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What is desired by heteroromantic girls?


hekky1

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As in the title, what are qualities and traits which heteroromantic women find attractive (in men of course)? Surely, everyone is different, but I just want to see statistically how it seems like and how different it is from heterosexual majority. I'm asking both for personality and looks.

 

I might throw in here some suggestions: self-confidence, pursuing goals, cultural, interesting, mysterious, clean, healthy.

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Everyone wants something different. Some will want a badass, others will want a nerd, others a druggy. So really, look for people with simllar interests to you and you'll have more luck.

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8 minutes ago, Fly By said:

Everyone wants something different. Some will want a badass, others will want a nerd, others a druggy. So really, look for people with simllar interests to you and you'll have more luck.

I mean liek, I kind of found a person from nearby with the feeling by reading descripion "she's like my 90% match", but no reply. Maybe it's just an illusion, so I gave up, I can't just stop and wait years. So I want to create a perfect probable image which will make me kinda shine for both aces and non-aces.

I also will follow my project of "you are on another continent, but I am mobile so we can meet like in a week or so", but that's for a different thread.

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Just now, hekoppetaca1 said:

I mean liek, I kind of found a person from nearby with the feeling by reading descripion "she's like my 90% match", but no reply. Maybe it's just an illusion, so I gave up, I can't just stop and wait years. So I want to create a perfect probable image which will make me kinda shine for both aces and non-aces.

I also will follow my project of "you are on another continent, but I am mobile so we can meet like in a week or so", but that's for a different thread.

In doing so, you are not staying true to yourself. Which is up to you if you care about, however if you find someone by faking it, then it'll eventually crack and the truth will come out anyway. Just my 2 cents.

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13 minutes ago, Fly By said:

In doing so, you are not staying true to yourself. Which is up to you if you care about, however if you find someone by faking it, then it'll eventually crack and the truth will come out anyway. Just my 2 cents.

Neither choice is good: eternal pain of void inside heart or not being myself.

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"Be attractive. Don't be unattractive."

 

Seriously, I have no idea, but it does interest me as well. Not so much because I think I could do anything with the information, more because I wonder what kind of person would be successful with women, as all the males in my personal life range from unsuccessful to barely making it. With there not being more men than women in general, surely for all the males who can't find anyone, there must be those who have a lot of success? But what are they like?

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1 hour ago, hekoppetaca1 said:

I mean liek, I kind of found a person from nearby with the feeling by reading descripion "she's like my 90% match", but no reply. Maybe it's just an illusion, so I gave up, I can't just stop and wait years. So I want to create a perfect probable image which will make me kinda shine for both aces and non-aces.

I also will follow my project of "you are on another continent, but I am mobile so we can meet like in a week or so", but that's for a different thread.

You have to be yourseIf, not try to emuIate quaIities you think might appeaI to girIs (that wiII NEVER work in the Iong run because you can't pretend to be something you're not forever). The right girI wiII be attracted to you for who you are.. Just be yourseIf :)

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I second what everyone else has already said.....just be yourself !!! If you pretend to be someone your not,your just going to get exhausted real soon keeping up with your made up personality. It's also unfair to the girl,she's essential in love with a person who doesn't exist !!! Why not create a real image ,with your real personality,likes and dislikes and see what turns up ??? And you don't need a 100% match to be with someone...........remember opposites attract !!! I'm loud, bossy and blunt...but i really like mature,sensitive,kind and emotionally soothing guys.....i don't want someone who is exactly like me.....and even as far as interests are concerned,i'd love to date someone who has interests varied from mine....so i can learn more from him and expand my horizons !!! 

Just be yourself !!! Good luck !!!

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the main difference i've found between allo guys and ace guys (as an ace woman) is that most ace guys i meet/see online don't take care of themselves hygienically. like, for women, there's a social standard of always having to look nice no matter what. however, with men, the standard tends to be to look nice in order to be found sexually attractive. and ace guys, of course, have no need to be found sexually attractive, and therefore seem to let their appearance/personal cleanliness decline. that's just been my experience!! my best friend is an ace guy, very clean and attractive, but he's also dating a guy, so. other than that, it's just being yourself, personality-wise, and finding a girl who connects with you!

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6 hours ago, Kit Rose said:

the main difference i've found between allo guys and ace guys (as an ace woman) is that most ace guys i meet/see online don't take care of themselves hygienically. like, for women, there's a social standard of always having to look nice no matter what. however, with men, the standard tends to be to look nice in order to be found sexually attractive. and ace guys, of course, have no need to be found sexually attractive, and therefore seem to let their appearance/personal cleanliness decline. that's just been my experience!! my best friend is an ace guy, very clean and attractive, but he's also dating a guy, so. other than that, it's just being yourself, personality-wise, and finding a girl who connects with you!

