Jump to content

a gender positive thread


butterflydreams

Recommended Posts

I looked at myself in the mirror shirtless and just wearing boxer briefs and, chest aside, my body shape doesn't actually look that bad.

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites

5 months post-op, and my chest has only gotten better and better as it settles. :) 

 

I will admit, the chest definitely needs a lot of time to settle, as it still has some swelling even at this point. (Plus, sensation is still in the process of coming back. My nipples definitely don't have sensation, but more and more of my surrounding chest area is sensate now.) I'm quite happy with what little scarring I have, especially since they're becoming so light/faint.  Surgery is definitely no joke, but the results have been so worthwhile :) 

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't know what I was doing right this morning, but someone called me "Dear boy" for the first time and someone else asked me my pronouns. :wub:

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
butterflydreams
10 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

Plus, sensation is still in the process of coming back. My nipples definitely don't have sensation, but more and more of my surrounding chest area is sensate now.

Do you expect to regain full sensation? This is one of my big concerns with surgery.

Link to post
Share on other sites

My brother said I look 16, which just means he also meant I look like a boy so it's good when even he points it out. He also called me the oldest sibling, and later in the day said I was the big brother so I was in charge (which was an unpleasant experience, the being in charge, and he meant it in a mean way but that's besides the point).

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
13 minutes ago, Hadley167 said:

Do you expect to regain full sensation? This is one of my big concerns with surgery.

Yep! My doc said before surgery that I should expect my sensation to end up roughly the same as pre-op once it's fully recovered. I'm not terribly concerned about nipple sensation tbh since if anything, too much sensation makes wearing certain fabrics kinda unpleasant, but I'm hoping that my chest will have adapted to normal clothing wear by the point I get sensation back 100%. Right out of surgery, the good majority of the front of my chest was super numb, but sensation's been returning from farther from the nipples to closer to them. Beyond those occasional weird moments of random sensation that feel like nerves reconnecting, I suspect that the nipples will be the last spot to regain sensation.

Spoiler

My nipples actually do get erect at times, so they're certainly responding to stimuli and showing signs that they're functioning as they should.

 

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
AwkwardAxolotl
43 minutes ago, Hadley167 said:

Do you expect to regain full sensation? This is one of my big concerns with surgery.

I think how much sensation returns after surgery varies somewhat person-to-person, and probably varies quite a bit depending on which procedure is being done.

Spoiler

It's been 2 years since my top surgery, and I still can't really feel my nipples, but that's not entirely surprising, considering that they were cut off my body and grafted back on. But I did regain sensation everywhere on my chest except the incision scars themselves and the grafts.

 

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, Liebelit said:

My brother said I look 16, which just means he also meant I look like a boy so it's good when even he points it out. He also called me the oldest sibling, and later in the day said I was the big brother so I was in charge (which was an unpleasant experience, the being in charge, and he meant it in a mean way but that's besides the point).

How do you even tell your siblings???? if i told mine they'd be teasing me nonstop or they wouldn't keep from our parents - In face my brother said literally the opposite from yours the other week - "as I'm the eldest boy here I'm in charge!" - which is wrong on so many levels. 

 

Glad yours are  being supportive though and trying to do their bit to help!

Link to post
Share on other sites

So, I came out as trans to one of my coworkers who also happens to became a friend of mine. So relieved she took it well and very accepting. :D 

  • Like 9
Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, I Am Mel said:

How do you even tell your siblings???? if i told mine they'd be teasing me nonstop or they wouldn't keep from our parents - In face my brother said literally the opposite from yours the other week - "as I'm the eldest boy here I'm in charge!" - which is wrong on so many levels. 

 

Glad yours are  being supportive though and trying to do their bit to help!

Eh I wouldn't say they're "supportive"... but there's been some progress in some areas at least.

 

I told my parents before I told my siblings, so even if they had talked to them about what I said it would have made them upset cause my parents aren't supportive either but it at least wasn't going to be an out of nowhere surprise. And in the beginning my brothers did tease me. They actually still do some times/ a lot of times, but I don't know.. I guess before they didn't get it and thought I was going through a phase and now they still don't get it but they're noticing I've only become more serious about this. So maybe they're taking it more seriously too.

