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a gender positive thread


butterflydreams

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Sometimes (actually more than sometimes - but my gender questioning still confuses me) I'm actually okay with being female, not having anything in the way "down there" and sometimes I'm okay with my chest. Or at least I don't like it being visible, but it feels like a part of me I guess. probably because it literally is. 

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butterflydreams
3 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

I've actually been really enjoying polo shirts lately.

I used to wear polo shirts all the time. I guess I still could now, but 100% certainly not without a bra. Maybe the sensitivity will go down over time, but for now, it's still like sandpaper, and polo material isn't exactly soft. It has a rough texture to it.

 

I feel kind of embarassed to ask, but is this another reason people wear bras? Because it's not like there's a ton to support, but the padding and material that's not rubbing on anything helps me the most.

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Mezzo Forte
1 hour ago, Hadley167 said:

I used to wear polo shirts all the time. I guess I still could now, but 100% certainly not without a bra. Maybe the sensitivity will go down over time, but for now, it's still like sandpaper, and polo material isn't exactly soft. It has a rough texture to it.

 

I feel kind of embarassed to ask, but is this another reason people wear bras? Because it's not like there's a ton to support, but the padding and material that's not rubbing on anything helps me the most.

I've actually been finding some pretty soft polos. Ones made from more of t-shirt material. My chest has very limited sensation at the moment, but the cloth certainly feels nice on my back.

 

But yeah, sensitivity was a big reason why I couldn't go without binding, to the point that it made me a little nervous about choosing a surgical method that allows me to retain sensation. I occasionally tried to layer up in lieu of binding last winter, and my chest felt like it was rubbed raw. It'll probably take a few years before my chest's sensation truly returns to normal, so I'm hoping it won't be as sensitive as it was pre-op since the skin will have time to adapt.

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7 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

 

I'm gonna be riding the "I'm super happy that I've had top surgery" wave for quite some time, so be patient with me. :P

 

No worries. :)

I think we're all glad to hear how "super happy" you are! :D

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Today I had one of the very, very rare days when I actually feel feminine and even enjoy it, which is even more rare. I'm sure tomorrow I'll be resentful again of having to play the female, but today I wore a non-sporty skirt with high-ish heels and even a little décolletage and felt great.

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11 hours ago, Hadley167 said:

I used to wear polo shirts all the time. I guess I still could now, but 100% certainly not without a bra. Maybe the sensitivity will go down over time, but for now, it's still like sandpaper, and polo material isn't exactly soft. It has a rough texture to it.

 

I feel kind of embarassed to ask, but is this another reason people wear bras? Because it's not like there's a ton to support, but the padding and material that's not rubbing on anything helps me the most.

I usually wear bras because of the size of my breasts but they also definitely help with preventing .. chafing? is that the word? on my nipples. Last winter I had just wanted to go out to buy stuff at the supermarket and didn't put a bra on and it was cold, so naturally my nipples were kind of hard and after maybe 15min (the store isn't that far away) IT HURT SO MUCH I had to lie still for the whole day. >_> 

 

I went out on Saturday and made some nice pictures of myself! It's really awesome what board shorts + a binder can do but it kind of sucks that this is only temporary. :(

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4 hours ago, miau said:

Today I had one of the very, very rare days when I actually feel feminine and even enjoy it, which is even more rare. I'm sure tomorrow I'll be resentful again of having to play the female, but today I wore a non-sporty skirt with high-ish heels and even a little décolletage and felt great.

Yeah! Go, you!

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I love reading all the positivity in this thread :)

 

Some stuff I like about myself:

- I like my eyes, they're green, with a tiny brown edge around my pupil. They're expressive, and wearing green makes them seem even more so.

- I like my shoulders and my back. They're slightly broader in the sense that they make me look capable (if that makes sense) and stronger, without having the whole 'trained' look.

- I also like my hands. They're pretty small, but the proportions are good, and having thinner hands and fingers makes it relatively easy to do detailed work.

