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Alex_

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1. No, you can't choose your gender. I very much wish I was cis, if it was easy as choosing I'd choose to be such any day.

2. For me it's the second one, but I can't speak for all trans people. I am male, my body doesn't reflect this and it's something I struggle with everyday.

 

I'm sorry if I come across as rude here, it's certainly not my intention. I'll just try to clarify things. Being trans isn't as simple as "acting" like a gender, it's about being a gender not reflected by the one assigned at birth. I pretended for years to be cis female and I was miserable, I acted so stereotypically girly and I felt like it was acting, I was playing a role and it wasn't me.

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1) No, you can't choose it, it's definitely more like sexual orientation in that respect. For me, I didn't know that there were any options other than male or female for years, which is why it too me so long to realize that I wasn't either. Once I realized that it was an option for me, everything started making sense. I am agender, not by choice, but because it feels right.

 

2) There are a lot of different reasons that add up to me not being cis, and it's different for everyone. It is in part gender roles. I feel incredibly uncomfortable doing anything that's typically gendered as female, because I can feel everyone treating me like I'm a girl, and that feels incredibly wrong. It's also part my body not fitting with my mind. I only look "right" in the mirror when my hair's up (I'm hoping to cut it short) and when my chest is bound. Otherwise it doesn't feel like I'm looking at myself. There are other reasons as well, for sure. For example, when I hear people call me "they" it feels right, in a way that "she" really doesn't.

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ChillaKilla

Thinking that being trans is nothing more than adhering to stereotypes shows a fundamental misunderstanding of what the word transgender even means.

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Mezzo Forte

Definitely wasn't a choice for me, and I spent years trying to deny it before I basically hit the "I absolutely need to transition" breaking point.

 

A lot of people point to gender roles to get others to believe them when they say that they're trans. Sometimes it's an easy way to reaffirm your identity on a personal level too. I don't actually fit into a lot of male gender roles that well and those that I do, people lauded me as being a woman who fit into those roles (ie: playing percussion, composing music, having a natural aptitude for math and science, etc.) so there's actually a tinge of guilt that comes with just being another guy who fits those stereotypes.

 

I think my femininity is more subtle, as I like dressing nice (but in a masculine way), am obsessive about keeping clean (I can't stand the feeling of dirt/grunge on my skin,) and specialize in more feminine-associated percussion (marimba especially,) but that femininity does not translate into some essence of woman-ness for me; it's just another facet of myself as a man.

 

I really don't think there's an easy answer about what gender is that covers everyone's experiences. I know that I simplified my definition to "will transition improve my quality of life," and by the time I came out to myself I knew that answer was yes, even with the temporary downsides. (Social transition was the most terrifying thing I've ever done, but I'd do it all over again if I needed to.)

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Guest And Peggy
7 hours ago, Rober said:

The first one is: You can choose your gender or its like sexual orientation?

no, you can't choose your gender

7 hours ago, Rober said:

And the second one: Trans people are trans becouse of the gender roles, becouse of their body doesnt fit with their mind,  both or each one have his/her own reasons?

their body doesn't fit their identity

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