Guest Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 I notice that people often seem to includ "deep conversations" in what is non sexual intimacy, but what does that mean? What does a deep conversation consist of? What makes it different to other conversations? I'm not sure how to tell if a conversation is deep or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Sherlocks Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 6 minutes ago, Mystic Maya said: I notice that people often seem to includ "deep conversations" in what is non sexual intimacy, but what does that mean? What does a deep conversation consist of? What makes it different to other conversations? I'm not sure how to tell if a conversation is deep or not. Like talking about serious stuff vs stuff like "Hey hows the weather? Do you like dogs"? Link to post Share on other sites
Sylvastor Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 A conversation that makes time fly by, which makes me forget about my surroundings, where I can discuss serious topics, problems and issues and am taken seriously. The same goes for my conversation partner. If it feels unbalanced, it's not deep enough. If it relates to deep conversations in relationships, add an active expression of trust: Being able to tell anything without feeling judged. Basically being "completely free" in what to talk about. That's a deep conversation for me, they also tend to advance and evolve without much efforts (which I consider a rare thing). Link to post Share on other sites
SkyWorld Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 I would define it as an on-going conversation that contains intellectual thought. Well, for me, that is. Compared to "small talk" that is very short and quick conversations. Link to post Share on other sites
sindi Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 For me, "deep conversation" is something, where you share very personal thoughts and feelings. Talking about politics or philosophy etc doesn't automatically make a conversation deep. In fact, conversations about politics often feel very impersonal to me, and don't awake any feelings of intimacy. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 18 minutes ago, Sherlocks said: Like talking about serious stuff vs stuff like "Hey hows the weather? Do you like dogs"? What is considered serious stuff? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 11 minutes ago, sindi said: For me, "deep conversation" is something, where you share very personal thoughts and feelings. Talking about politics or philosophy etc doesn't automatically make a conversation deep. In fact, conversations about politics often feel very impersonal to me, and don't awake any feelings of intimacy. Very personal thoughts and feelings about what? Link to post Share on other sites
Sherlocks Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 7 minutes ago, Mystic Maya said: What is considered serious stuff? Politics, psychology, deep hidden feelings, philosophy, introspection Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 What makes thoughts or feelings "very personal"? Link to post Share on other sites
Sylvastor Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Discussing personal interests, goals, plans, feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
sindi Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 5 minutes ago, Mystic Maya said: Very personal thoughts and feelings about what? Anything! As long as it's personal and something, that you can call "opening up", instead of something that you could say to anyone, at any time (like your "personal thoughts" on the weather). Link to post Share on other sites
SkyWorld Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 1 minute ago, Mystic Maya said: What makes thoughts or feelings "very personal"? I'd say things one might only say to someone trusted. Link to post Share on other sites
Sherlocks Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 1 minute ago, Mystic Maya said: What makes thoughts or feelings "very personal"? Everything I not sharing on here Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 7 minutes ago, sindi said: Anything! As long as it's personal and something, that you can call "opening up", instead of something that you could say to anyone, at any time (like your "personal thoughts" on the weather). Things I can say to anyone at any time isn't much since I find general conversations hard, the people I can actually do it with at all is very limited... Giving my thoughts on the weather to "anyone" would be difficult to me even Link to post Share on other sites
sindi Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Just now, Mystic Maya said: Things I can say to anyone at any time isn't much since I find general conversations hard, the people I can actually do it with at all is very limited... Giving my thoughts on the weather to "anyone" would be difficult to me even Well, I guess it depends on person what you consider "deep conversation", and this is one of those things where we can't form an exact definition. If you feel like you're opening up and feel a mental intimacy with someone, when you talk about the weather with them, that could be deep conversation to you. Link to post Share on other sites
NerotheReaper Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Things like "what is the meaning of life?", kind of philosophical based questions. Or discussions where you are thinking about these abstract ideas together, and bouncing off of each other's thoughts. I think a lot of people like these type of conversations because within the responses you can find out a lot about the other person. That least to me that is how I define a 'deep conversation', it might vary from person to person though. Link to post Share on other sites
