Can I still call myself asexual?

[aquas]

Yep, another one of these. This might be the last tho.

So, I have experienced sexual attraction (maybe? I think I felt like I wanted to have sex with person XYZ, but it's not exactly how others have described it) only once in my life so far, and it was only because I was on my period (so my hormones were out of wack). 

Grey-asexuals experience it sometimes. And only in certain conditions, like what I just described.

I have only experienced once (at most, twice).

Can I still call myself asexual?

(Also, I have never acted on it. And the feeling of wanting to have sex with person XYZ was very low.)

 

AGGHHHH EVERYONE ITS FIIINEEEE.

I believe I have solved the issue. Although I have some questionable feelings here and there, I think gray-asexual is a good title for me. :3c

You can continue to have your opinions on whatever I had to say here, feel free. But just now that it's not exactly a topic of importantance now. uwu

[Moophie]

Of course! There's not exactly a finely tailored line that if you so happen to cross you'd loose your claim to ace-ness. ;p

 

I call myself asexual but the fact I enjoy sex-related media so very, very much and also sometimes have a high libido and partake in self gratification, I could easily use another term for myself. But... yeah, screw that. There's too many to choose from and I like to keep things simple.

 

Besides, just because you feel that sexual attraction doesn't mean you'd actually want to act on it... like you basically already said. ;p

[aquas]

12 minutes ago, Moophie said:

 

Of course! There's not exactly a finely tailored line that if you so happen to cross you'd loose your claim to ace-ness. ;p

 

I call myself asexual but the fact I enjoy sex-related media so very, very much and also sometimes have a high libido and partake in self gratification, I could easily use another term for myself. But... yeah, screw that. There's too many to choose from and I like to keep things simple.

 

Besides, just because you feel that sexual attraction doesn't mean you'd actually want to act on it... like you basically already said. ;p

 

Thanks so much for the answer!
Is it possible to identify as both ace and gray-ace? (Underlines questions are the best question. XD) If so, maybe, after a while, when this doesn't happen again, I'll go back to calling myself purely ace haha.
Thanks again. :-)

[Star Bit]

Experiencing something only once isn't enough to make a conclusion. I'd personally still go by asexual and then go by Gray-A if it happens again but acting on it is still undesired.

 

Identifying as both ace and Gray-A would cancel them out; that'd be like going by homosexual bisexual; you can only be one.

[aquas]

On 3/3/2017 at 4:55 PM, Star Bit said:

 

Identifying as both ace and Gray-A would cancel them out

I should probably change the information in the question, but as of yet, I identify as gray-asexual (more specifically burstsexual/acespike) and aceflux, but thanks for answer though.

And, in a way, you were right. When the same experience happened again, I identified as gray-ace, so thanks.

 

[Star Bit]

Aceflux as in what exactly?

[Puck]

Sexuality is a spectrum and it's about figuring out what works for you.

 

Maybe you're gray-a, maybe demi.

 

If those terms feel like they fit, great! 

[aquas]

On 3/5/2017 at 2:15 AM, Star Bit said:

Aceflux as in what exactly?

It can be described as one of two things.

1. Aceflux could be that a person fluctuates on the a-spectrum. Either one day they are cupio, the other they are demi, the other fray, ect.
2. It can also mean one's sexuality fluctuates. What I mean by that is that one day they feel really sexual, the other only a little, and sometimes none.

I fall into the second catagory, but I am sure that it might be more diverse that that.

[Sally]

4 hours ago, light-brush said:

It can be described as one of two things.

1. Aceflux could be that a person fluctuates on the a-spectrum. Either one day they are cupio, the other they are demi, the other fray, ect.
2. It can also mean one's sexuality fluctuates. What I mean by that is that one day they feel really sexual, the other only a little, and sometimes none.

I fall into the second catagory, but I am sure that it might be more diverse that that.

Those are the normal fluctations one experiences as a sexual.  

[Star Bit]

#2 is a normal sexual person

Sexual people don't desire sex 24/7 and the intensity in desire can fluctuate too. Completely normal.

