I'm a bit confused

[To_kumei]

Hi,

So, I'm a bit confused right now. I heard about asexuality ~5 years ago and I thought for awhile that I could be asexual, because I had never felt sexual attraction. Then I felt in love with a female friend and after that, got a boyfriend for about 2 months. That's when I realised that I was only interested in girls, so I thought "That's why I was never attracted to any boys, I'm a lesbian !"

That's also when I found out about demisexuality for the first time, and I thought that it fit me so well. So I went with it and stop thinking about that.

Fast foward a few years until a few months ago when I start thinking about it again. Because demisexual doesn't seem to fit anymore. I know I'm somewhere on the asexual spectrum, I'm just not sure where exactly. Hum, let's make a checklist ? Because I don't really know how to explain all of that (I think it's the third time I'm trying to write this post ? xD

• So, hum first, I'm not repulsed by sex or anything like that. I mean, I have never have sex but I do masturbate sometimes.
• I think I have a low libido compared to other peole. At least I think ?
• While I have always known that sex wasn't that important to me, I always thought that, being with someone I love, I would actually want to have sex with them, but I have yet to find someone I actually want to have sex with.
• I don't think I have ever felt sexual attraction ? I mean, I had to look out the definition recently because I wasn't even sure what people meant by "sexual attraction". I thought I felt that with that friend I told about earlier in my post, but I'm not sure it was sexual attraction ? I mean, I was really much in love with her and like spending time with her, and they were sometimes where I really wanted to hug her (and that is quite big for me, since I'm not really confortable with people touching me. I let close friends or family hug me sometimes when they ask, but I don't hug people myself), but it never really went far from wanting to hug her. I mean, I did dream about kissing her one time but that was pretty much it. I never actually thought about having sex with her or anything like that.

I'm pretty sure I forgot things in my little checklist but I'm trying really hard right now to not erase it all and start over again and if I don't finish this post now I have a feeling I won't ever finish it, so yeah xD

 

I'm just a bit confused right now. I know you can't label me, but I still needed to talk about it to someone (and I kinda scared my friend on skype by telling her about this post without actually telling her what it was about lol). So, if you have anything to say, advice, questions or whatever, that would be nice

[Guest]

I'm not sure if there's a question or you're just getting this off your chest. It does feel good having an outlet and putting your thoughts and feeling into words. I can relate to a lot of what you've described. Minus the love and dating a guy part, I once fell for a female friend and could not concentrate on anything else but her for a bit. I wouldn't say I loved her, though. I eventually snapped out of it and could barely stand being near her for an extended period of time. Anyway, at least to me, it sounds like you are demisexual, although you weren't looking for us to label you. I don't think I have any advice to offer, except maybe don't stress yourself about it and if/when you find that person who you do feel comfortable to have sex with then YAY. Just know you're not alone. And thanks for sharing your story.