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a gender positive thread


butterflydreams

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20 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

That was something I worried about too, and in my early stages of transition, the deciding factor for whether or not I passed was based on who I was with. In the company of my parents, I could pass for male; alone, people usually ma'am'd me because I was clearly functioning like an adult, driving myself, doing my own grocery shopping, traveling through a college campus, etc.

 

However, even now that I pass near 100% of the time, I still look very young. People end up surprised when I state my age, but it isn't enough for people to suspect that I'm anything other than a cis guy. Some guys just look really young without a beard. :P You sound like you pass in contexts where you're functioning alone or with friends, so you stand a solid chance of people thinking you just have a young face without concluding that you're trans.

Yeah as far as I know I pass all the time, but I suspect that when I'm with my parents I get seen as a younger boy and when I'm alone I pass more as an older teenager/very young looking young adult.

For me the deciding factor on passing or not passing is apparently my haircut because the shorter and more stereotypically male I cut my hair the more consistently I started passing. 

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nerdperson777
6 hours ago, Starbogen said:

I seem to pass in some range from 14 to 18+ years old because sometimes people talk to me in a way that imo sounds like they're talking to a boy who's starting puberty, but then again when I'm out alone people aren't surprised and when I was traveling alone I was asked if it was on vacation or to study. So I feel very lucky to have the starting face and voice I have.

 

I used to worry that the way I looked only worked where I'm from and that people from other places wouldn't read me as male but some Germans in my plane totally did and that felt great.

 

My girlfriend has mentioned to me several times how tshirts make me seem a lot younger so now I'm trying to just buy more sweaters and button down shirts.

I look kind of there too, maybe like 13-15.  The most noticeable feminine part of my body has to be my face.  It's round and my ethnicity makes my body kind of androgynous in gender.  I was put next to a tall 14 year old, who's like almost 6 feet tall, and another average size 14 year old thought I was 13.  I'd be considered slightly short for a guy.  I still have prominent cheekbones so even with a slimmed down face, it doesn't really make a difference there.  The other 14 year old's mom even called me she at one point and I thought that I was acting too feminine again so I wasn't passing.  My voice was all over the place in terms of range but with my monotone low voice tendency, that just gave off a masculine vibe.  Plus with a small chest, many passing checks were on my size.

 

I'm kind of a both in the clothing stuff.  I wear t-shirts most of the time and button downs are for work.  I just like looking like a classy boy.

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nerdperson777
4 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

That was something I worried about too, and in my early stages of transition, the deciding factor for whether or not I passed was based on who I was with. In the company of my parents, I could pass for male; alone, people usually ma'am'd me because I was clearly functioning like an adult, driving myself, doing my own grocery shopping, traveling through a college campus, etc.

 

However, even now that I pass near 100% of the time, I still look very young. People end up surprised when I state my age, but it isn't enough for people to suspect that I'm anything other than a cis guy. Some guys just look really young without a beard. :P You sound like you pass in contexts where you're functioning alone or with friends, so you stand a solid chance of people thinking you just have a young face without concluding that you're trans.

My supervisor shaved his beard last week and he dropped a lot of age from his face.  It's kind of amazing what difference in perception people have based on that.

 

4 hours ago, Starbogen said:

Yeah as far as I know I pass all the time, but I suspect that when I'm with my parents I get seen as a younger boy and when I'm alone I pass more as an older teenager/very young looking young adult.

For me the deciding factor on passing or not passing is apparently my haircut because the shorter and more stereotypically male I cut my hair the more consistently I started passing. 

Yeah, the hair was the biggest difference for me.  I passed probably 80% of the time with stereotypically male hair even before T.  I don't take notice now, but I get clocked a lot less.  It's mostly my feminine behaviors that get me clocked.  And my parents were afraid that my hair would make me stand out more.  Actually, I changed from a not common girl hair to a very common boy hair, so I blend in incredibly well.

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The-world-is-quiet-here

I cut my own hair!! It’s a little patchy, but it’s mine and I really like it! :D 

 

I do feel like my hair looks slightly more masculine, or at least less *feminine* now than it did before :) 

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butterflydreams

I’ve decided that I’m not going to care about breaking fashion rules anymore. I’m just going to wear what I like. Today I’m wearing a new soft tunic that I got. It’s a nice deep red. 