[aquas]

On 3/7/2017 at 8:41 PM, Star Bit said:

#2 is a normal sexual person

Sexual people don't desire sex 24/7 and the intensity in desire can fluctuate too. Completely normal.

LOL I figured you would say that. (I saw your comment on the other thing that asked about this.)

 

The a-spec is really broad and wide. Not every person is a carbon copy of the other. Yeah, not all sexual people want it 24/7, but not everyone is the same. Conversly, not every ace-flux person is the same.

 

Asexuality isn't some label to be protected from everyone who has, at one point, experienced sexual attraction a few times. I really don't know what the think when other aces try and tell me I am not an ace lol.

[aquas]

On 3/7/2017 at 0:44 PM, Sally said:

Those are the normal fluctations one experiences as a sexual.  

Not always. Asexuals experience it, too. Just not always towards a certain person.

 

[Star Bit]

On 3/9/2017 at 9:53 PM, light-brush said:

The a-spec is really broad and wide. Not every person is a carbon copy of the other. Yeah, not all sexual people want it 24/7, but not everyone is the same. Conversly, not every ace-flux person is the same.

 

Asexuality isn't some label to be protected from everyone who has, at one point, experienced sexual attraction a few times. I really don't know what the think when other aces try and tell me I am not an ace lol.

"Asexual spectrum" does not mean everything on it is asexual, and its an extremely problematic term for this very reason (and Tumblr spreading this misinformation doesn't help). Asexual is the only asexual. The Gray spectrum is not a variation of asexuality or aromanticism, it is apart of the sexual/romantic spectrum. Yes, the Gray spectrum is wide, but it only refers to abnormal sexual people in terms of when they desire sex, NOT normal people, which was described in #2. Asexuality isn't wide because it is strictly one thing; not desiring sex with anyone ever. Why is it even called asexual/aromantic spectrum then? Because it just refers to the things in its vicinity.

 

These common misconceptions on it are why asexual/aromantic spectrum really needs to be gotten rid of or given a new term; because it causes common misconceptions like this, which frankly I can't blame because the fault is right in the wording. But some people stick to their misinformation and refuse the truth, even if it's being delivered by senior members, or refuse to identify otherwise just because ace was the first thing they identified with. Even if they may fall on the Gray spectrum they refuse, eventhough it's a valid orientation and isn't calling them normal. Just because bisexual people can identify with the crap asexuals face doesn't make them ace.

 

I don't get the point of your last two sentences in the first quoted paragraph. Yah, not all sexual people are the same; most are different. Yah, not all "ace-flux" people are the same either, but how do either of these points defend yours?

 

Asexuality isn't being "protected", it's being kept to a definition; the very point of words; otherwise it'd be meaningless/everyone would literally be asexual. Experiencing sexual attraction a few times is as explicitly not ace as it is someone being attracted to both genders a few times isn't straight or gay; that's being bi (or if they prefer, heteroflexible/homoflexible). If experienced asexuals AND sexuals are telling you you aren't ace, maybe it's for a reason.

[Sally]

I'd like to hear the response of a homosexual if someone tried to tell them that although they like to have sex with both men and women, they are still homosexual.   

 

Probably the same reaction that you get from most asexuals if someone who wants sex with other people says they are still asexual:  "BS!".

 

 

[Konfuzd]

Sexual orientation is NOT behavior.

 

I know many gay people who exhibit "pansexual behaviour" in a sense, but they have never actually been attracted to opposite sex. Sex is just fun. That's it.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

1 hour ago, Konfuzd said:

Sexual orientation is NOT behavior.

 

I know many gay people who exhibit "pansexual behaviour" in a sense, but they have never actually been attracted to opposite sex. Sex is just fun. That's it.

But if you find sex fun to the point of seeking it out you're a sexual being, not asexual. Saying you're an asexual who's into sex is like saying you're a pacifist who's into war.

