• Announcements

    • Kelly

      New Team members Needed--Moderator, Project Team, and Declass Team: Voting   12/10/13

      See:   http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/164659-new-declass-team-member-needed-voting/   http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/164657-new-moderator-member-needed-qa-co-mod-and-world-watch-mod-voting/   http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/164656-new-project-team-member-needed-resources-and-education-director-voting/  
    • Kelly

      AVENues Holiday Special Edition is now live   08/17/17

      The new edition of AVENues is done!   See:        
    • Lady Girl

      Ace Community Census   11/06/17

      It’s time for the 2017 Ace Community Census!   see:   http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/162675-announcing-the-2017-ace-community-census/  
    • Heart

      Help fund AVEN's servers!   11/06/17

      AVEN is doing its annual fundraiser to raise donations for server costs! See http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/163251-aven-server-fundraiser/ for more details.  
butterflydreams

a gender positive thread

Recommended Posts

Calligraphette_Coe
1 hour ago, Hadley167 said:

*hugs* and :cake:

 

This fear is very real, I have to say. I was just thinking about it on my way home a few days ago. If I ever had to cut my hair, I'd be beyond devastated. When I first started growing it out, it was crappy (because it looked bad) but I was just overflowing with anticipation of, "I've never had my hair this long before, I wonder what it's going to look like. What's it going to do?" It turns out my hair is naturally wavy. It just does what it does without me doing much of anything, and I love it. My hair color is unlike any of my siblings or my dad. It's basically what my mom's hair color was before she went grey. A dark brown with an ever so slight tinge of red.

The last time I had any of mine cut was for surgery in 2004. I guess I was too sick and scared to be more depressed about it then, but I never wanted to look in a mirror and not see shoulder length plus hair again after I survived that ordeal. It really creeps me out to think how'd I'd look with a male haircut. Even though medical transition for me is not a possibility, at least I have my androgyny as a source of some comfort.

 

I think you need to have experienced gender dysphoria to know why it *is* a big deal. Even for a minute. It's like they're hacking part of *you* off and letting it fall unceremoniously to the floor like it was nothing.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
butterflydreams
24 minutes ago, Calligraphette_Coe said:

I think you need to have experienced gender dysphoria to know why it *is* a big deal. Even for a minute. It's like they're hacking part of *you* off and letting it fall unceremoniously to the floor like it was nothing.

Thank you for saying this. It really is a big deal. Even now, I tear up a bit thinking about how I was forced into these buzz crew cuts in the summers when I was little. Even though I never really had long hair as a child, that was too much.

 

I actually recently got a really deluxe new brush and I find it so calming to brush my hair. I'm proud of it, but also, it's a huge symbol of how far I've come. I may not be conventionally pretty, but dammit, my hair is gorgeous.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mezzo Forte
5 hours ago, The-world-is-quiet-here said:

Ooh, I forgot to mention: I also really like my fingernails. They're somewhat long, but I don't consider them inherently feminine. They just look nice and help me pick stuff up. :) 

I apparently have really long nail beds, so they look long even when I chop my nails short. I keep mine short so they don't get in the way when I play percussion, and I think that made them look healthier in the long run, because I had problems with nail biting when I was a teen because the nails break as they grew too long and I'm the kind of person who would fidget with that kind of thing. Rock on being able to grow your nails long.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Calligraphette_Coe
22 hours ago, Hadley167 said:

Thank you for saying this. It really is a big deal. Even now, I tear up a bit thinking about how I was forced into these buzz crew cuts in the summers when I was little. Even though I never really had long hair as a child, that was too much.

You and I both. I still get a little broken up when I look through the family pictures album that one of the in-laws put together from my parents' stash of Kodak moments after they passed on. My baby picture was taken in one of those christening gowns that were popular back when I was an infant, and that same group of inlaws used always yuck it up about how I looked like a baby girl in a dress. And then I see the ones with those godawful buzz cuts and I just want to die. I did not have a happy childhood and I bided my time until I could get away from there and go to school. Because after I did, I grew my hair halfway down my back. And they told me not to come home looking like that.