- I like my hair. It's blond, with a slight reddish gleam if it catches the sun. It's pretty thick, and slightly wavy, and currently reaches my shoulders. I can wear it in many different ways, match it to how I'm feeling, so to speak.

 

I'm working on exercising more, again, lately, and that makes me feel good too.

 

Small side note referring to something many pages ago (I was away from AVEN for a few months, so missed all kinds of discussions).. Jayce, did you end up getting a binder from Danae in Amsterdam? How do you find it? I got my first and second binder there, and actually visited them in their workshop for the second one.

 

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I was titled "sir" today in a forum where my face is closely associated with my words! I feel like celebrating a bit. *grins* It doesn't happen much, since I don't usually quibble with my birth gender or attempt to be seen otherwise. Hehehe! 

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2 minutes ago, Ix Phoen said:

I was titled "sir" today in a forum where my face is closely associated with my words! I feel like celebrating a bit. *grins* It doesn't happen much, since I don't usually quibble with my birth gender or attempt to be seen otherwise. Hehehe! 

I got called "sir" yesterday! Second time ever.

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On 6/19/2017 at 5:44 PM, Kelpie said:

with preventing .. chafing? is that the word? on my nipples. Last winter I had just wanted to go out to buy stuff at the supermarket and didn't put a bra on and it was cold, so naturally my nipples were kind of hard and after maybe 15min (the store isn't that far away) IT HURT SO MUCH I had to lie still for the whole day.

Something that will help. Look for adhesive nipple covers like these. I use them frequently when I want to go bra-less or wear something light and thin instead of padding, and I absolutely hate having my nipples jutting out through fabric. Blah.

Even though I purchased skin glue for when the adhesive wears off, I actually haven't needed to use it yet, and I've had them for two and a half years now. If I only wore very loose shirts I might need it, but since I usually wear fitted tank tops I haven't had a problem with them slipping at all, in fact I forget I'm wearing them. They're silicone so they're easy to wash, and they come in a variety of "skin colors" so you don't have to worry about them showing up through your shirt.  (Oh, and if you don't want them to stick to the center, depending on your sensitivity there, I think it would work to carefully dust a little baby powder or cornstarch on the area you don't want the glue to stick, so long as you don't get it on the outside edge.)

 

Anyway, I highly, highly recommend these!!! 

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Lonemathsytoothbrushthief

Realising I'm actually dysphoric is surprisingly a good thing, because I just thought I had some sort of pure-O OCD and spent every night freaking out about it for the last year, after it messed up relationships(for the better, because sex is still gross, guys are still also a little gross to me cause they were always so sexual, but still).

One mental health problem down, sensory sensitivities and undiagnosed aspergers avec terrible emotional regulation still to go. :D

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butterflydreams
3 hours ago, Ix Phoen said:

Anyway, I highly, highly recommend these!!! 

Good to know. I actually think I saw something like this at the fabric store yesterday. I actually don't mind wearing a bra, because it eliminates the chafing issue totally and it helps add a bit of shape and size to my chest.

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Lonemathsytoothbrushthief

@ChillaKilla Thanks! And people I would get along well with politically are always good 8) I'm glad you're back on, let the fun times begin. And I haven't met Retrobot yet, I'm sure it'll happen somewhere on here, though I sadly need to focus on getting started on my dissertation...less than 3 months to go... #executivedysfunction grrrrr. ^_^

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I hated my body because it wasn't very feminine and I thought I had to fit. For the longest time I forced myself to fit even if I didn't wanted it.

 

Now I have found that you don't have to. And what a relief it is. Now I can appreciate my features and accept myself as who I always was, parts that I like and parts that concern me included. Now I'm getting somewhere.

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butterflydreams

My friend video chatted me today, to say he wouldn't be able to visit for my birthday. The first thing he said on the video chat was, "wow, you look completely like a woman."