There are a lot of smelly, dirty "allo" guys haha.. it's just if they end up on a dating site they're usually trying to make a good impression :P ..There are thousands of asexual guys on OKCupid and many of them look clean and tidy!

 

And the truth is, many sexual men are more attracted to a woman doing less with her appearance! They can find it very intimidating when a woman is all made up and styled perfectly, whereas if a girl shows herself without makeup on doing something sporty or messy, with her hair all over the place etc, guys feel more comfortable like they can relax around her and won't be held to unrealistic standards. It's mostly women who assume guys prefer a woman to look perfect all the time and many women project that on each other and try to outdo each other, but studies I read a while back show that while women who look stunning and perfect may get more profile views, the ones making less effort (and having more fun in the process) have much higher success and happiness rates with online dating. :) (Edit, a guy looking for a shallow fling is more often looking for perfection of appearance, but men looking for a serious relationship are often attracted to a woman looks more easygoing, casual, fun, and less strict about perfection of appearance, according to the studies anyway haha)

 

 

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There is no way to make a relationship last if you are not yourself. Otherwise, it's doomed to failure and going to be taxing.

 

People are attracted to people who are compatible with them. Show off your personality in a profile. Don't be afraid to be goofy, if you're a goofy person. Geek side ? Well, put it out there for the fellow geeks to find. A relationship will only last if you are both, in your core, compatible. So let the real you shine through in personalities.

 

And don't just message one person. If you message ten, one might reply. If you message one, you're unlikely to get a reply. Online dating is a numbers game. People can be extremely picky. Your opening message is important, but so is what you say on your profile itself. Don't be generic. 

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I'm no expert, but one thing that is a big turn-off for most, probably sexuals and asexuals alike, is desperation. You should avoid giving off the vibe, that "I want a girlfriend, any girlfriend" and instead show interest in the girl as an individual. Or were you only asking about tips on online dating? I don't really know anything about that.

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Prufrock, but like, worse

They want you to be violent and unfeeling. Trust me, if you have a moral compass, give up. I learned this too late.

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15 hours ago, ℃å℞t☉☧hℹĿẹ• said:

There are a lot of smelly, dirty "allo" guys haha.. it's just if they end up on a dating site they're usually trying to make a good impression :P ..There are thousands of asexual guys on OKCupid and many of them look clean and tidy!

 

And the truth is, many sexual men are more attracted to a woman doing less with her appearance! They can find it very intimidating when a woman is all made up and styled perfectly, whereas if a girl shows herself without makeup on doing something sporty or messy, with her hair all over the place etc, guys feel more comfortable like they can relax around her and won't be held to unrealistic standards. It's mostly women who assume guys prefer a woman to look perfect all the time and many women project that on each other and try to outdo each other, but studies I read a while back show that while women who look stunning and perfect may get more profile views, the ones making less effort (and having more fun in the process) have much higher success and happiness rates with online dating. :) (Edit, a guy looking for a shallow fling is more often looking for perfection of appearance, but men looking for a serious relationship are often attracted to a woman looks more easygoing, casual, fun, and less strict about perfection of appearance, according to the studies anyway haha)

 

 

hmm i'm not sure where i said men preferred "perfection", but a lot of times when a guy says they like a girl without makeup, they mean a girl who's wearing neutral makeup. i just said looking clean and nice. allo men want women who look like they're doing less with their appearance, but very few are honestly attracted to the uncombed hair and the dark circles. that's why the "messy bun" was in fashion for so long; it looks like you've just thrown your hair up, but it actually takes a while to do to make it look good. to most guys, who have no clue how makeup even works, as long as it's a neutral color, they think you're not wearing makeup at all. it's the art of looking like you're doing/wearing less, while still doing just as much. 

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I noticed a desire for attention.

Closeted wealth doesn't harm. To be clear: Don't buy the fancy car on credit. Drive the well maintained old beater and have cash.

On ‎13‎.‎02‎.‎2017 at 8:02 PM, hekoppetaca1 said:

I want to create a perfect probable image which will make me kinda shine for both aces and non-aces.

I also will follow my project of "you are on another continent, but I am mobile so we can meet like in a week or so"

Find your style. And gather enough professional competence to make it anywhere.

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On February 13, 2017 at 2:02 PM, hekoppetaca1 said:

I mean liek, I kind of found a person from nearby with the feeling by reading descripion "she's like my 90% match", but no reply. Maybe it's just an illusion, so I gave up, I can't just stop and wait years. So I want to create a perfect probable image which will make me kinda shine for both aces and non-aces.

I also will follow my project of "you are on another continent, but I am mobile so we can meet like in a week or so", but that's for a different thread.

