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Guys, unrelated question: how sure are you that you're ace. Like, I think I am but maybe I'm wrong... Thoughts?

also you guys are so awesome! This community is the best 🍰

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Hi there, I'm new here and was wondering how do you guys feel about your non-ace friends? I personally feel de attached to them in the sense that being teenagers all they talk about when getting together it's sex or getting drunk at parties or who screwed who. I have no ace friends so I would love to hear opinions about this.  

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33 minutes ago, SpACEd Out said:

Guys, unrelated question: how sure are you that you're ace. Like, I think I am but maybe I'm wrong... Thoughts?

also you guys are so awesome! This community is the best 🍰

Hi! Personally I'm not 100% sure I'm ace, but I feel pretty comfortable with that tag for the moment, so I'm just gonna go for it, and if it changes some time in the future it's still ok. 

 

Also, not every person is the same just as not every ace is. Go with what makes sense to you or feel comfortable with. 

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49 minutes ago, Incognite said:

Hi there, I'm new here and was wondering how do you guys feel about your non-ace friends? I personally feel de attached to them in the sense that being teenagers all they talk about when getting together it's sex or getting drunk at parties or who screwed who. I have no ace friends so I would love to hear opinions about this.  

I sometimes feel less connected because of that stuff. I don't relate to any of it but I'm not into any part o the idea of partying, not just the sexual aspect. I also don't have any ace friends. 

 

Also, I have this friend (not super close) but I sort of think everything she does is pretty awesome. Idk if I just admire her or if it's some sort of squish or crush. Don't think it's a crush. How do you guys define a squish?

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2 hours ago, SpACEd Out said:

Guys, unrelated question: how sure are you that you're ace. Like, I think I am but maybe I'm wrong... Thoughts?

also you guys are so awesome! This community is the best 🍰

I can't be sure that I'll be ace forever, but I'm right now at least I'm positive the label fits

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16 hours ago, SpACEd Out said:

Guys, unrelated question: how sure are you that you're ace. Like, I think I am but maybe I'm wrong... Thoughts?

also you guys are so awesome! This community is the best 🍰

As of right now, I am pretty sure that I am ace, but I sometimes wonder if I am too young to know, and if it will change in the future.

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HufflepuffSupreme
3 minutes ago, Laurathenerd said:

 I sometimes wonder if I am too young to know, and if it will change in the future.

Girl, if you say you ace, then you ace. And if it changes, that's ok too.

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thoughts.of.one
6 hours ago, HufflepuffSupreme said:

Girl, if you say you ace, then you ace. And if it changes, that's ok too.

That super legitamate, @HufflepuffSupreme Sexuality can really change like it is totally okay to move between labels. I also feel like I should take my own advice oh well.

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On 12/11/2017 at 9:21 PM, SpACEd Out said:

Guys, unrelated question: how sure are you that you're ace. Like, I think I am but maybe I'm wrong... Thoughts?

also you guys are so awesome! This community is the best 🍰

At least at this moment, I'm absolutely sure.

 

On 12/11/2017 at 9:54 PM, Incognite said:

Hi there, I'm new here and was wondering how do you guys feel about your non-ace friends? I personally feel de attached to them in the sense that being teenagers all they talk about when getting together it's sex or getting drunk at parties or who screwed who. I have no ace friends so I would love to hear opinions about this.  

I only really detach when it comes to sex and parties. Generally, I don't actually notice references to sex, which is maybe why my friendships with allo and a-spec people are rather similar.

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On 11/12/2017 at 8:21 PM, SpACEd Out said:

Guys, unrelated question: how sure are you that you're ace. Like, I think I am but maybe I'm wrong... Thoughts?

also you guys are so awesome! This community is the best 🍰

Very sure. Ever since I adopted the term I've never doubted (and am actually kind of glad for it hehe).

It's okay of you do though. A lot of people question themselves, and it was one of the first challenges I heard about even before most firms of outside discrimination. It's very common.

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Quality_Penguins
On November 12, 2017 at 9:54 PM, Incognite said:

Hi there, I'm new here and was wondering how do you guys feel about your non-ace friends? I personally feel de attached to them in the sense that being teenagers all they talk about when getting together it's sex or getting drunk at parties or who screwed who. I have no ace friends so I would love to hear opinions about this.  

