Skycaptain Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 @dayne-doe. Welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂 Link to post Share on other sites
StrangeStory Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 On 10/2/2017 at 5:23 PM, Azrael said: though I generally dislike the scent of sex. Hi Azrael, Please explain! Is this an actual thing? My face made involuntary movements when I read this... I've got a saying in my life: "The idea of a girl is better than a girl". In my mind, the women I find attractive are more like science-fiction characters: They don't have - among many other things - genitals or sweat glands. In real life, if I get close to someone, and spend a lot of time with them, 3 things happen: I realize that, physically, they are not my science-fiction characters, and I get bored / irritated with their personality. Thirdly, I become overwhelmed by self-consciousness because I don't want to expose them to the disgusting things about my body. But in "the idea of a girl" or the fantasy of a girl, there is nothing repulsive. Also, in real life, with acquaintances who I barely know - but who happen to be beautiful - there is no repulsion; they remain perfect because closeness never exists, and closeness reveals flaws. These are my favourite type of relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Roardova Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 Ouch, to the guy that believe we are just making it up & we need to get laid. Super duper ouch with a rotten onion on top. :| I write fantasies, either in the form of Dreamland Excerpts or Fantasy Files. Sometimes sex is involved; other times, it's not as vivid. I have these fantasy men I like to call "Lover's Mask", coined after listening to Theophany's Majora's Mask orchestra remix soundtrack "https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F4jdLygR-dI". There's about seventeen of them & one of them is my pilot. I can do a vast amount of things with them I would never do in real life, all because it's safe to play in my head; it's always safe up there. I finished a recent Fantasy File that had almost no sexual involvement in it; it was more so about the saving of innocents than the sexual aspect. All fantasies don't have to be about sex. I barely kissed Rafun Runzo five times in it I think. Still, good times; the next one will be called Marshmallows Dipped In Vodka. That will be sexual to an extent, but more so on the fantasizing about a development within a relationship, an aspect that doesn't revolve around sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Azrael Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 9 hours ago, StrangeStory said: I'm so sorry my last post appeared 3 times - I was clicking "submit" and nothing was happening. What's there to explain? Sex smells horrid. Link to post Share on other sites
StrangeStory Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 12 hours ago, Azrael said: What's there to explain? Sex smells horrid. I guess the less I know, the better. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 On 2/2/2017 at 4:42 AM, S_W said: The reaction of the host actually confirmed to me that I am "different" then a standard sexual male. I understand the difference between a fantasie/your libido and actually wanting to have sex or wanting to act on these fantasies. The fact that people can't see the difference between those two things actually made it really hard for me to accept my asexuality. It always made me feel uncomprehended... Hearing sexual guys talk like that highlighted me feeling different and misunderstood. Are you saying you desire sex (for its sexual or emotional pleasure) but don't sexually desire anyone specific? If so, that's not asexuality but a completely normal sexual person. It may be a minority for men, but it's normal. It's mostly the case for women, but combined it still amounts to half the sexual population. If specification is desired it's just "responsive desire hetero/homo/bisexual" (responsive sexual desire and spontaneous sexual desire being terms used by sexologists). Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 On 2/22/2017 at 9:10 PM, ashpenaz said: autochorissexualism I learned this word from this thread. I can bring up a new topic at the PFLAG meeting! No, it's called being a normal asexual and doesn't need its own flag. The term is very hated and you'll only get that when bringing it up there. That's like making a separate flag for gay men not into anal sex, or gay "stone/touch-me-not" women, or ppl who aren't into penetrative sex, or ppl who aren't into oral. No. Flags refer to orientation and fapping is NOT an orientation. Its wiki also says it's not an orientation. A long time standing word has already existed for the exact same thing; autoerotic. If anyone wants to broadcast their fapping habits there's Libidoist and Non-libidoist. Making a flag for it will also only increase the misconception that asexuals can't fap or use erotica (when most do) and increase asexual eletism. Link to post Share on other sites
ashpenaz Posted March 3, 2017 Author Share Posted March 3, 2017 As I've reflected on this topic, I've realized that my sexual fantasies are 80% watching other people and 20% giving pleasure to other people. I never have sexual fantasies about my own sexual pleasure. In fact, when one of my fantasies turns to someone giving me pleasure, it stops. I'm not at all aroused by the thought of someone giving me sexual pleasure. I suspect this is different from most allosexuals. Yes, and the one thing sexual fantasies don't include is the smell. Eeew! Link to post Share on other sites
ashpenaz Posted March 7, 2017 Author Share Posted March 7, 2017 I just found this definition: 2010 , Jerrold S. Greenberg, Clint E. Bruess, Sarah C. Conklin, Exploring the Dimensions of Human Sexuality , fourth edition, pages 357–358: Many asexual' people experience attraction, but feel no need to act out that attraction sexually. Because they don't see a lack of sexual arousal as a problem to be corrected, ' asexual people focus their energy on enjoying other types of arousal and pleasure. I fantasize, but I feel absolutely no need to act on my fantasies. I think it would help if the current definition of asexuality on this site moved from feeling no attraction to something where some of us feel attraction but have no desire to act on it sexually. Link to post Share on other sites
