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Lost and Lonely Due to Asexuality


keslouha2013

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ive had no interest in sex my whole life, i tried it once and thought it was pointless and boring. ive never had any interest in any kind of intimacy, i dont feel normal or happy trying it. its not for me. but trying to explain it to people and i get alot of nasty comments. i have pulled away from everyone, i have no friends i dont go out at all almost a complete recluse. i have tried to be sociable but i dont fit in i dont like talking about sex or listening to it. im 34 years old now i know i want to fall in love and get married with someone who is willing to respect my feelings but all the crap i get is hurtful. no one knows about my problems i tried to explain once to my parents and they said life without sex is pathetic and stupid. i never mentioned it again.  everything i feel and think and desire is to be happy and fall in love but reality is saying thats not for me. and i dont know how much i can take. i am not ashamed of being asexual, i am ashamed of the negativity it gets...if anyone understands me id be grateful im not very good at explaining it but i know i cant be the only one who thinks this way.

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Moving this to Asexual Musings and Rantings

 

AshenPhoenix, For Sexual Partners, Friends, and Allies Moderator

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Diamond Ace of Hearts
1 hour ago, keslouha2013 said:

ive had no interest in sex my whole life, i tried it once and thought it was pointless and boring. ive never had any interest in any kind of intimacy, i dont feel normal or happy trying it. its not for me. but trying to explain it to people and i get alot of nasty comments. i have pulled away from everyone, i have no friends i dont go out at all almost a complete recluse. i have tried to be sociable but i dont fit in i dont like talking about sex or listening to it. im 34 years old now i know i want to fall in love and get married with someone who is willing to respect my feelings but all the crap i get is hurtful. no one knows about my problems i tried to explain once to my parents and they said life without sex is pathetic and stupid. i never mentioned it again.  everything i feel and think and desire is to be happy and fall in love but reality is saying thats not for me. and i dont know how much i can take. i am not ashamed of being asexual, i am ashamed of the negativity it gets...if anyone understands me id be grateful im not very good at explaining it but i know i cant be the only one who thinks this way.

I feel you. No-one's said that my being ace is stupid, pathetic or wrong or anything because no-one knows about it but it does hurt a lot when you want romance but everyone else seems to want either romance-and-sex or even just sex.

 

Also, you're from Dronfield? :o I'm in Chesterfield! I was starting to think I was the only acespec person in Derbyshire.

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8 hours ago, keslouha2013 said:

ive had no interest in sex my whole life, i tried it once and thought it was pointless and boring. ive never had any interest in any kind of intimacy, i dont feel normal or happy trying it. its not for me. but trying to explain it to people and i get alot of nasty comments. i have pulled away from everyone, i have no friends i dont go out at all almost a complete recluse. i have tried to be sociable but i dont fit in i dont like talking about sex or listening to it. im 34 years old now i know i want to fall in love and get married with someone who is willing to respect my feelings but all the crap i get is hurtful. no one knows about my problems i tried to explain once to my parents and they said life without sex is pathetic and stupid. i never mentioned it again.  everything i feel and think and desire is to be happy and fall in love but reality is saying thats not for me. and i dont know how much i can take. i am not ashamed of being asexual, i am ashamed of the negativity it gets...if anyone understands me id be grateful im not very good at explaining it but i know i cant be the only one who thinks this way.

This is very very sad. I feel very sorry for you feeling this way. I don't think it's deliberate on the part us sexuals that we show negativety towards asexuality it's more a total lack of understanding I would say. That lack of understanding leads to what probably comes across as thoughtless comments that can and probably have upset you. Typically whilst growing up, life tends to teach you that people are either straight or gay but there is no real consideration for what is essentially, neither. I'm sorry you have to feel this way.

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17 hours ago, keslouha2013 said:

ive had no interest in sex my whole life, i tried it once and thought it was pointless and boring. ive never had any interest in any kind of intimacy, i dont feel normal or happy trying it. its not for me. but trying to explain it to people and i get alot of nasty comments. i have pulled away from everyone, i have no friends i dont go out at all almost a complete recluse. i have tried to be sociable but i dont fit in i dont like talking about sex or listening to it. im 34 years old now i know i want to fall in love and get married with someone who is willing to respect my feelings but all the crap i get is hurtful. no one knows about my problems i tried to explain once to my parents and they said life without sex is pathetic and stupid. i never mentioned it again.  everything i feel and think and desire is to be happy and fall in love but reality is saying thats not for me. and i dont know how much i can take. i am not ashamed of being asexual, i am ashamed of the negativity it gets...if anyone understands me id be grateful im not very good at explaining it but i know i cant be the only one who thinks this way.

you are definitely not alone in how you are feeling. I have thought I was asexual for a long time before I found this site and it has helped me a lot and I just recently decided to join as a member. I just recently decided to tell me best friend as we were hanging out and she kept bringing up me never having sex. Her and I have a lot of friends in the LGBTQ+ community and I assumed she would be understanding but she told me I shouldn't tell anyone and keep it to myself. She made it seem like it was something I should be ashamed of and her comment made me feel like I was nothing.  I cried for a very long time after this conversation. People just don't understand the difficulties that some asexual people face and it can be very frustrating when you finally bring it up and get an entirely negative reaction. I've only told two people my sister is the other one and she is very supportive and even told me she thinks she is demisexual so that is a great support system to have but they are very hard to find it seems like. I am very sorry you have been feeling this way and have only had negative reactions when you really need support and understanding, but I do know what you are going through.

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thank you i dont feel as awkward now but still down. im no good at socialising even online but i tend to ramble which im sorry. but im glad im not alone i just hoped i wouldnt. where i live its perfectly fine to be gay or lesbian but asexuality and its just bad. i am a loner but hopefully one day i wont be..thank you all again. iyt does help.

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20 hours ago, Diamond, Ace of Hearts said:

I feel you. No-one's said that my being ace is stupid, pathetic or wrong or anything because no-one knows about it but it does hurt a lot when you want romance but everyone else seems to want either romance-and-sex or even just sex.

 

Also, you're from Dronfield? :o I'm in Chesterfield! I was starting to think I was the only acespec person in Derbyshire.

i have lived in dronfield for about 10 years and i feel like im the only asexual in this town. lonely and horrible it is. i just hope make some decent friends who understand.

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You're not alone in feeling alone. I feel lonely too sometimes. Nobody I know is asexual either. However, I believe that the people that are mean to you are mean because they don't like/fear what they can't understand. Nevertheless, don't let this get you down. As long as you know and understand yourself, that's really all that matters.

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What does make you happy though? I'd find that and focus on it. 

 

In cases of extreme self-doubt or self-loathing, I find that it's a good idea to work on some activity that is beneficial for your body, mind and soul. Hiking, walking in nature, martial arts, working out, volunteering, etc. It may not help with the loneliness but at least you'll be focused on something else that has the potential to help you feel happier. 

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thankyou, i was told on acebook that id have plenty of support and understanding. i need it. been spending alot of time researching my family tree. taht takes alot of my time. i enjoy that more than other things. started to read history books too. its a slow start but ill get there hopefully.

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