Lunisatessa Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 This has been removed. Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpy Alien Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 I honestly don't understand how an aromantic person can want a romantic relationship but I've seen this come up a lot lately. Link to post Share on other sites
Paige. Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 Queer Platonic Relationship maybe? Link to post Share on other sites
Fox6 Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 I define aromanticism as not being able to feel romantic attraction and infatuated love for another person, just like asexuality is defined by the lack of sexual attraction and desire for another person. And you seems to fall under the first category, based on what you described. You don't get "addicted" to your partner, and if your partner does it's a nuisance for you. There are many reasons why you would seek a relationship even if you don't feel romantic attraction. There are many people who want a partner only for sex, children, money, status, housekeeping, etc. You may be just wanting to have what others have. Not everyone enjoys making out. You may need to find someone who is more compatible with you. Link to post Share on other sites
ItWasNiceKnowingYou Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 Are you looking for a QPR (More based on having a really close emotional bond with someone without any romantic or sexual attraction involved)? Cupioromantics are aromantics who want the aspects of a romantic relationship even if they don't feel romantically attracted to the other person.... Is this what you mean? If not there's a link in my signature to the romantic orientation list on Aven. Maybe give it a try? Link to post Share on other sites
Sotapanna Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 I'm asexual... I would have/want a sexual relationship if I could. Just, when I get naked with people, there's nothing for me to do there. conversely, if someone who feels no romantic attraction for anyone, wishes they could?? Link to post Share on other sites
LettACE Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 i think i feel this a bit, i identify as aro, but i do kinda idealize a relationship a bit, although my idea of a relation ship is more cuddling on the couch watching netxflix or getting competitive over video games, or having nerf gun battles in the house, but none of these things are really romantic. I suppose it depends on what your looking for, if youve never had a crush on someone but still want to be romantic then i would look into cupioromantic. idk if this made any sense Link to post Share on other sites
Chihiro Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 Yes. Aros can want a relationship because of financial reasons, or just to have a constant friend to hang out with or to watch each others back or some other life convenience. Its just that aros don't fall madly in love or go crazy over their partner. It seems like you are an aro. (And why is aro wanting a relationship a surprise? I have heard of many situations where people madly in love with each other didn't pursue relationship because of some inconvenience like financial matters, distance etc. So if romos can not want a relationship because of some inconvenience, so can aros want a relationship because of some convenience) Link to post Share on other sites
binary suns Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 I think the whole need to define things as romantic or not romantic is rather silly. IMO direct interest in a relationship is romantic, even if it doesn't feel special. It is true that one aspect of romance, is the idea that someone "feels right" and "you just know they're the one" but that isn't the only aspect of romantic. An aromantic person just doesn't have longings for a partner. But... it is true that sometimes an aromantic person ends up with a lifestyle companion of some kind, but as Chihiro mentioned... That is more along the line of convenience. It's cheaper to live in an apartment with a roommate. and if your roommate leaves halfway through the year, that's a lot of stress. IDK how to really reconcile it all. There is a large grey area between being romantic and being without interest in romance. and people like you and I, we are in that grey area. Something about the "let's fall for someone" isn't so clear, maybe there's something there, but it's hard to really know. I highly doubt that every romantic person feels that they are with "the one" and that their partner "feels special" ! maybe we are romantic people, maybe we are not. maybe we are somewhere in between. trying to force a label and a lifestyle to match that label is unhealthy. Focus on what it is you really want. You have a clear idea in your head that you want to have someone in your life. So far things haven't worked out. but you keep wanting something. so keep looking. you'll find something that works eventually. there's no need to label it as romantic or aromantic either way. And - there's no rush. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 IMO desiring a committed relationship with someone is romantic. Wanting a roommate for convenience/financial reasons is not romantic, wanting a friend to hang out and watch films with is not romantic, wanting a cuddle buddy isn't necessarily romantic, wanting someone to have sex with or make out with isn't necessarily romantic, but wanting a partner who you are emotionally committed to and expect commitment from in return, someone who is more significant to you than others, someone who you put first and expect to put you first in return, then that is romantic. Link to post Share on other sites
