a gender positive thread

[AwkwardAxolotl]

58 minutes ago, Hadley167 said:

I hope I'll get to say something similar some day. It requires being tough for sure. I have to make sure I get there.

 

I was making tea at work today, and one of my female coworkers came up to me, "Hadley...50 cent wings downtown...you in?" Decided that was a pretty good sounding proposition. So me, her and another female coworker all went to get wings. I really did feel like one of the girls. Even the waitress was like, "ok, what would you ladies like?" I'm glad that happened because one of these coworkers knew me before, and I don't think she understands how passing works, and that I do actually pass. It's not just people being polite. They genuinely don't know anything else about me other than, well, she seems like a woman.

 

Oh, and naturally, the three of us attempted to polish off three dozen wings and sweet potato wedges. We came very close. I felt really good about being included in it, even though I probably shouldn't have eaten as much as I did.

It does feel really good to be included in a group of guys in my case, or girls in your case. There was one evening not too long after I came out to my friends when some of my guy friends invited me to join them for a guys night. Sitting on the roof drinking beer is not my favorite pastime, but that night of sitting on the roof drinking beer is a happy memory, because that was the first time a group of guys treated me like I was just one of them. I'm glad you're getting to experience the same sort of inclusion as one of the girls.

[butterflydreams]

I'm really trying hard lately to notice and acknowledge positive things about myself. It's hard. I can't always come up with one.

 

It's July now, which means it's 2 years from when I bought my first outfit. I'm actually wearing it today. It's a blue sleeveless top with a pleated neckline and a simple black skirt. I remember in July 2015 how I had just gotten my sports car. I remember packing the skirt into a bag and putting it in the car and then driving a little ways and awkwardly changing into it. I wasn't even on HRT at the time. I remember wishing that I didn't have to find a place to stop on the way home and awkwardly change back. I remember taking a picture of myself in the new outfit. I never wore anything without sleeves. I thought I just looked like a muscle-head. My hair was barely over my ears. Chest, flat as a board. 

 

Now, I wore the outfit to work. My hair is well below my shoulders. It's hard to even believe really. I can't really remember having short hair anymore. Sometimes I think if I were to cut it, I'd look like a guy again. I'd look exactly like I did 2 years ago. But maybe that isn't true. I noticed that my chest fills out this top a lot nicer now, too.

 

I think my hair is my favorite new part.

[kevinnzcd]

I didnt use to like anything much about myself, until one day I was around at a friends place and she asked me to put on one of her skirts as she wants to adjust the hem and she said "Damn, your butt looks better in that than mine" the bonus was I left with the skirt   Another time I was at a CD friendly nightclub with my then GF and a girl sat next to me and, in feigned horror said, "OMG, I never sit next to anyone with nicer legs than me"  So, now I know I have a nice butt and nice legs, but I have always LOVED the fact that I have never grown hair in my armpits so have never had to shave them

[ChillaKilla]

I'm proud of my 3 or so chin hairs. I'm a scruffy chin-Chilla  

[Kimmie.]

I just love to read this thread from time to time 

[Guest]

16 minutes ago, ChillaKilla said:

I'm proud of my 3 or so chin hairs. I'm a scruffy chin-Chilla  

Awww! you're so cute!

 

Love this thread too

[Mezzo Forte]

13 hours ago, ChillaKilla said:

I'm proud of my 3 or so chin hairs. I'm a scruffy chin-Chilla  

They'll multiply soon enough too.  (And good god, I just noticed the pun and it's almost as beautiful as you are.)

 

Heck, year 2 of HRT seems to be my year of "is that hair new or am I slow to notice" so far.  It's hard to say for sure, but I'm pretty sure my facial hair has picked up a fair amount just in the last two months. Maybe it's because I've finally let it grow long enough, but my facial hair is starting to become visible from somewhat of a distance. (Yay blond hair.) I don't know why, but I keep thinking that I look like a leprechaun with my trashy little neckbeard/sideburns. Guess I have a good costume idea for if I actually dress up for Halloween this year  

[Luftschlosseule]

I am still reading "agender positive thread" when I go through the new postings made since my last visit. xD

Next month I have the one year knowing anniversary. On the one hand it doesn't feel like such a long time, on the other, there's a load of discoveries I made in the past year... feels weird. But good.