I understand your feeling of eagerness to want to find someone and not wanting to wait for however long that might take. BUT coming from a hetero girl, you will scare someone off/come off as desperate if you say something along the lines of your willingness to go to even another continent within a week to meet with them. Any levelheaded girl would be afraid of that eagerness - someone out there may be intrigued by your offer, but their intentions are probably flawed - like they want your money, if you can afford to just fly anywhere, for example. And it wouldn't end up being genuine or make you happy. 

 

I think if you are able to be happy with yourself, love who you are and don't feel like you NEED someone in your life to fulfill something, that self confidence will attract people to you, girls and guys, romantic and platonic! But if you come off as too needy, to eager to jump into a relationship no matter if you have to lie about who you are, etc, then you won't truly find the relationship you are looking for. It may take time and soul searching but at the end of the day you need to confront yourself and understand what makes you, you.

 

Hope this his helps you!

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17 minutes ago, pandi said:

you will scare someone off/come off as desperate if you say something along the lines of your willingness to go to even another continent within a week to meet with them

I'm not sure actually about this. If I am financially and timely able to do so and it wouldn't be a problem for me, why would that scare off? If a millionaire stranger (assuming you are 100% sure it's a millionaire) told you that they will visit you just for the sake of it, would that be scary and desperate :P?

 

1 hour ago, Busrider said:

Closeted wealth doesn't harm. To be clear: Don't buy the fancy car on credit. Drive the well maintained old beater and have cash.

Find your style. And gather enough professional competence to make it anywhere.

True words.

 

12 hours ago, Cthulhu said:

They want you to be violent and unfeeling. Trust me, if you have a moral compass, give up. I learned this too late.

Tried, didn't work.

 

Quote

All the posts about being myself.

I have been already for 22 years and I would need to be completely dumb to think that anyone would look at me that way :P.

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7 hours ago, hekoppetaca1 said:

I'm not sure actually about this. If I am financially and timely able to do so and it wouldn't be a problem for me, why would that scare off? If a millionaire stranger (assuming you are 100% sure it's a millionaire) told you that they will visit you just for the sake of it, would that be scary and desperate :P?

Honestly yes though, I believe for someone to say they would travel anywhere across the world within just a few days of talking to me online for the first time - doesn't matter if they are a millionaire or not - it would be scary/weird me out - it would make one wonder what your end motive is, "does he expect something physical out of me since he came 5,000 miles away?" "Is he going to throw himself on me?" "Is he a serial killer?" "Will he try to guilt me into doing things since he spent money coming here?" "What does he really want?" "Is he a stalker?" "Will he go home peacefully if we don't click?" -- sure some of these thoughts may sound out there and ridiculous to you but they would be thoughts that cross a girls mind when confronted with someone being so forward and eager. I say these things to help you out, if you're honestly trying to find a genuine caring relationship and not a mail-order-bride that wants all your money. 

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9 hours ago, hekoppetaca1 said:
21 hours ago, Cthulhu said:

They want you to be violent and unfeeling. Trust me, if you have a moral compass, give up. I learned this too late.

Tried, didn't work.

D3WgqCv.gif

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I thought it through and a solution emerged: remove that non-physiological desire, just like I got rid of some other wants and force myself into aromanticity.

I mean, there's a huge paradox: want it - stop needing it and when you don't need it - get it, but after now I don't need it anymore, so why would I even take it?

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33 minutes ago, hekoppetaca1 said:

I thought it through and a solution emerged: remove that non-physiological desire, just like I got rid of some other wants and force myself into aromanticity.

I mean, there's a huge paradox: want it - stop needing it and when you don't need it - get it, but after now I don't need it anymore, so why would I even take it?

You don't have to become aromantic, just convinced, that you can live on your own just fine, at least "nor now", even if you would prefer a partner. Neediness and clinginess will not do you any favors whatsoever in the dating field.

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55 minutes ago, sindi said:

just convinced, that you can live on your own just fine

Technically, it comes down to becoming aromantic, because if I am fine by myself, why would I ever want to be with anyone else. And if I am fine by myself and suddenly get into relationship, it would be only waste of time, energy or no waste and no gain. So being a couple will be indifferent from not being a couple in that case and starting a relationship is already a small amount of energy and time needed, so it's not economical.

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On 2/13/2017 at 10:31 AM, hekoppetaca1 said:

self-confidence, pursuing goals, cultural, interesting, mysterious, clean, healthy.

I'm probably heteroromantic. 

