a gender positive thread

[Andiamo]

About the heels thing:

 

I'm actually really good at walking in heels because of theater. I've never owned a single pair of heels, and would never want to, but I've had to walk and even run in some pretty high heels, so they just don't bother me anymore.

[Mezzo Forte]

I'm wearing a white t-shirt with writing on it and I have zero chest dysphoria, even with the compression of the ace bandage.

 

The flat chest doesn't even feel real, yet at the same time, it feels so right. I remember my skin crawling from the tactile sensation of my chest simply existing, and that feeling's been gone since the moment I awoke from surgery. (Now I just need to work off the belly I got from studying abroad and being relatively sedentary recovering from surgery. After I'm recovering enough, of course. ) 

[Ricki]

I've decided to make it my mission to be able to run in them. *shakes fist at heels*

 

@Mezzo Forte Yay! It must feel wonderful to have your body in the way that feels right  

[Ix Phoen]

8 minutes ago, Ricchan said:

I've decided to make it my mission to be able to run in them.

 

One thing that will help a lot is to get heels that fit really well and support your foot properly. Some heels are essentially just loose sandals with sticks under one end and only someone with the dexterity of an acrobat could compensate for that. Something that will help with balance in the beginning is to get a heeled boot with laces to ensure a good, firm fit. That way you can stabilize your ankles and avoid a lot of slipping around while you're building up your balancing skills. Also, make sure the bend for the toe is lined up with where your foot actually bends when you go up on tip toe and leave enough room for the way your toes lengthen due to the shift in position. (This is a problem to look out for even with flat shoes, but is even more problematic with heels.) Finally, padding will help with impact, too. I think people who actually run in heels probably invest in the well-made ones if you look closer. 

[Ricki]

10 minutes ago, Ix Phoen said:

One thing that will help a lot is to get heels that fit really well and support your foot properly. Some heels are essentially just loose sandals with sticks under one end and only someone with the dexterity of an acrobat could compensate for that. Something that will help with balance in the beginning is to get a heeled boot with laces to ensure a good, firm fit. That way you can stabilize your ankles and avoid a lot of slipping around while you're building up your balancing skills. Also, make sure the bend for the toe is lined up with where your foot actually bends when you go up on tip toe and leave enough room for the way your toes lengthen due to the shift in position. (This is a problem to look out for even with flat shoes, but is even more problematic with heels.) Finally, padding will help with impact, too. I think people who actually run in heels probably invest in the well-made ones if you look closer. 

All really good tips!  I was doing *OK* till I got to the stairs, which I have fallen down several times with flat shoes on...

But getting sturdy and padded ones makes a lot of sense. (plus they tend to be the ones which are styled the way I like ) 

[Kimmie.]

This is really interesting (it is in English) 

http://sverigesradio.se/sida/artikel.aspx?programid=2054&artikel=6706173

 

https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/pushing-prams-with-boys-at-stockholms-first-gender-neutral-pre-school

[butterflydreams]

I'm still feeling pretty down...but I thought maybe I'd feel a little bit better if I put together a progression (2015-2016-2017). I don't have a lot of pictures of myself from 2015. So this is July 2015, June 2016, and June 2017. Not sure how great I look in the today photo. Look how flat-chested I was in 2015 though. 

Spoiler

 

[kaysir]

3 hours ago, Hadley167 said:

I'm still feeling pretty down...but I thought maybe I'd feel a little bit better if I put together a progression (2015-2016-2017). I don't have a lot of pictures of myself from 2015. So this is July 2015, June 2016, and June 2017. Not sure how great I look in the today photo. Look how flat-chested I was in 2015 though. 

  Hide contents

 

I don't know if it's a compliment or an insult but everytime I see pics of you I think you could be someone I pass at college. I'm another southerner who thinks you look so younggg!

[Kimmie.]

6 hours ago, Hadley167 said:

I'm still feeling pretty down...but I thought maybe I'd feel a little bit better if I put together a progression (2015-2016-2017). I don't have a lot of pictures of myself from 2015. So this is July 2015, June 2016, and June 2017. Not sure how great I look in the today photo. Look how flat-chested I was in 2015 though. 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

That made me smile so much. You have come so long. 

[butterflydreams]

8 hours ago, kaysir said:

I don't know if it's a compliment or an insult but everytime I see pics of you I think you could be someone I pass at college. I'm another southerner who thinks you look so younggg!