[butterflydreams]

I'm having a bit of trouble with my contacts lately. So I've been having to wear my glasses more than normal. I really prefer contacts for many reasons, and I'm always really concerned about my appearance, and how it's negatively affected by glasses. I don't really think they make me less feminine in appearance, but I don't feel as attractive with them. My friend said I looked really good. I wish there was less of the "ugly girl with glasses takes them off and is attractive" trope. I need glasses to see, dammit. My eyesight is poor enough that I couldn't safely drive without them.

 

So here I am, today, trying my hardest to rock glasses. I actually look a lot more like my mom (or even my sister) with glasses. I don't normally look like my sister, but we wear similar style glasses.

Spoiler

 

 

[miauw]

I cannot understand where the idea of being less attractive with glasses comes from. I've been wearing glasses most of my life and only ever tried contacts once and decided they were awful. My glasses are more or less a part of my face by now. If I look at myself in the mirror without them I think I look weird (though admittedly that may be because I cannot see myself ). And I always feel pretty when I get new glasses. I guess it's like being able to change something small in yourself every few years without resorting to drastic measures. In short, glasses are awesome and I happen to think you look great in them, @Hadley167. Own it!

 

[swirl_of_blue]

13 minutes ago, Hadley167 said:

I'm having a bit of trouble with my contacts lately. So I've been having to wear my glasses more than normal. I really prefer contacts for many reasons, and I'm always really concerned about my appearance, and how it's negatively affected by glasses. I don't really think they make me less feminine in appearance, but I don't feel as attractive with them. My friend said I looked really good. I wish there was less of the "ugly girl with glasses takes them off and is attractive" trope. I need glasses to see, dammit. My eyesight is poor enough that I couldn't safely drive without them.

 

So here I am, today, trying my hardest to rock glasses. I actually look a lot more like my mom (or even my sister) with glasses. I don't normally look like my sister, but we wear similar style glasses.

  Reveal hidden contents

 

 

Maybe we should exchange glasses: I feel mine make me feel more feminine! It probably is because the frames are from a women's collection (because every optometrist's seems to have them arranged by gender), but still. My first boyfriend preferred to see me with glasses so much, that he protested to me taking them off when having sex, while I think I definitely look better without glasses. Maybe you could have a look at different styles more closely the next time you get new glasses? I've had friends change their look with new glasses so much that sometimes it takes a moment to even recognise the person!

[butterflydreams]

1 hour ago, miau said:

I've been wearing glasses most of my life and only ever tried contacts once and decided they were awful. My glasses are more or less a part of my face by now.

I've needed glasses since I was about 11. But I still recognize my normal face as not having them. I always think I look substantially different with them. I've only been wearing contacts since 2011 or so. I made an appointment to have my eyes checked since I was due anyway. Hopefully we can figure out why my contacts started to be such a problem.

 

1 hour ago, swirl_of_blue said:

Maybe you could have a look at different styles more closely the next time you get new glasses?

These were actually my first feminine pair of glasses. I got them last summer. Believe me, I waffled over them a lot. I felt like I couldn't choose without another opinion, but I was the only one there. It was between this and a similar shape, but thicker plastic frame. I have a thing against plastic frame glasses (how they look) so I went with these. I thought the color was very much my style. A kind of gunmetal red. I'm always concerned that they're hiding my eyes, or my makeup, which is important to me. I like my eyes. I think they're pretty.

 

I like knowing that some people find people with glasses attractive specifically because of them. 

[daveb]

The trope about girls not looking good with glasses and looking all kinds of attractive just by removing them is becoming outdated. I know a lot of people who think women look good in glasses. I have even heard of people wearing glasses for the aesthetics, even though they didn't need them to see (as silly as that may seem). Anyway, there are tropes like the sexy librarian or the cute nerdy girl.

 

I think the older trope came from the days when glasses frames were generally not very flattering. As a teenage boy having to get glasses in the 60s the only choices I had available were the thick black plastic frames or a sort of brownish frame. They were perceived as ugly and nerdy. And had a devastating effect on my already poor self-image in those days. But that's ancient history. There are a lot of good choices these days, and more people who realize glasses can look cool or attractive on some people. Like those ones on you.

