Carmen98 Posted March 16, 2017 Share Posted March 16, 2017 Hey guys, okay so I most closely identified with being pan-romantic and ace this is what I'm out as to my friends/family and girlfriend but recently I've had a sort of identity crisis, I've started being sexually attracted to her rather than just romantically attracted to her (she's the only one I've ever been sexually attracted to) and now I'm not really sure what to do or how to feel, ie. am I "ace enough" to call myself ace, how should I identify, should I talk to her about this and if so how should I bring this up to her (especially without directly being like oh yes I want to have sex with you all of the sudden) etc... any advice or personal experience would be greatly appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
LettACE Posted March 16, 2017 Share Posted March 16, 2017 I can't really relate but it sounds like you might be demisexual, where you only experience sexual attraction after forming a close bond. I can't identify you but if this sounds right to you then maybe you should consider it. Demisexual is is also under the ace umbrella. Link to post Share on other sites
Moophie Posted March 16, 2017 Share Posted March 16, 2017 Hello, @Carmen98! Welcome! I've felt this way towards someone as well, but this was before I realized I'm ace. I've known this guy for a long, long time. We're great friends who get along well and have a lot in common and he actually introduced me to table-top gaming. He's also attractive, he makes me laugh, he's creative... you get the idea. Anyway, I waited for a while, but was finally promoted to telling him how I was feeling. We started dating... he's a very physical guy. So, I didn't know why at the time but, once we started getting intimate all the feelings of excitement and interest I had died. And not long after we decided to end things. But I was confused for a long while because those feelings had been so strong. What I'm still trying to sort out is what exactly that attraction was. Maybe it was induced by the overall excitement, the rush of positive emotions at the thought of being his girlfriend. Of course I'm not saying that's the case for you. But definitely take some time to think things over and consider your feelings, like make sure you're not getting swept up in the excitement like I may have been. Now, when it comes to asexuality, try not to worry so much about what you should call yourself. Try to focus instead on what it is you want and what you feel. And then, if you want, find the term that suits you best. If you're having difficulty labels can be a good guideline. But there's no need to be tied down but them. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 16, 2017 Share Posted March 16, 2017 50 minutes ago, Carmen98 said: Hey guys, okay so I most closely identified with being pan-romantic and ace this is what I'm out as to my friends/family and girlfriend but recently I've had a sort of identity crisis, I've started being sexually attracted to her rather than just romantically attracted to her (she's the only one I've ever been sexually attracted to) and now I'm not really sure what to do or how to feel, ie. am I "ace enough" to call myself ace, how should I identify, should I talk to her about this and if so how should I bring this up to her (especially without directly being like oh yes I want to have sex with you all of the sudden) etc... any advice or personal experience would be greatly appreciated! You sound like you're demisexual to me. You've grown close to her emotionally so you have developed sexual attraction. Link to post Share on other sites
Carmen98 Posted March 17, 2017 Author Share Posted March 17, 2017 Thank you for you're replies everyone! It definitely helps a ton to know that other people get it and I appreciate it a lot! Link to post Share on other sites
nanogretchen4 Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 I think you should think about what you actually want first, your current relationship second, and what all this means in terms of a label third, or never if you prefer. If you are pretty sure you want to have sex with your girlfriend, that is the information she really needs to know more than your current opinions about your label. If she's asexual then you may not be as compatible as you thought when you got into the relationship and I can see how that might be a hard but necessary conversation to have. But if she's sexual this is probably good news for her, although she may or may not be ready to have sex right now anyway. Regardless, just be honest with her and find out how she feels about this information. And don't be too embarrassed about choosing a label that no longer seems to fit. We all live and learn. Link to post Share on other sites
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