 

They needn't have worried.

 

Even now, it's comforting to know I can pull my hair back into a pony tail, slip on a bandanna and usually get 'ma'am' all day long. Someone I once dated was totally freaked out when I did this: "OMG! Don't DO that! You look sooo much like a lady that it's _scary_.

 

Well, they may be able to hold me hostage job-wise with threats about hair, but they can't legislate against my baby face. So there's at least that.

 

" I won't be assimilated! It stops HERE! Just this and NO farther!"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Antihero.

Eyes: I like the colour of my eyes. My eyes are pure light blue and I personally think that pure blue and pure grey are some of the most attractive eye colours a human can possibly have. Well, the only eye colour I think is more awesome than my own is this, and this is a genetic mutation that’s why it is extremely rare:

 

OCA1_Auge.jpg
I created a fictional character with this eye colour and he is the most handsome general my mind has ever come up with :D 


Furthermore I like that my eyelashes are extremely light blond, so that they are nearly invisible what gives my eyes some kind of reptile look xD

 

Hair: My hair colour is something I like as well. I even loved it when I was younger because it was white - yes you read correctly – white. It is only light blond now but it’s still great. Also my hair is extremely straight which gives it an orderly look and makes it easy to wear the slick back undercut I have. Perfect undercut hair I’d say.

 

Face shape: When I wanted to catch the essence and potential of my face and looked at it from every angle possible, stretched the skin to be able to get a picture of the skull behind it, I came to the realisation that I have a handsome skull shape and that I also like my face.


Skin: I adore my own paleness! Even though some people got frightened when they saw me in shorts and short sleeves in the summer because they thought they just saw a (somewhat rosy) ghost and others had to fight the urge to spray me with this disgusting orange fake tan, I think it’s handsome. Having the same skin colour as Casper the friendly ghost is the new sexy now :lol:

Lips: Fortunately my lips are thin. I like that they are how they are.


Scars: There are two old scars on me I like. To see the first small one you have to have an eye for detail and look closely. It is between the inner corner of one eyebrow and my nose. I got it when I was in kindergarten age. Since I have it that long it kinda became something really unique that is just a part of me. I can’t remember my face without it.
The second one is a longer scar on the left side of my throat. I got that one at nine years of age so it already became fainter with time just as the other one.

Hands: There are two things I like about my hands. The first thing to mention are the visible veins and the second one is that they are bony enough for me to see the metacarpal bones moving.

Body in general: The first thing I like about it is its height. I always thought it was a good height to have. I am 6ft what is quite average but I am completely satisfied with that height.

 

Beside that aspect I like my bone structure, I have really nice bones. Honestly, I still hope that I somehow will gain immortality and don’t have to die but in case that absolutely safe plan fails, I can find a little comfort in the fact that I will be the most handsome skeleton on the whole graveyard. And I mean who wouldn’t want to be friends with the man who might become the most handsome skeleton on the whole graveyard, since he would get into the most exclusive and best undead skeleton societies then.

 


My_ec928a_5296163.jpg

23949.jpg


And now excuse me I’m going to take some good radiographs of myself in sexy pose to decorate the wall with it :P

*looks at his post, realises that nothing of this has anything to do with gender whatsoever, also thinks he talks about bones maybe too much* Well, it still is something positive about my looks and body, so maybe it is interesting regardless x’D

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
[noize:injekktion]
14 minutes ago, Antihero. said:

Eyes: I like the colour of my eyes. My eyes are pure light blue and I personally think that pure blue and pure grey are some of the most attractive eye colours a human can possibly have. Well, the only eye colour I think is more awesome than my own is this, and this is a genetic mutation that’s why it is extremely rare:

  Hide contents

OCA1_Auge.jpg
I created a fictional character with this eye colour and he is the most handsome general my mind has ever came up with :D 


Furthermore I like that my eyelashes are extremely light blond, so that they are nearly invisible what gives my eyes some kind of reptile look xD

 

Hair: My hair colour is something I like as well. I even loved it when I was younger because it was white - yes you read correctly – white. It is only light blond now but it’s still great. Also my hair is extremely straight which gives it an orderly look and makes it easy to wear the slick back undercut I have. Perfect undercut hair I’d say.