S_W Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 On 2 maart 2017 at 0:12 AM, Star Bit said: Are you saying you desire sex (for its sexual or emotional pleasure) but don't sexually desire anyone specific? If so, that's not asexuality but a completely normal sexual person. It may be a minority for men, but it's normal. It's mostly the case for women, but combined it still amounts to half the sexual population. If specification is desired it's just "responsive desire hetero/homo/bisexual" (responsive sexual desire and spontaneous sexual desire being terms used by sexologists). No, I personally don't desire sex. Or, my mind doesn't desire sex. My body with his hormonal balance etc however sometimes seems to desire sex (if that makes any sense) or my body sometimes likes a specific sensation what causes a form of pleasure. That's for me the difference between not desiring sex or not wanting to act on arousal (the mind) on one side, and involuntary getting aroused (the body) on the other side. I don't know if you can understand it. It's difficult to explain in a different language then my native Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted March 15, 2017 Share Posted March 15, 2017 So you do desire sex but you're indifferent to satisfying your desires? That'd be under Gray-sexual. But if you don't identify with those desires/find it unwanted to pursue them then that'd fall under Gray-asexual. Desiring sex for its sexual or emotional pleasure means someone is sexual and thus not asexual, but Gray-A is "effectively asexual". Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted March 15, 2017 Share Posted March 15, 2017 @ashpenaz Just so you know, not being into giving sexual pleasure doesn't make someone asexual (or Gray), it's just a preference on how they have sex. Asexuals and sexuals can have sexual preferences, but asexuals still can't want sex for its sexual or emotional pleasure. And by that definition quote I hope he doesn't mean sexual attraction, though I wouldn't be surprised if he did. Attraction just means "a quality that evokes interest", so really their definition makes no sense; it doesn't give what kind of interest. A misinformed sexologist has no grounds on defining asexuality, but it's not surprising they can't understand it; many sexual ppl can't, as are asexuals toward comprehending sexual ppl. Link to post Share on other sites
S_W Posted March 15, 2017 Share Posted March 15, 2017 11 hours ago, Star Bit said: So you do desire sex but you're indifferent to satisfying your desires? That'd be under Gray-sexual. But if you don't identify with those desires/find it unwanted to pursue them then that'd fall under Gray-asexual. Desiring sex for its sexual or emotional pleasure means someone is sexual and thus not asexual, but Gray-A is "effectively asexual". No, I don't desire sex. I have no desires to have sex with someone. But I can't control my body. Sometimes I just get aroused (involuntary). It is something that my body does with it's crazy hormonal balance or it is the effect of a psychical sensation that I like a lot. But that doesn't mean I want sex or I desire sex. I don't want sex for sexual pleasure or emotional pleasure. But TMI: yes, I get erections and yes I can feel horny. But again: that's doesn't mean I desire it. It is just a reaction of my body. To be honest, I always makes me sad when people can't understand this. Our society is so messed up when it comes to sexuality and people just can't understand anything different. No, not every guy with an erection wants to have sex. No, not every guy that feels horny for no specific reason wants to have sex. Link to post Share on other sites
PurveyorOfBadPuns Posted March 16, 2017 Share Posted March 16, 2017 I mean, sometimes I fantasize about being a secret agent and jumping out of airplanes but I would hate both of those things in real life. I don't see anything weird about fantasizing about something you aren't interested in actually doing. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 @ashpenaz I was going off of you saying your body desires sex. Desiring to masturbate isn't desiring sex, which seems to be what you're saying now. Most asexuals masturbate and most use erotica to do so. But yes, alot of sexual ppl can't understand why, and really, we can't change their incomprehension if they don't get the simple explanation of "wanting sex and wanting to masturbate are two different things" (while perhaps comparing it to similar things; e.g. "you like to eat, why don't you like do vommet, it's coming out of the same place"). Though this incomprehension doesn't automatically mean they're stupid; think of it like a cultural difference you can't understand or someone who's never had X emotion can't fully understand it; their brain just isn't capable. Link to post Share on other sites
Marajade Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 On 2/2/2017 at 1:42 AM, S_W said: The fact that people can't see the difference between those two things actually made it really hard for me to accept my asexuality. It always made me feel uncomprehended... Hearing sexual guys talk like that highlighted me feeling different en misunderstood. It has made me sad, frustrated and confused many times. Me too. I still haven't accepted myself fully because of other people's reactions. It is extremely frustrating. One day we'll get there. 🙂 Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 @SunflowerPlanet Yah, there are people with intrusive sexual thoughts. They're a normal occasional experience with sexual people, but more frequent with sexuals with OCD. Link to post Share on other sites
CaptainYesterday Posted April 5, 2017 Share Posted April 5, 2017 [deleted] Link to post Share on other sites
