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Being Considered Unattractive


RedSheep2

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If someone thought you were ugly, how would you feel? Hurt/rejected? Indifferent? Satisfied because there's a decreased chance of being sexualized?

 

OR would it highly depend on whose opinion it was? 

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All of the above. It's very difficult to reconcile being unattractive in a culture so obsessed with physical appearance. It's taken me a while to come to terms with the fact that I'm hideous, in many ways, I still struggle with it. But lately I've been getting closer to a place where I don't care. I'm nearing the point where I don't need to feel physically attractive in order to feel good about myself. I'll probably never entirely get rid of the early programming that tells me I have to be skinny and pretty, but I think I can settle for being strong, able and awesome instead. ^_^

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Well, I can't say that has ever happened as most people think I am pretty. 

However, I also super Vain so I would think I was pretty anyways. 

So I guess nothing? 

If they didn't think I was charming though that would hurt. 

I try very hard to be charming, smooth, witty and sly as a fox. 

In fact, in middle school, I use to look in the mirror and think "Gosh, I'm so hot. Its a shame that no one likes me. All these good looks are going to go to waste". 

 

Im not even joking! XD 

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I really like putting in a lot of effort into my look (hair, makeup, accessories, etc.), but I do it purely for me. So, I guess it wouldn't be awesome to be told I'm unattractive, but all-in-all I only dress the way I do because I like it and it wouldn't hurt me much if someone thought I wasn't good-looking. But yeah, the decreased chance of being sexualized or asked out is a pretty sweet idea.

 

Also, who are these crazy people thinking we're not all asexy? 8):cake:

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Just now, Starfall said:

All of the above. It's very difficult to reconcile being unattractive in a culture so obsessed with physical appearance. It's taken me a while to come to terms with the fact that I'm hideous, in many ways, I still struggle with it. But lately I've been getting closer to a place where I don't care. I'm nearing the point where I don't need to feel physically attractive in order to feel good about myself. I'll probably never entirely get rid of the early programming that tells me I have to be skinny and pretty, but I think I can settle for being strong, able and awesome instead. ^_^

Sending you lots of e-hugs! I'm sorry you went through that but I'm glad you're feeling better about it now!

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Damn, I'd be sad as shit. What a bummer...

 

If it were just people on the street, I'd assume they were drunk and just wanted to emotionally beat up on the first person they saw -- wouldn't think much of it. If it were middle schoolers I'd laugh, since middle school was the time where not one student escaped being called ugly at least once -- still wouldn't think much of it.

 

Those are really the only two groups I could imagine being that cruel.

 

None of my friends or acquaintances would ever say that, so I'd be safe on that angle. 

 

I'd just advise surrounding yourself with the kinds of people that, uh... wouldn't be complete pieces of shit? Yeah, that's the ticket. 

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It would for sure depend on who. The right person saying that could do some serious damage to all of my feelings.

 

But if some random bloke said it, I wouldn't care and probably find it funny.

 

I don't need to be b-e-a-Utiful! but I like to think I'm cute, ya know?

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I am unattractive, I just accept it. No biggie. I mean, to hear it from someone else kind of sucks but most people are not so rude and those that are I don't really care much about their opinion.

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2 minutes ago, 200 Ponies said:

Sending you lots of e-hugs! I'm sorry you went through that but I'm glad you're feeling better about it now!

Thanks! E-hugs returned! :cake: (Plus e-cake!) Honestly, I'm the closest I've ever been to being in a good place emotionally right now, so don't feel too sorry for me. Doing pretty good.

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Galactic Turtle

The boys in our brother class in high school ranked all the girls from prettiest to ugliest. I think I was in the bottom 10 or close to it just because all the boys were afraid of me. :P It didn't bother me. I think in general if people think you're ugly you won't hear it that much. It's if you're pretty that you'll get hassled a lot. That can be quite annoying. 

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I've grown up as the ugly one (believing it myself and being told by others), so I kind of find it insulting when some people find me attractive. As if they're trying to be funny. It doesn't phase me if a complete stranger or someone close were to comment on my looks. Although I still won't go out without makeup (even if it looks like shit) or even put some effort into my outfit. I do that all for myself. Yet, I sometimes dress and do things to appear even less attractive purposely. 

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Unless I valued the person's opinion, I'd just scoff and laugh in their face. A random stranger's opinion on the matter is less than rat **** and is probably just an excuse to inflate their own ego or get into a fight. If it was a family member, I might take it a bit more seriously but I'd still probably be like, "Well f*** you too. Was that comment really necessary?" If it was related to hygiene though then I'd change it cause I hate feeling unhygienic. 