 

It's easy to love someone who doesn't have self confidence, but it's common to choose someone that can invite you to be different. My s.o is someone who has self confidence, and I'm someone who does not. I have a hard time pursuing goals, but my s.o is extremely goal orientated. Neither of us have culture because we're super white , but we both like to learn about cultures that do exist, even if they aren't our own (he's obsessed with rick Steves). I'm slightly overweight at the moment and gained 10 more lbs since he met me; he's tall and lean.. and... perfect. I know that his previous girlfriends were all somewhat thin, and I also know that my previous interests ranged from "medium" (in both weight and height) to heavier build and less tall; but we still find each other attractive, which means we both have a generous scale on what we find physically appealing. We both agree that "optimal" comes down to health; he's trying to gain weight (as he's 6'4" and 170 lbs) and I'm trying to lose weight (as I'm 5'3" and 145 lbs), but whether or not we reach our goals isn't incredibly important to the other person as long as we have healthy bodies within reason and are comfortable with how we view ourselves. 

 

I'm attracted to people who have strong opinions and, as like, a skirt-tale to that, have a tendency to get intense when they talk about them. In general, even for friends, I've never really liked people who are insistent on keeping their opinions dull because it's a red flag to me if someone isn't at least intensely passionate about even just one particular subject. I've heard this same thing from lots of other people, that even if you don't share the interest, being around someone who lets themselves get excited over something they like is going to make you feel like you can do the same about what you enjoy, and feel accepted. As per personal standard, it's good to stay away from people who make you feel embarrassed about being passionate for something. You don't necessarily have to look for people who fit a certain genre, but rather someone who won't think lesser of you if your interests don't align with theirs. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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2 hours ago, hekoppetaca1 said:

Technically, it comes down to becoming aromantic, because if I am fine by myself, why would I ever want to be with anyone else. And if I am fine by myself and suddenly get into relationship, it would be only waste of time, energy or no waste and no gain. So being a couple will be indifferent from not being a couple in that case and starting a relationship is already a small amount of energy and time needed, so it's not economical.

well, if that's your thought process, then maybe you just need to hide your desperation really, really well. Another tip would be, to focus less on all the traits that could possibly make you attractive, and instead focus fully on the girl, making her feel special, attractive and interesting (just avoid being too intensive about it at the start, or you'll come off like a obsessed creep). I think guys in general have a tendency to focus on themselves too much, and then after a date gone awry wonder, why the girl wasn't interested even if he told so much interesting stuff about himself! Well, if you just rambled on about yourself, hardly giving the girl a chance to talk, not to mention showing interest in what she has to say, she just saw you as a dime a dozen selfish jerk.

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It really depends.  As a group? You really can't pinpoint specifics.  

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I desire kindness, gentleness, good heart. Emotionality.

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danigirlawkward

Heteroromantic girl here.

 

As others have said, everyone is different. These are the traits I personally desire in a potential partner.

Thoughtfulness, humor, creativity, loyalty, as well as the following:

 

Patience: He needs to understand where I stand in terms of independence. I have never dated nor been in a serious relationship (long story). Anyway, as an only child I'm used to being by myself. I'm extroverted and love being around my friends but at the end of the day I'm used to only being responsible for myself. If we're out on a date and you offer to pay, I will offer to at least cover my half just because I hate when others use their money on me. 

 

Adventure: Would it be nice to just hop on a plane and travel abroad or take a cross country road trip? Sure. That's not always realistic so I would like someone who can help me find adventure wherever I may be at that moment. 

 

Vulnerability: Whenever I see a man on television or movie crying, I honestly love and hate it at the same time. I hate it because seeing anyone cry is sad but generally speaking, men have had in hard wired from a young age to be tough. If you cry you're a baby. I'd rather a potential partner be upset and come to me crying than just bottle it up only to have him explode later.


Passion: One trait I admire in anyone is their passion about something. To see their face light up when they are talking about whatever it is, makes me feel inspired to get my butt in gear to pursue my own interests. Speaking interests, I wouldn't care if a man were interested in things I had no idea about because at least that way I could learn something new and therefore only build our relationship.

 

Curiosity: I'm at fault for questioning things constantly. It'd be nice to be with someone who is knowledgeable about some things but I'd like for him to question things as well so we can learn together or I could pass on my knowledge to him. It's also a great way to have a date at a museum or gallery which would be nice.

 

Sorry if it's a bit long. I hope this gives some perspective.

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Ace ♠ At ♠ Archery

It depends on the person, not every heteroromantic girl is the same. In guys I like them to be kind, loyal, gentle and have shared interests.

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Sunflowerfield

I think most people are attracted to confidence, a positive attitude, maturity, kindness, and loyalty. I think that good character is attractive, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. Shared values, beliefs and future goals also help a lot. When it comes to specifics like appearances or personality, people will vary greatly. I tend to go for introverted and intellectual guys, though sometimes I've been attracted to guys (and girls) who aren't my usual "type".

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