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Today I found this and it made me smile ^_^:

 

The two great Sanskrit epic poems, the Ramayana and the Mahabharata, indicate the existence of a third gender in ancient Indic society. Some versions of Ramayana tell that in one part of the story, the hero Rama heads into exile in the forest. Halfway there, he discovers that most of the people of his home town Ayodhya were following him. He told them, "Men and women, turn back", and with that, those who were "neither men nor women" did not know what to do, so they stayed there. When Rama returned to from exile years later, he discovered them still there and blessed them, saying that there will be a day when they, too, will have a share in ruling the world.

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Lonemathsytoothbrushthief

I feel weird because I don't think it makes sense to go beyond one compression sports bra...Did I mention I'm a size 30A? Literally the smallest of the small as far as bras go...But anyway, I think I'm just going to end up thinking about haircuts...my hair is just long, wild and crazy at the moment and it irritated me for a long time because I thought it made me look immature, but I guess I will just be able to pull off chopping it all off ^_^

To be honest that's going to make me more nervous than anything, because as a kid my mum was in charge of the haircuts all the time and when I grew up, the few occasions I've bothered to get one I always just went with the hairdresser.

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My younger sibling, who just recently came out to me as pansexual and genderfluid, was talking to my Grandma and asked "do you have a bro?" My Grandma, being an only child responded "no, do you?". My sibling paused and said "yes!" and pointed at me. ^_^

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Mezzo Forte
1 hour ago, Lonemathsytoothbrushthief said:

I feel weird because I don't think it makes sense to go beyond one compression sports bra...Did I mention I'm a size 30A? Literally the smallest of the small as far as bras go...But anyway, I think I'm just going to end up thinking about haircuts...my hair is just long, wild and crazy at the moment and it irritated me for a long time because I thought it made me look immature, but I guess I will just be able to pull off chopping it all off ^_^

To be honest that's going to make me more nervous than anything, because as a kid my mum was in charge of the haircuts all the time and when I grew up, the few occasions I've bothered to get one I always just went with the hairdresser.

I never quite needed to go into full-on binding either, but I found that gynecomastia shirts treated me better than compression sports bras because the latter always seemed to put way more pressure around the band than on the chest itself. Those shirts never got me flat enough to feel comfortable in a T-shirt, but they worked well enough for me to wear my button-ups.

 

I feel you on the big chop too, since my mother dictated my haircuts all my life up to that point. (I actually went 8 years without a haircut because of how much I despised the bob cut I'd always end up with.) You'll be amazed by how much less maintenance short hair can be. :P 

 

 

Heck, one thing that I've really noticed is how much less I need to do to make myself presentable nowadays. My hair looks fine right out of bed, I don't need to worry about putting on binders or any underlayers anymore, I can wear t-shirts in public again, and I've recently been able to ditch my time-consuming acne prevention routine without too much trouble. Honestly, the sheer lack of effort I need to look presentable makes me feel like I'm being lazy. :lol: 

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Mezzo Forte

Oh, and today happens to be exactly 14 months on T as well as 6 weeks post-op for me, so that's cool :) 

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Lonemathsytoothbrushthief

@Mezzo Forte Yeah I'd love a low-maintenance haircut...just trying to stop from being indifferent about it though because it's been so long since I bothered! Anyway I'm glad it's going well for you ^_^
Also yeah, it's very much more compression around the band than anything...I guess I kind of feel like if I give it time I'll see what makes me happy. I suspect I'm still falling victim to the "suffering enough" trope because I'm still questioning a lot -_-

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Mezzo Forte
1 hour ago, Lonemathsytoothbrushthief said:

@Mezzo Forte Yeah I'd love a low-maintenance haircut...just trying to stop from being indifferent about it though because it's been so long since I bothered! Anyway I'm glad it's going well for you ^_^
Also yeah, it's very much more compression around the band than anything...I guess I kind of feel like if I give it time I'll see what makes me happy. I suspect I'm still falling victim to the "suffering enough" trope because I'm still questioning a lot -_-

Thanks! I actually sat on my haircut plans longer than I anticipated, but I was so beyond ready by then that I had zero regret/remorse when I cut it. (I did need a day before I started liking the cut, but I anticipated that and did some mental prep specifically for that.)

