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Has anyone irl ever asked if/noticed you are asexual?


Ace ♠ At ♠ Archery

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It should be pretty obvious to people around me that I am ace, but it seems no one has a clue that there is such a thing as ace.

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Yes, actually.  I also found out, simultaneously, that a mutual friend was ace, since the reason the person in question noticed was because they already knew one ace, so it wasn't entirely a foreign concept to them.

 

More precise conversation goes along these lines:

Her: "You should totally wear that skimpy outfit!  Boys will drool over you!"

Me: "That's a reason NOT to wear it.  I REALLY would rather they not do that."

Her:  "... Are you asexual like <mutual friend>?"

Me: "Yes - didn't know that last part, though."

 

I might not flat-out tell people I'm asexual very often, but I'm also not all that subtle about it.

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Yep, almost all of my friends have asked. Just a couple of days ago my friends sat me down at lunch and asked, "What kind of person are you into? Someone asked me and I realized that you are not into anyone. I have never seen you show interest in anyone. Are you asexual or something?" Also, another friend was drunk and said in front of a whole bunch of people, "oh, she doesn't like anyone. She's like, asexual or something." 

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I usually prefer to keep my sexuality somewhat ambiguous unless someone flat out asks me. Most of the people I've met who actually know what asexuality is have pretty much been able to tell straight away that I am ace, idk I guess I must just really come across that way?? Most of the time when I tell someone I'm ace I am met with a confused expression that I usually just respond to with a simple "Google it."

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No, but two of my friends knew about asexuality before I told them about it and weren't particularly surprised when I came out to them. I count that as something of a success.

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No one ever brought it up. Most people aren't that aware of asexuality, to start with. And then with all of my personality quirks, people are used to me approaching life in a different manner.

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7 hours ago, Fenneki said:

Nope. I was called "possibly gay" though.

I think people probably assumed that because they couldn't figure out what you were. That makes sense to me, anyway.

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19 hours ago, PaleFallenAngel said:

I think people probably assumed that because they couldn't figure out what you were. That makes sense to me, anyway.

Yeah, it does make sense. It doesn't bother me at all really.

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17 minutes ago, PaleFallenAngel said:

@Fenneki That's good; I don't think it should. I've realized that other people's opinions of me are not any more valid than my own.

Oh yes, I agree absolutely.

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somespicynoodles

Some friends of mine at my school did, yeah. Several years ago I cut my hair really short and it was rumored that I was a hardcore lez, which apparently carried over into high school. Whenever I began to suspect I was ace, I sorta hid behind that rumor. Fast forward with these friends one day at lunch and I ask them, "hey, what sexuality do you think I am?" and most of them said I was ace. Some of them call themselves asexual - one's even in a loving relationship. In spite of that, all I can remember is wanting to puke, like, "fuck, I've been found out." I'm happy that they told me that though - I know what I am now, and it's comforting to know I'm not the only one like this. 

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ResistanceFighter

Once a friend got weirded out by the fact that I had no interest in a relationship with a man so she asked whether I'm gay or ace (at this point I was already questioning whether I might be gay or bi but had never actually thought about being ace) but since my cousin who always makes homophobic comments was within earshot I just told her no and to stop talking about it instead of admitting I wasn't sure.

But from then on I started noticing that whenever she brought up me and relationships/sex and I just shrugged it off, saying I wasn't interested right now, she would give me weird looks and make stupid comments and basically laugh at me. (Plus I started noticing she's really sexist and bigoted in general.)

So that's the story of why my friendship with the one person I was friends with since fifth grade ended and I started thinking I'm asexual.

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Ace ♠ At ♠ Archery
10 hours ago, ResistanceFighter said:

Once a friend got weirded out by the fact that I had no interest in a relationship with a man so she asked whether I'm gay or ace (at this point I was already questioning whether I might be gay or bi but had never actually thought about being ace) but since my cousin who always makes homophobic comments was within earshot I just told her no and to stop talking about it instead of admitting I wasn't sure.

But from then on I started noticing that whenever she brought up me and relationships/sex and I just shrugged it off, saying I wasn't interested right now, she would give me weird looks and make stupid comments and basically laugh at me. (Plus I started noticing she's really sexist and bigoted in general.)

So that's the story of why my friendship with the one person I was friends with since fifth grade ended and I started thinking I'm asexual.