andreas1033 Posted April 5, 2017 Share Posted April 5, 2017 ^^ Same here basically, i do not it for health. Males need to get rid of there energy down there. Its just a release of energy, and you can do it, ie masturbate about nothing. I just see it as an energy release. Thankfully i never had any fantasies, and did not like others, so being asexual, it was never about others. Asexuals prove that masturbation is just an energy release, and not sexual, as far as i am concerned. Link to post Share on other sites
AnomalyBeth Posted April 18, 2017 Share Posted April 18, 2017 Hi, I'm new to this site, what I've seen so far has been mind blowing. Something I've always wondered though, does anyone else have sexual dreams/fantasies and doesn't masterbate to them? Bit of a personal question, sorry! Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted April 18, 2017 Share Posted April 18, 2017 1 hour ago, AnomalyBeth said: Hi, I'm new to this site, what I've seen so far has been mind blowing. Something I've always wondered though, does anyone else have sexual dreams/fantasies and doesn't masterbate to them? Bit of a personal question, sorry! Welcome to AVEN My answer to your question is no. No problems on the question. Things do get a bit 'personal' at times. Link to post Share on other sites
SMW22792 Posted April 18, 2017 Share Posted April 18, 2017 I doubt I'd feel any arousal if I took my fantasies, and transferred them over to reality. Especially if I involved anyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
AnomalyBeth Posted April 18, 2017 Share Posted April 18, 2017 2 hours ago, will123 said: Welcome to AVEN My answer to your question is no. No problems on the question. Things do get a bit 'personal' at times. Thanks for answering my question. Another, not so personal, question: what's with all the cake? Link to post Share on other sites
ashpenaz Posted April 18, 2017 Author Share Posted April 18, 2017 In the few times I have had the chance to act on my fantasies of giving sexual pleasure to someone else, I have felt repulsed. I'm not sure why a situation which looks good in a fantasy is repulsive in real life. I think the sexual fantasy is like a dream symbol--what I really want is the sense of intimacy and closeness the fantasy symbolizes. I might sleep and dream about jumping out of a plane--but what the dream is telling me is that I need to take more risks (or something). If I tried to act on the dream literally, i would probably not like it. I try to listen to my sexual fantasies to find out what I'm really wanting. Apparently not actual sex, since I've never had sex, and no amount of fantasizing has ever made me want to have actual, literal sex. Link to post Share on other sites
ResistanceFighter Posted April 27, 2017 Share Posted April 27, 2017 oh, thank goodness there are people like me. I always thought that because I have sexual fantasies I'm not really ace at all. I just realized while I'm sort of a party in the fantasy it's never really me, but I'm some kind of fictional character who has sex with another fictional character. So, roleplay?! Sometimes after a fantasy I think maybe I'd like to try it irl some time but whenever that thought comes up I think about the very distant future and a couple of minutes later the thought creeps me out. But I'm glad that doesn't mean I'm not ace. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 @ResistanceFighter As in you desire to have sex with these characters but use a fictional character in your mind to do your desired actions? If so, that's not asexual but Fictosexual/under Gray-A. Link to post Share on other sites
ResistanceFighter Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 11 hours ago, Star Bit said: @ResistanceFighter As in you desire to have sex with these characters but use a fictional character in your mind to do your desired a ions? If so, that's not asexual but Fictosexual/under Gray-A. No, I don't want to have sex with them and I'm also not really attracted to them. They're just weird fantasies that come up every once in a while that sometimes make me think having sex wouldn't be so bad but as I said those thoughts are very short lived. It's never me and when I think of me doing those things I can't imagine or don't want to I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 42 minutes ago, ResistanceFighter said: No, I don't want to have sex with them and I'm also not really attracted to them. They're just weird fantasies that come up every once in a while that sometimes make me think having sex wouldn't be so bad but as I said those thoughts are very short lived. It's never me and when I think of me doing those things I can't imagine or don't want to I guess. Then yah, that's what a majority of asexuals experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Mizuwolf Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 I don't really ever want to have sex myself, but I get the whole thinking about others having sex because I like to see other people happy. I get that sex makes other people happy, so I guess I just like the fluffy parts that come before and after sex because the people just seem so happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 On 4/18/2017 at 2:51 PM, ashpenaz said: In the few times I have had the chance to act on my fantasies of giving sexual pleasure to someone else, I have felt repulsed. I'm not sure why a situation which looks good in a fantasy is repulsive in real life. I think the sexual fantasy is like a dream symbol--what I really want is the sense of intimacy and closeness the fantasy symbolizes. I might sleep and dream about jumping out of a plane--but what the dream is telling me is that I need to take more risks (or something). If I tried to act on the dream literally, i would probably not like it. I try to listen to my sexual fantasies to find out what I'm really wanting. Apparently not actual sex, since I've never had sex, and no amount of fantasizing has ever made me want to have actual, literal sex. (sorry for the late reply) If you mentally desire sex with people but don't react positively to it IRL that's not asexual, that's the very definition of Lithsexual; a type of Gray-A. Link to post Share on other sites
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