a result I'm gonna let this poll run for a couple of weeks

All comments and ideas are welcome.

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I think this is a good idea.

It would open up an unexplored niche for discussion of asexual issues. As is, I think we have strip mined all of the resources from general Asexual issues and need to do something to encourage the discovery of new facets of Asexuality. Niche forums have the potential to encourage fresh discussions.

Since this forum would be open to all members, I can't think of any objection to present.

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I voted no.

While I understand Nugan's perspective about opening up some new issues, I don't see why those issues can't be explored in the forums we already have. Also, it's just not practical to create a forum for every minority present on AVEN-- the boards are overwhelming enough as it is. Do we want to have a forum for Christians? Or one just for the women? One for those with purple hair? It might be a nice idea in theory but I think it's too impractical.

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Please note that we wil no way restrict access to members. Everyone will be free to post in it, whatever their age.

Then why create a forum for older asexuals to begin with?

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Please note that we wil no way restrict access to members. Everyone will be free to post in it, whatever their age.

Then why create a forum for older asexuals to begin with?

I don't think it will be a forum for older Asexuals so much as a forum to discuss issues relevant to older Asexuals. I don't see this forum as a free-for-all of topics posted by people over age X, but instead a forum where anyone can post but the topics discussed must relate to Asexuality and Aging.

Just my thought.

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Please note that we wil no way restrict access to members. Everyone will be free to post in it, whatever their age.

Then why create a forum for older asexuals to begin with?

I don't think it will be a forum for older Asexuals so much as a forum to discuss issues relevant to older Asexuals. I don't see this forum as a free-for-all of topics posted by people over age X, but instead a forum where anyone can post but the topics discussed must relate to Asexuality and Aging.

Just my thought.

Hmm, well i'm against a forum for older asexuals, but I'm for a forum called "asexuality and aging" where people can discuss this. I think it would be especially helpful for the younger ones to see how its affected the olders ones life as they aged. Much the same way i always use Torgo's life story as a counter to most of the responses I get when I say I'm asexual

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I'm undecided.

Firstly, I see it as a precedent for possible minority related fora. Personally I think we should try to provide integration, not segregation, of different kinds of people. Even though the forum would be accessible to all, I believe it would add another layer of separation between topics, and that's not something we should encourage. An asexual musing is an asexual musing, regardless of age.

On the other hand, if enough people feel strongly about it because they are uncomfortable with the current structure, I see there can be a point.

(EDIT: To clarify, I didn't vote yet. Personally, I believe that if this poll is going to determine our decision, there should be no 'I'm not sure' option. Those who aren't sure shouldn't vote until they reach a position, which could very well be never.)

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Cate Perfect

I'm of two minds on it.

One mind says we can discuss anything that needs discussing in the forums we already have.

The other mind says that for people of a certain age coming to AVEN is intimidating enough. Then they look around and the majority of people they see posting have completely different life references from the older ones, which can be alienating. Otherwise, we wouldn't have so many show up and say, 'I bet I'm the only one over 50!' The regulars know there are quite a few people over 50, but you can only really know that if you've got to know the members.

For example, a woman contacted me who felt we had much in common and we exchanged several PMs, which lead to emails. We got along really well and did have quite a bit to talk about. Then she discovered I wasn't her age (she was 55) and she thought she couldn't talk to me anymore. I was offended--had we not hit it off quite well? Did the time I'd spent on Earth count for less? but now I see what she was looking for: She wanted to be able to converse with people who had had to keep this secret for decades--someone who knew exactly what that was like. And, apologies to the younger members, but feeling alone all 19 of your years isn't quite the same as feeling alone for thirty years, which included the sexual revolution. I can't imagine what THAT must have been like for an asexual.

All viewpoints are valuable. Some of my favourite posters here are over 50 and I value their insight. I'd bet if we created an Asexuality and Aging forum more people over a certain age would stick around, rather than showing up, seeing only young folk and consequently not posting. They probably feel we wouldn't listen to them or that we can't relate. The entire board is for the younger people, simply by dint of the fact that most of the regulars are younger. Sorta like if a herd of gay folks started hanging out at a straight bar--enough to out number the heteroseuxals--eventually it'd be thought of as a gay hangout. The straight people wouldn't be unwelcome, but many might not feel they had anything in common with the clientel.