[Nila24]

If a homosexual male suddenly feels sexual attraction to a woman at some point in his life, but not a feeling too strong to act and effectively seek sex with her ... Can he continue to consider himself a homosexual? Sure is more common than we think. And gay men who experience this, often get scared or tell themselves that they confused circumstances or feelings (maybe that's how it was), then they decide to keep it a secret and just forget the experience. But if an ignorant man would find out, he would surely claim that that experience is irrefutable proof that they are "cured" and that if these gay men try to deny or not give importance to that feeling it is because they are "going against nature" or disobeying "the voice of conscience".

So I don’t think that isolated experience defines you.

Are you really sure you experienced sexual attraction? Sexual attraction is a feeling directed specifically to intercourse and people describe it as the pleasure or craving one feels before eating their favorite food. Sexual arousal is not the same as sexual attraction.

 

If you already have sex drive, it's safer than actually what you experienced was sexual attraction. If you are an asexual person with libido, all you have to do is unconsciously project your sexual desire, no longer to your own body, you have to project your sexual desire to another body. I am non-libidoist asexual so it’s impossible for me because first, it’s necessary to perceive sexual pleasure that soon derive in sexual desire. I have nothing sexual to project in myself or in others. It is usually easier if the person has a desire for masturbation.

 

The romantic attraction can also be quite fluid. You are more likely to experience a feeling once you have experienced it for the first time, unless this feeling has an intelligible cause (in philosophical terms) and you understand it. A few weeks ago the intelligence and goodness of a friend fascinated me so much that for a few minutes I returned to experience romantic attraction. I was crying and this person hugged me to comfort me and immediately my mind was bombarded by all sorts of romantic images where he and I were protagonists. But the feeling disappeared in a few minutes and was not so strong as to encourage me to seek a romantic relationship with him. It disappeared because I realized that I confused admiration and gratitude with romanticism. Besides, I was very vulnerable and susceptible at the time: I was depressed after my first disappointment in love. And now, he and I can cuddle together in his bed and I don’t feel anything romantic or sexual anymore. It’s not that I repressed my romantic attraction but simply vanished and it never reappeared. The feeling of being in love is wonderful, but, I don’t know why, but I no longer desire it and I think it makes everything easier. I don’t miss that feeling. I take this as a complication less in my life. Somehow I feel like I overcame romance.

 

It’s common that we sometimes confuse feelings.

 

[Star Bit]

On 3/11/2017 at 8:17 AM, Konfuzd said:

Sexual orientation is NOT behavior.

 

I know many gay people who exhibit "pansexual behaviour" in a sense, but they have never actually been attracted to opposite sex. Sex is just fun. That's it.

While yes, behavior is not automatically orientation, but if they desire sex with women for sexual or emotional pleasure that IS bisexuality, not homosexuality (though not biromanticism, which is probably why they're avoiding identifying as bi). Cross orientations aren't well known yet, but the people who do have such an orientation are increasing.

[aquas]

On 3/10/2017 at 3:21 PM, Star Bit said:

If experienced asexuals AND sexuals are telling you you aren't ace, maybe it's for a reason.

Alright, look. I don't bother getting into arguments with people over the internet, alright? It's stupid and pointless, especially if you don't exactly relate with me or what I'm saying. Whatever it is I try to explain is either to confusing or doesn't make any sense at all, but I'll try right now.

 

So, you are basically saying that 'gray-asexuals' don't exist? Then what are those hundreds of people all over the world feeling then? People are more than just labels. I am not asexual, I am gray-asexual, which is a really broad term. I am not an "abnormal sexual person" (wtf dude), I am someone who, yes, has experienced sexual attraction to some sort of degree in her life, but I lean more towards the asexual side because it was due to specific conditions or to such a low extent it was almost nonexistent. That's one of the traits of gray-sexualism. But that's not just me. Gray-asexuals have a broad range that's broad for a reason. Again, not everyone is like you, or has the same experiences. It's up to them to determine what their label is. 

 

And when I said "I really don't know what the think when other aces try and tell me I am not an ace lol" I guess I wasn't really referring to myself, more like the other people who have had been told that whatever their experiencing is "normal sexual feelings". So, hopefully I cleared that up.

 

[aquas]

On 3/11/2017 at 7:36 AM, Anthracite_Impreza said:

But if you find sex fun to the point of seeking it out you're a sexual being, not asexual.