Kit Rose Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 there are a couple platonic relationships i have where i get my deep conversation intimacy. it includes talking for hours on end, without us even meaning to, about our fears, and relationships with other people, and mental/emotional issues we have that we would not share openly with other people. it's giving the other person a deeper look into yourself, and vise versa, to create more of a closeness between the two people. this includes both sharing these things we have in common, as well as giving advice for the different struggles we have. for example: one night, from about 11pm to 3am, my friend and i sat in my car and talked about our shared fear of death, and our anxiety, and living with adhd, and mutual friends who we act like we like in front of other people, but we can express our true feelings regarding them to each other. and these things we discuss are only between us. in my experience, knowing someone is telling you things that no one else knows about them makes you feel closer to them, and makes you feel special to them. i'm the only person who knows certain things about them, and they trusted me enough to share those things with me, and that makes me feel cherished and appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
chubby turtle Posted February 19, 2017 Share Posted February 19, 2017 The things that makes deep conversations intimate is that ITS NOT SOMETHING YOU WOULD SAY TO MOST PEOPLE. That's the most important part, that's what makes it nice, that's what makes it personal. Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted February 19, 2017 Share Posted February 19, 2017 It depends on the people involved in a conversation. People might be open about things you wouldn't want to share and vice versa. My general rule of thumb would be: Things you'd happily tell random strangers don't make deep conversations, whereas things you'd talk to those close to you about could. How would you define it, @Mystic Maya? Do you have a general idea of what you would consider to be personal and/or deep? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 19, 2017 Share Posted February 19, 2017 46 minutes ago, Homer said: It depends on the people involved in a conversation. People might be open about things you wouldn't want to share and vice versa. My general rule of thumb would be: Things you'd happily tell random strangers don't make deep conversations, whereas things you'd talk to those close to you about could. How would you define it, @Mystic Maya? Do you have a general idea of what you would consider to be personal and/or deep? My mutism makes even basic things like greetings hard to say to random strangers offline, I can communicate much more via text in the online world compared to the "real world", I'm not sure if the distinction considers that, but maybe it means being comfortable with an individual, being able to tell things without being judged, enjoying to be together... things like that... I don't know though, the phrase "deep conversation" makes me think that it has to be about philosophy topics Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted February 19, 2017 Share Posted February 19, 2017 Oh I wasn't aware of your mutism. That might change a thing and I would have to think about it, but we're approaching 2.30am and me no function properly at this point, so I'll get back to that later. Link to post Share on other sites
RoseGoesToYale Posted February 19, 2017 Share Posted February 19, 2017 I consider a deep conversation to be one where each take turns speaking for more than a few sentences on a topic, and the conversation can last up to half an hour or longer. It might be on academic topics, but it could also be a topic both people are passionate about or something complicated that can be analyzed. After the conversation is over, one might feel a deeper understanding for the topic or respect for the other person. I don't think a deep conversation has to be face-to-face. I used to email a family friend all the time, discussing various topics, and they might be several paragraphs long, and felt rather deep and enlightening. Link to post Share on other sites
arekathevampyre Posted February 19, 2017 Share Posted February 19, 2017 to talk to someone over text about myself and my issues (aka mental health) . Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 19, 2017 Share Posted February 19, 2017 On 2/11/2017 at 3:27 AM, Mystic Maya said: I notice that people often seem to includ "deep conversations" in what is non sexual intimacy, but what does that mean? What does a deep conversation consist of? What makes it different to other conversations? I'm not sure how to tell if a conversation is deep or not. A meaningful conversation that connects you and the other person on an emotional level. Link to post Share on other sites
chair jockey Posted February 19, 2017 Share Posted February 19, 2017 There's no agreement on what a deep conversation is. People have different strengths that they use to make their way through life, and they use those strengths in deep conversations too. To me a deep conversation is anything other than light chat. Some people express important feelings back and forth, some disclose highly personal and sensitive things to each other (identity protection on AVEN really helps people feel free to do that), some talk about high-impact things like how to run a country or get a better understanding of what reality is, some talk about big practical problems that affect everyone talking, etc. The list is almost endless. Link to post Share on other sites
