Sadwolf Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 If you were to ask me this question, I think my answer would be much different than an asexual's answer. I would answer that it is a combination of love, similar to a very good platonic friend (caring about someone's long term happiness, health, etc...) with a long term lust for them. I think understanding this question would help me figure out what to do with the new found knowledge that my wife is grey. Link to post Share on other sites
Poussiequette Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 Having been in love with men I've both had sex with and men that I haven't, for me, love is exactly the same in either case. The only difference was that I had sex with some and not with others. Exactly the same feelings with each. Link to post Share on other sites
argar Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 I think you could ask how sexual people define love and I would respond the same way. Everybody is different. I don't think there is one set response. We might all feel the same kind of emotion, but how we respond to it is wildly different. Equating love to how many orgasms you have and your significant other have is just one concept of defining love. Another could be that you trust the person will be there for you no matter what is another. We all base that love on who we are, and what is important to us. Link to post Share on other sites
straightouttamordor Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 There is a lady with the username "Farady" that post here on AVEN a good bit. And I love her answer to this, " Like a super best friend". Simple yet so profound. I do like deep affection. But I am not deeply affectionate with all of my friends though. That's the only difference. Link to post Share on other sites
borkfork Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 The best I can say is intimacy, commitment, care, and romance. There's the element of romantic attraction that's different from what I feel for friends. Also physical/emotional intimacy and affection, in my case, everyone is different. I don't kiss my friends, but I do have emotional intimacy and hugs with some. I care for the people important to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Sisky Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 Emotional and intellectual intimacy that goes beyond what is generally considered friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
A-Scale Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 For me it would be romantic attraction without sexual attraction. Wanting to be close to someone, wanting them to be happy, missing them, not seeing them causing an ache in your chest, etc. I've never really had an intense urge to kiss someone, but definitely wanted to be close to someone. I also have never been opposed to kissing someone I was romantically attracted to. For me, that's probably what romance is. It's more desperate and sort of... ridiculously overpowering amount of care and love for a person. It extends beyond what I need, it's more about them being happy. Then you could also just simply use the terms others use in some cases, like butterflies in the stomach or accelerated heartbeats. Maybe feeling light and unnecessarily happy around the person. Yeah. Link to post Share on other sites
yeehaw123 Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 Again everyone is different. So in my case it's like having that one person that is always on your mind, you always want to be with them and just enjoy their company. There doesn't need to be sex involved or other sexual things. You're just happy and they feel like home. I'm not a very romantic person at all and most of my relationships have been long distance becasue my attraction to people fades very quickly becasue as soon as someone shows interest im like "ehhh no thank u." Romance is werid for me and so is sex. So for me, just like a best friend who u hold hands with/hug/kiss ocassionaly, that is if I make the move first. Link to post Share on other sites
gisiebob Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 an experience that would be undermined by confounding it with some sense of definition. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 On 1/19/2017 at 10:55 PM, CBC said: Why would they define being in love differently? They might express love differently, i.e. without sex coming into the equation, but what's that have to do with defining love itself? That said, I think everyone is going to have their own personal variation on what it's like for them. This. For me, it's long-term friendship with that extra feeling that makes me like them romantically - a charge when we touch, a little extra excitement in seeing them, an interest in cuddling/kissing/hugging etc. Link to post Share on other sites
yeehaw123 Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 On 1/21/2017 at 10:34 AM, Owly McOwlFace said: This. For me, it's long-term friendship with that extra feeling that makes me like them romantically - a charge when we touch, a little extra excitement in seeing them, an interest in cuddling/kissing/hugging etc. yes, yes, yes. Link to post Share on other sites
Sadwolf Posted January 24, 2017 Author Share Posted January 24, 2017 On 1/21/2017 at 2:34 PM, Owly McOwlFace said: This. For me, it's long-term friendship with that extra feeling that makes me like them romantically - a charge when we touch, a little extra excitement in seeing them, an interest in cuddling/kissing/hugging etc. That helps a lot. My head is struggling to grasp the difference between cuddling/kissing/hugging without the desire to take it further - just a very natural progression in my mind. Something I need remind myself of when things are hard. Link to post Share on other sites
borkfork Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 There is no natural resolution to cuddling like there is to sex . It should be noted not all asexuals are super into cuddling or into it at all. Link to post Share on other sites
straightouttamordor Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 It's everything sexuals feel when they are in love, minus the sex. Like playing or singing your favorite song and the song ends with an abrupt note. So you make one change to the very last bar. It's virtually the same song, same lyrics missing one thing. I know some say its so profound and so intimate that nothing can compare. But I don't have to believe or practice everything " they, them and everybody" say or do. Link to post Share on other sites
Sadwolf Posted January 24, 2017 Author Share Posted January 24, 2017 52 minutes ago, prib23 said: It's everything sexuals feel when they are in love, minus the sex. Like playing or singing your favorite song and the song ends with an abrupt note. So you make one change to the very last bar. It's virtually the same song, same lyrics missing one thing. I know some say its so profound and so intimate that nothing can compare. But I don't have to believe or practice everything " they, them and everybody" say or do. Actually, using your analogy, I would say it is similar to someone, who feels like music is their LIFE, trying to explain music to deaf person. Link to post Share on other sites
gisiebob Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 that might actually be a good analogy, considering how little sound has to do with music! Link to post Share on other sites
