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How your friends "deal" with your asexuality?


Chorvus

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I'm interested in learning how your (allo, sexual, non-asexual) friends treat/deal with/talk around your specific experience of asexuality?


For example:


My friends will allude to it in situations where I am more educated about the anatomy, health, etc. of sexual activities. This happens in a very humorous way; it is seen as incongruous that I would have more knowledge on this subject, and it's more them laughing at themselves for being less educated than someone who, in addition to being asexual, will likely never even partake in these activities.

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NerotheReaper

Friends what are those? :ph34r:

 

I don't really have many friends that I am comfortable sharing my sexuality with, I have told my sister and she was fine with it once she understood what it meant. Real friends accept you for every bit of you, they might joke around but at the end of the day if they care for you that is what should matter 

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My friends don't really mention it or treat me any different, but I've noticed they don't bug me as much about guys. My sister on the other hand will call me a plant whenever her boyfriend is brought up in family occasions. I won't comment on it but that leave it to my mother to explain it. My mother doesn't understand/believe in asexuality so I'm pretty sure my grandparents are also misinformed.

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I live with two bisexuals and a heterosexual.

It is....interesting. I'm very flirty, and very open about being panromantic so It seems to work out fine.

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3 minutes ago, Heart of Darkness said:

Somehow I've become my friends' go to for love/sex advice, because apparently being aro-ace makes me "a good outside opinion".

I echo this.

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What is there for them to deal with? I'm not an alien.

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They don't 'deal with it'. Luckily I have supportive, awesome friends who accept it. However, I don't think they understand the extent of it because I'm in a long-term relationship - if that makes sense. 

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Doesn't make a difference. Sometimes they'd ask me whether I know this term or that thing, but that's it.

 

Why would it be different to begin with? I have never flown a plane, yet I know what it looks like...

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I'd like to clarify: "deal with" is an inaccurate set of words I used trying to explain what I want to know, which is how, if at all, your friends that know you are asexual bring it up, what situations remind them of you or your orientation, whether they smile knowingly at you whenever you're roped into sexual conversation with someone who doesn't know, etc. The underlying assumption being, given they are friends with you, that they don't see it as a problem and accept it as a part of who you are.

 

@borkfork

@RedSheep2

@CBC

@Homer

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In my case, it rarely comes up. I guess I am just the kind of person who don't feel a need to specifically come out, so things like asexuality come up when they are relevant. Similar to "I don't drink" and "I have an aspergers diagnosis". It's not relevant until it is, and if it is (or just makes for a funny fyi somewhere) I mention it. So, I have some friends who I don't remember if they know I'm ace or not. I don't really mind that being the case though, I'm pretty comfortable with my opinions on sex being irrelevant in most situations^^

 

I have one example, and I don't even know if I said 'RL asexual' or just 'RL touch averse' at the time. But I do online roleplaying with my friends, and at one time I felt like I needed to explain while I took a long time to reply in an rp that included cuddling and maybe lead-up to sex, because I don't do that in real life and had to spend time thinking on what to write and how the character would react and feel. The response I got was "ok" with a side if "tell me if you are uncomfortable." (My friends are good people)

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I usually only mention it if it comes up in conversation (although I sometimes casually allude to it) so only a handful of my friends and one of my sisters know, but for the most part after i mention it to someone the response is just oh okay cool, and we go on with our lives. If someones having a conversation that's on the sexual side with me maybe they'll give a knowing look, and I'll make jokes every once in a while, but other than with my roommate, usually they go pretty unnoticed. 

 

I don't think they all  necessarily "get" it but they all accept it and I think that we as a group try our best to make sure to not make someone uncomfortable.at the end of the day, my friends sexuality isn't really on the top of my mind so why would mine be on theirs? as long as everyone is comfortable and there isn't a reason to mention it it's left as that. 

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FemmeFalconer

I only have three friends of mine who know all of which came up from the topic of sexual orientation or the question "what are you into sexually".

 

One friend is lesbian and she doesn't care at all, in fact she was really happy knowing I was like that for some reason and stated that she wanted to find someone like that. Other than her asking me that one time, we haven't brought it up further in conversations and she treats me the same.

 

Another friend just didn't understand it and she talks about sex all the time regarding whoever she is with at the time. I don't usually discourage her from talking about her sexual encounters because it makes her feel better, but I don't engage or ask about it either and she doesn't seem to care that I'm not interested. It used to frustrate me, but I actually don't care and she's always been like that so it isn't any different before she knew my disinterest or after I told her.

 

The third friend is a little different and actually treats me a little differently. She acts as though she has to protect me or something even though I am perfectly capable of doing that on my own. I think she is unaware of her change and she has a good heart so I don't say anything. She only acts differently when the topic of sex is brought up, which is all the time with one of our co-workers. She will literally look at me all concerned and all I do is laugh. I think she thinks I get offended or am like, "Oh no, not this again I can't handle it! My poor asexuality makes me weak to sexual conversations". :D

 

So for the most part, it doesn't change anything or how people view me except for one. That and I don't actually care if people think or act differently toward me... Or care if anyone knows at all except for people it could impact. It doesn't get brought up enough to be an issue.

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blueplanetdreaming

My one IRL friend who knows is totally understanding, but I've had to correct her on a few points (she thought all asexuals have zero sex drive). I've had some online acquaintances be kind of blunt and invasive and ask me outright if I have sex with my husband, which was annoying. But mostly, those few friends who do know are cool about it and don't really bring it up. 

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On 2/19/2017 at 5:49 PM, Chorvus said:

I'm interested in learning how your (allo, sexual, non-asexual) friends treat/deal with/talk around your specific experience of asexuality?


For example:


My friends will allude to it in situations where I am more educated about the anatomy, health, etc. of sexual activities. This happens in a very humorous way; it is seen as incongruous that I would have more knowledge on this subject, and it's more them laughing at themselves for being less educated than someone who, in addition to being asexual, will likely never even partake in these activities.

 

My very gay friend who constantly hits on me and has a partner reaction was "Oh my god, I cant imagine. I love sex so much, I cant imagine life without it. That must be so lonely for you, I never knew". His reaction was utter shock. 

 

 

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Let me put it it this way: my friends already knew playing I Never (some call it Never Have I Ever) with me wasn't all that different from playing with anyone else my age. I don't make a point of reminding people of one difference among many and they probably don't care all that much.

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