 

Hang in there and try to be you no matter how hard your family makes that. Good luck with your siblings and if you do end up coming out to them and/or your parents you can't really be sure of their reactions or control them but just try to keep being you. Maybe eventually they'll figure that if you're not changing then they will have to if they want to keep you around.

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
Spoiler

14l4h88.jpg

 

Found this when I had to go.  God I love my school so much.

 

Still not stepping in the men's room tho lmao

  • Like 10
Link to post
Share on other sites
15 hours ago, I Am Mel said:

How do you even tell your siblings???? if i told mine they'd be teasing me nonstop or they wouldn't keep from our parents - In face my brother said literally the opposite from yours the other week - "as I'm the eldest boy here I'm in charge!" - which is wrong on so many levels. 

 

Glad yours are  being supportive though and trying to do their bit to help!

It all depends on sibling dynamics, I suppose. My twin is my best friend, so I knew her well enough to know that there was no risk in coming out to her. If anything, she now gets to enjoy playing up the whole "favorite daughter" thing. :P My brother is 16 years older than me, and he sensed my transness since my early childhood. Of everyone I came out to, he was the only one to truly say "I know" without some visible element of transition to give me away. That said, my coming out was about as fortunate as they can get, so it's hardly representative of most people's experiences.

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites
butterflydreams
16 hours ago, I Am Mel said:

How do you even tell your siblings???? if i told mine they'd be teasing me nonstop or they wouldn't keep from our parents - In face my brother said literally the opposite from yours the other week - "as I'm the eldest boy here I'm in charge!" - which is wrong on so many levels. 

 

Glad yours are  being supportive though and trying to do their bit to help!

My sister and I have a strained relationship. I don't even know why I bothered to tell her honestly. She accepts it insofar as it means calling me a new name. That's pretty much it. She doesn't care to be in my life and I don't particularly care to be in hers.

 

My relationship with my brother improved dramatically after coming out. I'm the oldest sibling and it meant a lot to me that I was his big sister, not his big brother. 

 

I guess being the oldest sibling might change the dynamics of how coming out works.

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites

I was complaining about getting misgendered by dining hall staff in the group chat we have for the class of 2021 (being a private college with a small population, we can fit most of our class into a group chat without it getting too chaotic), and about 20 minutes after I got done one of my classmates responded “sorry i’m just catching up on this but i literally can’t even imagine how someone would call [ChillaKilla] ma’am. like it almost seems like you’d have to go out of your way. idk i get that they can’t know everyone’s pronouns but it literally is not hard to just not call everyone ma’am??” 

:lol: Made my day for sure. It might be a women’s college, but A. I’m far from the only trans person and B. They shelled out tons of resources on diversity and inclusivity training, so it seems ridiculous that they wouldn’t include the staff that arguably interacts with the students the MOST in that training...

  • Like 7
Link to post
Share on other sites

There's this nice lady at the local bakery who goes out of her way to be sunny and friendly and polite to customers, with tons of 'thank you's and 'please' and 'ma'am' and 'sir'. It's a little excessive, that's why I wonder why I only now realize that she's only 'ma'am'-ing me when I am obviously presenting as a female - flashy earrings, a non-sports bra and maybe a skirt. When I am more neutral she drops the gender specific language completely.

Some people are just awesome.

  • Like 9
Link to post
Share on other sites

@Liebelit Thanks of the sympathy i really hope ill be able to someday. I really hope your family will come to accept and support you soon as agreed it really does suck and complicate matters when you're still living with them.

 

8 hours ago, Hadley167 said:

I guess being the oldest sibling might change the dynamics of how coming out works.

yes i'm worried that me being the eldest will trouble things further :/ i hope one day though your relationship improves with your sister.

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
butterflydreams
11 hours ago, I Am Mel said:

Yes i'm worried that me being the eldest will trouble things further

I would think being the oldest would be to your advantage. Though it all depends on your family dynamics I suppose. I always felt a lot of pressure to be the good son. Responsible, smart, the best. When I first came out to my little brother, I was so upset about “letting him down”. I apologized that his “older brother” was such a disgusting freak. He really didn’t see it that way though.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

Shot day! And I actually remembered to post it the day of this time :P 

 

(EDIT: forgot to mention that the linked video is my shot song. For those who don't know, I do my testosterone injections to music. I plan a spot for my entrance, and my musician instincts just kick in. That stops me from hesitating or getting anxious. I'm also weird about sharing my music tastes sometimes, so this is an excuse for me to be more open about that too.)