 

I wasn’t sure if it was ok to wear just a tunic and leggings, but I’m so tired of caring about what other people think about how I look. 

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I’m not ashamed of my feminine side, and all my life, I have admired guys who weren’t ashamed of their feminine side. I don’t have to justify myself to others if I’m not “manly enough” by their standards. I do whatever makes me comfortable.

 

And oh! On Thanksgiving last year (that I actually went to have dinner with one of my local pride groups), I had wore my first bow tie. I was nervous that it may not look well with my shirt, but I have always loved the light blue and grey aesthetic. I basically said “to hell with it” and rocked it anyway.

SY1Vl2a.jpg

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@SkyWorld Looking good man! Love the color combination in the bow tie and shirt. I'll even reserve my self-tied bow tie snobbery for another day, especially since this is your first time wearing a bow tie. Even I once wore clip-on bow ties. :P 

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Turns out the normal time my phone reminds me to do my T shots is during my lectures, so I almost completely forgot to do my shot this week. :lol: 

 

Shoutout to @SkyWorld for suggesting my latest shot song :P 

Spoiler

 

 

Updated playlist:

Spoiler

7/26
A Moment of Silence - Streetlight Manifesto
 
8/9
Toccata and Divertimento - Ney Rosauro
 
8/23
Receiving End of it All - Streetlight Manifesto
 
9/6
Shepherd of Fire - Avenged Sevenfold
 
9/20
Bebete, Vãobora - Jorge Ben
 
10/4
Resurrected Power (Shadow of the Colossus) - Ko Otani
 
10/18
Burn My Dread (Persona 3) - Kawamura Yumi
 
11/1
Motumbá - Timbalada
 
11/15
My Shot (Hamilton) - Lin-Manuel Miranda
 
12/5
Hunting Song - Tom Lehrer
 
12/20
Oh Berimbau! - Olodum
 
1/3
Alumina - Nightmare

 

1/18

Believer - Imagine Dragons

 

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2 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

Turns out the normal time my phone reminds me to do my T shots is during my lectures, so I almost completely forgot to do my shot this week. :lol:

I’ve set up in my calendar to repeat every two weeks. Though I might make it have an alert to help me remember if it ever comes to a point where I forget. Though currently I’m excited for my next shot, but this time I’ll be doing it myself, so... :’D I plan on doing it in the morning after showering so I can start the day.

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25 minutes ago, SkyWorld said:

I’ve set up in my calendar to repeat every two weeks. Though I might make it have an alert to help me remember if it ever comes to a point where I forget. Though currently I’m excited for my next shot, but this time I’ll be doing it myself, so... :’D I plan on doing it in the morning after showering so I can start the day.

Same here, It's just that my phone is programmed to give all-day reminders at 9am, and my first class of the day starts at 9am. Ironically, I use a period calendar to track what leg I inject in. :P

 

You've got this! I personally like to do my shot before my shower, but that's partially because my legs are hella hairy and don't take bandages well, so I like having a window of time before I need to put pants on in case there's any bleeding and/or T leaking out afterwards. Still, the perk of doing it after the shower is that you basically have your whole body somewhat disinfected before you do anything. :P You may find your rhythm right away, but if you don't, you'll certainly find it with time. I started my shot songs at 14 months on T, and was struggling to figure out what worked best leading up to that. I didn't even start self injecting until around 8 months on T. Still, it's a nice feeling to have the power to care for yourself, and doing your own T shots is definitely empowering. You've got this :)

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2 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

You've got this! I personally like to do my shot before my shower, but that's partially because my legs are hella hairy and don't take bandages well, so I like having a window of time before I need to put pants on in case there's any bleeding and/or T leaking out afterwards. Still, the perk of doing it after the shower is that you basically have your whole body somewhat disinfected before you do anything. :P You may find your rhythm right away, but if you don't, you'll certainly find it with time. I started my shot songs at 14 months on T, and was struggling to figure out what worked best leading up to that. I didn't even start self injecting until around 8 months on T. Still, it's a nice feeling to have the power to care for yourself, and doing your own T shots is definitely empowering. You've got this :)

I'd do it before I shower, but I don't want to be wearing a band-aid as I'm getting my whole body washed. I'd go back to my clinic or ask someone I know personally to do it for me, but it's quite the drive there and back and I don't really want someone I know personally to be doing that for me. And I would have to learn how to inject myself eventually, so may as well get used to it soon. I just keep taking deep breaths and telling myself "I can do this. I can do this."