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wow, thank you all for your insight :) This thread was more popular than I thought it'd be. 

 

I'd be relieved or satisfied. The last time someone called me attractive ("you're gorgeous!") was at a show and the girl who said it was rolling balls. Drunk, high or otherwise intoxicated people's aesthetic opinions I take with a grain of salt. She had "rave goggles" on. I haven't been called ugly to my face since high school but I'm not deluded, I know I'm not most people's cup of tea. When I used to go out with my female friends, all of whom are pretty with more curves than me, they'd typically get more attention. It used to piss me off but I've accepted it. 

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In truth, I haven't been thought of as ugly for a very long time. The only times that I was really considered ugly was in elementary school and middle school by some mean little boys. In general, a lot of people seem to find me attractive and I consider myself to be somewhat attractive (not to be vain or anything). However, if someone were to tell me I was unattractive, I wouldn't really feel that bad about it. It would hurt my feelings just a little bit, but I'd get over it quickly because I'm not concerned about whether people find me attractive or not. In fact, it's a relief when people aren't physically attracted to me, because I have a lot less to worry about.

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Of course it depends on whose opinion it is!

But:

  • I value honest people!
  • am aware of some flaws
  • know I let myself go...

And the world seems full of style group expressions, ready to clash on others'. - IMHO a good thing. - Whatever lead to the urge to modify one's variable looks in a certain way, it doesn't need to be shared by each and every spectator. - Do we really want to look appreciated by our great grand parents? - Sure there have been folks who appear beautiful besides the crazy now outdated fashion they went for but maybe they started out from a very over average substance?

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When I was in high school, there was a guy who implied in front of my entire class that the only way anyone would ever kiss me was if they were drunk.

There were a number of factors that made this extremely hurtful, including being a new student and not accepted as part of my grade enough that he faced no social (or any other, for that matter) consequences, but also because he was declaring me unattractive, even though I had no desire for his good opinion.  It was hurtful enough that I didn't tell anyone who hadn't witnessed this about it until recently and it has been four years.

I do not consider myself particularly attractive or unattractive (although I am biased against myself), and do not put any effort into making myself more attractive, and my predominant response to the thought of someone being attracted to me is discomfort, but I still do not want to be considered unattractive.

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Put downs about people's attractiveness are loathsome and the hallmark of a shallow, nasty character.  Sadly, the most frequent will be by a certain type of guy about a female, but some women will also bitch about some other female's appearance.  I am sure guys can be on the receiving end of such putdowns too, but maybe less often or less likely.  Being the victim of spite is always hurtful, but such jibes are best ignored.

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The Terrible Travis

Well they'd be wrong, so it wouldn't really bother me that much.

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Couldn't care any less if people found me attractive or not.What does it ever matter to begin with?

After all I had to deal with the curse of acne since I was a teenager and people always mocked me for this.

At this point I learned not care about what others think of my apperance.

But I personally think of myself as average looking human being.

And calling others ugly or hideous is a pathetic attempt to insult someone.

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They same answer I gave as I've gotten very negative news from 2008 on, although the cause and motivation would be a very different one:

"Okay."

 

In other words, I don't really care. :P

Spoiler

Hm... okay, maybe it's not all that different. I mean, those were things I couldn't change, so I didn't really care about getting desperate over them or anything and just went with acknowledging it, accepting it and moving on. Here I'd probably leave out the accepting part. I acknowledge the comment happening and move on.

 

I mean, why should I be good-looking for some stranger and please him/her/it? It's probably one in a million who even dares to approach someone just to tell this anyway and I've dealt with worse insults than that comment. I would just shrug it off.

Besides, the people I know wouldn't dare to tell me, especially not in this way. They would be afraid of hurting my feelings and they would probably be the only ones who would be capable of even getting remotely close to that effect. A hedgehog that's far away can't affect me with its sharp spikes. ;)

 

I'd probably forget who it was and even the event itself because things I deem so unimportant just disappear from my mind.

Very serious insults (especially when out of nowhere) and major f-up's on the other hand… Don't think I'll forget those and they might affect how I view you forever. I've learnt my lessons long ago and I'm not out to committing mistakes again. :P

 

@Sherlocks, I've learnt to do what you've described a couple of years ago: Look in the mirror and just think how great you are (looking).

It's good for your ego when you feel on a low. :lol:

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8 hours ago, RedSheep2 said:

If someone thought you were ugly, how would you feel?

