Estrella Starr Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 Hey there everyone, my name is Tori. I am very new to identifying as asexual, in fact I just came out to my siblings last night. The relief I feel about a place like this existing is a feeling I have never really known to be honest. I've spent most of the morning crying from that sense of relief and excitement that there are people out there who feel the same way I do! A little bit about me is that I am 25 and spent all 25 of those years feeling very broken. I didn't know what to call myself or what I was. Not very often, I would develop crushes on boys ( 2 in the time from 13-19 to be exact) but that was where it stopped. I would think they were cute, but didn't have a desire to date them and had zero sexual attraction to them. I was never interested in getting my first kiss or losing my virginity, I thought maybe it was because I was focused on trying to get to college or the physical alignments I had (when I was 18 I was diagnosed with severe hypothyroidism). But when I was given medication to balance out my body, those lack of sexual desires remained. In college I felt an immense pressure to be "normal" and a fear that if I didn't start dating that people would begin asking questions that I didn't have the answers for. I began dating men and found myself riddled with anxiety the entire time (I have panic disorder) because I knew at that some point sex was going to come up. Of course it would, I was dating these men and sex comes up in conversations when you are about to start a relationship. Since I didn't know how to explain it, I stopped dating all together even though I really enjoyed the companionship that came with it. I liked being around these men, they were fun to hang out with them, I liked holding their hands or hugging them, in the most extreme circumstances a kiss or two...but that is where it stopped for me. I was incredibly confused, when i felt these romantic feelings they were towards men, but maybe I was gay and just didn't realize it? Maybe there was something actually wrong with me? I didn't know where to begin, these feelings of inadequacy spiraled me into a deep depression honestly until about two weeks ago when I saw a Buzzfeed video about asexuality. All of the sudden it was like a light switched had been turned on, I began to google anything I could about asexaulity. It was liked these people were peering into my soul and talking only to me, the large weight I had been carrying around was slowly starting to lift. I am still in the information collection phase to find out where I actually fit in in the community, right now I seem to identify as a heteromantic gray sexual but realize that identifier could change with the more information I receive or as the more I discover about my asexuality. thank you so much for creating this space, and any information/advice that anyone of you can give to me is greatly appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
cosmichobo Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 Hello, and welcome! I'm kind of new here too, although I've known I was asexual for a while. I identify with a lot of what you have to say (especially the part about crushing on people once in a blue moon but it never going beyond that). Best of luck in figuring out exactly who you are! It's good to remember that while your identity may or may not change as you find more information, that's okay and you are perfectly entitled to "edit" how you identify as you go! ~Aleah/Beastie/QB Link to post Share on other sites
zoomlentil Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 Welcome, Tori! That feeling of intense relief is wonderful, isn't it? I spent a long time feeling broken too, I completely relate. Link to post Share on other sites
Estrella Starr Posted January 20, 2017 Author Share Posted January 20, 2017 2 hours ago, queenbeastie said: Hello, and welcome! I'm kind of new here too, although I've known I was asexual for a while. I identify with a lot of what you have to say (especially the part about crushing on people once in a blue moon but it never going beyond that). Best of luck in figuring out exactly who you are! It's good to remember that while your identity may or may not change as you find more information, that's okay and you are perfectly entitled to "edit" how you identify as you go! ~Aleah/Beastie/QB Thank you! I'm also as huge fan of both you avatar and your Charlie quote as your signature 🙂 Link to post Share on other sites
Estrella Starr Posted January 20, 2017 Author Share Posted January 20, 2017 51 minutes ago, zoomlentil said: Welcome, Tori! That feeling of intense relief is wonderful, isn't it? I spent a long time feeling broken too, I completely relate. Thank you so much! It is a relief I didn't even know I would feel but it is a life changing feeling! Link to post Share on other sites
Annie9 Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 Welcome! I'm glad you feel better. It took me around 1 year to actually realize I'm asexual but in that one year I was really confused but then I found AVEN and it took me a few months to actually get the guts to make an account, I guess I had a hard time accepting it. anyways welcome!😀 Link to post Share on other sites
k2005fishy Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 Tori, Hi there and welcome to AVEN. I can totally relate to your story. I also have hypothyroidism and as much I thought that was the broken part of me. It really wasn't. I had the same thought about being focused on getting a career started before I would focus on love which everyone else around me was doing. It just never felt right. Then I discovered the meaning of asexual and was like woah that might explain some things better. Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 Hello Tori and welcome to the forum, I'm sure you'll find a lot of helpful folks here. Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 1 hour ago, Annie9 said: Welcome! I'm glad you feel better. It took me around 1 year to actually realize I'm asexual but in that one year I was really confused but then I found AVEN and it took me a few months to actually get the guts to make an account, I guess I had a hard time accepting it. anyways welcome!😀 I found out about asexuality several years ago (and AVEN at the same time). I surfed around a bit, but never signed up. I've identified as Ace ever since. It wasn't until last week that I returned to AVEN and signed up. That being said, I haven't come out yet. Link to post Share on other sites
cosmichobo Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 6 hours ago, ThePecanSandies said: Thank you! I'm also as huge fan of both you avatar and your Charlie quote as your signature 🙂 Well, thanks! Always good to find another Sunny fan! (season 12 is gonna kill me I swear) Link to post Share on other sites
kelico Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 Welcome to AVEN! Thank you for joining and sharing your story with us! : ) Take your time exploring. I'm so glad Buzzfeed brought you here, and you're figuring yourself out. You're not alone, nor are you broken. We're a supportive and friendly bunch, and you'll find a lot of people that can relate! I hope you enjoy being a member~ Link to post Share on other sites
Estrella Starr Posted January 21, 2017 Author Share Posted January 21, 2017 17 hours ago, will123 said: I found out about asexuality several years ago (and AVEN at the same time). I surfed around a bit, but never signed up. I've identified as Ace ever since. It wasn't until last week that I returned to AVEN and signed up. That being said, I haven't come out yet. Thank you for the welcome! I'm excited to see so many people, articles and research regarding being asexual. My coming out to my sisters was kind of unintentional. We were all at dinner together and sexuality came up, one of my sisters identifies as bisexual and the other is a very sexual (hetero) person. They were talking about relationships and finally I just said "I don't think I'm into any of it, if I never had sex I would be fine and totally happy. I don't want it at all" My older sister asked if I felt more asexual or demisexual and that she knew people I could talk to about it. and that was it. I wont come out to the rest of my family was a while, so I can get more comfortable with everything myself and how I identify. Link to post Share on other sites
TravelingDragon Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Hi im 25 too i came out very recently only to my mom so far and i really get where your coming from on a lot of your post! Ive been riding that wave of relief for the past few days! Welcome! Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 3 minutes ago, TravelingDragon said: Hi im 25 too i came out very recently only to my mom so far and i really get where your coming from on a lot of your post! Ive been riding that wave of relief for the past few days! Welcome! Welcome to AVEN and here's some chocolate cake Link to post Share on other sites
Estrella Starr Posted January 23, 2017 Author Share Posted January 23, 2017 43 minutes ago, TravelingDragon said: Hi im 25 too i came out very recently only to my mom so far and i really get where your coming from on a lot of your post! Ive been riding that wave of relief for the past few days! Welcome! Thanks! Yeah, these part few days everything I do feels different. There is such a lightness to how I feel, it's really the best feeling! I really don't even care who else knows at this point, I'm just so happy to be able to finally genuinely identify with something and see that I'm not alone. It's so awesome Link to post Share on other sites
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