Do children owe anything to their parents - unsolvable moral dilemma

[hekky1]

Do children owe anything to their parents?

Because we have in most cases only two solutions:

• child is happy, because they do what they want, they are experimenting with their life and following their dreams, meanwhile parents are unhappy, live in constant fear that something might happen to the child, parents' ambitions are still unfulfilled, parents are not listened to, are not taken as serious authorities, therefore it all leads to parents' unhappiness. However, because the child is happy, parents should be paid back, because they gave life to a creature which is now feeling bliss
• child is completely following parents' will, wishes, wants, going the safe path, learning what parents want child to learn, working in a field in which parents want child to work, sometimes even marrying a person chosen by parents so child feel unhappy, depressed, suicidal, yet smiling because they don't want their parents' unhappiness. Now parents are being given happiness, while they should receive penalty for throwing an innocent, neutral creature into hell of life

Of course sometimes child's passions go in pair with parents' ambitions, but this happen very rarely.

Sometimes everyone is unhappy, but that's a more complicated story.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

No, they never asked to be born.

[Yatogami]

4 minutes ago, hekoppetaca1 said:

Do children owe anything to their parents?

Because we have in most cases only two solutions:

• child is happy, because they do what they want, they are experimenting with their life and following their dreams, meanwhile parents are unhappy, live in constant fear that something might happen to the child, parents' ambitions are still unfulfilled, parents are not listened to, are not taken as serious authorities, therefore it all leads to parents' unhappiness. However, because the child is happy, parents should be paid back, because they gave life to a creature which is now feeling bliss
• child is completely following parents' will, wishes, wants, going the safe path, learning what parents want child to learn, working in a field in which parents want child to work, sometimes even marrying a person chosen by parents so child feel unhappy, depressed, suicidal, yet smiling because they don't want their parents' unhappiness. Now parents are being given happiness, while they should receive penalty for throwing an innocent, neutral creature into hell of life

Of course sometimes child's passions go in pair with parents' ambitions, but this happen very rarely.

Sometimes everyone is unhappy, but that's a more complicated story.

Well, if they did actually raise you. Bad or not, you were not homeless. So the least you can do, is be their friend. 

[ruuua]

I come from a fairly shitty family so my feelings on this are probably pretty skewed, but nah. You don't owe anyone a damn thing. 

[Moophie]

3 minutes ago, Tofu God said:

Well, if they did actually raise you. Bad or not, you were not homeless. So the least you can do, is be their friend. 

But it is completely up to you as an individual person with their own thoughts and freedom.

[hekky1]

2 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

No, they never asked to be born.

But still from child's perspective it's immoral to give any pain to their parents after all. Parents might have made their own pain looped in their child's action, yet child might still want to not do anything immoral.

 

2 minutes ago, ruuua said:

I come from a fairly shitty family so my feelings on this are probably pretty skewed, but nah. You don't owe anyone a damn thing. 

So, you qualify for the fourth option .

[Moophie]

At no point does a child owe a parent anything. Whether they're happy or not.

 

It's a ridicolous notion to begin with.

 

When we say we owe someone, we're saying we have to pay them back. Pay them back for what, exactly? And how much, what is this debt equal to? Is it something that could ever possibly be repaid? Is it even possible to assign a debt to a fetus, before it's even capable of conscious thought? If a parent suspected their baby might be incapable of living up to their end of the 'bargain', would they be at liberty to give up that baby and try for another one? 

 

Ultimately this is something that's only up to one person: the kid(s) in question.

 

[Moophie]

7 minutes ago, hekoppetaca1 said:

But still from child's perspective it's immoral to give any pain to their parents after all. Parents might have made their own pain looped in their child's action, yet child might still want to not do anything immoral.

It's immoral to you.

[hekky1]

2 minutes ago, Moophie said:

It's immoral to you.

But I still am given a choice by fate: I can now act as an altruist to give happiness to another person (or avoid hurting them) or be an egoist and hurt someone. And it's solely my choice here.

