LittleGoody2Shoes Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 If you had the choice to be sexual would you do it? Link to post Share on other sites
Mauru Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 No. Can't imagine being any other way than I am now. And I like myself right now, even though it took a while to get to that. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleGoody2Shoes Posted March 5, 2017 Author Share Posted March 5, 2017 1 minute ago, Mauru said: No. Can't imagine being any other way than I am now. And I like myself right now, even though it took a while to get to that. What do you mean it took awhile to get to that? Link to post Share on other sites
Laplace Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 I've wondered what an alternate life would've been like, but I feel like I don't want to force my mind to change or rewrite myself. If I was not asexual, I'd be an entirely different person. In a mental sense, it wouldn't be me anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Mauru Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 6 minutes ago, Karl said: What do you mean it took awhile to get to that? Growing up I didn't like myself very much. I thought there was something wrong with me, since I never had a relationship, and tried to find any flaws I could think of in my appearance and personality. I thought everyone was judging me and laughing or pitying me. With time I realised it doesn't matter what people think about me, or what I imagine people think about me. I am the way I am, and that's ok Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 I don't feel bad regarding sex (or not wanting to have any), so why would I want to change something I'm comfortable with... where's my benefit? Which leads me to the question, @Karl: Why would you want to force yourself to like sex? Link to post Share on other sites
Allegra Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 2 minutes ago, Mauru said: Growing up I didn't like myself very much. I thought there was something wrong with me, since I never had a relationship, and tried to find any flaws I could think of in my appearance and personality. I thought everyone was judging me and laughing or pitying me. With time I realised it doesn't matter what people think about me, or what I imagine people think about me. I am the way I am, and that's ok I'll bet most people grow up not liking at least parts of themselves. I believe part of growing up is learning to appreciate who we are! I definitely remember being a teenager and thinking things like, "I wish I could be more like X in this way, and Y in this way, and Z in this way..." -- I think it's natural and normal as we figure out who we are and learn to develop different parts of ourselves. With regards to the original question, nope! I'm often internally relieved I never feel "deprived" or complain about not having sex in however long when my friends are saying things like that. One less thing for me to stress about! Asexuality is part of me and I'm happy with it and how it's contributed to shaping my life, even before I knew what it was. Link to post Share on other sites
Chorvus Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 I would say that liking sex and being sexual are two different things? Regardless, both are interesting questions. No, I don't think I wish I could force myself to like sex, at least not anymore. I'm going to say no, because, in addition to being asexual, I don't really think I would enjoy it very much? I think, had I not discovered asexuality as early as I did, and had I had an environment that placed more pressure on sexual relationships than mine did, I would have ended up as a very unhappy person, in sexual situations that would have been extremely distressing for me emotionally. I don't know that I would choose not to be asexual. It's possible my inherent dislike of anything sexual pertaining to myself is intrinsically linked to my asexuality, so if I weren't asexual, perhaps I would also be open to and feel good about such things. I do get really bummed out by the idea that... other people can bond with each other in a way that I can't access. I will never be able to provide the same kind of attraction or "relationship components" that are so common in the relationships you see every day (in media and in real life). Since these things tend to be pretty high on the priority list when looking for a significant other, it often makes me feel like no one would ever want to give that up to be with me (and I wouldn't want someone to feel like they're "giving those things up"). Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 Hell no. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleGoody2Shoes Posted March 5, 2017 Author Share Posted March 5, 2017 10 minutes ago, Chorvus said: I would say that liking sex and being sexual are two different things? Regardless, both are interesting questions. No, I don't think I wish I could force myself to like sex, at least not anymore. I'm going to say no, because, in addition to being asexual, I don't really think I would enjoy it very much? I think, had I not discovered asexuality as early as I did, and had I had an environment that placed more pressure on sexual relationships than mine did, I would have ended up as a very unhappy person, in sexual situations that would have been extremely distressing for me emotionally. I don't know that I would choose not to be asexual. It's possible my inherent dislike of anything sexual pertaining to myself is intrinsically linked to my asexuality, so if I weren't asexual, perhaps I would also be open to and feel good about such things. I do get really bummed out by the idea that... other people can bond with each other in a way that I can't access. I will never be able to provide the same kind of attraction or "relationship components" that are so common in the relationships you see every day (in media and in real life). Since these things tend to be pretty high on the priority list when looking for a significant other, it often makes me feel like no one would ever want to give that up to be with me (and I wouldn't want someone to feel like they're "giving those things up"). I feel the same way. The reason why I wish I could enjoy sex is to be able to bond with others and I used to use sex as an excuse to bond with others but it doesn't always work that way. I wish I could feel the connection the others do in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Chorvus Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 12 minutes ago, skit said: ew cooties Would you care to elaborate? (What does this mean?) Link to post Share on other sites