Pardon my rant, but I hate ageism and I don't see how that particular forum could hurt.

Victoria, whippersnapper

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Applauds at Cates contribution.

Once there was a personals section. It was given a go and then evaluated. Why not apply same procedure with this? If if works some people will win if it doesn't nothing was lost.

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SummerSeeker

I think Cate said it best. I think it's great that young people are able to choose asexuality as an option and make their choices accordingly, but I would like to have exchanges with people who either have had to hide their asexuality for many years, or have not been able to figure out what they were and, like myself, may have felt like something was wrong with them all this time.

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I think Cate said it best. I think it's great that young people are able to choose asexuality as an option and make their choices accordingly,

Nitpicking, since I know it's not what you mean: Asexuality is neither a choice nor an option.

It could confuse other people, though. :wink:

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I voted "yes".

Why not give it a try, see what happens?

If it doesn't prove popular or ends up with too many negative (as opposed to just plain funny) old vs young ranting posts, then simply remove it.

I'm 41, btw but with a mental age MUCH lower...

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I have very mixed feelings about it, even considering the fact that I would be considered one of the older members here at AVEN. (Stupid passage of time! Grrrr!) However, after some thought, I'm going to have to vote "no".

Now, a forum dedicated to how asexuality affects ALL life stages ... that I could support.

It could cover everything from pre-teen sexual harrassment issues to retirement options for lifelong singles - and everything in between. I also think it is valuable for younger members to get a sort of "preview", if you will, of the issues that might affect them as they age.

All that would be needed would be an occasional reminder to make the thread titles reflect their content.

-Greybird

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borrowedTime

I think it's extremely valuable for the 'community' to have lots of older members around.

Not just because of their insights and more experienced perspectives, but also because simply the presence of older asexuals contradicts the "it's just a phase" and the "you just haven't found the right person yet" type of statements that so many younger people here report hearing from friends or family.

If having a dedicated forum means that older members feel more comfortable, and will therefore be more likely to join or stay, then it could well be a good idea.

For this reason I voted yes, although it is true that a separate forum for *every* particular group of people would not be so good.

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And, apologies to the younger members, but feeling alone all 19 of your years isn't quite the same as feeling alone for thirty years, which included the sexual revolution. I can't imagine what THAT must have been like for an asexual.

I think Cate put this very well.

I definitely qualify as "older", and voted yes, for exactly the reason Cate stated above. The world today is so different than the one I grew up in. There was simply no information about alternative sexual (or asexual) expression. To live for 30 or 40 years wondering what is wrong with you is something that will never happen to this generation of A's, gays, bi's or whatever else you may be. Thank God. Believe me, a life like that, it changes you, your whole attitude towards others is almost constantly paranoid. It's like spending a lifetime wearing camoflage, internal and external, and never ever getting to take it off. (Can you tell why I lhang around AVEN so much now?)

Also, in the brief time I've been an AVEN member, I have seen several people of my generation post an intro and then vanish. Maybe a forum like the one suggested might appeal to them. Why would it would hurt to try a forum like this - call it whatever you want - and if it dies, oh well. We won't have lost anything. :P :P :P :P

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Cate Perfect

The thing about minority forums springing up doesn't hold water. No other minority group has asked for one, whereas the 'older' group have repeatedly asked for a forum.

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If they want it, let's give it to 'em. That's what we're here for.

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Uh oh. I'm being wishy washy.

I see good points on both sides. I would not, under any circumstances, wish to be exclusionary. But, sometimes I think there may be things to talk about that might not interest the younger members.... which could be seen as a prejudice in itself... and before you learn to search topics, the posts about 'aging' issues tend to drop down quickly...

Ummm...can we keep this open for a little bit? I promise I'll make up my mind soon :)

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Cate Perfect
But, sometimes I think there may be things to talk about that might not interest the younger members.... which could be seen as a prejudice in itself...

I'm a little unclear as to what you're saying, so pardon me if I get this wrong, but if younger members talk about things the older set aren't interested in that *isn't* prejudical?

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And, apologies to the younger members, but feeling alone all 19 of your years isn't quite the same as feeling alone for thirty years, which included the sexual revolution. I can't imagine what THAT must have been like for an asexual.

I think Cate put this very well.