 

Oh, one of the people who gave me my first injection have told me a couple stories. One of which they had to chase someone around to give them a shot (not sure if it was hormones or something else). The other, they had basically sat and talked with someone for about 15 minutes to get them relaxed and ready to inject themself. Only for the person to hold them hand and help them get the injection and they responded "Oh, that wasn't so bad". :lol: 

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18 minutes ago, SkyWorld said:

I'd do it before I shower, but I don't want to be wearing a band-aid as I'm getting my whole body washed. I'd go back to my clinic or ask someone I know personally to do it for me, but it's quite the drive there and back and I don't really want someone I know personally to be doing that for me. And I would have to learn how to inject myself eventually, so may as well get used to it soon. I just keep taking deep breaths and telling myself "I can do this. I can do this."

 

Oh, one of the people who gave me my first injection have told me a couple stories. One of which they had to chase someone around to give them a shot (not sure if it was hormones or something else). The other, they had basically sat and talked with someone for about 15 minutes to get them relaxed and ready to inject themself. Only for the person to hold them hand and help them get the injection and they responded "Oh, that wasn't so bad". :lol: 

Yeah, I try to avoid bandages altogether. That's partially because I have way too much leg hair to even be able to reasonably get a bandage to catch my skin at all, and partially because I have a very mild adhesive allergy and only use them when absolutely necessary. I often hold my alcohol swab to the injection site and do a small massage to that part of my leg after the shot. Don't know if that helps disperse the T or prevent knots, but my mother does that when she gives IM injections, so I started following suit. I think that what little bleeding happens tends to stop by the time I'm done, but the shower about confirms it.

 

I actually worked up to my first shot over several injections. My nurse had me practice injecting water into a stress ball so I could act out the process of disinfecting everything and drawing liquid into the syringe long before I did my first shot. First time I tried to do my shot, I couldn't get myself to do the actually injection, so my nurse held the needle with me, and we did the injection together. Then, I was able to get it in by myself, but then got nervous when I struggled to put enough pressure to actually inject the testosterone and the nurse had to finish it. Then, I finally did everything by myself, with the supervision of the nurse. Then I did the same, but with my dad watching (who could give me the shot if necessary). Then, I did the same, but with a friend watching (who could not help give the shot). Then, I did the same, but alone.

 

It was a long process, but my healthcare center was on campus and no inconvenience, and I took my time. :P The shot songs really helped since I still get that tinge of anxiousness when I actually do my shot. I'm honestly more scared of not entering as planned in a shot song, because I've established those entrances as an absolute that I cannot deviate from, and that does a great job at keeping me from hesitating. :lol: That said, I have done stupid stuff like accidentally pull out my needle mid-shot, and I had to improvise a new entrance, but by then, the anxiety's gone, so I just curse to myself and just jab it right back in. I don't think you're supposed to use the same needle twice, but I tend to for the sake of speed since I want to keep the injection going within the duration of the song I'm listening to.

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@Mezzo Forte My campus doesn't have a nurse. :'D We just have first aid kits everywhere. I'm a little nervous being completely by myself, but I did pay close attention when the nurse showed me how to do it. Though I'm still a little nervous I might get it wrong somehow. But then I just keep telling myself, "you'll be fin, you can do this". I think I'm going to need that confidence. :lol: 

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Just now, SkyWorld said:

@Mezzo Forte My campus doesn't have a nurse. :'D We just have first aid kits everywhere. I'm a little nervous being completely by myself, but I did pay close attention when the nurse showed me how to do it. Though I'm still a little nervous I might get it wrong somehow. But then I just keep telling myself, "you'll be fin, you can do this". I think I'm going to need that confidence. :lol: 

You'll do just fine. :) Any "mistakes" you can make are generally going to be quite minor and definitely won't kill you, especially since the most important safety precaution is also the easiest: disinfecting everything.

 

Spoilering in case needle talk squicks anyone out:

Spoiler

I guess any sort of easy (but minor) "mistakes" come from either inserting the needle too slowly or pulling out the needle too quickly. If you're quick and decisive getting the needle in, you often won't even feel the entry. (That's why my shot songs help so much: they're decisive.) Sometimes, being really quick to squeeze out all the T and pull out means that a little bit of T will leak out of the injection site. You won't lose nearly enough to notice a difference in your dosage.