 

Face shape: When I wanted to catch the essence and potential of my face and looked at it from every angle possible, stretched the skin to be able to get a picture of the skull behind it, I came to the realisation that I have a handsome skull shape and that I also like my face.


Skin: I adore my own paleness! Even though some people got frightened when they saw me in shorts and short sleeves in the summer because they thought they just saw a (somewhat rosy) ghost and others had to fight the urge to spray me with this disgusting orange fake tan, I think it’s handsome. Having the same skin colour as Casper the friendly ghost is the new sexy now :lol:

Lips: Fortunately my lips are thin. I like that they are how they are.


Scars: There are two old scars on me I like. To see the first small one you have to have an eye for detail and look closely. It is between the inner corner of one eyebrow and my nose. I got it when I was in kindergarten age. Since I have it that long it kinda became something really unique that is just a part of me. I can’t remember my face without it.
The second one is a longer scar on the left side of my throat. I got that one at nine years of age so it already became fainter with time just as the other one.

Hands: There are two things I like about my hands. The first thing to mention are the visible veins and the second one is that they are bony enough for me to see the metacarpal bones moving.

Body in general: The first thing I like about it is its height. I always thought it was a good height to have. I am 6ft what is quite average but I am completely satisfied with that height.

 

Beside that aspect I like my bone structure, I have really nice bones. Honestly, I still hope that I somehow will gain immortality and don’t have to die but in case that absolutely safe plan fails, I can find a little comfort in the fact that I will be the most handsome skeleton on the whole graveyard. And I mean who wouldn’t want to be friends with the man who might become the most handsome skeleton on the whole graveyard, since he would get into the most exclusive and best undead skeleton societies then.

  Hide contents


My_ec928a_5296163.jpg

23949.jpg


And now excuse me I’m going to take some good radiographs of myself in sexy pose to decorate the wall with it :P

*looks at his post, realises that nothing of this has anything to do with gender whatsoever, also thinks he talks about bones maybe too much* Well, it still is something positive about my looks and body, so maybe it is interesting regardless x’D

 

...one of my favourite posts ever. :P:D

 

*also, is it okay that I like my eyes for having central heterochromia? 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Antihero.
17 minutes ago, UVB-76 said:

...one of my favourite posts ever. :P:D

 

*also, is it okay that I like my eyes for having central heterochromia? 

Totally! :D That’s actually quite awesome as well. Which colours do your eyes have?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
[noize:injekktion]
59 minutes ago, Antihero. said:

Totally! :D That’s actually quite awesome as well. Which colours do your eyes have?

tumblr_oc2ysb6vUG1upic5ho1_1280.jpg

 

:D

 

I'd feel awesome, but your post was so full of self-positivity that it has just beaten everything :D

I must add that I love hair that is very fair in colour. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Antihero.
42 minutes ago, UVB-76 said:

 

  Hide contents

tumblr_oc2ysb6vUG1upic5ho1_1280.jpg

 

 

:D

 

I'd feel awesome, but your post was so full of self-positivity that it has just beaten everything :D

Yes, your eyes have a great colouring :D 
 

42 minutes ago, UVB-76 said:

I must add that I love hair that is very fair in colour. 

So do I  :P Something more that we have in common xD

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mezzo Forte

Maybe this is a weird thing, but I'm starting to like how my side profile looks. :) I suspect it's because my jaw looks better defined, but I take the occasional 'facial hair progress' pictures, and I suddenly remembered how self-conscious I used to be of my side profile. I guess some of my features better compliment a masculine face. (Especially the nose. My nose has always been beak-like, and while I've always liked it, I think it fits my face better now that my jaw is better defined and the rest of my face is overall less rounded.)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Heart

Y'know, I've been contemplating pinning this thread ever since Gay Owl mentioned it. The sheer fact that I'm still contemplating it a week later, means I think I should just go for it and darn the consequences ;)

 

*pins thread*

 

Let's try that out. The world could do with all this positivity!