My allo friends don't really talk about that kind of stuff (we are a bunch of nerds though and we watch Disney movies for fun). To be honest, my one ace friend and I make more sex jokes than anyone in our friend group. But I remember being in a class where people talked about that kind of stuff a lot and I did feel kind of isolated. But I still feel pretty close to all of my allo friends. I think it's more the kind of friends you have than the fact that they're allo. I'm not trying to say you have to find new friends, but maybe you just haven't found the right group yet.

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2 hours ago, Quality_Penguins said:

My allo friends don't really talk about that kind of stuff (we are a bunch of nerds though and we watch Disney movies for fun). To be honest, my one ace friend and I make more sex jokes than anyone in our friend group. But I remember being in a class where people talked about that kind of stuff a lot and I did feel kind of isolated. But I still feel pretty close to all of my allo friends. I think it's more the kind of friends you have than the fact that they're allo. I'm not trying to say you have to find new friends, but maybe you just haven't found the right group yet.

That's so true! My friends do not talk much about sex and relationships.

With the right people around you you will feel fine.

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MostliiGhostii

Honestly I do kind of feel attached from my allofriends only if they don’t try to understand my point of view.

 

MOST of the time they say they “understand” or put my “sexualitiy into perspective” but then constantly shower me in sexual thoughts or photos or whatever to see my reaction. However, my best friend is Bisexual and highly romantic, but she steps out of her way to understand where I’m coming from. Oddly enough I have asexual friends, but I can go to her more often with my ace problems because she is such a wonderful listener. 

 

Even other asexuals will have different ideas or perspectives of things, so listening is required. I think it really just depends on the person. In return I ensure to understand why my friend enjoys sex or romance and I avoid devalueing her preferances or choices since she works hard to understand my odd sex-repulsed needs.

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Fantastic Name
On 11/15/2017 at 11:26 PM, Quality_Penguins said:

My allo friends don't really talk about that kind of stuff (we are a bunch of nerds though and we watch Disney movies for fun). To be honest, my one ace friend and I make more sex jokes than anyone in our friend group. But I remember being in a class where people talked about that kind of stuff a lot and I did feel kind of isolated. But I still feel pretty close to all of my allo friends. I think it's more the kind of friends you have than the fact that they're allo. I'm not trying to say you have to find new friends, but maybe you just haven't found the right group yet.

I wish I had friends like that. I've been friends with a group of people for a few years, and they're all coming into their sexuality right now. Half of the things they talk about nowadays revolves around hot guys or so-and-so's boyfriend or whatever. I usually try to tune it out, but it's difficult since these discussions happen all the time. It's alienating.

 

Oh, and sorry for barging in here without an introduction. I'm kinda new here.

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I haven't really been here since I signed up, so nice to meet you guys :) Call me Doodle.

 

On 11/20/2017 at 6:15 PM, Fantastic Name said:

I wish I had friends like that. I've been friends with a group of people for a few years, and they're all coming into their sexuality right now. Half of the things they talk about nowadays revolves around hot guys or so-and-so's boyfriend or whatever. I usually try to tune it out, but it's difficult since these discussions happen all the time. It's alienating.

 

Oh, and sorry for barging in here without an introduction. I'm kinda new here.

I feel ya. So much of the "drama" that goes on in our school passes over my head simply because it's mostly about who's dating who, who did this with that person, etc. etc. I am glad that I don't have to deal with that mess- school is pretty tough without it. But there is that miserable feeling of distance sometimes.

 

When I told one of my peers I never felt romantic attraction for anyone, ever, they told me they were jealous and wished they were me because I didn't have to go through the hardships of romance. I didn't know how to feel about that. A part of me was pleased about the easy acceptance and even moderate admiration. The other part of me was thinking, "No, you really don't." because it feels like it's getting harder and harder for me to relate to and be comfortable around friends when the conversation spirals off into a romantic one. You can call me out if this is flawed thinking, but sometimes I wish I was LGB because at least there's someone among my friends who identifies as such, and people get it easier. I dunno.

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Space-Ace-Android
On ‎13‎/‎11‎/‎2017 at 2:21 AM, SpACEd Out said:

Guys, unrelated question: how sure are you that you're ace. Like, I think I am but maybe I'm wrong... Thoughts?

also you guys are so awesome! This community is the best 🍰

I am certain right now :3

 I am certain due to weeks of research and finding that the label fit like a rug (what's the real metaphor please send help:blink:) :cake: Also that I am very asexual, as in does not want to experience sex instead of just not minding it, and finds kissing a little bit yuck.