"Yeah, I know that."

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Being called ugly doesn't bother me.  However, I tend to get stressed out when people call me attractive or cute or handsome.  Like in the "go eat a tub of ice cream" sort of way.  It really screws with my attempts to lose weight and be healthy, because the first thing people say when they notice I have lost weight is how much more handsome I am.  Which leads to me eating junk food to destress, and gaining all the weight back.  <sigh>

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I got called "minger" and "munter" plenty of times throughout school, so I've grown a pretty think skin. That plus the fact that I am way prettier than I was as a teenager (finally grew out of that acne at 26) has made me pretty confident in my appearance. If someone actually called me ugly now I'd probably be amused and say that if they think I'm ugly now they should have seen me 10 years ago :D Anyone who is enough of an asshole to actually tell someone that really isn't someone who's opinion I give a shit about. That being said, I would always prefer someone telling me I am attractive. Compliments to my appearance are always welcome, I enjoy the ego boost ^_^

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I was always invisible to most people in school, so I never really got any comments on my appearance (though one girl wrote in my yearbook, "you've got a great figure girl, flaunt it!" Lol I thought it was kinda weird.) I think I'm average looking, but I would look better if I actually put any work into my appearance.

 

But, you see, the idea of anyone finding me attractive creeps me out, so I don't wear makeup, I wear plain, modest clothes, I try not to make myself stand out at all. I like being invisible,  I don't want people to notice me or stare at me or, god forbid, make any sort of comment, it makes me feel very uncomfortable. Now, I work in a school, so sometimes some of the kids make comments (mostly juvenile gestures or insults) but they're all d*ckheads so I ignore them lol 

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I'd always prefer to be considered attractive. I've noticed that people tend to treat you better if you're young, pretty, and thin. Besides, it's very hard not to internalize this idea that a woman's worth is measured by how attractive she is. Considering that I'm romantic (and possibly sexual too), being ugly can be a disadvantage if you're looking for a partner.

 

People have the right to find me unattractive, of course... but I think it's a bit cruel to point it out and reinforce my insecurities. A few months ago, one of my classmates felt the right to complain that I wasn't doing my job right (aka having a decorative function and being aesthetically pleasing to him). He called me fat, told me to go to the gym, complained about my skin condition, among other things. The thing is, a man's worth is usually measured by how much money he makes, but if I put some guy down for having a low paying job, everyone would be disgusted by my attitude. If I treated a black guy as if he had an obligation to serve me (as if he was my slave*), people would be shocked! But treating women like shit for being unattractive and not a good "masturbatory material"... well, who cares? That pisses me off! :evil:

 

*Obviously, I'm not comparing my situation to slavery or anything like that, just to be clear. But I think my classmate is very hypocritical for complaining about racism (he's black), while disregarding/mocking women's issues, making sexist remarks, etc.

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I'd want to be considered attractive, mostly because I want to get high up in a certain organisation, and a pretty face probably helps if I want to be the one to front an organisation.

 

My self-esteem is also shit, but that's not important

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Ace ♠ At ♠ Archery

Everyone says that I am pretty but if they didn't it wouldn't really bother me. I just want people to love me for who I am and not my appearance. It's strange because sometimes I can be really vain and other times I think "I don't want people to love me for my appearance so why does it matter?" I put a lot of effort into how I dress because it's nice when I get compliments such as "Your outfit is nice." or "Your hair looks lovely."

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LittleGoody2Shoes

People who really matter in your life shouldn't care whether you're attractive or not, but you can still take pride in your appearance.

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I don't really have a problem with anyone thinking I'm unattractive, I know everyone has different tastes so I wouldn't take it to heart. I am generally considered attractive, but I don't really care about that either. It's weird; I enjoy dressing up and making myself attractive to myself, but I don't care if anyone else notices or comments positively. Don't get me wrong, compliments on my outfits or makeup are still accepted graciously and appreciated, but I already knew I was looking good so it doesn't make any real difference to my self-esteem. 

 

But it's one thing to tell me I'm not your cup of tea, and it's another thing to tell me I'm ugly. Now I would have a problem with someone telling me they think I'm ugly for the express purpose of hurting me. How would that make me feel? In a word: angry. Angry that they thought their opinion would matter to me, angry that they thought it was possible to hurt me that way, and angry that they would even try. :angry: It's very presumptuous. 

 

I would probably respond by laughing in their face though, and saying "well, that's your opinion, and you're allowed to have it, but I don't care." :lol: I find that's generally the best way to take power away from bullies. 

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