[Grumpy Alien]

Nope

[ruuua]

Just now, hekoppetaca1 said:

But I still am given a choice by fate: I can now act as an altruist to give happiness to another person (or avoid hurting them) or be an egoist and hurt someone. And it's my sole choice here.

Doing something by your choice isn't the same as doing something because you owe it

[Moophie]

4 minutes ago, hekoppetaca1 said:

But I still am given a choice by fate: I can now act as an altruist to give happiness to another person (or avoid hurting them) or be an egoist and hurt someone. And it's solely my choice here.

What @ruuua said. 

[hekky1]

1 minute ago, ruuua said:

Doing something by your choice isn't the same as doing something because you owe it

Owe is a not good word for this board concept. However, the child has a choice of acting "morally" or "immorally", they can either hurt their parents or not.

[Zerο]

I've got mixed feelings about this.  My parents have always loved and supported me, but I've always felt a degree of resentment towards them for 1) bringing me into this world and 2) the genetic features I didn't ask for.

 

Realistically, with 1) I'm living a very good life and I've never really expired any hardship outside of my feelings of responsibility for taking care of the world and with 2) well, that's just how life is for all creatures.  That resentment is still there though, but I'll never admit it to them.

 

At the end of the day, my parents are retired so I do what's needed to make sure they're legally and financially comfortable but I do draw a line with some of their desires (like wanting to live with me).

[Anthracite_Impreza]

5 minutes ago, hekoppetaca1 said:

Owe is a not good word for this board concept. However, the child has a choice of acting "morally" or "immorally", they can either hurt their parents or not.

The parents chose to have a kid, they can't turn around and demand anything in return. Saying it's immoral to 'hurt' their feelings is like saying it's immoral to not shag someone cos they bought you a drink.

[hekky1]

6 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

The parents chose to have a kid, they can't turn around and demand anything in return. Saying it's immoral to 'hurt' their feelings is like saying it's immoral to not shag someone cos they bought you a drink.

Yet, the child is still hurt in either way or another. But it can be a hurt child only or hurt parents and child (because child feels bad for hurting parents).

 

8 minutes ago, Zerο said:

I've got mixed feelings about this.  My parents have always loved and supported me, but I've always felt a degree of resentment towards them for 1) bringing me into this world and 2) the genetic features I didn't ask for.

That is so me.

[Sherlocks]

45 minutes ago, hekoppetaca1 said:

Do children owe anything to their parents?

Because we have in most cases only two solutions:

• child is happy, because they do what they want, they are experimenting with their life and following their dreams, meanwhile parents are unhappy, live in constant fear that something might happen to the child, parents' ambitions are still unfulfilled, parents are not listened to, are not taken as serious authorities, therefore it all leads to parents' unhappiness. However, because the child is happy, parents should be paid back, because they gave life to a creature which is now feeling bliss
• child is completely following parents' will, wishes, wants, going the safe path, learning what parents want child to learn, working in a field in which parents want child to work, sometimes even marrying a person chosen by parents so child feel unhappy, depressed, suicidal, yet smiling because they don't want their parents' unhappiness. Now parents are being given happiness, while they should receive penalty for throwing an innocent, neutral creature into hell of life

Of course sometimes child's passions go in pair with parents' ambitions, but this happen very rarely.

Sometimes everyone is unhappy, but that's a more complicated story.

 

 

 

While I believe children should listen to their parents I do not believe they should be stuck living for their parents. Its not like your children asked to be born. I think some parents have children with the reason of fulfilling their hopes and dreams and having someone to fix their emotional problems. That is not why anyone should ever have a child. I also don't think children should be used as free labor. I think if you are going to force a child to work even after 18 you should pay them something for it. 

[Anthracite_Impreza]

Why would the child be hurt for following their own path?

