Holly Robert Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 So, like many others I know, I have always through my life assumed myself to be simply heterosexual (straight). However, I had never even thought about the fact I could have some other label as well, such as asexual. Truth is, after reading up a lot about it, it is making my life so far make much more sense as to why I've never particularly felt the need to be sexually active. I had always thought, well I'm not gay so I must be straight so why am I not feeling any sort of sex drive towards my boyfriend (I have had 3).I hadn't even thought about the possibility of other sexual orientations but I now believe I may be grey-asexual or grey-a. I am not completely convinced and am terrified as to what this could mean for me, certainly when finding future boyfriends. I want to know if this is normal? Should I feel completely terrified by this possibility or is the fact that it scares me a sign that in fact I'm just too young to know my sexual orientation for certain? What if I start labeling myself as grey-a or asexual and meet someone who is the same and then find I am more attracted to them than I thought and I actually really want to be sexually active with them and they don't reciprocate the feeling? I'm so scared as to what this could all mean for me. So I suppose I'm asking for help, from anyone. I'm looking to find someone who could possibly have been in the same situation as me or has been but is now feeling comfortable. I'm looking for a friend that can help me through this difficult discovery and can understand what I'm saying. Thank you for reading and please get in touch if you believe you could be able to help, or even just chat. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Labels are for personal use--if currently you feel like asexual defines you best, use it. You are under no obligations to tell anyone else. Should you find yourself on a date and your relationship with this person makes you feel like asexual is not longer (entirely, if at all) accurate, then you swap it for a new one. This is why, personally, I don't believe in declaring labels to other people unless asked--if other's put you in a box, they will interrogate you if you suddenly find that you have to readjust the box or find an entirely new box altogether. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Holly Robert Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 Well that's actually really helped me understand this all a bit more, so thank you! I really don't like the idea of boxes and labels so I will take your advice on board, it makes a lot of sense! For the time being I don't have a label, haha! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sotapanna Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 A question. Repulsed or not interested? There is a difference. Can you go to a football game/sporting event that you have no enthusiasms for? a concert (for me it would be country music) where you don't like the genre? can you find compersion for the physical exertions of a partner upon your person? joy in their joy? --here's where I want to cry like a 6 year old, that it's 'unfair' a hetero-romantic & asexual guy, can't 'roll with it' for their partners sake. Good luck on your journey. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Holly Robert Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 That's given me a lot to think about, thank you for this insight. I definitely need to do some more discovering! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Why do you think you're Gray-A? The 'what if' situation?? If so, that's irrelevant; maybes/theories are different from reality and reality is what an orientation is. You can change what you go by if your orientation ever does change. Also, have you made out or significantly trusted these 3 boyfriends? If not, that can impaired responsive sexual desire. And if you're under 17 your orientation could still be developing; a minority go as far as 20. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Holly Robert Posted February 21, 2017 Author Share Posted February 21, 2017 I believe myself to be grey-a because I enjoy kissing and such but have never felt the need to do anything more than that. Yes, I have trusted the three boys and have done stuff with them but have never felt comfortable doing so. I am wondering whether I am just still developing and it's just taking me longer than others as I'm only 17. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 Being into kissing is irrelevant; kissing is not sex, and the only requirement for asexuality is not desiring sex. Many asexuals desire to make out, and even some aromantics. What do you mean by "and such" after mentioning kissing? Do you desire to do thing for your own or your partner's sexual arousal? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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