How do you feel about hugs and skin contact?

[Scott1989]

Women: Handshake on first meet but if I get on with them, I'm ok with giving a friendly hug.

 

Men: arm wrestle handshake turned into a half hug right off the bat is fine (use to doing it via sports). Proper hugs, probably situation dependent and need to be close to them

 

No idea why I'm so different between men and women.

[will123]

Scott, would yoyr differing preferred "greetings" be a reflection of your asexuality? You don't want to get close to a female?

[nerdperson777]

16 hours ago, skit` said:

That's actually the perfect description of me. My parents aren't really the hugging type and getting praise is like nonexistent. For the longest time, I just simply didn't want any touch. Most of my physical contact growing up involved hitting me so how could I like it? When there's a hand up near me, I flinch because of what I'm used to. I visited a friend's house and noticed that in my 30 minutes there, I saw more affection than all the time in mine. My friend was caught in a hug by her mom. Dad was giving mom some sort of "love bite". (Idk what that is).

 

I started realizing that something didn't feel right. Then I made another friend who noticed how cold I was in my behavior. She tested out her theory by asking to hug me. I didn't know how hugs worked so my hands were just floating there. Since then, I had noticed every time she touched me. I talked to get about being trans when I was confused, but it turned out she was too and I didn't understand it when she said something before. I remember her touching my waist to tell me that I'm not that curvy. And another time when I was deciding my name, she grabbed my hands. I recall how soft her hands felt. Since my heart and mind are disconnected, I logically came to a conclusion. The only times that I believed to have felt emotions in a controlled way was when I was hugged. So I nervously asked this friend about them. For some time, we had a great sensual relationship. I would say that it officially ended a month ago because she grew distant from me. She wouldn't communicate so I couldn't know what was going on. Now I'm just a bit starved. 

 

My dad has a poor understanding of sensual attraction. After I came out and said that the parenting I received destroyed me, he had been treating hugs as the ultimate "everyone is better" action. I give you a hug when you're depressed and depression goes away. Done. He also treated affection in a joking way since there was none in our family. He also assumes that because media says one is most comfortable with family, I must be too. So family hugs are the best. Not in my experience. I'd choose a friend over him any day. Plus his hugs are so cardboard and forceful. 

[Scott1989]

1 hour ago, will123 said:

Scott, would yoyr differing preferred "greetings" be a reflection of your asexuality? You don't want to get close to a female?

I don't think it's that. If had to guess, I think it's due to being around non family males more when I was younger, and trying to avoid appearing creepy or awkward with females (so I let them lead the greeting, if unsure a handshake it is). The arm wrestling handshake half hug is more of a guy thing and is probably treated less intimate as a proper hug.  

 

In fact I've hugged more non family females since I've identified as asexual than I did when I thought I was straight. This is mostly because when I was playing sports at Uni (which came after discovering Asexuality), I met team mates girl friends who always wanted to say good bye with a hug while it was a handshake with a guy. There was a female friend I remember use to detest being touched by any non family or partner. I was probably unsure of hugging women cause of her too, but the above mentiones team mates girlfriends made it possoble for me to be confident to give her the first friend hug she had.

 

Also later life means I meet more girlfriends of the rest of my generation of my family and greetings/good byes quickly turn into hugs.

[King Al]

As Homer put it, demi-hugger is the best way to describe how I am. I am touch-averse when it comes to strangers, acquaintances or just friends, but if we are super close friends (meaning best friend level or more) then I'm alright giving hugs and stuff. 

[J. van Deijck]

2 minutes ago, Acciuga said:

As Homer put it, demi-hugger is the best way to describe how I am. I am touch-averse when it comes to strangers, acquaintances or just friends, but if we are super close friends (meaning best friend level or more) then I'm alright giving hugs and stuff. 

That's also me.

But I don't have 'just friends' because as an introvert, I'm not into calling everyone a friend. I have very little amount of friends at all.