 

Now, my own little contribution:

 

I love my hair. After I wash it, it's so silky and smooth and cool to the touch. I find myself running my fingers through it all the time, especially when I get stressed out, it just calms me right down. And I love that it stays that way for about three days; I only wash my hair about once a week, so I love that it stays nice for so long. I'm lucky.

 

I also love muscles. They make me feel strong and elegant and graceful and powerful. Muscles are really amazing when you think about it. So amazing. And my rib cage. I love my ribcage. It's like it's always hugging me. It never causes dysphoria. And it's good to hug. I love getting hugs from my partners, and my ribcage ever so generously protects my internal organs while doing so <3

 

Thank you, body. :cake:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
[noize:injekktion]

my rib cage is damaged a bit, so I feel rather attacked than hugged :lol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Kimmie.

I have to say that I really like my hair. But that is basically it. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
butterflydreams

I find it interesting how prominently hair is cited as something we like about ourselves. I guess it's very visible, tactile, and relatively easy to manipulate. 

 

I took a picture of myself yesterday after a crazy trip and I was surprised how much my eyes popped. I never really noticed it as something I liked about myself, but I think I do like them. They may be messed up pretty bad in terms of being able to see properly without glasses, but they are such a pretty blue. I like that.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
[noize:injekktion]

nah I can't just deny it. I love my eyes a lot. they are the most beautiful part of my face.

I'm also in love with my hair. :3 (before you start making weird comparisons, I got some inspiration from Nero Bellum and some other of my favourite musicians, not from people you think about. :P).

 

35 minutes ago, Kimmie. said:

I have to say that I really like my hair. But that is basically it. 

your hair is wub, but your eyes are wub, too. :wub:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mezzo Forte
1 hour ago, Hadley167 said:

I find it interesting how prominently hair is cited as something we like about ourselves. I guess it's very visible, tactile, and relatively easy to manipulate. 

 

I took a picture of myself yesterday after a crazy trip and I was surprised how much my eyes popped. I never really noticed it as something I liked about myself, but I think I do like them. They may be messed up pretty bad in terms of being able to see properly without glasses, but they are such a pretty blue. I like that.

It's funny, my hairstylist was just telling me how I have really good hair. I'm actually really self-conscious about my hairline because of how HRT changed it, and I worry a lot about going bald. Most people tell me that I'm being overly paranoid though. That said, I do enjoy how much of a hairy beast I am in general, and HRT is basically turning me into were-golden retriever. :P 

 

If you don't mind some public flattery, I always found your eyes really pretty, Hadley. :) They always seemed to pop out in your videos/photos, and I'm glad that you think well of them too!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
butterflydreams
4 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

I'm actually really self-conscious about my hairline because of how HRT changed it, and I worry a lot about going bald. Most people tell me that I'm being overly paranoid though. That said, I do enjoy how much of a hairy beast I am in general, and HRT is basically turning me into were-golden retriever. :P 

Huh, I didn't realize HRT would change your hairline like that. I guess if you're growing more hair it might. I was paranoid about losing my hair too, especially when I was growing it out (hehe, "when"...I still am). But every time the stylist sees it, she's incredulous about how good it is. Plus I have no family history of it. I think you can trust what people are telling you :) One of the best pieces of advice I got from my stylist was to move my part an inch higher onto my head. It's made such a difference! I don't have a really prominent forehead, but I do have a major cowlick that, if I do say, has only gotten cuter as my hair has gotten longer.

 

4 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

If you don't mind some public flattery, I always found your eyes really pretty, Hadley. :) They always seemed to pop out in your videos/photos, and I'm glad that you think well of them too!

