Do people ever assume you are gay?

[Sherlocks]

I tend to be very ambiguous about everything including my romantic interests. I tend to often reject most who romantic advances. People often come to the assumption I must just be gay. Some, in fact, have gotten angry with me for being "Gay" even though no one bothered to confirm it. Everyone just accepted it as a fact. 

[Ashmedai]

There have been so many people assume that I was gay, and for absolutely no reason at all. It seemed rather weird too.

[chair jockey]

My parents once asked me whether I was gay, but it was a long time ago. I think I was 15 and had never mentioned having feelings for a girl. I hadn't mentioned having feelings for a boy, either, but that didn't stop them from asking the question.

 

Many years later, in my 30s, a guy suggested that I'm gay because I had lived with my parents until about two years earlier and "a lot of gay guys live with their parents a long time."  Believe it or not that guy was gay himself.

[Scott1989]

Yes people have assumed I was gay but not due to my aceness

 

Cutting several long stories short, I go out on nights out with a close hetrosexual friend, and sometimes, strangers have asked if we are a couple (in a non threatening way). We just simply laugh it off and just explain we are friends. My friend jokes about being insulted that they think he has a low standard on partners.

 

I don't honestly know what my family and friends who don't know I'm ace actually think. I think they just assume I'm straight but unlucky/shy/me focused. Assuming this because I've heard a parent ask my grandparents who made a racist statement "What if Scott brings an asian girlfriend round to yours? Would you not welcome her in?"

[Luftschlosseule]

I am always wondering what the random visitors on the local pride parade think when I help out there.
We have a demonstration and a street festival in a court in the middle of the city, which is often used as a shortcut so there are loads of people that are just passing through. I suppose that some think me to be a lesbian.

[AK-Stoic]

lmfao I bet lotta aces had to deal with this particular statement. lol I am no exception on it. ever since I was 10 years old my family told everybody in my life that I am gay. lol didn't really challenge either.! 

cause to me its not an issue to lose sleep over.

 

although to be honest. I kinda have squish or romantic crush on another ace male. not entirely sure what is it lol

[Nebulous]

I remember one time where someone just... Openly asked me. During my first (and only) time going to a club with friends, I wore blue jeans and a modest shirt. It was a stark contrast to what my friends wore, but while they were looking to pick someone up, I wasn't. We eventually got into a conversation with two guys at a pool table, and one of them asked me, "are you a lesbian?". I'm assuming it's because I wasn't flirting with him or his friend, and because I wasn't dressed provocatively. But I was a little offended because they got my identity so wrong.

 

Otherwise, I have no idea what people have assumed, because they never told me.

[Sidestep]

Rarely. Then again, my friends have imagined quite an interesting love life for me over the years (with absolutely no contribution on my part). 

 

The one exception was my grandfather, and I don't think I've ever loved him more than when he asked me, out of the blue, when I'd find myself a nice boyfriend or girlfriend. It isn't perfect, but the effort he made to accept me was really touching. 

[WinterWanderer]

I've had a few people think I'm gay. My mom did for a while. My neighbor in college thought I secretly had a crush on one of my roommates HAHA.

[Blondbear]

 

I think that's because many asexual people is also on the autistic spectrum and both autism and asexuality correlate with much higher than average not typical gender orientation or romantic orientation. In fact that makes sense. Usually gays tend to look more feminine and lesbians tend to look more masculine, so if somebody is "in the middle" it makes sense that this person is bisexual or asexual.

[Orchliet]

    I'm not Ace so maybe it doesn't entirely apply to me, but anytime my friends talk to me about girls I dismiss them and I get it, but more in a joking manner . "Damn look at her ass!" "Yeah but...why... who cares?" "Bro you HAVE to be gay!"

etc. etc.

[Mychemicalqpr]

I wish I could just take a few gay assumptions off all your hands. No one ever guesses that I'm not heteroromantic.