Hehe, how old/young I look is impossible for me to determine. I'm a few weeks shy of my 29th birthday.

[Guest]

On 4-6-2017 at 2:10 AM, Ricki said:

All really good tips!  I was doing *OK* till I got to the stairs, which I have fallen down several times with flat shoes on...

But getting sturdy and padded ones makes a lot of sense. (plus they tend to be the ones which are styled the way I like ) 

Now you know why i always wear sketchers sneakers  

[ChillaKilla]

So I'm in China right now (hey everyone! *waves*) staying at Yangzhou university for a week, and the students we are hanging out with  are all 100% unconsciously reading me as a cis guy  (and I swear all of the girls are checking me out  even in public, sometimes I'll walk by a group of girls and my Chinese friends tell me they heard them saying that they think I'm very handsome  and want to take a picture with the attractive foreigner)

In case you think I'm BSing the last bit

okay chilla is this you being happy about gendering or extrapolating on your player reputation jfc 

 

Equally importantly, everybody on the trip with me is 100% good about name and (mostly) pronouns. I'm getting mostly "he"'d, a fair amount of "they", and only one or two "she"s (and that's usually from the chaperones  why is it always the adults?) One of the other students had been on a trip with me last year since we're from the same school, even though he's an underclassman, and he brought up a nickname I'd acquired on the trip to Greece where I pet every cat I saw. The nickname was a pun on my deadname, but after he said it seemed he realized what he said and its effect on me (I kind of froze for a second), and his friend said something along the lines of "Different name, different time, different person" and he nodded in assent and changed the subject. I was shook (in a good way, since when were high school boys tolerant?! *joking*)

Its not like they don't know I'm trans either- it's too darn hot to bind (and while the Chinese students have failed to notice the slight curvature on my upper body, the Americans haven't done the same), plus some follow me on instagram and have seen pictures of how I used to look, not to mention I feel comfortable enough with most everyone to be open about it. Nobody but the one or two knows my deadname though, and I'm proud of that  

I have to say though, I was a little nervous at customs when the agent kept glancing back and forth from my face to my passport, but I'll just take that as a testament to how much I've changed for the better.

Only one complaint (and it's petty AF)- no male attention because homosexuality is still a little taboo, and being bi is likely even more invisible than in America  I'm not entirely attracted to women, dammit! I need balance!! Pay attention to meeee! /vanity

[butterflydreams]

I can see why the girls like you, @ChillaKilla. Looking great. I hope you continue to have a good time.

[ChillaKilla]

8 minutes ago, Hadley167 said:

I can see why the girls like you, @ChillaKilla. Looking great. I hope you continue to have a good time.

ohstopityou.jpg

 

I'm sad we have to leave on Wednesday... but it will be nice to get on instagram without using a VPN again  

[LeChat]

Hello. I don't mean to highjack this thread, but I wasn't sure you'd see my thread in another forum, Hadley, so I thought I'd post a link to it, here. Since you've just joined your own local LGBT group, about how you feel a little out of place, as the only transwoman, I was wondering whether you had any advice for me, because, since my local LGBT community center doesn't represent asexuality, it looks like I might be the only asexual person there, a little out of place, unneeded and/or unwelcome. I'm not sure whether I should join in order to help the group become more progressive, or whether I'd be wasting my time because they might not care about including asexuality. 

 

[butterflydreams]

Just now, ChillaKilla said:

ohstopityou.jpg

 

I'm sad we have to leave on Wednesday... but it will be nice to get on instagram without using a VPN again  

Hehe, I can imagine. Has anyone ever told you that you have a very confident look? Your pictures always look so confident. Of course, I'm pretty sure you actually are confident in person too, so I bet that helps

[Kelpie]

I'm so jealous @ChillaKilla!! You look so good (not just I an aesthetic way but really happy) and you're in China. Both things I'd love to be 

[kaysir]

You're so cuuuuute @ChillaKilla let me adopt youuuuu! Props on the openness on your part, and the tolerance of the kids from different areas. If I was in your shoes I'd probably also want attention from guys as I got more comfortable, haha. Enjoy your stay and keep us updated!

[Kimmie.]

You look great @ChillaKilla and you look so happy and confident.