That's awful, you don't need 'friends' like that.

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I think most people assume that others want the same things they do. I don't think anyone has ever caught on that I am asexual, though I am completely unsexy in appearance and behavior. I've had people say I'm beautiful/pretty/cute, but I would be so confused if anyone ever said I was hot.

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On 2/24/2017 at 7:53 PM, chair jockey said:

 

Thanks for understanding, Moophie. Right now I'm feeling like my young years in the 1980s took place before fire was invented and people were forced to eat foods raw.

LOL! I was a teen in the eighties. I know what you mean!

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dragon_nerd

The first time I heard the world asexual it was being used as an insult (towards me). I didn't know that I was ace back then so I just ignored it for 3 years

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Yes, it was suggested to me by someone about a decade before I even knew it was a legitimate thing.  I'm one of those blatantly obvious ones, I guess.

 

I could tell it wasn't spoken as an insult, more as an observation.  The person was decidedly more perverted than me, although that admittedly isn't very difficult to accomplish.

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JayDee1212

It's kind of bizarre actually, because I'm actually the opposite. I would always try to overcompensate to "fit in", and in high school my friends were always making overly sexual comments about guys and I would always join in. I actually (believe it or not) enjoy sex jokes and sexual movies like Magic Mike, etc.. and I am also biromantic and aesthetically/physically attracted to both men and women. I do often "check out" people, especially cute guys, as even though I do not desire sex with them I find them very physically appealing. Combine this with the fact that I'm young and fairly attractive so a lot of guys flirt with me and I often flirted back because I felt like I should.  Because of all this most of my friends actually think I'm average to highly sexual.

I have yet to tell anyone about my suspected asexuality, but I highly doubt they would believe me anyway. Sigh...

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Once, before I knew I was ace, I made a joke about being gay to a friend I hadn't talked to in a while. She asked if I was, to which I informed her that I wasn't, and she randomly said "I feel like you'd either be gay or asexual." I just shrugged it off and didn't come to the realization until three months after that. But besides that conversation, not at all.

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EnterCreativeName

No, but apparently it was super obvious to all of my friends. They all said that they already knew and I didn't have to say anything. I did have one friend say before that I am clearly "lesbian or asexual". 

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SyncroGekkouga

Yeah, one of my friends knew before I did. During PE, one of my friends (she's lesbian), let's just call her friend A, was telling one of our other friends (friend B) that she was the only straight one in the group. I had no idea what asexuality was at the time so I said "no, I'm straight too."

 

Friend A said that she always thought I was Ace because I don't talk about guys. I laughed it off at the time, but after school I did some research, mostly Kinsey scale quizzes, and found out that I actually was asexual. 

 

Right now now she's the only person I've told about it, but it's only been a week so I'm not planning on saying anything anytime soon. 

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in.visible

Yes, like twice, but I can't remember one occasion. I do know though that I was talking to a former friend and he asked me if I have ever had a relationship (which I didn't back then), so he asked whether I was ace, but I never felt comfortable coming out, however, I didn't deny it either.

 

My ex, while we were breaking up, wrote something along the lines "I'd turn asexual if I can't be with you", that shit was offensive as hell.

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I'm pretty sure my mom knows even if not the term asexual... She used to ask me all the time if the boys at school weren't any cute that I didn't have a boyfriend ... I would always tell her that I didn't know because I wasn't particularly looking ... After some time she just stopped asking... So I guess she either suspect or think I'm just not social ;)

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SelRivers

Only person who noticed was my boyfriend after our first sexual encounter (before I knew what asexuality was). Thankfully he was very understanding about it. Wouldn't be surprised if my Sister suspects something.

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No one has ever suspected I was oddly enough. I played the prowling lesbian junglecat quite well..But Id imagine my exs are probably still scratching their heads like "But it was a whole year..Still didnt tap dat booty WTF is wrong with me?!!" xDD Im so sorry ladies lolol you were all beautiful, just sexually active is all.. 

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SorryNotSorry

No, but I've shot my big flytrap off about it a couple of times and endured abject pity for it in the form of intrusive questions and stares like you'd give someone who's dying of a fatal disease. It's like they think you need "mercy sex". I hate that.

 

"Stop, STOP, Will Marshall! Of all the human emotions I cannot stand, pity is the worst!"—the Zarn, Land of the Lost

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