 

I know that "suffering enough" trope, and it even made me hesitate on starting T because I got my therapist's letter so much faster and so much more easily than I expected. I dealt with the "not trans enough" worries for most of my 4+ years of questioning, and a lot of my coming out to myself was related to hitting a boiling point with my dysphoria. With all that under my belt, I realized that there was no reason to feel guilty about my ease of transition. If anything, I'd rather that more people find the same fortune that I did. Why would I feel obligated to have a harder transition if I would never wish such a thing on others? 

 

Time does sometimes help give you clarity. I originally tried to defer questioning to after top surgery, but the questioning valve is not so easy closed, especially with the dysphoria corroding the pipes. Questioning really does teach you a lot about yourself though, and I think I really needed the extended questioning process to really come to terms with myself. While the journey isn't easy, I hope you find your path.

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AwkwardAxolotl

Three years ago today, I took my first dose of testosterone  :)

 

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All the little Lights

Sorry, this story's a bit long:-)

 

Today I was at the pharmacy. There are only few counters and a lot of people who are helping you find things, so a lot of customers are standing around, but actually someone is already getting their things. But some of the customers don't have anyone helping yet and are standing in line. So the people from the pharmacy always ask the customers "who's next?", "what would you like?" or "is someone helping you already?".

Until today, I found this really difficult. I always got ignored and found it really hard to bring up the self-confidence to say "it's my turn now".

But today, wearing a binder, I must somehow have given off a different vibe. I just stood there and was asked multiple times if someone could help me. And I didn't find it stressful at all!

Because of my binder, I felt better, and the others just saw me better where they usually don't. And there wasn't even a reason to stand up for myself and say something! I am so glad about this self-confidence that I just have when wearing a binder, because actually I think it's something I should have, something that's a character trait of me. So I can be more like the real me and that's wonderful:-)

 

Also, I learned that I can run my fingers trough my hair and make it look more cheeky, which I really like.

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butterflydreams
On 6/27/2017 at 6:06 PM, AwkwardAxolotl said:

Three years ago today, I took my first dose of testosterone  :)

I hope I'll get to say something similar some day. It requires being tough for sure. I have to make sure I get there.

 

I was making tea at work today, and one of my female coworkers came up to me, "Hadley...50 cent wings downtown...you in?" Decided that was a pretty good sounding proposition. So me, her and another female coworker all went to get wings. I really did feel like one of the girls. Even the waitress was like, "ok, what would you ladies like?" I'm glad that happened because one of these coworkers knew me before, and I don't think she understands how passing works, and that I do actually pass. It's not just people being polite. They genuinely don't know anything else about me other than, well, she seems like a woman.

 

Oh, and naturally, the three of us attempted to polish off three dozen wings and sweet potato wedges. We came very close. I felt really good about being included in it, even though I probably shouldn't have eaten as much as I did.

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Mezzo Forte
8 minutes ago, Hadley167 said:

Oh, and naturally, the three of us attempted to polish off three dozen wings and sweet potato wedges. We came very close. I felt really good about being included in it, even though I probably shouldn't have eaten as much as I did.

Dang, you're making me want some sweet potato wedges. :P Part of the fun of going out for (especially discounted) food is eating way more than you normally would, so it sounds like you got to live it up a bit!

 

It's funny, I get Facebook updates for "memories" of things I posted/was tagged in on that day X years ago. It means I see a lot of trippy old pre-T photos quite a bit, and one recent one was a "ladies night" with my sis and childhood friend. We were all in pink, but I opted for a pink shirt/black bow tie look instead of wearing a dress like the other two. :P I imagine that you'd get more out of a ladies night than I would.

 

I'm glad you had such a good time. Spontaneous stuff like that can be a ton of fun, and it's especially nice to feel like you're really part of a group with the company you're with. I know that I really enjoy my moments when I really feel like one of the guys, so I can imagine that it felt really nice for you to feel like one of the girls. :) 

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Gentle Giant
4 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

Dang, you're making me want some sweet potato wedges. :P 

I was pretty much thinking the same thing! We call them sweet potato fries here and I love them!

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