Asexuals can be curious about sex. They may not exactly feel it towards a person, but if they want to seek it out, they can still identify as one. Sexuality is determined by feelings during actions, not the actions themselves (if that makes any sense XD).

[Anthracite_Impreza]

7 minutes ago, light-brush said:

Asexuals can be curious about sex. They may not exactly feel it towards a person, but if they want to seek it out, they can still identify as one. Sexuality is determined by feelings during actions, not the actions themselves (if that makes any sense XD).

Yeah you can be curious, sure. I'm curious about what it's like to live in a tropical climate, but I would never want to in reality. I am 'atropical' (please no one adopt that as a label).

[aquas]

Just now, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Yeah you can be curious, sure. I'm curious about what it's like to live in a tropical climate, but I would never want to in reality. I am 'atropical' (please no one adopt that as a label).

Too late. It's now a label.

 

I IDENTIFY AS ATROPICAL!! XD

[chair jockey]

I always get gray mixed up with demi. Even as a card-carrying ace I had experienced sexual attraction two times in my life, once in my teens and once in my late twenties. Discovering AVEN seven years ago really helped me sort myself out, but I've also switched labels nonstop and finally decided to stop identifying as anything and just take life as it comes. For some people it's like that. Not saying it's like that for you but maybe hearing my story helps.

[Star Bit]

What? No. Where the heck are you reading "Gray-A's don't exist"?? Quit trying to (inaccurately) read between the lines and just literally read what I say. I said what you previously listed as #2 is a normal sexual person; not an asexual and not Gray-A. If someone desires sex period they ARE a sexual person, so obviously the Gray spectrum DOES refer to abnormal sexual people in terms of when they desire sex.

 

And yes, the Gray spectrum is wide. Why are you reiterating that like it defends some point when it doesn't? Your "not everyone's like you" line is also irrelevant, I never said anyone was. Yes, all asexuals can be different otherwise, but they all don't desire sex, just like all gay ppl can be different but they still all hold what their orientation means; desiring the same gender.

 

And I don't think you get the "orientation isn't behavior" thing. More accurately it's " orientation isn't automatically behavior". It means concenting to having sex/a relationship (with x gender) doesn't automatically make you that orientation, BUT if they do desire it (a relationship, or sex for its sexual or emotional pleasure) then they are of that orientation.

 

And yes, there are some ppl on here that end up finding out that what they thought was sexually or romantically abnormal about themselves is actually normal (though perhaps in a minority, but still so numerable it's a norm). Doesn't make them Gray or ace/aro just because they had a misconception or feel odd; just like it doesn't make someone bi by finding the same gender aesthetically captivating at times, no matter how odd they may feel about  it. Some people don't know Stone aka Touch-me-not lesbians are a thing, or ppl not into penetrative sex (both of which refer to HOW someone prefers to have sex), but that doesn't make them Gray-As just because they feel odd.

[aquas]

16 hours ago, Star Bit said:

What? No. Where the heck are you reading "Gray-A's don't exist"?? Quit trying to (inaccurately) read between the lines and just literally read what I say. I said what you previously listed as #2 is a normal sexual person; not an asexual and not Gray-A. If someone desires sex period they ARE a sexual person, so obviously the Gray spectrum DOES refer to abnormal sexual people in terms of when they desire sex.

 

LOL dude, calm down, it's fine. No need to get all worked up over an accident. If I misinterpreted what you meant I apologize for that, but that's the impression that I got. Whatever. At least now I know what you meant.

 

And when did I ever say that just because something's a bit different about others means that they aren't what they are? Yeah okay, I literally just said that "not everyone is the same" but it's true that, if you desire the same gender sexually, then you are homosexual/exhibit homosexual behavior. I got that. But, again, there are more factors to take in then just, "they felt sexual attraction a couple times to the same gender;they're homosexual". While that is technically correct, it depends on the situation and what happens.

 

16 hours ago, Star Bit said:

Why are you reiterating that like it defends some point when it doesn't? Your "not everyone's like you" line is also irrelevant, I never said anyone was.

