kayfaraday Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Hello. I'm sure this sort of post comes up often, but does this make sense/sound familiar? Somehow, I just have this weird need to ask. Up until I discovered the concept of asexuality as a possibility, I assumed there was something wrong with me. I'd probably never have had anything to do with sex if I hadn't grown up viewing it as a pre-requisite to making someone happy. (I'm romantic.) I've always approached it from more of a thinking space than a drive space and I blamed my lack of drive on anxiety, body image (I actually don't hate my body), on the idea that maybe I hadn't figured out what worked yet. For a while, I thought if I could just find something/someone that worked--maybe that was all I needed. Sometimes, I still wonder is that's the case. On very rare occasions I am interested in the physical sensations of it, but if I never had it again, I feel like I'd be fine. I've experienced sexual attraction on a handful of occasions. Of those, it's mostly been sensual attraction--I really wasn't up for anything further. I think this description fits my understanding of grey-ace, but I struggle with concepts of authenticity. It leaves me wondering if I can safely lean into some kind of acceptance (this is just how I am) or if I should still be trying to find ways to change. I don't know why I seem to feel the need for validation. I've been the way I am since, well, always. Still... does this make any sense at all? Link to post Share on other sites
Chorvus Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Hi, welcome to AVEN. We're glad to have you. Feeling a need for validation is normal. You're also normal for not having a sex drive. Not all people will need sex from their partner to be happy. You're enough the way you are. Link to post Share on other sites
binary suns Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 I accept how you are. however that is. I hope you can too I think if you think grey-ace works, then it works. I my self am grey. I resonate with some of the things you say. For me, I can feel attracted to a person sexually. but I just don't feel any drive for sex - and if I really imagine anything more than cuddling or a little kissing, it just seems kinda foreign and strange. I've had sex before- and honestly, it wasn't for me... I don't really know a good definition for grey-ace to be honest. I generally speaking, think of it as the middle-ground between ace and sexual. I could tell I was grey because I could tell that I was very different from an ace - but at the same time, I'm very different from a sexual. I have a hard time fully identifying with either group fully. something feels off either way. but it's kinda funny - any grey ace I've met, even if they're story is so different from mine, I just feel like they are "my group" xD A certain level of uncertainty about what we want - as well as a certain level of interest in, well, something... Link to post Share on other sites
kayfaraday Posted February 21, 2017 Author Share Posted February 21, 2017 Thank you both. (Also, sorry for the late reply.) I feel like I've spent years being given the message that it wasn't real or was something that would one day change. I'm really not a fan of the phrase "late bloomer" (in terms of how it is sometimes used, I do not mean to disparage anyone who finds it useful for self-identification). I am not sitting here waiting for the day that I am able to transform, for a brief moment, into something appealing to someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
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