Slayerin96 Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 On 2/17/2017 at 6:16 PM, ohdearIzzy said: IMO desiring a committed relationship with someone is romantic. This is just a myth. Commitment has nothing to do with romance. The former is willing to share your life with someone who is right for you - someone whom you love (NOTE: Loving and being IN LOVE are two TOTALLY DIFFERENT THINGS) and whom you choose to be your life partner based on various ADDITIONAL side factors. Romance is about butterflies in your stomach, increased heart rate, nervousness, shyness, blushing and the like (and the poisonous side in some people's case: infatuation - obsession, addiction etc.) when one is around the person they're romantically attracted to. In order to work, a committed relationship must be based on respect, trust, patience, understanding, acceptance, gratitude, comfort, safety, all of which, metaphorically, make up the cake. The romantic part is just the (extra-sugar) frosting on the cake (if infatuation is present, it is like poison - it is dangerous, ruins the whole cake, and all the aforementioned essential elements are ruined as poison makes them as good as void: alloromantics like the cake with frosting, whereas aromantics don't - just like some people don't enjoy TOO much sugar. Link to post Share on other sites
sir octepus tea Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 for anyone confused, it´s perfectly possible to be in a romantic relationship but not be romantically attracted to the other person. in fact, historically many marriages were only for financial and/or political benefits and had nothing to do with love. I´d say romantic love is a relativvely new concept but I´m not educated enough on history to give a definite opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 12 hours ago, Slayerin96 said: This is just a myth. Commitment has nothing to do with romance. The former is willing to share your life with someone who is right for you - someone whom you love (NOTE: Loving and being IN LOVE are two TOTALLY DIFFERENT THINGS) and whom you choose to be your life partner based on various ADDITIONAL side factors. Romance is about butterflies in your stomach, increased heart rate, nervousness, shyness, blushing and the like (and the poisonous side in some people's case: infatuation - obsession, addiction etc.) when one is around the person they're romantically attracted to. In order to work, a committed relationship must be based on respect, trust, patience, understanding, acceptance, gratitude, comfort, safety, all of which, metaphorically, make up the cake. The romantic part is just the (extra-sugar) frosting on the cake (if infatuation is present, it is like poison - it is dangerous, ruins the whole cake, and all the aforementioned essential elements are ruined as poison makes them as good as void: alloromantics like the cake with frosting, whereas aromantics don't - just like some people don't enjoy TOO much sugar. In your opinion. And as Octepus said, you can be in a romantic relationship without romantic feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Lorna81 Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 On 17/02/2017 at 3:55 AM, Kaitijg said: the idea of a relationship (except sex and things like marrriage) makes me happy. Being held, cared for, and having someone look out for you is something that I want. Longing for these things has caused me to persue relationships before, even if I didn't have feelings for the person. Typically, the relationship would start out pretty well and then I would begin to grow tired by what I felt was 'neediness' from my partner. Basically, the constant need to declare our love, or the idea that we were meant to care for eachother more than anyone else drove me crazy. I thought it was childish and irrational to think that I could love a boyfriend more, or differently than my friends. To me, it has always been an equal kind of love, and if i'm honest, the only difference between my relationships with my friends and with my partners was that there were more expectations in the latter. In my current relationship, which is the most serious one so far (though it has never gone beyond kissing) making out feels more like a chore (and somewhat repulsive) than a symbol of love. I don't think I feel any different towards him than how I feel towards anyone else i'm close to. Writing this, I realize that this could be why I have always found the idea of sex with someone I know personally to be repulsive, while sex with a stranger seems more bearable. Is it possible that I only develop platonic feelings for people, so that is why any romantic/ sexual acts make me feel incrediably uncomfortable or like I am acting? I mean, I personally find the idea of sleeping with my boyfriend as repulsive as the idea of sleeping with one of my family memebrs. Of course I love him, but it just disturbs me. Even feeling all this, I thought that I couldn't be aromantic because the idea of a relationship made me happy. However, if the relationship i'm after isn't about the Romeo and Juliet style love, but just about caring for and commiting to a person you love, does it 'count'? If I ever actually did like kissing at some point, or just wanted to every once and a while, does that mean I couldn't be aromantic? Can aromantic people be in a relationship where you occasionally do romantic things and still be considered aro? If you only feel an equal amount of love for your boyfriend as for your friends it sounds, to me, more platonic than romantic feelings that you're having. So maybe you're aromantic. If you're aromantic and asexual, any kind of making out is bound to feel uncomfortable and sex could turn out to be really traumatic if you went down that route to please a partner. I think it's possible for a an aromantic person to be in a platonic relationship - and this can include being held, cared for, and to have someone to look out for you - a romantic relationship is possible but wouldn't be fully romantic unless both were engaged in romance otherwise it would be very one-sided. I've heard of some aromantic/romantics managing to work things out, but in my experience it's felt unfair to the romantic person not being able to fully express their feelings and for them not to be reciprocated. Link to post Share on other sites