Rexcaliburr Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 Love is something that I can share with one person. I can only love the one person that will put up with all my problems, and i'll put up with his. We'll go miles for each other, we'll get through whatever problems arise. Love is someone insisting we can't have one more cat, but loving the cat anyway when I bring it home. Love is insisting the cat shouldn't be on the bed, but letting the cat there anyway because I want him there. Love is saying we're only going to buy groceries, but coming home with tubs of ice cream because one of us wanted it. Love is compromising for each other and refusing to break up because of one little problem. Love isn't sex to me, and it will never be. Link to post Share on other sites
Sadwolf Posted January 26, 2017 Author Share Posted January 26, 2017 12 hours ago, Rexcaliburr said: Love is something that I can share with one person. I can only love the one person that will put up with all my problems, and i'll put up with his. We'll go miles for each other, we'll get through whatever problems arise. Love is someone insisting we can't have one more cat, but loving the cat anyway when I bring it home. Love is insisting the cat shouldn't be on the bed, but letting the cat there anyway because I want him there. Love is saying we're only going to buy groceries, but coming home with tubs of ice cream because one of us wanted it. Love is compromising for each other and refusing to break up because of one little problem. Love isn't sex to me, and it will never be. This sounds like a solid description of love, but not being "in" love. Everything you said describes my love for my children. I would do anything for them and have a very deep desire for them to be happy - now and when they become adults. There is no desire for sex (and some disgust thinking about them having sex with anyone - they are young). But there is a huge desire for sex with my wife, 24/7/365. Link to post Share on other sites
Joe the Stoic Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 I suppose being in love would be feeling a deep sense of companionship with someone, beyond what you feel for others. Link to post Share on other sites
Joe the Stoic Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 23 hours ago, Rexcaliburr said: Love is something that I can share with one person. I can only love the one person that will put up with all my problems, and i'll put up with his. We'll go miles for each other, we'll get through whatever problems arise. Love is someone insisting we can't have one more cat, but loving the cat anyway when I bring it home. Love is insisting the cat shouldn't be on the bed, but letting the cat there anyway because I want him there. Love is saying we're only going to buy groceries, but coming home with tubs of ice cream because one of us wanted it. Love is compromising for each other and refusing to break up because of one little problem. Love isn't sex to me, and it will never be. Good explanation to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Wolfjackle Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 For me, I have my best friend/sorta-girlfriend. (somewhat complicated, all because I've been struggling with a lot over the past two years. Also, we live nearly a thousand miles apart.) Love is getting off the phone after an hour long conversation and just smiling at the phone for a few minutes because it just brightened your day. It's seeing something in the store that you just know she'll love so you buy it to send out the next time you exchange books or something. Its wanting to call her as soon as something happens because you want/need her to be the first to know (depending on the event, family might get a call first). It's knowing her flaws and not really caring and sharing my fuck-ups with her. It's finding a new favorite singer and immediately burning a copy for her because you need someone else to like this artist too, but it's a bizarre genre so your other friends just wouldn't get it. It's the inability to go see a movie in theaters because you know the two of you will talk the entire time as you comment on every little thing you both enjoy and dislike. Obviously, this is very specific to me, but the emotion is still there I think. End of the day, she's my best friend. I am of the firm belief that your spouse/SO should be your best friend and there really shouldn't be a difference between the two. Though that could be an ace thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Sherlocks Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 Well, I said on here what I believe on love and dating and some here found it upsetting so maybe not the best person to ask since I clearly the minority.. I believe love is about sacrifice and when you have a partner you are supposed to think about making them happy first. You keep your partner happy. You dedicate your life to them. You take care of them. This might just be particular to me though. Im a bit odd. Link to post Share on other sites
_Keenan Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 I think love encompasses the idea that you are better - that you feel better and know you are better - on an intrinsic level. Like a soulmate - it's "your nature" to be with that person. This, combined with dedication and care on a deeper lever for that person. Link to post Share on other sites
hekky1 Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 Love is when you have that feeling of love towards another person or feel being loved by another person. It's encoded by default for majority and is not material therefore not shareable. You can only tell someone sensations or read/listen to someone's sensations and relate it to yours, linking the word love with these sensations. Link to post Share on other sites
Private Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 On 1/19/2017 at 9:42 PM, Sadwolf said: If you were to ask me this question, I think my answer would be much different than an asexual's answer. I would answer that it is a combination of love, similar to a very good platonic friend (caring about someone's long term happiness, health, etc...) with a long term lust for them. I think understanding this question would help me figure out what to do with the new found knowledge that my wife is grey. IMO, it's the same type of love that sexuals feel for a spouse minus the need to engage in sexual activity. Link to post Share on other sites
Appalachian Sprite Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 If I were to describe my experiences with love, I would say being in love is something tempered--a deep caring for my partner's happiness, a commitment to building a life together, and a willingness to sacrifice to achieve our individual dreams. Seeing my ex after a long day was always heartening...almost calming, like finding shelter from a thunderstorm. Sharing mutual activities and interests always left us laughing and smiling because of how deeply our friendship ran. We hammered out compromise after compromise, went on adventures together, and respected each other deeply. Having experienced limerence, too, I know the euphoria that can accompany early love, although I prefer it when everything's settled out and there's more room for rational thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 Being "in love" is the state after someone has "fallen in love", which I consider to be different from "love". Being "in love" is a state of temporary mental bumfuzzle. "Love" only starts after someone has regained their clear conscience. Link to post Share on other sites
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