:wub: Thank you <3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Antihero.
5 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

 I worry a lot about going bald. Most people tell me that I'm being overly paranoid though. 

I worry a lot about hair loss as well and I am rather paranoid about that too. The reason for this is that I love my hair. I think its colour and structure are awesome, I also like my haircut, it looks good on me. So it all boils down to me being afraid of losing something that I personally think of as really attractive about myself.

 

 

16+-+1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
daveb
Spoiler

This is a thread about positivity so I hesitated bringing the hair thing up - I do like my hair, but I am losing it from the top of my head (sort of like a monk's tonsure) and can't wear it the way I would like anymore (long and full). Yeah, I could still wear it long, but it won't be full. Long hair with a growing bald patch would be more disturbing to me than wearing it short. Might have to take to buzzing it off one of these days. :(

 

I also like my eyes (blue/green). :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
[noize:injekktion]

I have lost half of my natural hair already. ._. for reasons. I used to be paranoid about it, too, because my hair was really impressive before it got thinner. 

but when it has actually happened, I had no choice but to get used to it... or to add synthetic extensions :P

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mezzo Forte
1 hour ago, Hadley167 said:

Huh, I didn't realize HRT would change your hairline like that. I guess if you're growing more hair it might. I was paranoid about losing my hair too, especially when I was growing it out (hehe, "when"...I still am). But every time the stylist sees it, she's incredulous about how good it is. Plus I have no family history of it. I think you can trust what people are telling you :) One of the best pieces of advice I got from my stylist was to move my part an inch higher onto my head. It's made such a difference! I don't have a really prominent forehead, but I do have a major cowlick that, if I do say, has only gotten cuter as my hair has gotten longer.

Hormones tend to control the overall shape of the hairline, with estrogen making it more rounded (and typically leaving the head hair fuller in general) while testosterone makes it more angular even before male-pattern baldness comes into play. A lot of people joke that the extra hair on your head just migrates to the rest of your body when you on on T. :lol: Even if there was history of baldness in your family, you're definitely safe from it now since you don't have enough DHT in your system to trigger it. Your hair always looks well taken care of, so I'm not surprised that your stylist has only good things to say about it!

 

Funny that you mention cowlicks, since I just had an interesting morning trying to get one of mine to cooperate with me. :P I'm considering training my hair to get rid of my part so that hairline looks more even, so I've been messing around with styling cream. It probably looks really silly, but I'm having some fun with it.

 

(Admittedly, being able to grow my hair nearly to my knees was a huge source of pride for me before I was ready to chop it off. I used to call it my lion's mane. :) Can't say that I miss the upkeep though!)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
butterflydreams
30 minutes ago, daveb said:
  Reveal hidden contents

This is a thread about positivity so I hesitated bringing the hair thing up - I do like my hair, but I am losing it from the top of my head (sort of like a monk's tonsure) and can't wear it the way I would like anymore (long and full). Yeah, I could still wear it long, but it won't be full. Long hair with a growing bald patch would be more disturbing to me than wearing it short. Might have to take to buzzing it off one of these days. :(

 

I also like my eyes (blue/green). :)

*hugs* I personally don't think it matters if it's hair you grew yourself, or a wig, if it's on you it's part of you. I think a wig is just like a pair of glasses in a way. Just another part of who you are.

 

6 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

Even if there was history of baldness in your family, you're definitely safe from it now since you don't have enough DHT in your system to trigger it. Your hair always looks well taken care of, so I'm not surprised that your stylist has only good things to say about it!

Hehe, I had considered that. I have been naughty recently. Since I've been so stressed, I haven't gone in to have it trimmed and now I'm starting to notice some split ends. Not a ton, but these are the first split ends I've ever noticed, so definitely time for a trim.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mezzo Forte
2 minutes ago, Hadley167 said:

Hehe, I had considered that. I have been naughty recently. Since I've been so stressed, I haven't gone in to have it trimmed and now I'm starting to notice some split ends. Not a ton, but these are the first split ends I've ever noticed, so definitely time for a trim.