[Hermit Advocate]

I don't mind hugs with people I know, with people I don't know that well I feel awkward. I seem to do better with hugs than with someone coming up behind me and putting their hand on my shoulder. I guess its because I can see it coming. 

[Mikotokitty]

Pretty much touch averse, but if someone just insists on a quick hug as a greeting, I can suffer through it(I'm from the South). I never initiate hugs.

[nerdperson777]

6 hours ago, UVB-76 said:

That's also me.

But I don't have 'just friends' because as an introvert, I'm not into calling everyone a friend. I have very little amount of friends at all.

The reason I don't like social media much is because one can have a thousand, two thousand friends but only talk to maybe 5 or 10 regularly. I talk to maybe 4 and it's not even regular. I don't give anyone the title of friend just for being nice and friendly. Anyone can do that without being a friend.

 

5 hours ago, Hey you in the corner said:

I don't mind hugs with people I know, with people I don't know that well I feel awkward. I seem to do better with hugs than with someone coming up behind me and putting their hand on my shoulder. I guess its because I can see it coming. 

Since I'm not experienced in receiving emotion-embedded hugs, once I just froze there and couldn't do anything. Now I can probably do those greeting hugs even if I don't like such a casual take on the hug. So even if a hug comes in from the front, I freak out and have to figure out what to do. 

[J. van Deijck]

1 minute ago, nerdperson777 said:

I don't give anyone the title of friend just for being nice and friendly. Anyone can do that without being a friend.

So true.

That's why I call very few people here my friends, even though I like a lot of them.

[nerdperson777]

1 minute ago, UVB-76 said:

So true.

That's why I call very few people here my friends, even though I like a lot of them.

I've been sad for a bit because I revoked a title for the first time. My friend was just kind of treating me like a burden and won't explain her actions. 

[ChickenPadSeeEew]

On 22/01/2017 at 10:12 AM, James121 said:

Love hugging, love holding, love feeling the touch and closeness. I wrap myself round my wife in bed every night and if I'm not wrapped around her, she is wrapped around me. Can't sleep in bed without her.

This is me and my SO too!

[Florenna]

I seem to like hugs less and less as time goes... The only ones I really love to hug nowadays are my kids (the smaller the better)  Otherwise, I can do it but it feels a bit awkward. 

[Annie9]

I don't like hugs or skin contact with anyone, I don't hug family, except for my youngest sister, and I personally would like to refrain from skin contact. I don't have a problem hugging someone I'm romantically interested in but otherwise no thank you. kids, the smaller ones, are also welcomed to hug me. 

To summarize, I don't like hugs or skin contact.

[Tatsuya]

The concept is nice, but if anyone actually hugs me I make weird screeching noises.

[ChewBecka]

I used to be horrendously touch-averse, but a lot of my friends and work colleagues are pretty tactile people, like occasionally just touching my arm or shoulder, and in recent years I've actually become really ok with that kind of thing. That for me was the worst part about realising I was asexual; the thought that I'd probably end up single and therefore not have anyone to hug or hand hold or anything.

[PippaBothwell]

Used to be so damn awkward, I have a hugger friend, and he used to laugh at how I stiffened up like a board when he went for a hug. One day, hugged him, he was so shocked. I also like touch, like massage or whatever. Many relationships are at least partially based around sex, mine is based around touch, we are both asexual. Have always thought the contact was the best thing ever, it is very intimate for us, and although biologically sex would probably still be nice, I do not think any sexual people feel the same pleasure we can get from simple touch, and I always find that sad.