Spoiler

 

 

I actually ran into a minor snag while doing this shot: I accidentally pulled the needle out while I was still injecting, so I just had to stick it right back in there to get the rest in. I'll probably get some knots, but lesson learned :P 

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

I really like my legs.. They're super hairy and while I'm not very into body hair it doesn't bother me at all and I realize my hairy legs are probably one of the little details that helps me pass. And I just like how they look when I wear shorts. 

 

Also, my younger brother, the older one of the two/more seemingly "accepting" one, seems to be.. idk if accepting me as male more often now but he certainly seems to be at least trying to think of me as a guy and treating me as one. It mostly comes across by him criticizing certain things about me, but they're things he thinks men shouldn't do, not stuff he'd mention if he was categorizing me as a girl. So.. it's pretty sexist and narrowminded and outdated on his part but at least he's trying in some way. Baby steps.

 

And I directly asked my mom if it would be okay for me to wear shorts to where we would be going out for dinner and she said that was fine. About a year ago when I mentioned I would wear shorts when going out with her she got upset and said she'd rather I wear jeans because my hairy legs were disgusting and she didn't like to be seen with me in public when they were showing... So definitely huge progress there. 

I think it's because back then she was not only completely seeing me as female but she thought that everyone else was perceiving me as female too and would then think I was a girl with hairy legs. But since then she's seen that pretty much everyone sees me as a boy all the time, and she's also admitted I look like one even if she can't exactly think of me that way. 

She also told me I didn't need to wear my hoodie and looked fine in just a black tshirt and my shorts, and that my chest wasn't noticeable at all.

 

And I'm pretty sure she called me a word that means sort of like "neurotic" (because I refuse to go out without the hoodie) in the male form of it. So that was nice.. I still feel like I can't trust anyone in my family to ever fully accept me as male but I'll recognize and appreciate all the little positive signs and moments of progress.

  • Like 7
Link to post
Share on other sites

I have feelt quite good lately. Not that much dysphoria. It is both relaxing and little bit stressfull (for doubting reasons) 

And being could her and girl here makes me really happy it just feels so right. I know that i sound like a broken record, that i keep saying the same thing over and over again.

I can be myself on here atleast which feels so amazing.

 

And i thinking of actually coming out to one of my sisters as atleast transfeminine and/or ace. The reason why is i got to know that one of her friends came out as gay to her some time ago. And she was really supportive to him. So i guess that she is the best first pick in my family. I will try out the water first ofcourse.

 

 

  • Like 11
Link to post
Share on other sites
butterflydreams
5 hours ago, Kimmie. said:

I have feelt quite good lately. Not that much dysphoria. It is both relaxing and little bit stressfull (for doubting reasons) 

And being could her and girl here makes me really happy it just feels so right. I know that i sound like a broken record, that i keep saying the same thing over and over again.

I can be myself on here atleast which feels so amazing.

 

And i thinking of actually coming out to one of my sisters as atleast transfeminine and/or ace. The reason why is i got to know that one of her friends came out as gay to her some time ago. And she was really supportive to him. So i guess that she is the best first pick in my family. I will try out the water first ofcourse.

 

 

I think that sounds like a great idea, Kimmie. I don’t think there’s any reason to believe that dysphoria doesn’t fluctuate. If you think of it as a mental condition, they fluctuate all the time. Think about depression. I used to chart out my mood multiple times a day and it’s clear to see after a while that depression isn’t just on one level 24/7. Try not to stress over the doubting yourself. At this point, what’s more likely? That you’re cis but just spend all this time thinking about this? Or you’re trans and that’s why you spend all this time thinking about it? I won’t tell you which I think it is, but it’s something to think about.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

@Mezzo Forte Wow utterly love your music! Thanks!

 

@Liebelit Like you said baby-steps and i hope it keeps improving for you an that they'll truly except you one day.

 

@Kimmie. Best of luck and hope she takes it well! 

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
58 minutes ago, I Am Mel said:

@Mezzo Forte Wow utterly love your music! Thanks!