Oh goodness, if you saw the ends of my hair before I chopped it off. :lol: I hadn't even so much as trimmed it in like 2 years by the time I chopped it off, so split ends were no shock to me. That was one of the few ways I was negligent with my hair. (I always did say that my hair was like my closet in the way it grew out of both deliberate upkeep and negligence. :P)

 

(One of my biggest things I resent is the fact that nobody asked me if I was in a metal band because of my hair. Once I can get some facial scruff going, I may grow out my hair again to see if anyone would ask me that if I passed as male with long hair. :lol:)

 

I will say though, my hair grows super fast. It takes a ton of self-control to stop myself from getting haircuts monthly. Go figure that I really like how my hair looks when it's shorter :P

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
swirl_of_blue

Well, this is a nice thread! I often spend time thinking of the things I don't like about myself and can't change much. But I do LOVE my eyes! They are kind of multi-colored, with a yellowish ring around the pupil and otherwise greenish grey. Some of my friend have said that if I stare at something, the look is intense enough to almost be scary. I also really like how excercising more has affected my body: I can actually feel and even see muscles in my arms and calves! I can't wait to become even stronger and more confident.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
daveb
6 hours ago, Hadley167 said:

I personally don't think it matters if it's hair you grew yourself, or a wig, if it's on you it's part of you. I think a wig is just like a pair of glasses in a way. Just another part of who you are.

Maybe. Wigs have some advantages (easier to switch colors and styles, for example). But they can get hot. And there's something about having one's own living hair. One thing I will probably always regret is I never had it braided while it was long. But no use crying over split hair (split as in left the head). :P

 

6 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

One of my biggest things I resent is the fact that nobody asked me if I was in a metal band because of my hair.

When I wore my hair long I did have people assume I was "with the band" a couple of times. Hopefully that will happen to you, too! (at least you actually have musical abilities/talent! :lol: )

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Hiatus

I like being able to grow this pretty sweet beard :D

 

1gtwmp_zps0lldjood.gif

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
ChillaKilla
13 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

Can't say that I miss the upkeep though!

True this. Getting mine lopped off the 25th and boy, am I readier than ready!

 

(This is actually the longest it's been in my life, as it stands currently. It's mermaid-hair length, if you get my drift  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) )

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
ChillaKilla
13 hours ago, Hadley167 said:

Since I've been so stressed, I haven't gone in to have it trimmed and now I'm starting to notice some split ends. Not a ton, but these are the first split ends I've ever noticed, so definitely time for a trim.

I haven't had mine cut in over a year... :ph34r: My ends aren't just split, they're undergoing-legal-separation-and-dividing-the-assets ends...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Santa's Little Elf

Ohh beards :D  I think i would have mine trimmed and just keep a small goatee just for the feels :P

 

Yay this thread got pinned!!!

 

I love my hair now it's short and i love my eyes too and i love my smile! I noticed i'm smiling alot more now my hair is way shorter then i had before :D maybe a good sign? 

4 hours ago, ChillaKilla said:

True this. Getting mine lopped off the 25th and boy, am I readier than ready!

 

(This is actually the longest it's been in my life, as it stands currently. It's mermaid-hair length, if you get my drift  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) )

I always wonder how people keep mermaid hair length so neat and tidy. I would be crying all day if i had my hair that long :lol: 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ix Phoen
On 3/13/2017 at 10:06 AM, Jayce said:

I always wonder how people keep mermaid hair length so neat and tidy. I would be crying all day if i had my hair that long

I seriously always got tangled in my hair in the shower, like moments of panic because I couldn't pull my wrist away from my head until I got the sticky strands unwrapped! I do not have the coordination to live with the stuff!

So I enjoy super long hair vicariously on other people ... *drools* 

Oops. I almost forgot the point of this thread. I absolutely love having short hair, though. It makes me happy every day. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now