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More Than Friends; Less Than Romantic Partners


Pramana

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My question is about how aromantic people and other people on the aromantic spectrum deal with loneliness.

For the most part, I'm content with solitary pursuits. I've always been like that. But I find it's difficult to go to school/work, go home, do everything on my own. I used to think I'd be fine with a group of friends. But I've found that friendship relationships are far weaker than romantic relationships. Friends prioritize their romantic partners; they get married, have children, move.

Not only is it rare for me to meet people that I'm romantically attracted to, but crushes/romantic attraction is not my favourite feeling. I don't want a relationship on that basis. Instead, I think my ideal relationship would be something in-between a friendship and a romantic relationship. A committed but non-romantic relationship. Has anyone else here had similar thoughts, or experiences with that type of relationship?

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Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet

Yeah!

I desire a Queerplatonic relationship

This link might help:

http://wiki.asexuality.org/Queerplatonic

 

Though I am open to romance,

I prefer this kind of relationship to be honest.

I have always wanted a committed relationship

That was purely platonic with lots of cuddles :redface:

 

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Yup!

 

I don't think about it too often, but there are times I feel that loneliness too. When it does pop up in my mind I think I would like to have something pretty casual. Like, I don't know that I'd want to live with this person or not. And in the event they wanted more out of a relationship that I couldn't offer, I'd be totally willing to be part of an open one. Just as long as they can commit to hanging out and sharing each other's company on a relatively regular basis. Chat, hug, cuddle, watch movies, camp, cook read or draw together. That'd be neat.

 

But similar to yourself, it's incredibly rare to find someone even remotely fitting for that 'role'. I've only ever met 2 I'd consider doing that with and we've been friends for a really long time. So... yeah, dunno how likely it is to happen.

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swirl_of_blue

That sort of a relationship sounds just perfect! Companionship without most of the things considered romantic, and no pressure to have sex. I'm not sure if I could actually live with another person (I need space that I can trust will not be disrupted by others, and a lot of alone time) but just occasional outings with friends doesn't feel enough. Don't have a lot of hope for ever finding anyone wishing for the same kind of relationship, because I have no networks with other even somewhat local aces, so I will probably have to either compromise or stay alone.

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Fire & Rain

I gave in and had a romantic relationship because the reality is most people in this world wouldn't put you first if you weren't their romantic partner. I also think it wouldn't be fair to have a relationship that would make the other side feeling unfulfilled. I mean you're satisfied with non romantic intimacy. They wouldn't be. It's great if you could find another aro and hit it off but what are the chances of that happening?

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Anthracite_Impreza

A friendship is only weaker if one of you doesn't care as much; me and my bestie have practically adopted each other as siblings. There is no "just" about true friendship.

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UnicornQueen

What you described as your ideal relationship is also something I dream about. I experienced that kind of relationship with my best friend. She was really special person in my life and I loved her platonically. For me it was natural to sleep in one bed when we were together, cuddle, etc., especially because she loved hugging and physical contact. I never wanted to kiss her or do anything sexual. Unfortunately, after some time, she said the whole situation between us wasn't normal, that it wasn't something that friends do. At that point I couldn't understand her and it was beginning of the end for our friendship. Later I found out that she developed a crush on me and understood that whole situation - being close to me but not close enough was overwhelming and difficult for her. 

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GreenCircles

That sounds like the perfect relationship to me. I would say that 90% of the time I'm perfectly okay with being alone, but the other 10%... I start thinking about how nice it would be to have someone who cared that much about me, as much as people in romantic relationships care about each other. I know it mostly likely will never happen but I can't help but think that it sounds so nice. 

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Committed but non-romantic relationship?

 

How easily my own complex feelings are summarized...

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That would be a dream to be in, actually. No romance, no sex, no unwanted tension, no lust. Just two people being platonic/quasiplatonic/queerplatonic companionate partners enjoying each other's company and not having both the romantic and sexual aspects in the relationship. Anyone I can open-mindedly talk to, enjoy a meal and any activity and play videogames with is just perfect. Physical contact is either optional or unnecessary and is subject to consent from both parties, especially if anyone of us is touch-aversed.

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Glad to hear that other people like the idea! Too bad it's going to be challenging to realize, but no-one ever said that aromantic/asexual relationships were easy.

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On 12/03/2017 at 1:56 PM, Pramana said:

Not only is it rare for me to meet people that I'm romantically attracted to, but crushes/romantic attraction is not my favourite feeling. I don't want a relationship on that basis. Instead, I think my ideal relationship would be something in-between a friendship and a romantic relationship. A committed but non-romantic relationship. Has anyone else here had similar thoughts, or experiences with that type of relationship?

Ditto. I'd agree with Ruru

 

On 12/03/2017 at 2:07 PM, Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet said:

Yeah!

I desire a Queerplatonic relationship

This link might help:

http://wiki.asexuality.org/Queerplatonic

that what you're after is a queerplatonic relationship. This is how I've felt for most of my life, yet it's never worked out as most people seem to want romance and sex. In the first instance the other person was female and 'ditched' me for a romantic and sexual male partner. In the second two instances the other person has been male and because of our closeness has wanted a romantic and sexual relationship with me and things have broken down because of my asexuality and aromanticism.

 

I'm now pretty much committed to being solitary. Likewise I'm pretty happy alone most of the time - much of which I spend writing, and being a member of a few creative and spiritual groups.

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fatal flower-boy

I know exactly what this feels like. It's weird, because you don't really know what you want since it's not quite a friendship and not quite a romantic relationship, so it's like a weird middleground. I feel there aren't many people in the world who actually want this? Idk, it just seems like people take either extremes (romantic or friendship), maybe bbecause not many are on that aromantic spectrum? Eh, idk. This kind of relationship seems much better than romantic relationships and even friendships, because friends eventually go away,

even though they say they like you,

but

its never really true, then they end up acting like you never

exist

 

 

*sigh*

 

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TheGrumpyBear

Well... it really isn't an issue. I don't really get lonely. I can't speak for others. 

 

My social needs tend to be completed in situations like this. Messages sent back and forth on-line. Face-to-face interaction tends to be more bothersome than beneficial. I absolutely can not go out to eat with other people. The close-proximity sound and sight of another person eating makes my skin crawl. Especially the sound. Bleh. 

 

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