[chubby turtle]

We owe our biological parents our lives.  We literally wouldn't exist to them.  However, this is not something we have to repay, nor can we.  Giving someone life is impossible once they're alive.  So, yes, we owe them something in one sense (i.e. They gave us something, did us a favor). We don't in another (we are not living in a state of constant debt to them.). It depends on your definition/extent of your definition of the word "owe." 

[Moophie]

3 minutes ago, chubby turtle said:

We owe our biological parents our lives.  We literally wouldn't exist to them.  However, this is not something we have to repay, nor can we.  Giving someone life is impossible once they're alive.  So, yes, we owe them something in one sense (i.e. They gave us something, did us a favor). We don't in another (we are not living in a state of constant debt to them.). It depends on your definition/extent of your definition of the word "owe." 

Generally it indicates a debt or a sense of moral obligation in the form of respect, etc.

 

But I agree. Outside of an actually signed legal agreement, you can't tell someone they owe someone else anything. The person in question has to weigh their own thoughts, feelings, experiences, etc. But I find too many people are too quick to say 'yes' at all costs. Especially when they're talking about someone else. Calling them immoral and such... -.-#

[hekky1]

16 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Why would the child be hurt for following their own path?

Hurting their parents and feeling bad for it.

[daveb]

I don't think kids owe their parents. Especially when it comes to things like having grandchildren or pursuing a particular career path or things like that. Not even friendship or respect - which are not things that can be owed to anyone in my opinion. They are things that are earned. Things like grandchildren, careers, lifestyles, etc., are personal choices and good parents should let their kids make their own choices. Part (I would even say, the main goal) of raising children is to teach them to be independent human beings free and capable of making their own choices.

 

Doing things like taking care of one's parents is something that should be done out of love, not as a payment of debt.

 

Those are my personal opinions.

[Mychemicalqpr]

I don't think it's fair to basically hold someone to an agreement that they had no choice in.  

[WinterWanderer]

Growing up, my parents often told me I'd be taking care of them one day. They especially loved to hold it over my head whenever I was frustrated with them. "Might as well get used to us, because you'll be cleaning up after us when we're old." That's probably one of the reasons why I hated living with them so much. They made it sound like I'd be their prisoner forever.

 

Now that I'm older, I feel a moral obligation to at least help them out a little bit. I'd hate to get old and have no one there to help me. But I'm not going to give up my dreams for them. I don't think anyone should have to live in their parents' shadow.

[Polygon]

Objectively, you don't really owe anything to anybody. It all comes down to personal feelings on the matter. If your parents are good to you, maybe you want to give back, be that financially or otherwise. If your parents were terrible, then obviously you don't owe them shit. 

 

By no means, however, do you have to do one or the other. It's your choice. 

[LittleGoody2Shoes]

I think once the child grows up their life should be their own and their career path shouldn't be controlled by their parents unless that's really what they want.

[Moophie]

5 minutes ago, hekoppetaca1 said:

Hurting their parents and feeling bad for it.

Ha ha ha ha! I made my mom cry on her birthday a few years ago, it was the last time I saw her ugly-ass mug. After I left my siblings informed me of the results. My only thought was and has been 'Huh, revenge is sweet'.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

7 minutes ago, hekoppetaca1 said:

Hurting their parents and feeling bad for it.

It's not the kid's problem to live out their parents' wishes, why should they feel bad?

[Gloomy]

I once owed my dad a few hundred dollars for getting my car fixed after I got in an accident, but that had nothing to do with him contributing to my existence. It was merely the same as if I would have taken my car to a mechanic and they wanted me to pay for their services. Otherwise I do not think I owe my parents anything simply because they happen to be the people my DNA came from or because my mom was pregnant with me for nine months out of the more than a quarter of a century I've existed.

 

I'm not responsible for other people's emotions. If my parents were unhappy about how I live my life then that is their problem, not mine.

[LittleGoody2Shoes]

14 minutes ago, daveb said:

 Not even friendship or respect - which are not things that can be owed to anyone in my opinion. They are things that are earned.

I think that all people should respect each other even if they don't like each other.