Éadweard Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 I want friends. Link to post Share on other sites
9Lives Posted March 4, 2017 Share Posted March 4, 2017 Someone recently told me "romance is just hormones and it usually passes within a few months". Which may be a bit harsh, and not necessarily true for everybody, but I think there are many good reasons to want a relationship that have nothing to do with romance - company, comfort, intimacy, support, convenience, taking care of each other, spending time together, doing things you enjoy together, raising children together, you name it. Link to post Share on other sites
banana monkey Posted March 4, 2017 Share Posted March 4, 2017 This thread is having me question my romantic orientation. I am pretty sure I have had romantic attraction for 1 person once in my life (so I identify as grey) and decided to try a relationship with the person which after 8 months did not work out but I was never "addicted" to my partner or felt limerence or infatuation. However, I did feel I loved them. This feeling was very different to the "love" I had for friends or family. I felt like i may have wanted to share my life with him eventually, cared a lot about what he was doing, Thought about him reasonably amounts (but not intrusively) he was very important to me at the time (probably more important than any other friend or family member) ie he mostly had priority in my life and at the time I had these feelings before we entered the relationship I was jealous when he had another relationship and during the relationship, when he relied on his family more than me (because I wanted to fill that role and be his priority). This is not a very good description, but this is what I would call romantic. Does romantic attraction really have to have limerence and "addiction"? because in that case, I may be aromantic. Link to post Share on other sites
SithAzathoth WinterDragon Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 Yes, aromantics can experience the desire to want a relationship but it might be really rare. I have not experienced it though so I honestly believe I'm never going to even experience it in the future anytime soon. I however am also homoramantic but really never wanted a relationship that is in the romantic area, it is very rare and I have not since high school many years back. Link to post Share on other sites
Somewhere_inbetween89 Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 On 3/4/2017 at 1:46 PM, banana monkey said: This thread is having me question my romantic orientation. I am pretty sure I have had romantic attraction for 1 person once in my life (so I identify as grey) and decided to try a relationship with the person which after 8 months did not work out but I was never "addicted" to my partner or felt limerence or infatuation. However, I did feel I loved them. This feeling was very different to the "love" I had for friends or family. I felt like i may have wanted to share my life with him eventually, cared a lot about what he was doing, Thought about him reasonably amounts (but not intrusively) he was very important to me at the time (probably more important than any other friend or family member) ie he mostly had priority in my life and at the time I had these feelings before we entered the relationship I was jealous when he had another relationship and during the relationship, when he relied on his family more than me (because I wanted to fill that role and be his priority). This is not a very good description, but this is what I would call romantic. Does romantic attraction really have to have limerence and "addiction"? because in that case, I may be aromantic. Hey, I am sorry for the late response, but I think romantic attraction is something that is very subjective and has a lot of individual variability. Not everyone gets the butterflies or addiction symptom- for some people love is a more quiet and mature feeling, and that’s ok too. If it felt like you were “in love” with him you probabaly were:) While it’s true that most of my friends have described being “in love” as a really overwhelming feeling, another friend said the feeling was barely noticeable and he didn’t even realize he was “in love” until she left. And the feeling can change for each relationship you have, or as you age. I identify as a grey romantic because I have definitely had romantic feelings, but looking back on my 29 years on this earth, I simply haven’t felt them as much as other people my age. I’ve never had a serious boyfriend but want a romantic relationship, and to fall in love one day. Oh yeah, and I have only felt the butterflies for one of my crushes, my other crushes and current celebrity crushes feel like I constantly daydream about them, I get a warm glow all over, I get feelings of exctacy in my chest, sometimes my heart skips a beat but not usually. Mostly it’s just a warmth and pleasurable feelings in my chest. I have never had a relationship so I have no idea if I would get addicted to the person or not. But yeah, it’s up to you to decide what romantic attraction is to you maybe if you’re aro that could have been a queerplatonic relationship, where you “loved” him but weren’t “in love.” I’m still very confused about all of this myself! Link to post Share on other sites
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