[Kelpie]

2 hours ago, Hadley167 said:

So here I am, today, trying my hardest to rock glasses. I actually look a lot more like my mom (or even my sister) with glasses. I don't normally look like my sister, but we wear similar style glasses.

 

I love the glasses!! The colour looks really great with your hair. I'm not 100% rn how you look with contacts but I really like this look  And I personally always think that glasses give your eyes more attention because you're automatically drawn to that. 

[Gentle Giant]

@Hadley167 I think those glasses look very nice on you!

[butterflydreams]

3 hours ago, daveb said:

The trope about girls not looking good with glasses and looking all kinds of attractive just by removing them is becoming outdated.

I sure hope so! I would never let myself be with someone who made it clear he didn't like them. They're a part of me, like any other assistive device. Plus these are the first glasses that were really mine. Some people here might remember when I worked up the courage to get them last summer.

 

Im not gonna feel ashamed or ugly because of my glasses. They're my jerk shield/detector.

[Starbogen]

I've been wearing my shorts a lot more often and I really like how they look on me. Plus with a button up shirt and my hoodie they do a super good job at hiding my hips and everything just looks really nice. Hmm and I'm proud of my hairy legs XD

 

Today I was at the mall with my mom and every time I crossed a mirror I checked myself out and it was definitely a guy in the reflection. A thin, kinda delicate looking guy but definitely a guy. And even my mom who is not supportive at all of me being trans admitted that I do look like a boy and is trying to call me a neutral version of either my old name or my name at least in public. 

 

What else... I guess I appreciate my nose of all things. I used to dislike it when I was a kid because I thought it was too big and ugly but now it's actually one of the features that masculinizes my face the most.

 

Also, I was just thinking that it's been about a year and a half since I sort of came out to myself and started living as male and I still have those moments of self doubt but I don't really feel it so much in the same way anymore if that makes sense. Like I can really notice the difference between how I felt about myself and my gender back then and how I feel now and it feels like some validation that I'm going in the right direction. 

[Guest]

Awww Hadley you look so cute! Love the glasses too!!!

I wear glasses too and i honestly don't care either what they think of me, they say glasses make you look smart  

 

 

 

[Kimmie.]

@Hadley167 you look amazing in those glasses! And I love you hair to. 

[butterflydreams]

6 hours ago, Liebelit said:

Today I was at the mall with my mom and every time I crossed a mirror I checked myself out and it was definitely a guy in the reflection. A thin, kinda delicate looking guy but definitely a guy. And even my mom who is not supportive at all of me being trans admitted that I do look like a boy and is trying to call me a neutral version of either my old name or my name at least in public. 

Hooray! That is so awesome to hear. I think it's a good sign that she will be able to change more and see you completely as you are.

 

I also always liked the kind of random reflections you see when walking around. I still feel the same way. Something about how it's such a ephemeral reflection. And if it's in glass, it's not even perfect. But I think that helps. It lets your imagination fill in the gaps. And I don't know about other people, but my imagination fills it in exactly as I know I am. I'm glad that's something you got to experience.

[Starbogen]

@Hadley167 I don't think she ever will tbh but if she keeps the name thing up I could at least spend more time with her than I had thought in the future. 

 

And yeah I do that reflection thing all the time at uni, whenever I'm passing through the library I look at myself in the reflections of the doors or windows and appreciate my silhouette.  

 

Also should have mentioned before that you do look really nice in the glasses! I think people who normally don't wear them actually look more attractive when they put them on for some reason XD

[butterflydreams]

7 hours ago, Liebelit said:

@Hadley167 I don't think she ever will tbh but if she keeps the name thing up I could at least spend more time with her than I had thought in the future.