 

Image result for Galaxy cake

 

Currently I am questioning  whether I am aromantic or not, but that is it :)

 

Now go off and Sp'ACE' your day :3

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I'm 16 (17 in March), and I am very confident that I am asexual. I also strongly believe that I will always be asexual. 

Ever since I started telling people, I'm constantly told that I can't know that I'm asexual either a) because I'm too young, b) because I'm a virgin, c) because I'm probably just a late bloomer, or d) because I just haven't found the right person yet. It really annoys me... But I try not to let it get to me too much. 

Anyway, I'm really glad there are so many people and other teens on AVEN that understand/accept me.

<3

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1 hour ago, Hazel_Elise said:

I'm 16 (17 in March), and I am very confident that I am asexual. I also strongly believe that I will always be asexual. 

Ever since I started telling people, I'm constantly told that I can't know that I'm asexual either a) because I'm too young, b) because I'm a virgin, c) because I'm probably just a late bloomer, or d) because I just haven't found the right person yet. It really annoys me... But I try not to let it get to me too much. 

Anyway, I'm really glad there are so many people and other teens on AVEN that understand/accept me.

<3

I get the same things. Now I don't tell people unless they ask or the topic is sexuality. I don't hide it, but I'm not open about it either.

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Okay...so. I need a little help with something. It's not really ace related, and fair warning, it's a fair bit of reading, but I believe I've come to this website with similar issues before and gotten good advice.

A couple of days ago my fraternal twin sister (I'm sure I've mentioned her before, she's the one who's careless with the boys she dates, and the relationships always end badly) and I were cleaning the house in preparation for Thanksgiving guests. We were home alone, no one but the two of us in the house all day.

She asked me to reload the dishwasher. I told her it was her day, and besides, I'd reloaded it last time. She asked me how many times she'd reloaded it when it was my day or my turn, and I told her that was a flawed argument because neither of us knew the actual answer, and besides, how many times had I emptied it on her day? She couldn't tell me that either, could she?

This was a conversation similar to some I've had with her before, and I'd decided from experience that the best thing to do was go on about my business. She proceeded to throw a pity party about how overworked and underappreciated she was ("I do so many more chores around the house than you!" "Mom and Dad love you do much more than me!" "I'm getting really tired of taking your bullcrap!", etc) (also *neither* of us had done our chores in like three weeks - she most certainly had not, but I won't claim I had myself, which makes it doubly worse).

An hour or so later, she decided she was going to order me to empty the dishwasher. And I quote, "Ok, no more bullcrap, no more talking in circles, go unload the dishwasher."

I continued to ignore her.

So she threatened me.

"You know, I think you should take me a little more seriously when I'm mad at you."
"Really?
"I haven't done anything yet, but..."
"Okay. Empty threat. Got it."
*self satisfied look* "Whatever helps you sleep at night."

I then went to get the vaccum to finish the last of my chores. I messaged my friends what she did then:

"She was just blocking my way when I was trying to get the vaccum out and when I shoved past her she tried to choke me (a rather pitiful attempt, I'm fine), then started laughing at me. I asked her what her deal was; after all, I got the vaccum past her. She replied, 'I'm telling you, you should be a little more afraid of me than you are.'"

I texted my parents about it, and my dad reprimanded her when she got home. I had a discussion with my friends about whether or not she'd snapped and the normal disdain with which we discuss my only sibling, and I went on with my life.

Earlier tonight though, one of those friends asked me about it again. We had a discussion, and she brought up an interesting point: "Someone that can be very close to you unsupervised has wished harm on you. Nobody will seriously believe you if something happens. Though I guess your parents believed you this time. But all they did was verbally reprimand her."

It made me think - maybe this is something I should actually be wary of? Should I go to someone, like...in authority about this? I don't feel as though I'm in immediate danger, especially since she's at a friend's house tonight, but there's a lack of predictability there; she's very volatile, and she had never done anything like that before then. Might she go for a weapon at some point? I'm not even sure now. But would it really go so far, too? I don't know. What should I do?

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@Dreammaker

 

 I suggest you keep an eye on things. When she does anything just note it down somewhere. See over a period of time if it is increasing/ descreasing. If it is increasing try to talk to parents about it again. 

If you are really worried try not to be alone with her.

 

I hope this helps

 

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AceTrainerTiny

Hello! I'm new here and this place seems like the perfect place to start interacting with people. 