Yes, but it was implied that's what you meant. Maybe I'm interpreting this wrong again. But you said "Asexuality isn't wide because it is strictly one thing; not desiring sex with anyone ever. Why is it even called asexual/aromantic spectrum then? Because it just refers to the things in its vicinity." I didn't really know if you meant attraction towards an ideal person or an attraction towards a legitimate person that you know (i.e. your spouse, friend, etc). If you meant an ideal person (which is what I thought you meant), then you would have been wrong, because asexuals can desire sex with an ideal person of their imagination. But not to an actual legitimate person.

 

Anyways. Hopefully I cleared up any confusion. :/

 

[Star Bit]

By saying "asexuality's only one thing; not desiring sex" it isn't a self example, it's simple fact and the very point of the term, otherwise it'd literally be meaningless. Definitions exist because without them words have no meaning.

 

And no, if someone experiences sexual attraction a few times to the same gender they ARE homosexual or bisexual (or if they prefer, heteroflexible). If they don't identify with their own desires and would never act then they can identify as straight (though preferably not ace because it causes problems; though it would actually be under Gray-asexual) despite them actually being homo/bisexual. Orientation and how someone publicly states their orientation can be two different things. People who sexually desire children, even if they never act they're still pedophilic.

 

In fact, the same problem is happening with sexual people; they're going "what even is being straight/gay" because people with cross-orientations are misidentifying as gay/straight when they're actually biromantic monosexual/monoromantic bisexual (mono being a prefix created by the bi community to refer to non-bisexuals i.e. hetero/homo). Is the problem not explicit when the definition is, now to some, "heterosexual: can desire sex with men and women"?

[aquas]

On 3/16/2017 at 9:12 PM, Star Bit said:

(though preferably not ace because it causes problems; though it would actually be under Gray-asexual)

Yeah, that's what i meant. They can identify as homosexual if they please, no one's stopping them, or they can identify as gray-ace. Either of those two can be seen as definitively more accurate. Up to them, really.

 

On 3/16/2017 at 9:12 PM, Star Bit said:

Is the problem not explicit when the definition is, now to some, "heterosexual: can desire sex with men and women"?

That's really weird honestly. LOL Who even makes a comment like that? However, I don't see "double-identification" being an issue. Identifying as "bi-gray-asexual" or "homo-gray asexual" is fine as long as it stays like that. Saying that you are heterosexual when you are attracted to both genders is dumb IMO.

[ithaca]

Eventually, labels are for soup cans, right? We're all just people living our own life  Chill, everyone. Figuring ourselves out takes time, it often involves mistakes, changes of heart, etc.

[Star Bit]

On 3/18/2017 at 6:27 PM, light-brush said:

That's really weird honestly. LOL Who even makes a comment like that? However, I don't see "double-identification" being an issue. Identifying as "bi-gray-asexual" or "homo-gray asexual" is fine as long as it stays like that. Saying that you are heterosexual when you are attracted to both genders is dumb IMO.

By the later context I assume "who even makes a comment like that" isn't aimed at me but the (cross-oriented) actively bi people identifying as straight/gay? If so, yes, unfortunately it's an increasing thing and is getting more talk in the LGBT. There are a few vids about it on YouTube and several articles.

 

BTW, identifying as bi-gray-A makes no sense. The purpose of specifying who you desire sex/romance with is to advertise your availability (but as said, there's a problem with them identifying as ace). If someone doesn't identify with their desires they'd have no point in advertising it, so if they desire sex with the same and opposing gender but don't identify with the latter it'd be more sensical to go by Gray-heterosexual at most, if they want to address it, which is unneeded. As stated, there is Gray-sexual (there are two ends of the Gray spectrum) and inserting an orientation prefix into that makes sense because they can actually want sex IRL.

[Sally]

On 3/12/2017 at 6:25 PM, light-brush said:

Asexuals can be curious about sex. They may not exactly feel it towards a person, but if they want to seek it out, they can still identify as one. Sexuality is determined by feelings during actions, not the actions themselves (if that makes any sense XD).

But  you're replying to a comment that was talking about liking sex to the point of  seeking it out.  Someone who does that is not asexual.