CallaWolf Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 So, after a long time of lurking and debating, I finally decided to joing the site. Just a heads up, what follows will be long. Realizing that I was asexual, and eventually just accepting it, seemed like a slightly rocky but relatively natural process for me. I am 29, and never had sex, simply because I never wanted it and never felt like it was an important aspect of sustaining a happy and full life. I always knew that I was a bit different than my peers, as when a friend or coworker would talk about sexual stuff and how they wanted someone who fulfill certain needs (even the relatively less dirty stuff, so to speak), I'd literally think to myself "why the heck would they want to do such a thing? That's so weird!!!!!" I think I even said that very statement a few times to friends, only to not understand why I'd get funny looks. I personally never had a legitimate interest in sex. I had an initial curiosity when I was younger yes, because it was something that I never really knew about and just wanted to know what this thing called "sex" everyone seemed to speak of was all about. But I never had the need to act on that curiosity. Heck, even when I would be on that path of eventually "doing it" with someone, I'd shy away from it, feeling like I was on the path of doing something inconceivable. I thought that if I really loved someone, sex wouldn't be necessary to express that. For a few years, I asked myself if there was something wrong with me. Maybe, I thought, I was doing something wrong and the universe was just trying to poke fun at me. Maybe I was gay and just didn't know it. Both of these assumptions were wrong. I heard this song on the radio a number of years back by a band called Duran Duran titled "I Don't Want Your Love." I immediately interpreted it's meaning as not wanting that sexual intimacy that seemed so important to so many people and shoved in ones face all the time. I carried that song around with me for a long time, continuously asking myself how I am so in tune with most of that songs lyrics Then, after more pondering and soul searching, I finally found out what it was. All the thoughts of thinking my peers wanting to have sex as being weird, not wanting to actually "do it" and staying away from relationships out of fear of the expectation of sex, I finally found the answer to what was driving me all this time: I am asexual. Now that I know what that means, it feels very relaxing to know that I am not the only one who feels this way. I told a family member, but hadn't bothered really telling anyone else (thinking it wasn't really anybodys business), hence why I actually found it so hard to join and talk about it initially. I have the ring on my right middle finger, that way others can identify me as an acewithout me feeling like had to be blatant about it, but now I feel if someone asks I'll just be open. So that's me in a nutshell when it comes to me being an ace. I hope this wasn't too long winded, and me writing on a tablet as opposed to an actual keyboard isn't TOO noticeble Link to post Share on other sites
Tennibris Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Hi there! First off, welcome to AVEN! I'm glad that you have found an answer and joined this lovely site. You sound a lot like me and my path to finding my asexuality so I understand what you're feeling. Anyways, I hope you enjoy your time on this site and if you ever wanna ask any questions or just talk, PM me, as I'm always up for a chat. Welcome Again! Link to post Share on other sites
-------------- Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 Hi, welcome to AVEN! I'm sure you'll find plenty of like-minded people on the site! Link to post Share on other sites
WinterWanderer Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 1 hour ago, CallaWolf said: For a few years, I asked myself if there was something wrong with me. Maybe, I thought, I was doing something wrong and the universe was just trying to poke fun at me. Maybe I was gay and just didn't know it. Same here! It took me a while to figure it out. Welcome! Link to post Share on other sites
CallaWolf Posted February 22, 2017 Author Share Posted February 22, 2017 Thanks all for the warm welcome. To be honest, I wasn't expecting such a warm reception, it's nice to see I was wrong. On 2/20/2017 at 3:57 PM, Tennibris said: Hi there! First off, welcome to AVEN! I'm glad that you have found an answer and joined this lovely site. You sound a lot like me and my path to finding my asexuality so I understand what you're feeling. Anyways, I hope you enjoy your time on this site and if you ever wanna ask any questions or just talk, PM me, as I'm always up for a chat. Welcome Again! Well, it's nice to meet someone who has had a common experience. I always thought I was alone in how I felt, ans how I experienced/found it. I may just take you up on shooting you a PM, if you don't mind. On 2/20/2017 at 4:48 PM, Dragon_Niki said: Hi, welcome to AVEN! I'm sure you'll find plenty of like-minded people on the site! Thank you, I think I just may find people I can make friends with here. On 2/20/2017 at 5:05 PM, Fioryn said: Same here! It took me a while to figure it out. Welcome! Yeah, it sure did take a while for me to finally realize it, but once I did, I was like "Ahh, what a relief, NOW I finally know for sure what I was thinking and the term for it." Link to post Share on other sites
Cascade Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 On 21/02/2017 at 10:41 AM, CallaWolf said: For a few years, I asked myself if there was something wrong with me. Maybe, I thought, I was doing something wrong and the universe was just trying to poke fun at me. Maybe I was gay and just didn't know it. This really resonated with me, I know exactly how this feels. Welcome to AVEN! It's so awesome to meet people who know what it's like...! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 I also assumed I was a repressed homosexual since I just couldn't find it in me to consummate a relationship. Its been a rather liberating feeling to find others who have similar experiences. Thinking you are alone is a pretty awful experience. Thanks for sharing. Link to post Share on other sites
Conby Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 Hello CallaWolf! I just wanted to say thank you for sharing. I'm 26 years old and your story is so familiar because it's a little like my own, so much so that I nearly broke down in tears reading your post. I spent such a long time thinking that I was alone, different than everybody else and not truly understanding why and therefore thinking that perhaps there was something truly wrong with me. So, thank you for sharing because it's such a relief knowing that I'm really not alone. x Link to post Share on other sites
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