Lorna81 Posted February 19, 2017 Share Posted February 19, 2017 On 11/02/2017 at 8:27 AM, Mystic Maya said: I notice that people often seem to includ "deep conversations" in what is non sexual intimacy, but what does that mean? What does a deep conversation consist of? What makes it different to other conversations? I'm not sure how to tell if a conversation is deep or not. I tend to see deep conversations to consist in the deeper sharing of personal experiences and views. Going beyond the everyday talk 'how are you?' 'Fine thanks' (which you say to folk you don't know even when you're not) to revealing and analysing your true feelings, desires and beliefs. Often such debates can get philosophical and contain some level of analysis. Sometimes such conversations lead to the meaning of life and our purpose for being here as they are the beliefs on which our lives are founded. So fundamentals. Maybe getting back to the fundamentals of one's life purpose and beliefs and how they shape our actions and emotions is a sign of a deep conversation. Link to post Share on other sites
gisiebob Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 needs to be at least 400 mm deep. Link to post Share on other sites
danigirlawkward Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 Many people here pretty much summed it up for what I think a deep conversation consists of. To me, anything in conversation that I don't have to think too intently on is not deep conversation. Stranger or not, the moment I start to think more about how the topic makes me feel or talking about that one thing for a long period of time to me is what I would describe as a deep conversation. The topic itself doesn't necessarily make it a deep conversation. For instance: I could be talking to someone about the weather and then the next thing I know we're 45 minutes in and talking about what we perceive the meaning of life to be. It depends on who you are and the person or group of people you're talking to. Link to post Share on other sites
Kere Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 I'd go with a) discussing some idea both parties have a mutual interest for the sake of understanding it better. This could be on any subject, really. b) a conversation involving one person sharing their true self, and the other one responding positively. The beauty of a conversation like this is that the first person's example often gives tacit permission for the second one to do the same, allowing the two to know each other better. Because I am not currently in a relationship, I *live* for conversations like this - I have to get those intimacy needs met somehow, lol. If I could skip small talk altogether and just talk to people in this way, I would, although I recognize this is not really practical or feasible. Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 On 19.2.2017 at 2:11 AM, Mystic Maya said: My mutism makes even basic things like greetings hard to say to random strangers offline, I can communicate much more via text in the online world compared to the "real world", I'm not sure if the distinction considers that, but maybe it means being comfortable with an individual, being able to tell things without being judged, enjoying to be together... things like that... I don't know though, the phrase "deep conversation" makes me think that it has to be about philosophy topics On 19.2.2017 at 2:23 AM, Homer said: Oh I wasn't aware of your mutism. That might change a thing and I would have to think about it, but we're approaching 2.30am and me no function properly at this point, so I'll get back to that later. Okay it changed more than a thing. I have precisely zero personal experience with mutism, so this is mostly based on assumptions. Feel free to correct me First, I imagine mutism to drastically limit the amount of people you interact with (offline). The distinction I made totally ignores that possibility. Mutism might work as a filter. There are a lot less people you get in touch with in the first place and the ones you do get in touch with have something very significant in common with you (which makes me wonder if there's something like a mutism filter bubble?) All the things you mentioned - being comfortable, no judgement, enjoyment - are some of the ingredients you need for a deep conversation. I'd add trust. Yet that isn't enough. I could trust you, be comfortable around you and enjoy your company, yet if we just chat about the weather, that's not very deep. Deep conversations often involve revealing quite private/personal stuff, stances and opinions, insecurities, questions... I need to rely on the other person not to misuse the knowledge a deep conversation will give them. Maybe an example would help. Let's assume we got to know each other in RL (without meeting online beforehand). You'd probably tell me that you're trans and you might think of that as a not very personal statement. Now I'm getting curious and I start asking questions. You get the feeling that I'm sincere and seriously interested in the subject, not trying to mock you or anything. You might be willing to tell me about technical issues, administrative struggles, feelings, vulnerabilities... that would be pretty deep and personal in my book. But then again, maybe you're just happy to educate people, you don't have a problem with giving out all the information and you don't worry what they think of you, so it wouldn't be that personal and intimate in your book. Note: This example is purely meant to illustrate the subject of deep conversations, I'm not trying to start a discussion about trans issues. I chose this example because I thought it would be something you can relate to and I hope that that's okay for you. tl;dr - What makes (or doesn't make) a deep discussion is determined by the people involved. Link to post Share on other sites
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