 

Technically, there's also the potential to hit a vein, which is why you're supposed to aspirate the needle before you start squeezing in the T. However, that's the kind of thing that professional nurses maybe see once in their lifetime at most, so even if you don't aspirate, the chances of you hitting a vein are miniscule, and even if you did inject into a vein somehow, all that means is that you don't absorb the T you injected. It's almost like shooting a blank I guess. If you ever do aspirate and pull up blood btw, you don't need to throw away the shot. You can inject the whole thing, blood included, into another site in your leg and it's fine. I may have asked my nurse a lot of "what if" questions when I was starting out. :P

 

They do say that testosterone can boost confidence, you maybe you could see that is a form of liquid courage that you're injecting. (It's definitely a healthier form of liquid courage than what most people would think of anyways.) :P

 

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My college just accepted my name change form! I just went to check my email and it was addressed to my chosen name! I was so surprised that I definitely yelled and worried my roommates...

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35 minutes ago, Andiamo said:

My college just accepted my name change form! I just went to check my email and it was addressed to my chosen name! I was so surprised that I definitely yelled and worried my roommates...

Did you have to change your name legally before or did you somehow convince them without having a lefal name change?? Just curious because I also want to do this with my uni email but don't know how..

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28 minutes ago, Starbogen said:

Did you have to change your name legally before or did you somehow convince them without having a lefal name change?? Just curious because I also want to do this with my uni email but don't know how..

I haven't changed my name legally. My college actually has a system in place to change your name in the system, even if you don't change it legally! Hopefully it's the same for yours.

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This is maybe not directly gender related, but I just got some dark purple hair dye. So I am one step closer to that now. I just need to build up the courage now. I am just thinking of some small highlights. 

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2 hours ago, Finn. said:

Yay @Kimmie.! My scalp can't handle dye, otherwise I would've totally tried purple highlights too. Good luck if you decide to try it!

Sorry about your scalp. 

I will see what I do. I have never dyed my hair before. 

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On 1/19/2018 at 5:20 PM, Andiamo said:

I haven't changed my name legally. My college actually has a system in place to change your name in the system, even if you don't change it legally! Hopefully it's the same for yours.

Really!? That's really cool, I wonder if my college could do the same thing, even if I am changing my name legally this year anyway.

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butterflydreams

Got ma'am'd at the store today...it's becoming almost trivial. It still surprises me though.

 

One thing I've been wondering about has come up since I've been carpooling with a coworker. I haven't explicitly said anything to her about my being trans, nor would I. But when we were talking about kids and stuff, I got a weird impression that she was expecting that I myself would have kids someday. Maybe she was just being polite, and it's not like we got into the details of it, but I didn't get the sense at all that she knew I can't have kids. So I don't know, am I stealth to this person? That would be pretty amazing. She's really nice though. It's nice to be able to carpool with someone.

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At work about a couple weeks ago, a customer have called me "they". It really made my day!

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Haha my girlfriend told me, "You know, it's really ironic that you're a trans man but the most masculine thing about you is your body." And I laughed a lot because it's totally true. My hairy body and masculine face and androgynous voice is definitely more masc than my rather feminine personality.

In a way that helped me figure myself out because the idea of being a feminine, neutral, or masculine girl never reallt fit but being a fem/androgynous guy makes so much more sense.

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@Starbogen yeah, at first I felt like I wasn’t “manly enough” because of my personality being a little more feminine than masculine. But even a few cismen feel that way and it’s not invalidating. I shouldn’t be ashamed or hide my feminine side or any side of me.

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I have a friend who at this point consistently calls me by my preferred name and uses she when referring to me almost all the time. Then again, the rest are slow to catch on. Ah well, at least I have the one friend.

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The-world-is-quiet-here

I’m so happy!! One of my online friends was talking to me about gender last night, and she said she’s genderfluid! I had known she wasn’t cis, but we never really talked about how she identified, or does still identify. As far as I knew, she was a trans girl. But now she’s genderfluid, which is also cool! And she doesn’t often talk to me about personal things like gender, while I reach out to her and talk a lot. So I’m really happy for her. And I feel proud that she trusts me enough to talk about this with me. 

P.S: she was like “Some days, I don’t care what my gender is” and I’m like “Me too!!” :P 

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