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Accepting or distinguishing


rrem

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I sometimes find myself overwhelmed with emotion as it is tough to find what I need in a relationship. Then I grow in doubt of my orientation. Or at least, as much as I feel I should understand myself, there are times when I don't and I am 37 years old. I fall most closest to demisexual.

 

How do others come to terms with thier orientation, do you still doubt sometimes? What do you tell yourself, what do you tell others?

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I think what helps me is how I realized in my mid-20s that my parents weren't the experts on life they appeared to be. They were faking it until they made it just like everyone else.

 

I also reassure myself that what's most important is being true to myself and not denying myself of things if I end up desiring them. Seeing many young people here on AVEN gives me the opportunity to see they're struggling just like I did, and it reminds me that the advice I give them applies to me too.

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I used to doubt my orientation a lot and sometimes I still do but then I realize that my doubt is just because of my fear in disappointing those that are close to me. I know what I am and I'm 100% sure of it but still I sometimes doubt and think that it might just be bacause I'm young and inexperienced but seriously who am I kidding? sometimes I think it might be a phase but in the end I think that it doesn't matter since I'm who I am right now and if I'm gonna change in the future, that is something I don't know.

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I doubt mine as well at times. Less than I used to, but my romantic orientation feels too complicated to fit into a single label (which is why my A/Sexuality: area is so long-or why it was until I cut it down into "gray" since that can cover so many areas) and I often doubt exactly what it is.

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4 hours ago, rrem said:

How do others come to terms with thier orientation, do you still doubt sometimes? What do you tell yourself, what do you tell others?

I've been at ease with my orientation since I figured things out. 

 

In my 30s and 40s was when I was full of doubt. I thought I was straight, but why don't I want to have sex with females?

 

If that's the case, I must be gay because that's the opposite attraction. But I didn't feel any need to have sex with males, so where DID I fit in? 

 

As you can well imagine it was a long and troubling time for me.

 

 

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I think I can relate to all your posts to some degree. Especially feeling I fit into a gray area.

 

I find it really confusing that I have short lived amounts of time when I crave sex and intimacy. I have times (most of the time) when I'm neither here nor there and other times when I almost loath even the notion of being touched or kissed. How do others deal with this..esp when your partner doesn't understand? How can I keep a relationship.

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When I was young the was no such thing. 

I was upset about performance  issues, because  I really did want to do stuff. Just wanted to cuddle. I thought I was gay but I found out that it was mostly because of validation  issues. Two years ago, after much therapy,  I'd found out there was such a thing as asexual spectrum. After psy ch meds, I saw my interests change. I saw I was not exactly gay, but romantically homoflexible, and gray-sexual. I don't know exactly  where I fit, so I let it be what it is, whenever it is.

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13 hours ago, TerrysAwake said:

When I was young the was no such thing. 

I was upset about performance  issues, because  I really did want to do stuff. Just wanted to cuddle. I thought I was gay but I found out that it was mostly because of validation  issues. Two years ago, after much therapy,  I'd found out there was such a thing as asexual spectrum. After psy ch meds, I saw my interests change. I saw I was not exactly gay, but romantically homoflexible, and gray-sexual. I don't know exactly  where I fit, so I let it be what it is, whenever it is.

I believe that. Homoflexible makes sense. Like bisexual but only sometimes interested?

 

What I find tough is trying to explain these ideas as like these, everything we've all said; as conceptual to a partner. How much they get it, want to get it, how well it is explained, how it effects ego. Or just enough that it is acceptable. All questions bouncing around the mind. 

 

I have this tattooed across my wrists and the better I get to know myself, the more it means to me "freedom is the only virtue that gives me the patience that I need."

 

Even self freedom.

 

 

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