I'm glad that you're enjoying the stuff I'm sharing. :) Despite how much I wear my love of music on my sleeve, I get kind of self-conscious about my taste in music and get actually get quite evasive when asked directly about what I listen to. I have a way of dismissing the music I grew up with and feeling like I never developed the right kind of listening background that I should have had. I've been trying to remind myself that there is value to my musical tastes, and it's nice to compound that goal with trying to facilitate my injections.

 

Heck, there's also music I listen to that doesn't work as shot songs that I'm ignoring here, because they have to follow a certain criteria to really benefit me: the song must have an easily discernible tempo; and the song must have a fairly brief intro with a clearly-defined entrance into the next section of the work.

 

You know, I've actually been keeping a record of all my shot songs. I almost wonder if I should just make a playlist at this point so that list is more readily accessible. This is the current list if you want some idea though:

 

Spoiler

7/26 - A Moment of Silence (Streetlight Manifesto)

8/9 - "Divertimento" from Toccata and Divertimento (Ney Rosauro)

8/23 - Receiving End of it All (Streetlight Manifesto)

9/6 - Shepherd of Fire (Avenged Sevenfold)

9/20 - Bebete, Vãobora (Jorge Ben)

10/4 - Resurrected Power (Ko Otani, Shadow of the Colossus)

10/18 - Burn My Dread, (Kawamura Yumi, Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3)

 

You could also count "Here Comes a Thought" from Steven Universe as the prototype shot song, because I tried injecting to that song in the past, but didn't give myself the rigid criteria that I follow now and struggled quite a bit with those shots. I think an experience where I actually injected in time with the music to that song helped me realize that I can utilize my musician instincts to help me do my shots.

 

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
15 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

Despite how much I wear my love of music on my sleeve, I get kind of self-conscious about my taste in music and get actually get quite evasive when asked directly about what I listen to

This makes a lot of sense to me as i personally believe that what and when a person listens to music can say a lot about them. 

 

Must admit the only song familiar to me is Shepard of Fire so thanks for introducing me to some new sounds - i can really see why you like Streetlight Manifesto!

 

i can see myself in the future if i start HRT the only way id get through the injections would be like you with the aid of music

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
999papercranes

I'm misgendering myself a lot less lately. Still birthnaming myself, though. 

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
On October 21, 2017 at 6:25 PM, I Am Mel said:

This makes a lot of sense to me as i personally believe that what and when a person listens to music can say a lot about them. 

 

Must admit the only song familiar to me is Shepard of Fire so thanks for introducing me to some new sounds - i can really see why you like Streetlight Manifesto!

 

i can see myself in the future if i start HRT the only way id get through the injections would be like you with the aid of music

Yeah, I guess I always worried about being judged for the oddity of my music tastes. Go figure too since I've embraced being odd in most other respects of my life. Plus, with a few distinct exceptions, I very rarely explore any one artist deeply enough to really say much, so I sometimes feel like an imposter even saying I like certain artists when I listen to an entire 2-5 songs of theirs.

 

Hope you don't mind me gushing about Streetlight Manifesto :P 

Spoiler

That said, Streetlight Manifesto is a weird exception to that rule. (Found them in my high school days, and I've only come to love their stuff even more nowadays.) I have a lot of trouble understanding intoned words/learning lyrics, and that combined with my voice dysphoria made me never bother with singing. (Well, I was still forced to put up with sightsinging in college, but I never sang for pleasure and never really got to know my singing voice.) That said, I took the time to learn a few Streetlight songs as my voice was changing, so I basically learned to sing through that group. It's especially funny because I have no business trying to sing punk styles, especially since I'm a lyric bass-baritone who can't project to save my life. :lol: 

 

I still really need to get my hands on The Hands That Thieve and the different acoustic albums, but my twin keeps playing that music for me when I get to see her, so I still hear them enough to know that they're fantastic too. 

