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How do you feel about hugs and skin contact?


**Violet**

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  • 3 weeks later...

It depends. If the hug is coming from a stranger or someone that I don't know very well or that I don't feel comfortable with, I don't like the hugs. If the hug is coming from a loved family member or close friends/close acquintances, then I like the hugs. Even though this is the case, if I like someone a lot or trust them in some way, I will sometimes initiate the hugs. 

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I don't experience them. That's why I'm okay with them, if the other person doesn't mind it being like hugging a mannequin.

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LouTheElephant
On 1/21/2017 at 4:12 PM, Gizamaluke said:

Happy with it when it's around people I know and trust, but hate when it's unexpected or from people I can't stand. Happy to hug friends and family, wouldn't care for a stranger rubbing my shoulder, which happens more than you think.

My thoughts exactly.  Emphasis on the unexpected part 

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I typically don't mind hugs unless it's from a complete stranger. I usually don't initiate hugs, but have learned that sometimes it is just socially expected to do so, especially amidst groups of all female friends (as a greeting or goodbye).

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I'm a dancer so most of us lack this personal bubble when dealing with each other. It's hard to keep a personal space after dancing with each other for years. Especially blues dancing. Now and then I meet a bachata or tango dancer and it gets kinda awkward. 

 

I love hugs and would get depressed or sad if I don't get them regularly. 

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SorryNotSorry

I tolerate being hugged if the other person initiates, but I never initiate.

 

The only person I'd initiate a hug with would have to be a romantic partner.

 

As for simple skin contact... meh.

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My second love language is physical touch, so I definitely like hugs, and will tolerate them from most, unless I get a 'creepy' vibe from the person.  I am comfortable initiating them as well, if the other person seems open to them.  If someone seems sad or upset, it can be hard for me to not hug or touch them.  I'm a huge believer in the power of physical touch.

 

As for cuddles, those bring up feelings of loss for me.  I don't get enough of them, or meet enough people with whom I'd want to share one.  Generally speaking, my best shot at a cuddle is with a child or dog, or in rare instances, with a female friend.  I have a HUGE longing to cuddle with a romantic partner who knows how to make me feel safe.

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Hate it; absolutely hate people touching me or hugging me or anything. It just makes me really uncomfortable. 

 

Occasionally get someone at work do it and it just makes me feel embarrassed and nervous. I know they are only trying to be friendly so I don't want to be a jerk but I really wish people wouldn't...

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1 hour ago, Oregano said:

Hate it; absolutely hate people touching me or hugging me or anything. It just makes me really uncomfortable. 

 

Occasionally get someone at work do it and it just makes me feel embarrassed and nervous. I know they are only trying to be friendly so I don't want to be a jerk but I really wish people wouldn't...

@Oregano Do you mind if I ask what touching/hugging brings up for you?  Does it make you feel claustrophobic?  Are you worried someone is going to touch you inappropriately?  I hope my questions don't seem unduly personal, I just like understanding why some people don't like touch so I can be a better friend. :)

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24 minutes ago, Kere said:

@Oregano Do you mind if I ask what touching/hugging brings up for you?  Does it make you feel claustrophobic?  Are you worried someone is going to touch you inappropriately?  I hope my questions don't seem unduly personal, I just like understanding why some people don't like touch so I can be a better friend. :)

No I don't mind. I just don't feel comfortable when people do it. Partially being forced unwillingly as a child against a brick wall by two older males probably had a little to do with it but yes it does feel claustrophobic.

 

I don't feel as if they're going to touch me inappropriately. Not sure how to describe it really I just freeze. 

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Blueberry Pie

I love to hug my brother, who I'm very close to. I also like to hug my parents. But anyone else? Nope. Not even good friends. On Valentine's Day one of my peers at school tried to give me a hug (they thought I was lonely or sad because I bashed the holiday) and I was like, "No way!"

 

I really hate hugs as greetings, and I try to avoid them. Unfortunately, I have to give my family members hugs at holiday parties and stuff. It's really awkward for me to give hugs to my grandmothers because they're both shorter than me. I dislike handshakes as well, but I prefer them over hugs. A simple wave and/or "hello" is good enough for me!

 

I've noticed that a lot of people give hugs to women and handshakes to men. Being AFAB, I have to receive more hugs than my brother at family gatherings. Ugh!

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I LOVE hugs! ...From certain people. So far I've only had the fortune of meeting a few I've gotten close enough to. If you're not one of these people, then I hate it. I'll tolerate hugs from family or friends, but I freeze up, it's anxiety-inducing and entirely unpleasant. Also, I'm very easily startled and sensitive to touch, it kinda sucks.

I mean, other than that, hugs are an awesome warm fuzzy feeling and I can't help but smile and feel safe. It's probably my favorite feeling, as well as said cool people messing with my hair.

