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Awakeness.


Mackenzie03

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January 20, 2017. 1:26 in the morning.

 

I heard of the word asexual for the first time a year, maybe two years ago and, today, I just realized that I am asexual. I knew the word, I knew its meaning, I even have a friend that is asexual, but I never thought of me being asexual. Until a few minutes ago that a video made me do a little research about the topic.

So, I’m reading this article about a guy that, at his 42 years old finds out that he's asexual and, after reading some if his experiences I find myself into tears. I start to cry because what I’m reading is so familiar that it starts hurting. And, all of the sudden, I start to feel a mix of feelings within me: confusion, joy, happiness… Confusion because it feels like someone is telling me some big news that I wasn’t expecting. Joy and happiness because now I know myself I little better, now I can understand myself a little better. And now I can feel more proud of the decisions that I’ve been making all this time. And now there’s a reason why behind those decisions. And, God, I love it.

 

Everything starts to make sense to me. My whole life is in front of me right now and, as the images are going by in my head, I understand a lot of what I’ve been through all this years.

 

And it feels kinda weird, because I knew. I knew that I didn’t see sex as everyone else. I knew that my way to see relationships was different. I knew that, when I fantasized about Joe Jones, I didn’t do it in a sexual way, but in a romantic, cute how-would-our-lives-be kind of way. I knew all of that, but I didn’t know how to call it, or if it even had a name. But now I know, and that makes me feel a little more normal, that I belong somewhere. And the fact that I just discovered an space so I can write this, express myself and find more people like me, right after my big find out, is just awesome.

 

And I feel proud of me being a virgin and being 20, almost 21 years old. First, because that means that I didn’t do anything with my body that I didn’t wanted to. And, second, because I’m a Christian. And more than proud I feel lucky because being asexual has helped me on my Christian’s life path, referring specifically, to my sexual life as a Christian.

 

Is incredible how reading something can change your life and your perspective from one moment to another. Right now I feel exited. I feel like I’m getting to know a new me and I’m thrilled about it! It might sound silly, maybe childish but, I just can’t wait until tomorrow, just to see how this new discovery about me will make me go through my day.

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40 minutes ago, Mackenzie03 said:

January 20, 2017. 1:26 in the morning.

 

I heard of the word asexual for the first time a year, maybe two years ago and, today, I just realized that I am asexual. I knew the word, I knew its meaning, I even have a friend that is asexual, but I never thought of me being asexual. Until a few minutes ago that a video made me do a little research about the topic.

So, I’m reading this article about a guy that, at his 42 years old finds out that he's asexual and, after reading some if his experiences I find myself into tears. I start to cry because what I’m reading is so familiar that it starts hurting. And, all of the sudden, I start to feel a mix of feelings within me: confusion, joy, happiness… Confusion because it feels like someone is telling me some big news that I wasn’t expecting. Joy and happiness because now I know myself I little better, now I can understand myself a little better. And now I can feel more proud of the decisions that I’ve been making all this time. And now there’s a reason why behind those decisions. And, God, I love it.

 

Everything starts to make sense to me. My whole life is in front of me right now and, as the images are going by in my head, I understand a lot of what I’ve been through all this years.

 

And it feels kinda weird, because I knew. I knew that I didn’t see sex as everyone else. I knew that my way to see relationships was different. I knew that, when I fantasized about Joe Jones, I didn’t do it in a sexual way, but in a romantic, cute how-would-our-lives-be kind of way. I knew all of that, but I didn’t know how to call it, or if it even had a name. But now I know, and that makes me feel a little more normal, that I belong somewhere. And the fact that I just discovered an space so I can write this, express myself and find more people like me, right after my big find out, is just awesome.

 

And I feel proud of me being a virgin and being 20, almost 21 years old. First, because that means that I didn’t do anything with my body that I didn’t wanted to. And, second, because I’m a Christian. And more than proud I feel lucky because being asexual has helped me on my Christian’s life path, referring specifically, to my sexual life as a Christian.

 

Is incredible how reading something can change your life and your perspective from one moment to another. Right now I feel exited. I feel like I’m getting to know a new me and I’m thrilled about it! It might sound silly, maybe childish but, I just can’t wait until tomorrow, just to see how this new discovery about me will make me go through my day.

Welcome to AVEN Mackenzie. Reading seems to enlighten a lot of us about ourselves. I read about AVEN probably ten years ago and realized why I had felt the way I did since I was a teen. Never interested in sex and only wanting to know girls as friends.

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12 minutes ago, will123 said:

Welcome to AVEN Mackenzie. Reading seems to enlighten a lot of us about ourselves. I read about AVEN probably ten years ago and realized why I had felt the way I did since I was a teen. Never interested in sex and only wanting to know girls as friends.

Thanks for the welcome!

 

I just think is awesome that I, finally, am sharing this with people that understands it because they feel the same. Glad to be here!

 

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Welcome to AVEN! :cake: Thank you for joining and sharing your story with us! : ) I'm so glad you made your way here, and I'm so very glad you're happy about the discovery! It can certainly be a huge awakening and and feeling of relief. It isn't for everyone, but I know it was for me, and it's great you're on this new path of self-discovery with optimism. Take your time exploring the site, and I hope you enjoy being a member!

 

Image result for awesome cake

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11 hours ago, kelico said:

Welcome to AVEN! :cake: Thank you for joining and sharing your story with us! : ) I'm so glad you made your way here, and I'm so very glad you're happy about the discovery! It can certainly be a huge awakening and and feeling of relief. It isn't for everyone, but I know it was for me, and it's great you're on this new path of self-discovery with optimism. Take your time exploring the site, and I hope you enjoy being a member!

 

Image result for awesome cake

Wow, thank you very much for the message and the pic. I really appreciate it!!

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Hi Mackenzie03, welcome! :cake:

So glad you've found your way here to this community. I've not been here long either but it seems so great and welcoming!

Just thought I'd say that I'm a Christian too so if you ever want to chat about what it's like being a Christian and asexual then please do send me a message, it would be lovely to chat! And best of luck on your exploration of this forum :)

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5 hours ago, patchworkdaydreams said:

Hi Mackenzie03, welcome! :cake:

So glad you've found your way here to this community. I've not been here long either but it seems so great and welcoming!

Just thought I'd say that I'm a Christian too so if you ever want to chat about what it's like being a Christian and asexual then please do send me a message, it would be lovely to chat! And best of luck on your exploration of this forum :)

Thanks for your welcome and your words!! I appreciate that you took of your time to do so.

And thank you for letting me know that I'm not the only asexual Christian around here, makes me feel... less alone, I guess ^_^

Thank you very much!!

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