Khadeya Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 I may have joined this site about 5 years ago, but I have no idea what my username might have been, so I am starting anew. I have never had much interest in relationships. In school I was too focused on my studies and when working I was too focused on finding the next short-term job and building my savings. The longest I have lived anywhere in the last two decades is 2.5 years, which is barely enough time for me to make friends I can trust. I identified as bisexual for a long time because I was (distantly) attracted to both males and females (without regard to whether they actually were male or female), but I thought I was strange because I only felt attracted to people I already trusted and found the concept of love at first sight utterly mystifying. I was very happy when I learned a few years ago about demisexuality. Aside from the occasional blind date (another mystifying concept to me) set up by well-meaning friends, I have never dated, and despite teaching sex education for a number of years (which I loved, and my students were great), I have no sexual experience. My struggle recently has been because about 7 years ago, I was sexually assaulted by my boss, whom I had thought at the time I could trust. As a result, my entire support network fell apart and I was forced to move (again) to a new city and a new job. Since then, the thought of sex has shifted from indifferent to terrifying and I have not felt any romantic attraction toward anyone. This bothers me because I would love a companion who isn't just a roommate to share weekend activities or evenings at the local cafe and with whom I could feel comfortable talking about some of these things. I have a lot of local friends who are wonderful and supportive and respectful of my aversion to touch, but I don't really feel I can talk about this with them, because most of them don't really get asexuality and the one asexual I know is completely aromantic and doesn't get the desire for companionship. I'm back in school as a student now and am considered a role model academically and professionally, which is wonderful, but apparently I give off some vibe that prevents most of my friends from talking about sex or relationships at all around me, even though I know these are important topics to many of them. It's weird and I wonder what else they are not comfortable talking with me about, which probably isn't fair, since I don't talk about this with them, either. I'm not really sure what I'm looking for, maybe validation or someone else who can relate to some part of my experience. I'm looking forward to getting to know people here and if there are any upstate NY meetups, I would love to hear about them. Link to post Share on other sites
kelico Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 Welcome to AVEN! Or welcome back, that is! I'm glad you decided to return. : ) Thank you for sharing your story with us. I'm sorry about what you went through before...that can definitely affect how you feel and handle things. It's great that you're considered a role model now, though! You'll find a lot of people that can relate to you here, so take your time exploring. If you're looking for others in your area, check out the Meetup Mart! Best wishes, and I hope you enjoy being a member~ Link to post Share on other sites
Divide By Zero Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 Welcome! Sorry to hear about your recent struggles. I've been to upstate NY many times to visit relatives (but only been to NYC once - how weird is that!). My parents are originally from the eastern U.S. but moved to Canada in the early 1970s, fleeing the Nixon presidency. Link to post Share on other sites
Khadeya Posted February 25, 2017 Author Share Posted February 25, 2017 Mr E and Kelico, thanks for the welcome. School keeps me busy, so it took a while to find time to respond. Link to post Share on other sites
AmandaD Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 Welcome fellow New Yorker! Link to post Share on other sites
PixieCat Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 Hey from one New Yorker to another! Glad to have you Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.