And a i am a bit envious that the girls like you so much (a bit to young though) 

[Guest]

@ChillaKilla you're so cute! Of course the girls love you so much!! I'm glad to hear you have so much fun  

 

So proud  

[ChillaKilla]

13 hours ago, Hadley167 said:

Hehe, I can imagine. Has anyone ever told you that you have a very confident look? Your pictures always look so confident. Of course, I'm pretty sure you actually are confident in person too, so I bet that helps

The confidence is very new, coming from actually being reassured in how I look. I'm actually pretty quiet if you're meeting me for the first time  if you know me TOO well, I act like a jackass XDD

[Kelpie]

I was looking at binders online with a friend of mine and turns out she still had two from her friend and one of them fit! THIS SHIT WORKS WTF I can't say how fuckin good that feels. You can still see my chest but it's such a huge fucking change from 32G to this. It's not really passable as a man either but yeah, baby steps. (I'll probably delete it later but I really need to be happy right now)

 

[Mezzo Forte]

After all this time, I finally have a blazer that fits me well.  Even managed to find shirts/waistcoats that fit me properly too. Guess I should have just looked into children's suits from the start; they fit me really well and they're a hell of a lot cheaper too.  

[Finn.]

 

I sorted through pictures of myself, selfies and the like. I only have a couple pre 2015. I began trying out other ways to express myself then and for the first time started to like pictures of myself. And I have to say...imo I am the prettiest now and never looked better! Sure I was a couple of pounds lighter at some point and had better skin. But I'm working on that and it honestly doesn't matter that much to me. I actually am okay with being photographed now and I recognize myself in those pictures. I like looking at my selfies and I look genuinely happy in them and that's amazing, I never would've expected that to happen.

[Andiamo]

4 hours ago, Finn. said:

 

I sorted through pictures of myself, selfies and the like. I only have a couple pre 2015. I began trying out other ways to express myself then and for the first time started to like pictures of myself. And I have to say...imo I am the prettiest now and never looked better! Sure I was a couple of pounds lighter at some point and had better skin. But I'm working on that and it honestly doesn't matter that much to me. I actually am okay with being photographed now and I recognize myself in those pictures. I like looking at my selfies and I look genuinely happy in them and that's amazing, I never would've expected that to happen.

It's funny, I realized the same thing about myself the other day. I have no pictures of myself (besides horse-related ones) on my phone from before college. In college, I started dressing differently and cut my hair. Now, I actually have pictures of myself on my phone. And I'm more okay with people posting photos of me on Facebook and stuff like that. I definitely didn't expect it either.

[ChillaKilla]

On the subject of pictures of ourselves, some people have been wondering why I keep old photographs of myself on my Instagram. I have a few reasons:

1. I've had this account for 2+ years. You know how much of a pain it would be to go back and delete every picture with my face in it? Making a new account is out of the question too, as I would lose my entire following.

2. I looked good in those photos. Even if who I was then is different from who I am now, I still like to look back and see the many different ways in which I've changed. Those memories are important to me and I'm not going to erase them because of what people think I "should" do. It's like criticizing me for wearing makeup- I don't have to fit your narrative to be a *real* trans person.

3. Because I can. Because I can. Because I can.

 

also my account is private and nobody I wouldn't trust with that knowledge is allowed to see it

[ChillaKilla]

Sometimes I forget I have muscles  Woke up, went to the bathroom, saw my abs and was like "boy, howdy!" 

 

when testosterone muscle bulking is the only reason your neglect of exercise hasn't withered your muscles into oblivion :'D

[Kimmie.]

I had the breast forms and THE padded underwear in the whole day today. Even went down to the laundry room a couple of times and received the pizza from the delivery person with them on.(i had a hoody on then thought but still) 

And it just looked and feelt so right i just wished they where real.

[daveb]

Yay for you, @Kimmie.!

[Mezzo Forte]

I'm gonna be riding the "I'm super happy that I've had top surgery" wave for quite some time, so be patient with me.  I'm super tactile, so now that I don't have a layer of binding between me and my clothes, I really notice the feel of my shirts' fabrics, and I happen to like that sensation. 

 

I've actually been really enjoying polo shirts lately. I guess I'm used to looking kind of dressy after all that time of only wearing button-ups, and since polos are made of flexible material, they conform to the body in ways that let me show off how flat my chest is.