What's so wrong with being a virgin? (Sorry if grammar is weird, I've been sick for a while)

[Anthracite_Impreza]

1 hour ago, CrochetFool said:

Better than a goat with a birthday candle tied to its noggin.

But not as good as a pod of narwhals.

[A mere monkey]

There's nothing wrong, really. It's just that people fail to realize that some people are virgins because they choose, not because they are incapable of getting laid. My friends really want to lose their virginity before college, and personally I couldn't care less. They don't make a big deal about my opinion on the subject, neither they should.

Even if they did, though, it would be a bad thing if I am convinced it is, but as long as I don't care about some people's prejudices, it doesn't upset me.

[Eisbär]

This kinda reminds me of "slutshamming" it's not anybody's business other then your partner or "pre-partner".  I don't think the amount of sexual experience  ,or lack thereof, is a good metric to judge a person by. You could be a virgin Bride and be a cheating spouse. It's what's right for you that counts. 

 

A lack of experience can cause what I call the Amy problem. But if you are not interested in dating or only after other Aces it won't apply.   

WARNING!!! the YouTube clip covers pretty adult subject matter. 

 

[Lex_Barringer]

22 hours ago, Aromantic Asexual said:

It's come to my attention a long long time ago that people generally 

look down on virgins. Why? Even people who are virgins themselves think they're weird. Take my 23 year old sister for example. She's a virgin, but people don't judge her for it. Why? Well...when you can't say more than about 5 words plus the alphabet unclearly...it wouldn't exactly be consensual.......................

Okay, my point is, they shouldn't judge us who don't have an excuse.

Why are they so concerned if we have sex anyway? What's so wrong with being a virgin? (Have to stop typing, I'm so dizzy.)

 

It's just a social construct, it's nothing you need to concern yourself with. The general populous is so hopelessly programmed psychologically that what they're really doing is parroting what they believe is their own thoughts, we in reality, it's not. Another type of psychological programming is that you must get married to be happy and successful and the caveat is doing so before you're 30. All of this stuff is just horse hockey (horse crap). 

 

What you should say to the person who says, "What's your excuse?". It's not an excuse, I'm not that way and besides what I do on my own time is none of your business. Keeping things cordial with the intrusive bullsh*t coming from those idiots is best. 

 

[will123]

16 hours ago, Scott1989 said:

But Unicorns are the national animal of Scotland, while virgins aren't one for any country!

 

Back in topic, an allosexual who knows I'm ace said once to me. At least I don't care I'm a virgin, unlike the losers who wants to lose it but can't.

 

Thought that came to my mind though, will we be some of the terrorists 72 virgins that they keep talking about?

If we are, there's going to be a lot of disappointed terrorists.

[will123]

1 hour ago, Lex_Barringer said:

It's just a social construct, it's nothing you need to concern yourself with. The general populous is so hopelessly programmed psychologically that what they're really doing is parroting what they believe is their own thoughts, we in reality, it's not. Another type of psychological programming is that you must get married to be happy and successful and the caveat is doing so before you're 30. All of this stuff is just horse hockey (horse crap). 

 

What you should say to the person who says, "What's your excuse?". It's not an excuse, I'm not that way and besides what I do on my own time is none of your business. Keeping things cordial with the intrusive bullsh*t coming from those idiots is best. 

 

I hope I don't offend some of the members here, but those of us Aces, that are aromantic and have never been married and/or divorced/separated at least we haven't gone thru that ordeal.

 

In the 80s, I had 20 co-workers on my shift. The divorce separation rate was 50%. I don't know how that compared to the general population, but I'm sure it coloured my thoughts on the matter.

[Rainbow~Sprinkles]

Yeah I think its seen very negatively in society which is sad. I feel that once you reach a certain point in life, if you haven't 'done it yet' its looked down badly. And no romantic interest wants to take the time to go through that journey with you in exploring yourself and going down that road, because they've 'been there' and 'done that'. And the ones that do are usually older men or women who just someone they can influence to their liking. That's my general experience anyway. 

 

A friend of mine who is not ace, shares the same issues with me about our bodies, building trust and dealing with touch issues because of abuse. She expressed to me the other day how she felt sad watching everybody else in their early 20's go out and explore their sexuality openly and freely with no emotional baggage to deal with. People like me and her couldn't just go out and have sex. It would be too damaging unless we had an understanding person who could work through those issues with us and listen to our needs and triggers. But people our age just aren't emotionally mature enough to do that. Especially in this dingy small town we live in. Where everybody knows each other and its practically incest. Too many gossips and rumours calling us horrible names like frigid or a prude for not meeting their standards. I've already had to go through this

 

She told me that she started sexting a guy on the internet. Within 3 messages he was asking for things. It made me feel so cut up inside because she hasn't even kissed a guy yet. But she feels the pressure to just skip all those baby stages and jump right in the deep end to catch up with everybody else. She see's it as something she 'has to do' to go forward. 