[AK-Stoic]

41 minutes ago, Blondbear said:

 

I think that's because many asexual people is also on the autistic spectrum and both autism and asexuality correlate with much higher than average not typical gender orientation or romantic orientation. In fact that makes sense. Usually gays tend to look more feminine and lesbians tend to look more masculine, so if somebody is "in the middle" it makes sense that this person is bisexual or asexual.

not all asexuals are autistic spectrum. while there maybe some validity to your statement about being atypical or non gender conforming. I know some heterosexuals that aren't masculine either.! 

 

being an effeminate gay is kinda frowned upon in the gay community most don't like it. but some do lol.!  people are complex individuals

[Scott1989]

15 minutes ago, twilightstarr said:

I wish I could just take a few gay assumptions off all your hands. No one ever guesses that I'm not heteroromantic.

Yeah know that feeling when it comes to those who know me. Made a joke recently when a few guys in work were saying they need to pick up their wives from theor work night outs on the same night. I said something like "We'll i would say the same but I don't have a girlfriend, nevermind a wife" in a humerous tone. Next thing I know one of them sends me a link to a site where I could apply for a dating show on TV (they don't know I'm ace so took it as the joke they intended).

[9Lives]

All the time. In fact, most people I know probably assume that I'm gay. I'm pretty open about saying that I like women (I do, just not in a sexual sense) and that I'm usually not particularly interested in men. It probably doesn't help that I don't dress very feminine, wear my hair short and don't wear much makeup. (Which is ridiculous - one of my good friends is gay and she usually looks like she just stepped off the red carpet, even when we're just getting ice cream.)

I don't mind, though. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being gay, and it saves me the trouble of having to go through a version of "I am asexual, but I like women and occasionally people with other gender identities in a non-sexual way" and then having to explain what asexuality and sexual attraction are, that not everybody identifies as either male or female, and that sexual orientation is not necessarily linked to either gender or romantic orientation. I'm not hiding my orientation, but explaining it can be tedious, particularly when people aren't really listening.

[Guest]

Yeah. My lesbian co worker who really is a nice person seems to be crushing hard on me (I'm FAB) and it's just awkward. I guess i do something that makes people assume i'm gay. Wich i'm not.Weird that people automatically assume you are gay because you aren't interested in dating..

[Blondbear]

1 hour ago, AK-Stoic said:

not all asexuals are autistic spectrum. while there maybe some validity to your statement about being atypical or non gender conforming. I know some heterosexuals that aren't masculine either.! 

 

being an effeminate gay is kinda frowned upon in the gay community most don't like it. but some do lol.!  people are complex individuals

 

 

Sure, I don't think all asexuals are on the autistic spectrum, I don't even think the majority of asexuals are on the spectrum but I do think that the level of correlation is much more higher than with neurotypicals, there are even polls in this web that show that the percentage of aces in the spectrum is in double digits. So the correlation between aspergers and asexuality is about 1000 to 2000% higher than with NT, 1-2% vs 10-20%. And we should add the amount of people who is not officially diagnosed, because many autistic women never become oficially diagnosed. 

[MissingNoomber]

I've had people assume I'm gay quite often but really nothing about me says I'm gay, sorta sucks but what ever people are just gonna assume until proven otherwise.

[Ennis]

I suppose there are some people who suspect that I'm gay.

Sometimes I wish they would just ask me. That would make coming out a helluva lot easier.

[Squirrel Combat]

Oh yeah, to the point that I've had gay men compete against each other for my attention.

[Chorvus]

Probably. 

 

I'm often mistaken for a man, but once people notice my great butt I'm guessing the next thought is "really butch lesbian".

 

I'm also not really interested in dating (anyone) but since people only ask whether I think men are attractive (in that way) and never about women, it could come across as being gay, I guess

 

Although I fall prey to it myself, it really does bother me that people have such strict and rigorous visual codes for identities. Straight people dye their hair too! Some boys like wearing makeup and dresses! 

 

I just like short hair and jeans with proper pockets (men's jeans), but that's a visual code for a sexual orientation? Give me a break!!!

 

Additionally, I'd like to point out that the possibility of experiencing attraction to the same gender is MUCH more common knowledge than the possibility of... just not experiencing it at all...