[g-swagger]

I grew up in a church where there were regular greeting times in the meetings were everyone would go around and hug and talk to other people for a few minutes, so I learned to be alright hugging most of the other guys I knew although it was almost never an expression of genuine care or friendship and was more of just a form of greeting. Sometimes I avoided these greeting times altogether by stepping out to get a drink of water since they were empty and sometimes awkward. I am definitely very awkward hugging almost all women and never initiate it with them. This does not mean there aren't exceptions though. When I had a girlfriend (who I never had sex with for religious reasons, and my ease in conforming to this started my realization that I was asexual), there were a couple times when she put her arm around my waist or her both arms around my neck, and these were some of the most comforting and pleasurable moments I have ever experienced for sure. Also I have a pretty close friend from college who began giving me a hug when she said goodbye after we knew each other for a couple months. Although I had purposefully avoided physical contact with her up to this point, I found the experience positive as she initiated it and genuinely seemed to be expressing her friendship which significantly reduced the awkwardness. We usually part with a hug now. At one point, we briefly talked about asexual cuddling and companioning (sitting close enough that you are touching but nothing more). I hope that at some point this works out because it can be very relaxing and comforting, but at the same time, I am reticent to bring it up again because I hate to risk making things awkward.

[artzcat]

I've only had one friend who I loved to hug and snuggle with. Other than even with super close friends and ones I've know for a long time it feels weird. Not bad. I'm not averse, but I never think about hugging them so when we do, I feels uncomfortable or unecessary for some reason. 

 

With my intermediate family I'm the complete opposite and I love hugging them. 

[Kamkyo]

I miss hugs. I don't really have anyone that I'm the right sort of okay with to have hugs from, and I don't have huggy friends or friends that will initiate hugs, nor will I initiate a hug. Gah.
Casual contact? Not really a fan. Unless it's a friend that I'm already on hug terms with I tend to avoid it. I work in retail and hate it when customers walk up and touch me to get my attention; especially since usually I've acknowledged them before they got that close. I am naturally very aware of the space between myself and other people and for the most part like it maintained.

[drjohnhwatson]

I've posted about this elsewhere, but I actually like hugs from time-to-time.  I won't ask for them or initiate them unless I'm really upset and need them or I feel social protocol demands it (example: a co-worker's mom died and she was crying so I gave her a hug) because I feel awkward and like "Is this appropriate?  I don't know".

 

I am pretty touch-starved, so anything at all really can make me feel better.  I am so rarely touched and basically never embraced, though, which is unfortunate.  I mean, hell, most people don't even talk to me, IRL or even online.  .

[impala67]

Touch adverse person starved of physical contact! but I'd rather die than let most people touch me

[CentaurianPrincess]

Family members only. I like to hold and cuddle animals when I get the chance.

[012]

On 1/22/2017 at 7:40 AM, Acciuga said:

As Homer put it, demi-hugger is the best way to describe how I am. I am touch-averse when it comes to strangers, acquaintances or just friends, but if we are super close friends (meaning best friend level or more) then I'm alright giving hugs and stuff. 

Me too!

[Muledeer]

Today I just completed working with /training a new female coworker for most of this week in another city.  As I left, I initiated a handshake and felt entirely appropriate with that parting gesture. 

[will123]

Just now, Muledeer said:

Today I just completed working with /training a new female coworker for most of this week in another city.  As I left, I initiated a handshake and felt entirely appropriate with that parting gesture.

Very professional.

 

Our "beloved" Prime Minister hugs everyone he meets. I think if any of my superiors had tried to hug me I would've thought they'd gone off the deep end.

[AceCadmirer]

I know an Ace who doesn't like most forms of touching unless it's a truly appropriate moment to hug and the sort, so very rarely fro her. As for me I LOVE hugging, snuggling, cuddling, etc. 

[The Terrible Travis]

Hugs are awesome.

[babybrass]

it depends for me, with certain people I can't stand being touched, it makes me feel ill. But sometimes hugs are great and cuddling is okay. I think it also depends on if I'm initiating it? I'm pretty okay hugging as long as I'm the one initiating

[Naali]

I don't mind hugs if know the person. Handshakes are fine as well. As are things like poking other oddities with friends, family and coworkers.

On the other hand, I feel really weirded out by other contact. For example, I work around kids sometimes and I don't like it when they try to hug my leg or hold my hand (I never ever hold hands with people). Another that sticks out too me is through my lack of contact with people - my mom had surgery last year and when I went to visit her, I rubbed her arm. It felt so foreign to me... Guess that's when I realized my partial touch aversion.