 

So yeah being a virgin in this day and age just sucks and for different reasons than what people think. 

[Visenya]

8 minutes ago, Rainbow~Sprinkles said:

She expressed to me the other day how she felt sad watching everybody else in their early 20's go out and explore their sexuality openly and freely with no emotional baggage to deal with. People like me and her couldn't just go out and have sex. It would be too damaging unless we had an understanding person who could work through those issues with us and listen to our needs and triggers. But people our age just aren't emotionally mature enough to do that. (...)

 

She told me that she started sexting a guy on the internet. Within 3 messages he was asking for things. It made me feel so cut up inside because she hasn't even kissed a guy yet. But she feels the pressure to just skip all those baby stages and jump right in the deep end to catch up with everybody else. She see's it as something she 'has to do' to go forward. 

 

So yeah being a virgin in this day and age just sucks and for different reasons than what people think. 

 

This. I'm kind of dealing with that right now. It's been a little while since I stopped calling myself asexual, because I had realized that I do desire a sexual relationship. But tbh I really wish I was ace, so I wouldn't have to deal with all of that. Everytime someone says that society praises women for being virgins, I ask myself where the f*** do those people live. Until a certain age, yeah, people don't care, but If you're in your mid 20s or older, it's seen as a bad thing by guys (because most of them don't want to deal with all that "discovering phase" and there's this fear that they'll have to wait a real long time to have sex) and by women (a lot of them like to prude-shame other women and call them undesirable or frigid, in order to make themselves feel/look better). However, I still think that men are judged even more harshly for not having any sexual experience. In fact, that's the only thing that makes me glad for being a woman.

[Rainbow~Sprinkles]

@Visenya Its a never ending dilemma isn't it? Its really hard to figure out what the right solution to this problem is. Whether to wait for someone understanding and trust worthy enough to eventually go down that road or to jump in the deep end and learn quickly to connect with people your own age. 

 

I tell this to people sometimes especially therapists. And they all feel sympathy and nod their heads worryingly. Then they say maybe your being negative, maybe you will find someone who's willing to go through that with you. Maybe you just aren't ready yet and not to worry. And then I turn it back on them and say, "well would you want to be in a relationship with no sex? Would you want to be dating someone who unsure what they are doing and you have to practice even basic skills with them and deal with it when they screw it up? Wouldn't you eventually just feel frustrated?" I usually get no answer to that. Just teary eyes or a deeply concerned expression. That's when they realise the full gravity of what I'm dealing with. Of course people would leave and get frustrated. Who encourages people to stay in relationships like that? Nobody. If it was a partner dating me sitting in that therapy room, I don't think they'd be encouraging them to stay. So all they end up saying after that is, "I feel very sorry for you." 

 

 

[Visenya]

@Rainbow~Sprinkles: Yes! Exactly! It's kind of like that job dilemma: jobs require experience, but to gain experience you must get a job first.  No one seems to think about that stuff. People just brush it off and say that you're overreacting. I sometimes think I'm talking to a parrot who does nothing but repeat the same old clichés (like the "women are praised for being virgins" bullshit). It's like most people have forgotten that we don't live in the 1920s anymore.

 

Everytime I think about dating, I remember that I'd have to explain that I have no experience and why (which is even worse), so I freak out and decide to stay away from men, so I won't ruin their lives. I kind of feel bad, because I'm forced to automatically reject guy (even the nice ones) because of it. I can't bring myself to tell people the reason why I'm rejecting them, even though I don't want the guy to think that I find him unattractive or something. No matter how much I may like the person, I just can't do that. My friend was a virgin until she was 23 and she managed to find a guy who was ok with that, but he was a virgin himself (he was 21 and very ashamed of that, poor guy), but they've had sex after three months of dating (I'd need much more time, tbh. Probably over a year). But even cases like hers are quite uncommon, so I don't get my hopes up. I sometimes wonder if things would be easier if I was a lesbian (or aromantic asexual, which would be even better).

[Lex_Barringer]

3 hours ago, will123 said:

I hope I don't offend some of the members here, but those of us Aces, that are aromantic and have never been married and/or divorced/separated at least we haven't gone thru that ordeal.

 

In the 80s, I had 20 co-workers on my shift. The divorce separation rate was 50%. I don't know how that compared to the general population, but I'm sure it coloured my thoughts on the matter.