 

People can't assume you're ace if they've never heard about it before.

[RHD95]

Not at first glance, but I feel some start to get suspicious if they notice a lack of interest in flirting, talking about girls/dating/sex, "oogling" people, or that I've never had a relationship before.

 

A girl once assumed I was gay because we were left alone by mutual friends (in a poor attempt matchmaking it seems) and I didn't try to flirt with her and barely talked at all, go figure 

[Lara Black]

I originally thought my partner to be gay. He’s androgynous and, coupled with his complete lack of visible desire for women, that made the wrong impression.

Then I felt that the gay label didn’t really fit, either. So it was a relief and sort of a mental click when he came out as asexual – things finally felt “right” about him.

[INFJLeo]

Deleted

[RK800]

Sure! Although I'm pretty open about liking folks of all genders when I'm comfortable, so the assumptions get snuffed out pretty quick.

[Sylvastor]

While reading this thread I recalled how I sat in a car with two acquaintances on our way to a bowling hall and the topic of relationships came up, so at some point they asked me how it looked like on my end.

The conversation developed and while I don't recall it all in detail anymore, I said something among the lines of "Nah, I'm not interested in that" as a reply to something (I think dating girls? I'm really not sure anymore) and the question "But are you sure aren't just… you know, gay or something?" followed from their end. I laughed at that and just shook my head and said something like "No, definitely not, I'd know if I was". That's the part I remember the best. I think I left them even more puzzled after this reply.

In retrospect… I didn't really know much about asexuality then, I think it was half a year later when I stumbled across it, but that was quite an ace moment already and seen from a more "educated" perspective, quite a clear case I guess.

[Gloomy]

Yeah, some people have assumed that since I don't want to date men I must be gay, eventhough I don't want to date women either. 

[Kit Rose]

absolutely, all the time. last time i dated was in high school, which was like five years ago, but none of my family has heard a peep out of me regarding relationships/attraction since then, so since i'm not constantly dating a man at all times, and don't talk about dick, i'm a lesbian, i guess. my gay aunt thinks i'm like, the gay prophet of my family's generation, since she asked my mom if i'm gay and my mom said she doesn't know. even though i've told my mother several times that i'm interested in guys (though technically it's masc people in general, but that would hurt her brain). i'm also pretty close/cuddly with some of my afab friends, which to straight people just looks like lesbian behavior. i've brought myself to not care about their assumptions, though, because it's not like i could correct them with the truth. my family is very libido-oriented. surprisingly, my father, who is super allo, accepts me completely, even if he doesn't really understand. he's even come to realize in his 50's that he's aro-spec (he doesn't know the terminology, but the way he's explained his feelings towards relationships sums up aromanticism to a T). so, yeah, my family thinks that my perpetually single state of being is just me not wanting to admit i fuck girls. but really i'd just rather eat cushion stuffing than engage in anything sexually intimate, and single a-spec masc people i'm interested in are rarer than haley's goddamn comet.

[gaogao]

Yes. A lot of people thought I was a lesbian in denial for all the time that I was single. I tried to correct them but people either told me to love myself more or the classic 'you haven't tried to date anyone, how do you know' 'you're just so shy' excuses on me. After a while I gave up and figured out that lesbianism was a slightly easier excuse to pull when people wanted to know why I wasn't dating a man.

 

Now that I actually do have a partner who IS the same sex as me, I still can't be bothered to correct them because it's harder to explain than it's worth. The people who really matter are the ones who know and understand where I'm coming from anyway. 

[tiptoenail]

Yes and still do, My well meaning older brother likes to have these little talks with me about once a year to I guess to try and figure me out or encourage me find someone. The one that I always remember is when he come out and asked me if I was gay. He just asked me out of the blue one day and it really caught me off guard at the time and the thing I found funny about it later was his honesty.

 

When he asked, he said it was ok if I was gay but it will take him a little while to get used to the idea. I always found the humour in that he was honest enough with me that he admitted that he needed time to adjust and would accept me if I was gay.