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It depends on the person. I never initiate any physical contact and usually try to avoid it. However, depending on the person, I might not be completely disgusted. I usually just stand there like a mannequin and rarely hug back, though. Unfortunately, it's usually older men I hate who do most of the touching when it's a woman I don't really mind. I'm also really ticklish which I hate.  

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FemmeFalconer

I love hugging my person, my brother and my mom... Yup, that about sums it up, but I will awkwardly hug friends back if they initiate it. Hugging is very intimate and close. I definitely wouldn't hug anyone I didn't know well. 

 

As far as skin contact I'd have to say depends on the context. If I don't know someone well or at all, even if we are standing in a crowded elevator, they better not be touching me. I freak out (not outwardly like 99% of the time, that would be rude), but I actually push myself to the most uncomfortable position possible until I am no longer being touched.

 

Heh, walking through crowded hallways is the worst... I had to experience this just the other day trying to pick up a kid for work. There were kids and parents everywhere, and I mean EVERYWHERE. I had kids shoving me from behind and a guy literally morphed to my side for 15 minutes and I couldn't take it. So I did what any normal person would do :lol:, I freaked out, put my elbows out a bit and said to the guy practically consuming me, "Please stop touching me! This is my space you are not welcome!" Now that I think of it I should have said I had some sort of disease. That may have been more effective because after that I just got dirty looks from everyone who heard me. I should also note, there was plenty of room. It's not like they needed to be touching everyone.

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I generally don't like or appreciate either. Handshakes are fine and I imagine I'd be comfortable enough if someone were to support my balance or help me up from a fall or whatever. Er, embarrassment aside, of course!

 

I used to quite like hugs as a child but at some point I changed. I'm not sure what caused it and I can't honestly say I'm interested enough to find out! 

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Ace ♠ At ♠ Archery

As long as im wearing clothes and it's with family/friends only I don't mind hugs.

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I'm so against human contact, I will watch people from a distance & vet an entire aisle in a grocery store to make sure somebody doesn't trip & bump into me.  I woke up this morning feeling that way.  I barely wanted to touch my family when they came up for a cook out; but they are my family.  I hugged them accordingly.  Then my nephew left his sock on my bed, I've been working out a lot more lately.  I picked him up by an arm & a leg because he didn't come here when I asked him to.  Dropped him on my bed then he said that hurt, didn't apologize but I need to be aware that I can't be rough with eight year olds anymore.  I saw him hug his brother when I went to pick him up earlier; all I thought was, he better not try to hug me tomorrow when I take him home.  :|

 

Sometimes at rugby practice, I will be like; "FULL CONTACT!"  As I put on my goggles, then some days; I be like, "I'm out."  Not a good day for contact.  It takes me about a hour to talk myself out of being a grumpy pants to participate in a contact practice.  

 

The bad thing about it all; I have magical hands & my hugs are like hurricanes of love.  :|

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As an occasional friendly gesture in unusually emotional moments from people I am really close with, it is ok, even nice, and sometimes my companion in life and me cuddle a bit but even then only fully clothed, i.e. absolutely no skin contact.

Children are another matter - my younger students often express affection or gratitude by hugging me and it is ok. They are sweet. And of course I am rather generous with hugging them if they need consolation. I would never ever let a child be unhappy without at least trying to give them some emotional support. And up to a certain age this includes giving them a warm hug and telling them that it will soon get better/stop to hurt/next time it will work...whatever.

As I write this I realize that it is very different depending on the child's gender. It hasn't occurred to me earlier because all my students are female, so I have obviously gotten into the habit of equating children and girls. Just far less contact with boys in my life. When I think about my behaviour towards boys - it is somewhat more distant. What I've written about emotional support applies, too, but I would only hug the little ones, up to about preschooler age. After that they start to become too masculine.

Hugging a twelve year old girl who has hurt herself - of course. Hugging a twelve year old boy - yuck!

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I don't mind hugs or contact in general, but I never initiate them. In fact, I feel like a bit of an ass as a result sometimes because I can tell when someone realizes that they hug me every time we meet, but I haven't once initiated it, so they are stuck wondering what the hell to do. I can't deny that its amusing, though. I have one friend who has no concept of personal space, and I get used as furniture, which doesn't bother me at all. I am plenty conscious of other's personal space though, and try to avoid violating it when possible.

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I used to love being touched when I was younger. I craved it and wallowed in it when I recieved platonic touches, but as I got older, I guess I've had too many bad touch experiences, or maybe no one I know touches platonically anymore. Whatever the case, my sense of what is platonic or not is all skewed and I tend to cringe from touching that comes from anyone that isn't my children. (It's pretty clear they aren't interested in more) It's really too bad, snuggling with a friend that isn't trying to get in your pants can be nice (for me at least, I'm not trying to tell anyone else what they should like). I wish platonic touching was more acceptable in society and that people didn't just assume you were trying to turn it in to something else.

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