I definitely qualify as "older", and voted yes, for exactly the reason Cate stated above. The world today is so different than the one I grew up in. There was simply no information about alternative sexual (or asexual) expression. To live for 30 or 40 years wondering what is wrong with you is something that will never happen to this generation of A's, gays, bi's or whatever else you may be. Thank God. Believe me, a life like that, it changes you, your whole attitude towards others is almost constantly paranoid. It's like spending a lifetime wearing camoflage, internal and external, and never ever getting to take it off. (Can you tell why I lhang around AVEN so much now?)

Also, in the brief time I've been an AVEN member, I have seen several people of my generation post an intro and then vanish. Maybe a forum like the one suggested might appeal to them. Why would it would hurt to try a forum like this - call it whatever you want - and if it dies, oh well. We won't have lost anything. :P :P :P :P

I know for most here, I'd be grouped in the Aeriel/Greybird/Torgo/ TheSMMG (although the latter two are *much* younger than I) age bracket, so I heartily agree with what Aeriel says. I have had no problem sticking in my 2 cents and "voice of experience" whenever I felt it was relevant regardless of the age of the poster, however, I can see how some may be intimidated and if there's been a lot of requests for it, it may just help some. Sure has been an odd ride all these years......

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But, sometimes I think there may be things to talk about that might not interest the younger members.... which could be seen as a prejudice in itself...

I'm a little unclear as to what you're saying, so pardon me if I get this wrong, but if younger members talk about things the older set aren't interested in that *isn't* prejudical?

Ah, you're right. That wasn't very clear. I'll try again. Thinking a young person might be bored by 'older issues' might be a case of buying into the stereotype of young people as self absorbed and unwilling to learn from history or other's experiences.

Well, that's as clear as mud.

You know, some people (i.e. me) are way too analytical for thier own good :D

So I 'll throw in the towel and vote for an aging and aesexuality type forum, as was brought up earlier. That's my gut instinct. After all, as far as we know, everyone is eventually subject to the passage of time :)

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crazyjerseygirl

alright, so im a tweener (at 25 a baby to the mid-agers and an oldie to the teenie-boppers!) and might not have much to say but...

I do think that having a older forum will be benificial. What cate said was true, hell, i feel old during some conversations! i think that it cannot hurt and it might do some good so go for it.

really, why be asexual if you cant be a bit radical!

TTFN

Renee'

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Hallucigenia

If people want it and have repeatedly asked for it, I don't see any problem with it - although I do also like Greybird's suggestion of a forum dealing with life stages in particular, but not any specific one by itself. Even between older asexuals, there would probably be a difference in, say, where a 48-year-old was with their lives and asexual issues and where a 68-year-old would be - so the more the merrier?

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Cate Perfect
But, sometimes I think there may be things to talk about that might not interest the younger members.... which could be seen as a prejudice in itself...

I'm a little unclear as to what you're saying, so pardon me if I get this wrong, but if younger members talk about things the older set aren't interested in that *isn't* prejudical?

Ah, you're right. That wasn't very clear. I'll try again. Thinking a young person might be bored by 'older issues' might be a case of buying into the stereotype of young people as self absorbed and unwilling to learn from history or other's experiences.

Ah, yes, I agree. I wonder if the younger people here are scared we'll get a bunch of old-timers who are going to lecture them? I promise, the only annoying adults are the ones you have to deal with (teachers/family). The ones here are really cool. They're like you. You can get a whole bunch of cool parent-types who won't say there's something wrong with you.

And I'm sure they won't tell TOO many of those, 'I had to walk twenty miles to school in eight feet of snow up hill both ways!' stories.

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To clarify the way the admods have discussed the idea the focus would be more on issues relating to older members. This would relate to the lifestage thing too.

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I find those stories can be of relevance.

Even in the cases where they are not meant to be jokes.

They are documentaries of the reference frames we had to seek for a personality and identity. Including values of society, codes of moral, methods of teaching, view of minority groups, view of authorities. And access to information. Just consider the tiny little thing that many were "formed" before cell phones, sms, internet and how much such technology is used today.

I am pretty convinced that if such a forum gets working also to the younger generations can benefit from reading such stories. Because understanding is in the history of the self and understanding should be both ways ... others understanding me and me understanding others.

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Cate Perfect

Oh, and in case it's not obvious--I voted 'yes'. The more I thought about it, the more sense it made. I convinced myself. :lol:

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