 

First, Ace Coroner - YES!!!

Secondly, Someone asked about relationships and such earlier: The only true friends I have are those who knew me before I figured out that I'm Ace, and this awesome lesbian couple (who I guess one of them knew me before I started telling people I'm Ace but still). I know one other person who's Ace in real life, but I was still really struggling with the aftereffects of a really bad relationship in which both parties were suppressing me and basically Ace shaming me, so I made things weird by thinking I wanted to date her and now she stopped talking to me and basically ignores me. Woo my luck is great, go figure, anywho, I'm much better now. This seems like a great place! 

Also - to anyone who's struggling with dealing with what society tells us is right - Please, NEVER suppress yourself or do something because it's what you think you have to do. I did that for 3 years and by the end of it I hated myself. Not worth.

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@Dreammaker I agree with Tintinfan, keep an eye on what she does, and keep track of it. If she doesn't stop, go to your parents again. Also, try to keep a written record of what she does, that way you will have examples and your parents will be able to tell the full extent of the situation. As for now, make sure you are safe, lock your door (if you can) and use other measures to ensure that your sister cannot seriously harm you.

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2 hours ago, Laurathenerd said:

@Dreammaker Also, try to keep a written record of what she does, that way you will have examples and your parents will be able to tell the full extent of the situation.

Actually that is a thing I need to do.

...I'll keep written records of all the things.

My sister likes to use arguments such as "I do more chores than you" quite often, and though it probably won't change her position because my sister seems to be unable to accept a logical argument as truth, but at the very least it should make certain that she can't assert that she's factually correct.

I also feel a need to make clear that I don't feel threatened by her all the time. She would never do anything if another person were present (barring perhaps my QPP, given that my sister feels that my QPP is "on my side," translation "for all intents and purposes an extension of my own will"), and often even when we're home alone, we just ignore each other. It's just that when she does get mad (which happens perhaps once every 2-3 weeks, though more often than not we're not alone) I find her quite unpredictable and I don't feel particularly safe when that happens.

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Does anyone here have problems with "shipping?"

 

I recently became friends with a girl and we have quickly become friends. Recently though, people have started shipping us, and several people think we are dating. There is one boy in particular (who knows I am asexual) who keeps asking if we are more than just friends. Normally I don't mind shipping, but this is becoming slightly annoying.

 

Has anyone else experienced anything similar, and what are your thoughts on shipping or being shipped?

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I have experianced something similer (back before I knew I was asexual though) and personaly I hated it, particularly as at its hight the people shipping me and a guy on my bus were triggering?(not sure if this is the right word) my sex aversion/repulsion. As far as my views on it go, as far as the people involved (and this isn't always limited to the people being shipped) aren't hurt/insulted/degraded/etc it's fine but in instances where people are it's not alright. 

 

I hope this jumbled mess makes sense 

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notfeelingit98
17 minutes ago, Laurathenerd said:

Does anyone here have problems with "shipping?"

 

I recently became friends with a girl and we have quickly become friends. Recently though, people have started shipping us, and several people think we are dating. There is one boy in particular (who knows I am asexual) who keeps asking if we are more than just friends. Normally I don't mind shipping, but this is becoming slightly annoying.

 

Has anyone else experienced anything similar, and what are your thoughts on shipping or being shipped?

Me and my bisexual friend are generally known to our class as "The Lesbians". Everyone has asked us at least once if we are dating... and then refused to believe we're not. It's annoying, to be honest, especially since, hey, I'm not a gay girl but an ASEXUAL PERSON NOT EVERY QUEER PERSON IS GAY AND CIS STOP ERASING MY IDENTITY YOU- erm.

 

It's annoying, yea. But I survive by making jokes about these things. I don't let them know it makes me mad, I just let them know they're dumb ^^

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Shipping can be ok if you treat it as a joke and move on. Not if your entire class calls you by your ship name for over half a year... LynTin... Really.

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Toothpaste Fairy

I'm not the biggest fan of "shipping", mainly due to the confusion it's caused me in the past (just because I'm friends with some guy doesn't mean I'm interested in him and we'd be a great couple, stop saying that or I'll start believing your lie). As long as people don't actively pester others about it I guess it's okay, even if I don't particularly like it or understand why people do it.

 

Ship names are fun though, playing with words is neat and sometimes I'll come up with them for friends in definitive romantic relationships.

(Also I'm pretty new here, so, hello!)

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