RavenAlyssa Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 Recently, as I've been finding out more and more about gender identities and sexual orientations etc., I've started wondering about my own orientation. I always assumed I was "normal". But at the same time, I've recently become aware that my aversion to sex might be "abnormal". And I read this article: Possible Signs of Asexuality: Part 1 and a lot of it resonated. But here's the thing. I am Christian, and have been raised in a (relative to most people) conservative family. So I've been sheltered from a lot of...things...concerning sex. There are no sex jokes. There's no swearing. There's definitely no sex before marriage, and porn is unquestionably evil. We don't really talk about sex, and I'm fine with all that. I usually avoid it anyway. I just don't know if my aversion to sex stems, at least in part, from this upbringing. (My aversion is mostly due to the "ick factor", as the article calls it. But this is normal for a lot of people when they first find out about how sex works, right? So am I any different?) Will it change when I get older? That's the other thing. I'm still young. (I mean, I'm graduating from high school, so I guess that's not super young, but still.) I have had crushes, and I have been romantically attracted to people. But I've never had a boyfriend. (Not that I've never wanted to; it just hasn't happened yet.) So I don't know: will I find out that I am sexually attracted to people once I actually get romantically involved with someone? In that case, would I be demisexual? Do I have to just wait and see before I know the answer to this question? I guess I just don't really know what sexual attraction is yet. I've looked it up, I understand the definition. I just don't know what it means for me personally... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PeridotStar Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 I think this sort of confusion can be indicative of either case. If you really are not sure either way, then I would recommend not drawing any stark conclusions just yet. For many sexual people, sex can still be seen as a bit "icky" outside of the act. For some, they just think it's gross until they get appropriately aroused to overlook it. If you're still trying to figure out who you are in terms of sexuality, you should understand that there's no rush. Perhaps try to explore what you can on your own first. Such as: ask yourself whether you have any sexual urges whatsoever (perhaps try to find out whether you like to pleasure yourself, or even if that act brings any pleasure at all). I, personally, do not crave sex, become aroused, or feel any type of sexual pleasure. I do, however, crave romance in most other forms. I was raised under a similar religious background to what yours sounds like. It can be tougher on people of strict religions, as typically experimentation is not allowed since there's the need to stay a virgin until married. That being said, there are ways you can experiment as you grow. I wish you luck in your endeavor, and I hope that you find some helpful posts or comments in the community. The important thing to remember is that you're not alone, and we're all on this journey together. If you ever want to talk further, feel free to PM me Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RK800 Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 Honestly? It's really impossible to tell. Personally I grew up in a conservative family my mother raised me up Christian even though neither of us are Christian now, and I've lived in the South my whole life; sex was something whispered about under breath and lined with lace and satin, held up to a thing reserved for marriage. However I joined this site not long after I turned 16, nearly three years ago, and I still identify as ace despite how many things have changed in my life. It could be that way for you and then again it might not. I wouldn't stress too much over it, we here at AVEN will be happy to give support either way. Best wishes to you. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rallion Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 My advice to you is this: Don't worry about it. Don't let a word define who you are. Does it really matter if you're asexual or not? Personally I like to just think of myself as.... me. I had considered myself asexual, but I quickly found that the term is at once too broad and too strict to fit me perfectly. Much easier to just be me and not worry about what words might be used to describe me. I don't tell my girlfriend I'm asexual, instead I discuss what I feel and don't feel under difference circumstances - that way she understands much more precisely than if I'd used what is effectively an umbrella term for a chunk of a spectrum. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mermaidy Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 yeah I kind of agree with Rallion. tbh there's really no way of knowing. you don't have to know for sure anyway. if someone asks your orientation/if you like boys or girls etc etc you can just say "eh neither" or "i dont really care for that" and if they keep pestering you/asking why just say something like "yea idk w/e man" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Monadnock Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 I had a sheltered, conservative upbringing and can identify with what some posters in this thread are saying. Within this culture, there are people who choose to suppress their sexual desires in order to remain pure. That isn't the same thing as asexuality. If you grow up within this culture, it may only become apparent later in life if you have an asexual orientation. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 On 2/25/2017 at 9:53 PM, RavenAlyssa said: That's the other thing. I'm still young. (I mean, I'm graduating from high school, so I guess that's not super young, but still.) I have had crushes, and I have been romantically attracted to people. But I've never had a boyfriend. (Not that I've never wanted to; it just hasn't happened yet.) So I don't know: will I find out that I am sexually attracted to people once I actually get romantically involved with someone? In that case, would I be demisexual? Do I have to just wait and see before I know the answer to this question? Most women have responsive sexual desire; they need sexual arousal or foreplay/making out to trigger their desire for sex. You've never done the latter, so you could end up being a normal sexual woman. And a minority of people do go as far as 20 before their sexuality emerges, so it is plausible you're a late bloomer. By not mentioning religious masturbation shaming, I assume you've masturbated. If not, then that could mean things aren't "linked up" yet. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
im-not-too-sure Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 On 2/25/2017 at 7:53 PM, RavenAlyssa said: And I read this article: Possible Signs of Asexuality: Part 1 and a lot of it resonated. I really recommend reading part 2 and 3 as well. I found it very clear and relatable and just much more organized compared to the thousands of forums on AVEN. Possible Signs of Asexuality – Part 2: About Sex Possible Signs of Asexuality – Part 3: About Others Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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