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Trying to work out what I want


Emily6748

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I'm feeling a bit confused about what I actually want. I've only recently realised I'm asexual. Got 2 failed relationships behind me and been single almost 5 years. I'm an introvert and happy in my own company most of the time. I've recently started thinking about relationships and joined a few dating sites. But I can't find anyone I like, and if anyone likes me I just want to hide away. I'm starting to understand I don't want sex or affection. But I thought I wanted a platonic soul mate type relationship. But I'm not sure. I look at older couples who are retired and go out walking and off to the coast and things like that and feel jealous.  I only have a real connection with my parents, have no other family and just a couple of close friends. I'm so afraid I'm going to end up all alone.  I think I should do something about it but I just feel confused about what it is I'm actually looking for. I want someone to care about me but I just can't see how that's ever going to happen. I worry every day about ending up alone. 

Thank you for listening to me.

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Hi, @Emily6748!

 

For sure the prospect of having a meaningful relationship can seem impossible, whether we're asexual or on the spectrum or not. Though I think being on the spectrum causes a bit more anxiety about it all. But the nice thing is there are lots of other people out there like us. Lots. And even besides that, there are also lots of caring sexual people who would be just as happy being with an ace as not. 

 

So it is possible. Even for introverts like ourselves. ;)   The trouble is putting ourselves out there. It's not something we're particularly good at and it can make establishing that connection a tad difficult. My plan, as of right now, is to sort out a couple parts of my life, mostly career-wise, and then sign up on an ace dating site. And actually CONTACT people this time. ;p

 

Try to take heart in the failed relationships as well. When we fail it's an opportunity to learn what might succeed. It was how I actually realized that I'm ace. 

 

You totally don't have to be alone. And we're always here to offer a virtual hug in the meantime!

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Sunflowerfield

Maybe you could go on asexual dating sites, and specify that you are looking for a queerplatonic asexual (as opposed to a romantic) partner, if that's what you're looking for? I just thought that might help narrow it down for people. In the mean time, close friendships and platonic cuddle buddies are wonderful!

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Don't know if you have those where you're from too, but I visited asexual dating websites, to not have to spend any time or energy on fruitless encounters.

I'm currently talking with someone I met on one of these.

You need to do some introspection to figure out if you're looking for a platonic or romantic relationship, but both are worth pursuing, believe me.

 

So don't lose hope either, y'hear me! :)

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