 

If you want to know my favorite album, go check out Somewhere in the Between. I can listen to that album cover-to-cover and enjoy every second of it. (Pretty sure that album was designed to murder their trumpet player though. They just did a Somewhere in the Between tour and I thought the trumpet player was going to keel over, especially after "The Blonde Lead the Blind." :lol:) That said, my favorite song is a toss-up between "Forty Days" from SitB and "Here's to Life" from Everything Went Numb. I could probably list like 20 other songs that I really love too, but they just have a lot of solid music. They also have a way of making cover songs that completely outshine the originals, so their cover albums are definitely worth a listen too. :lol: 

 

I'm gonna be honest, half the reason why Streetlight Manifesto hasn't taken up my entire shot song list is because I was trying to avoid just spamming Streetlight music on this thread. :lol: I've loved their music since my high school days, but I really got into them as I transitioned and needed music with vocals to test out my changing voice. I just saw them live for the second time back in July, (first time I saw them live was back in 2011,) so that got me even more hooked and now I'm listening to far more than just the 10 songs of theirs that I kept on my phone at the time.

 

I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who likes the idea of shot songs. It's helped me such a great deal, and in some ways, the absurdity helped inject some humor/lightheartedness into the situation. :P Honestly, I have a song or two on the horizon that I was surprised that I didn't use sooner, especially with how often I crack HRT jokes with those songs.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
13 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

Yeah, I guess I always worried about being judged for the oddity of my music tastes. Go figure too since I've embraced being odd in most other respects of my life. Plus, with a few distinct exceptions, I very rarely explore any one artist deeply enough to really say much, so I sometimes feel like an imposter even saying I like certain artists when I listen to an entire 2-5 songs of theirs.

haha i do this to! if i happen to like the sound of the band ill generally look deeper at some point but otherwise i'm stuck only knowing those few songs :lol:

 

14 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

Hope you don't mind me gushing about Streetlight Manifesto :P 

  Reveal hidden contents

I will defiantly look into your suggestions thanks! I'm always looking for new stuff and trying to expand my tastes!

 

I dont mind your gushing at all! i know what you mean about trying not to overdoes on a band - I've come to love arctic monkeys and they're helped me through a lot these past months while ive been figuring things out :L

 

Hay not sure if these will be up your street but i highly recommend the band Sky - they're a bit hard to find but they're on youtube - and the electroswing artist Parov Stelar.

Link to post
Share on other sites
SamwiseLovesLife

I'm finally slim enough to take photos where I look masc af :D Also have really nice mens clothing now so Generally look like a 12yo boy in all photos (I'm pre-T)

It feels amazing <3

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, I Am Mel said:

haha i do this to! if i happen to like the sound of the band ill generally look deeper at some point but otherwise i'm stuck only knowing those few songs :lol:

Streetlight's especially unusual for me because most the time I look deeper into an artist's work, they're usually either a video game composer or concert percussion composer. If you think I can gush about Streetlight, you should hear how I gush about Ney Rosauro. :lol: I fell in love with the marimba through his compositions. Rosauro's music made me a musician. He's a great educator and just an all-around sweetheart too. :) 

 

(For my Master's comprehensive exams, my percussion professor warned me that he would try to trip me up to see if I could use my music background to arrive at well-reasoned answers even if I didn't have something memorized, especially in regard to identifying composers of works. I told him that he wouldn't find a Rosauro piece that I didn't know. He thought he was being so clever using Variations on Evelyn Glennie's "A Little Prayer" since Ney explores so many non-Brazilian Latin American styles in addition to his typical Brazilian sentiments. Needless to say, he did not stump me, and I ended up giving more information about the piece than he knew. :lol:)

 

Quote

I will defiantly look into your suggestions thanks! I'm always looking for new stuff and trying to expand my tastes!

I dont mind your gushing at all! i know what you mean about trying not to overdoes on a band - I've come to love arctic monkeys and they're helped me through a lot these past months while ive been figuring things out :L

Hay not sure if these will be up your street but i highly recommend the band Sky - they're a bit hard to find but they're on youtube - and the electroswing artist Parov Stelar.

I'm about as eclectic of a musician as you can get. I'm the kind of guy who can gush about The 20th/21st century avant-garde in one breath and then Afro-derived music traditions in another. I listened to Irish folk alongside classic rock as a kid because of my dad, and everything from American pop to Korean ska because of my sister. Heck, I have friends who like to show me their ethnographic field recordings from their research sites. Try me. :P 

 

When I have a chance, I'll give Sky a listen! (I have company visiting me this week, so it might be next week, but I'll give it listen!)

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...