I'm not offended. Nor am I married and never have been. I'm just stating that the reason why people act the way they do is nothing more than social constructs and programming to fit those constructs. It's pretty sad, actually.

 

50%? That darn high!  

[Azrael]

On 2017-01-31 at 6:04 PM, Anthracite_Impreza said:

You never heard of rituals requiring virgins @Aromantic Asexual? It's a staple of supernatural drama and horror

Also, the Pontianak (Malayan and Indonesian Vampire) drink the blood of virgins. 

[Sherlocks]

On 1/31/2017 at 4:59 PM, Aromantic Asexual said:

It's come to my attention a long long time ago that people generally 

look down on virgins. Why? Even people who are virgins themselves think they're weird. Take my 23 year old sister for example. She's a virgin, but people don't judge her for it. Why? Well...when you can't say more than about 5 words plus the alphabet unclearly...it wouldn't exactly be consensual.......................

Okay, my point is, they shouldn't judge us who don't have an excuse.

Why are they so concerned if we have sex anyway? What's so wrong with being a virgin? (Have to stop typing, I'm so dizzy.)

 

 

I don't know. I don't see why it matters. I neither judge people for being outwardly promiscuous but I dislike people who brag about their sluttiness as though it makes them the king of the world. If someone is going to act superior and above people for sleeping around I have nothing against demeaning them and making them feel like the most worthless trash that ever lived. I know that's harsh but I hate snobby jerks. I would actually be very against someone using their virginity to prove superiority but I see this a lot less often as "Having sex a lot" is cool. Oddly enough I enjoy promiscuous people, long as the target is not me. 

[Scott1989]

Just read a funny article about stupid stuff people said on dates, and number 13 made me think of this thread : http://www.knowable.com/a/mortified-people-share-the-dumbest-thing-theyve-said-on-a-date/p-3

[James121]

On 01/02/2017 at 1:09 AM, Sivath said:

I have no clue. I think it'd be best to ask this in a non ace forum.

Maybe they think you don't have the ability to woo a partner to bed?

I'll try and give you guys a reason why it happens (it's not a justification just a reason). Because sex is very very very very pleasurable and for the most part people are built to want it and it costs.......nothing!

It's very much like if chocolate was calorie free, cost free and actually very healthy for you to eat, having someone say 'I just don't get this chocolate thing'. Most people like eating chocolate. 

[Sea Lemon]

Ok this is kiiiinda off topic, but this thread just remind me of stuff I saw on tumblr the other day. 

It turns out that there's a bunch of super angry people on there who have for whatever reason decided that they hate asexuals, and their insult of choice for us is 'Turbo Vurgin'. I don't know why, but I find this absolutely hilarious 

[Muledeer]

Speaking ONLY for myself on this, I would not have the inner peace that I possess if I was still a virgin.  I absolutely had to know why sex was such a big deal to everyone else and experience it for myself.  In fact, my second experience of sexual intercourse was with a prostitute in my mid-20's.  

I would not be 100% confident labeling myself as an aromantic asexual unless I have tried sex and sexual / romantic relationships.

For some reason, I perceive the word virgin as one of those "ugly" sex words like masturbation or puberty.   

[SorryNotSorry]

I think there's also an element of envy to it.

 

As a virgin, I don't have sexual baggage—but unfortunately to many sexuals, a lack of baggage is considered baggage in its own right.

[Kere]

I think to some extent, people fear what is different from themselves, or at least feel like they could never have anything in common with those who are different, and it's easy to devalue or look down on what you don't understand.  I think it takes a fair amount of maturity and an openness to putting yourself in someone else's shoes to start to realize that regardless of label or category, we all know pain and heartbreak, the desire for acceptance, and the longing to be loved.  

[Planet Ace]

There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin, anymore than there's anything wrong with not being virgin. Neither state of being has any value, whether good or bad, inherently; they are both neutral. Virginity is a bit like diamonds; it's something that is actually very common and ordinary, but we have decided for some reason is rare and valuable (but also somehow undesirable, apparently? . . . it's confusing) and we behave accordingly. I can't say I fully understand the reasoning behind it either, lol.

[WobblyWallaby]

What I have always found funny is that most of my friends that are women are jealous that I'm a virgin. I can't count the number of times that someone has said that they wished they still were. The only people who are weird with me over it are guys. It's like...they feel like they can fix me. One guy actually said that next time he saw me that he'd "put me right." (I'm not friends with him anymore.) This is part of the reason I'm particular on who I tell. When you don't say anything they assume you have and there is little conflict then.

[Skycaptain]

I'm 45, a virgin and nobody gives a f***