Predominantly sex and romance-repulsed...but in a different way (possible TMI and content and trigger warning ahead)

[karnzter]

I'm not sure if this is possible, but my predominant repulsion to both romance and sex is because of how people misuse and abuse both and how it has to be a 'top-priority' according to the media. When sex is done in good terms and with consent (e.g.: out of love and not just for someone's own personal satisfaction), I'm cool with it. Seeing naked bodies doesn't really gross me out, but my still-embedded inner prude makes me cover my eyes and look away. Seeing porn images (especially on ad banners even if I had Anti-Banner enabled on Kaspersky, dang it!) just makes me wonder if everything I just saw was even real, both on the act, emotions, positions, reactions and the body parts ('dude, I don't think that butt/boobs/hoo-hahs' real' kind of reflection xD).

 

For example, the use of sex (and sometimes romance) as blackmail in the form of leaked sex tapes and personal confidential conversations. Or criminal acts [e.g. sexual assault, sexual harassment, rape, false rumors, sexual abuse (which I also forgot to point out. Thanks, Ruru)]. Or how it's perceived to be the 'last and only resort' to solve problems and through society and media's portrayal and influence of both. It makes me sick to my stomach to the point I start shaking and have a hard time breathing. I then start to rant and get pissed off.

 

Is my perception of my repulsion to both romance and sex acceptable and valid? Just curious and really wanting to know.

[Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet]

Your perception of your repulsion to both sex & romance is acceptable and valid.

Even though I am repulsed by sex in general, when it comes to sexual abuse, My repulsion Just goes to maximum.

 

[FunkyAce]

I definitely associate sex with rape in certain situations. I wished people didn't crave sex so no one has to feel the pain of someone violating them. I just viewed it as this act of dominance for so long and didn't see how it was a pleasurable act. I guess watching porn made sex more neutral to me though because it's consensual. Whereas when rape as an issue got a lot bigger, most of the images of sex I was seeing was rape, making me feel quite scared of sex. I still feel abnormally uncomfortable when men in clubs try to pick me up because I just don't want to have sex with them. It makes me uncomfortable that they are looking at me in that way, it feels violating and scary like I'm in danger because I am tiny and I don't know if they will respond to rejection aggressively. Haven't looked into all that if it means I'm sex repulsed. On a daily basis, I would say I'm not. I have conversations with sexual friends about sex and I don't feel uncomfortable or grossed out. When I see consensual sex scenes, I just feel confused and annoyed they are wasting time showing something boring.

[scarletlatitude]

I get what you mean, karnzter. The media makes me more asexual than I was before. I feel like I like the idea of romance, but not in the way that the media portrays it. 

[WoodwindWhistler]

Of course that's valid. Even romo people have major beef with the way media portrays romance. 

I think I'm way too 'involved' with fiction to be comfortable watching someone else kissing/groping/whatever (and I have never watched porn except to stumble across the occasional thing on the internet). To me, that is like being there watching two other actual people do that. I wouldn't do that to anyone IRL, so why would I do it 'there?' See what I mean? (unless the IRL people wanted me there, I guess?? Fictional people can't give consent to the private window into their lives) Probably overthinking it, but that's my specialty!

Written word doesn't invoke this as much, because I feel more like I am actually in the person's head and there's less distinguishing 'me' from 'them'. I guess it boils down to, I can stop at any time I want, or skip things, so that's the consent element there. In a public movie or group viewing there's no consent even from me. 

Honestly I don't know why anyone (especially women) goes to bars at all, as the culture is so toxic there. I've only ever really felt comfortable to do so when I have a current partner to deflect interest from others. 

My romance repulsion to songs in particular has increased in intensity recently. 

[Guest]

The priority and exploitation society and the media place on romance and sex make me just want to steer clear of it all. Even if I wanted it my image of it is clouded with over the top, drama filled, and explicit portrayals of it that I can't help but see all the negative. Sex and intimacy bring up rape, harassment, and abuse which scares me from exploring connections with people further than friendship or acquaintances. Romance and marriage just remind me of failed relationships and of my parents, which make a life of solitude more appealing. 

 

I don't know if it would be considered repulsion since I haven't completely disregarded the possibility of being in a relationship, but all the negativity disgusts and scares me away. 

[--------------]

I absolutely get this. I am more or less indifferent to sex as a concept (and I haven't really figured out how I feel about romance) but I'm completely repulsed by how sex is generally portrayed in society and how it is used to exploit people.

[_01_]

Yeah, I hate how it's portrayed in the media and how it's oh-so-important, like everything in life is supposed to be about fucking and oh-so-dramatic-romantism.

 

Funky, rape doesn't happen because sex is evil, it happens because some people want to cause pain. Serial killers kill, serial rapists rape. It's not because of sex.

 

Yup, bars are gross. I'm probably aromantic and get aroused by people I don't know and I *still* think bars are gross, so yeah...
 

[WoodwindWhistler]

^ Actually I fundamentally disagree that rape is not about sex, and that one-dimensional view of rapists is not doing any victims or prevention any favors. 

http://www.newsweek.com/mind-rapist-206786
 

@FunkyAce, since the porn industry can be very exploitative, (and cause all sorts of pressure and expectations on women especially, but men too) it's sort of funny that's what lessened your disgust for sex. There's an article I remember reading about women feeling obligated to do sex 'porn style' and having men cum on their face and do anal, etc. That they even have to further negotiate and double down after saying 'no.' Essentially because it became a false norm through that medium.