chair jockey Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 Over the last few weeks I have wondered whether I am flowing from asexual to sexual. There are experiences when I'm just minding my own business, living my life, that suggest I am. I sometimes notice any given woman differently. But it's so ambiguous that I don't know what to make of it. How I feel about it has to do with me specifically. Mental illness put me through a long period of absolute hell, and I am now progressing toward recovery through purely my own efforts, with no substantive mental health help from anyone, and even hindrance from those I counted on to help me until I told them to bugger off. (Don't worry, I got new doctors.) I found that I need to set realistic goals that I know I can attain, and that attaining those goals improves my mental health further. So far the goals are minuscule and ordinary, but I am attaining them. This growing feeling in me that I am able to do what I want to do has been described by some as "potence." I don't buy that it's a sexual feeling, but being sexual seems somehow tied into it. So if I am progressing toward being sexual, I welcome it. And I'm still not stupid so I know how to behave properly in various environments, including AVEN. Link to post Share on other sites
LVG Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 I already tried forcing myself to like sex, or at least the idea of it, in my last relationship, and failed miserably. Even though I loved him, the thought of having sex still freaked me out, and therefore kept me in a state of constant anxiety. We broke up for other reasons, but I'm sure the lack of intimacy was one of the contributing factors. I also wonder if my dislike is truly asexuality or just a phobia. Genophobia is a real thing. Anyway, I can't force myself to like sex, but if given the choice to be sexual, I'd probably say yes. I'm a romantic. I like being in a relationship, but being an asexual makes that almost impossible. It gets a bit depressing at times. Link to post Share on other sites
J. van Deijck Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 1 hour ago, Karl said: If you had the choice to be sexual would you do it? no. I don't feel like having sex at all and I'm completely fine with that. (I can't even imagine how it feels to have a high sex drive, to be honest.) some say it's a disorder, but I don't see it this way. there are lots of things that are much more interesting. Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamer23 Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 33 minutes ago, skit said: ew cooties Circle, circle, dot, dot. Would that make you reconsider? And to answer for myself: No. Why would I change something I'm perfectly happy with? Link to post Share on other sites
Xenobot Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 If you had asked me this question a month ago, before I realized and accepted that I was asexual, I would have said yes. I wasted years of my life wishing and trying to be a "normal sexual person". Now, I would not because I accept it as an aspect of my identity instead of a dysfunction. Link to post Share on other sites
Moophie Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 Meh, I already tried it when I thought I was one. T'was a boring, unnecessary chore. I like to joke it wasn't as traumatizing as windows, but about as much fun as folding laundry. Link to post Share on other sites
Pramana Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 No, it's too much a part of my personality, I enjoy the distinctiveness, and I think being sexual would raise a number of problems of its own. It's sad that it's so challenging to form close relationships, though. Link to post Share on other sites
JAKQ7111 Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 Eh, I guess sometimes I do. If I could choose, I would choose to be pansexual, and have no discernible gender/body preference. As of now, I'm panromantic, but slightly-to-moderately lean towards women, and I don't like that. I want to be able to truly appreciate the beauty of the human body in all its forms, and with my ever-so-slightly fucked-up sexuality, it's hard to do that effectively. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Jetsun Milarepa Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 Would you ask that in a gay community forum? If not, what's the difference? Just something to measure us by, IMHO. Link to post Share on other sites
Adam_Jensen Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 Nope for every version of me that exists,I hope I reman asexual.Being sexual or romantic is a pain,I was just watching a video on how to deal with being friendzoned and I realise just how blessed I am being asexual and aromantic. Link to post Share on other sites
Planet Ace Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 No. Why would I ever choose that? Honestly, the thought of having so much of my happiness dependent on whether or not someone else will consent to have sex with me sounds like some sort of hellish nightmare. Hard pass. Link to post Share on other sites
Someone Else Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 I absolutely wish that I could like sex more, and wish that I could make myself more able to fall in love or feel romantic feelings. It's unusual, I think, for asexuals to think this way, but it sort of surprises me. It's such a wonderful, incredible thing, so they say, so of course I'd like to be able to enjoy it like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Frodo Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 I think about this a lot. Sometimes I think it would make my life easier if I was sexual, because then I could follow the "normal" path that society says people should follow (that is, get married and have kids). Right now, I don't particularly desire either, though sometimes I think adopting would be nice. I enjoy emotionally intimate relationships, but I also already have several very close friendships that fulfill those needs. I do worry that as my friends partner up, I'll be left alone…but that's not a good enough reason to force myself to have sex and get married. Overall, though, my answer is no. I can't imagine being any other way, and I have no desire to be sexual. Link to post Share on other sites
Dark General Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 Absolutely not. I've come to accept myself as an asexual person. I see no point in sacrificing my comfort for what society considers to be "normal". The idea of having sex with someone has always been very uncomfortable to me, so there's no way I would want to be sexual. Also, I consider being asexual a blessing because I have a lot less to worry about. Link to post Share on other sites
Strawberry ice cream Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 No. I finally accepted myself as I am. And I found such a peace of soul like never before... Link to post Share on other sites
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