I know how this feels. Still I hope this is a positive sign that leads to better things for your relationship with her in the future *hugs*

 

So...this is kind of a complex positive moment, but it's extremely positive, so I'll share. I went to get a pizza tonight at a place I go to a lot. In the past few months, it's been the same woman working at the counter, so she tends to recognize me. Previously in my life, this kind of thing would've freaked me out, so much that I would've stopped getting pizza there. I know that seems strange, but I hated being remembered or noticed. That's the really positive part. Tonight, I even made small talk about some storms we had. Then she said, "Can I ask where you get your clothes? You always look so cute when you come in here." Well, it just happened that I was wearing the amethyst sleeveless tunic I had made. So I said, "oh, actually, I made this." She was so surprised, but smiled and said, "well, you're really talented, have a good night!"

 

The fact that I interacted with someone, who remembered me, and it went positively, AND it included something about my appearance and clothes that I've made...this is what transition has given me. The ability to have an experience like that at all, and to accept it as a positive thing.

[Gentle Giant]

@Hadley167 Oh that is so nice! It's neat how the interaction touched on many positive things. I'm happy for you!

[gen10]

I like my eyes and eyelashes and also my fingernails because they don't break easily and I can grow them out and paint them. I like my shoe size, too.

[Starbogen]

@Hadley167 That's great! I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to interact like that and that it went so well. 

 

Also, I love my fingernails too. They're a great length and shape and someday when I look more manly I'll dare to paint them again and go out like that in public ;u;

[Briannux]

I guess I would say that I like my hair (it's down past my hips) and my eyelashes.

[Guest]

So much positivity really makes my day  

[ChillaKilla]

I don't care what most people say about T's effects, my chest has DEFINITELY decreased in size and elasticity  If I'm wearing a loose shirt with a decal or print I don't even really need a binder. And my shoulders are so broad, I almost have the perfect mesomorphic hourglass/V. Dammit, life is good!

[SkyWorld]

Aww, for some reason the picture isn't showing for me. AVEN just doesn't really like pictures lately. Maybe it's camera shy.  Anyway, I don't understand how people used to think those who wear glasses were unattractive, but that has indeed been outdated for a while now. I think some people look really attractive with them on.

 

I realized something today. That I have been keeping true to my promise to myself. I really have been taking better care of myself mentally and physically. I'm not completely all the way there yet, but I am most certainly making significant progress and I really am proud of myself for being more healthy overall and loving myself. I don't think I've ever felt such a way... It's most certainly to be kind of celebrating. :'D

 

I feel more comfortable with my face and not obsessing over little details, "Oh, my forehead is so small, my nose is too big, my lips are too weird, my eye shape is unattractive" etc. etc... And now, when I look in the mirror and I see my face, I genuinely think (and not me just trying to convince myself) "Wow, my haircut really complements my forehead. Wow, my nose is actually kind of cute. I think my lips look really nice. I think I have really attractive eyes."

 

Well, since I've been more comfortable with my face, now it's more about my body... Which I have been the most unsatisfied with. My hips are way too wide and being overweight does not help. I know for sure that I can pull of looking like a guy, but it's always my body (and voice) that gives me away.  However, I posted in the celebration forum as well how I have lost 10lbs in the past month (technically 5 weeks) and I am super ecstatic!  Seriously, I feel like I really can have the body that I want as well as be more healthy. With my condition (that I'm not exactly too comfortable talking about...) one of the side effects is weight gain (and I always seem to be around the same weight for years), so it's incredibly hard for my body to lose weight. So accomplishing this part of my goal (and many more to go), I feel like I can do anything and my condition won't stop me from having the body I want and being more healthy. I don't think words can even express how happy I am!

 

Spoiler

Damn near on the brinks of tears of joy, I am so so proud of myself.

 

 

Edit: Oh, and I forgot to mention that hopefully I'll be able to see a gender therapist too, and eventually get started on HRT.  I'm getting there, I'm already starting to love and accept myself more, and it's only going to get even better. I'm so happy on how much more happy I will soon be.

[Mezzo Forte]

So, I kind of decided to just keep growing out my facial hair until I land a job interview (I'll probably have to completely shave it off if I want to look professional at this point), and it's actually starting to become visible from a distance. I sort of look like I have a chin strap at this point, and actually got complimented for it recently.  

 

A friend and I are having a beard race in November, and his quick progress despite starting a few months after me gave off the impression that I wouldn't have a shot at beating him. Looking at my facial hair progress since even my one year mark though, who knows? Maybe by the time November comes, I'll be able to give him a run for his money.