Solar-Flarey Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 I identify as an Aromantic Asexual (Discovering I was Aro first which led to learning I was Ace second). When I tell people this I often get asked something along the lines of "So are you not comfortable with being touched?" To that I say no! I love being cuddly or just physically close with people (Hugs being my favorite). Romance and intimacy are often inseparable in the minds of my inquisitors. This is something I've never quite understood. Growing up I overcompensated for my sibling's touchy-feely snuggly-wuggly attitude by being distant in regards to being physical with family and friends. Now that we've both matured a bit I've found that I enjoy hugs and hand-holding. I appreciate being able to do those things without the emotional confusion I might bring to others, say, if I did it with random people I happened to know. Now it's begun to leak into my close friendships, previously without my knowledge. I didn't notice that I was doing it subconsciously because my friends just went along with it. We're close enough that they wouldn't even think that it meant something more. I only noticed when they started to open up and were more likely to initiate the snuggling or holding of hands. My question is, "How does physical intimacy apply in non-romantic relationships?" and "What experiences have you had that might relate?" Link to post Share on other sites
KokoroDragon Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 I am also an aro-ace who enjoys snuggles! For me, unless I know someone well and am comfortable with them, I don't really like physical contact. That being said, I crave intimacy with those who I am close with. I have a cousin and a friend who are also both very cuddly, so it's just turned into a fundamental part of our relationships. (apparently I make a comfortable pillow ) Humans are social creatures, although there are certainly individual exceptions. Even without romantic or sexual feelings, the need to have physical closeness with others seems to me to be one of those things that most people need for emotional wellbeing. I even know two straight girls who constantly walk around holding hands - it has nothing to do with romance. Link to post Share on other sites
Arctangent Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 I like non-romantic cuddles! I'm usually quite selective about who I'm willing to cuddle with, though. I have had a few close friends who were the physically affectionate type... for me, it's nice to have an outlet for touch that's not bound up in a romantic relationship. I'm probably not aromantic - I think I can experience romantic feelings - but I don't reserve physical affection only for romantic relationships. Sometimes I feel like I prefer touch in a more non-romantic or friendly context, since I'm not really cut out for conventional romantic relationships for a number of reasons. Even if I'm not aromantic myself, I totally support cuddly aromantics. I think it would be great if non-romantic forms of touch were more available in our society (for those who want it)! Touch can feel so wonderful and healing, after all. Link to post Share on other sites
Éadweard Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 Not for me Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 I am extremely cuddly, though not with humans. Snuggles with dogs and my cars (I'm objectum ace) are the best I don't like humans touching me at all Link to post Share on other sites
ChillaKilla Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 I am cuddly as well. Me and one friend who also particularly enjoys physical contact are constantly asked if we are dating which is extremely annoying. Link to post Share on other sites
Solar-Flarey Posted January 20, 2017 Author Share Posted January 20, 2017 16 hours ago, KokoroDragon said: I am also an aro-ace who enjoys snuggles! For me, unless I know someone well and am comfortable with them, I don't really like physical contact. That being said, I crave intimacy with those who I am close with. I have a cousin and a friend who are also both very cuddly, so it's just turned into a fundamental part of our relationships. (apparently I make a comfortable pillow ) Humans are social creatures, although there are certainly individual exceptions. Even without romantic or sexual feelings, the need to have physical closeness with others seems to me to be one of those things that most people need for emotional wellbeing. I even know two straight girls who constantly walk around holding hands - it has nothing to do with romance. 16 hours ago, Law of Circles said: I like non-romantic cuddles! I'm usually quite selective about who I'm willing to cuddle with, though. I have had a few close friends who were the physically affectionate type... for me, it's nice to have an outlet for touch that's not bound up in a romantic relationship. I'm probably not aromantic - I think I can experience romantic feelings - but I don't reserve physical affection only for romantic relationships. Sometimes I feel like I prefer touch in a more non-romantic or friendly context, since I'm not really cut out for conventional romantic relationships for a number of reasons. Even if I'm not aromantic myself, I totally support cuddly aromantics. I think it would be great if non-romantic forms of touch were more available in our society (for those who want it)! Touch can feel so wonderful and healing, after all. I'm so glad that other people feel this way! Link to post Share on other sites
Fox6 Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 That's not weird at all. Physical touch is important to release hormones in your organism. And it doesn't have to be sexual or romantic, people cuddle with their children or pets. Link to post Share on other sites
AnneSexnot Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 I am particular who I cuddle with. You might call me "demiromantic" (and yes, I am new to the terminology). I like hugging, kissing, sharing a bed, sitting under a blanket by a campfire. I also am very cuddly with my nieces and nephews and dog. I also experience a great deal of physical attraction, but very little sexual attraction. This is something I've only recently come to realize. If I'm not in a relationship, I really miss it. But I do not like hugging everybody, and I'm not wild about massages or being touched in general. My whole family is this way, so maybe it's partially conditioning. I have actually learned to suck it up and hug people (my friends) because that's almost expected. And I love my friends as much as anybody, just not a hugger. Link to post Share on other sites
Dodecahedron314 Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 I wasn't much of a physical contact person for the longest time, but there was a culture of being rather touchy-feely with each other in my high school band that I just sort of came to accept--people would always use each other as pillows and lean on each other in the stands and during water breaks and things like that--and since then I've been fine with it and even occasionally really want it, though at this point there exist maybe 3 people with whom I would be okay cuddling...it's never come up with two of them, and the other one lives a thousand miles away. >.< Link to post Share on other sites
ElijahH Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 Wow, This thread actually answers a lot of questions I've had about myself. I'm very selective about who I'm willing to cuddle with, it requires a certain level of trust for me to want physical contact with a specific person. But I absolutely crave it and can get quite touched starved. When I was in high school I had a whole host of people who'd hug me whenever we met and where quite happy for me to cuddle them. I was in a relationship then, so it was never seen weird and I never had to worry about other people. It wasn't until I left high school and lost that support network that I realised how much I relied upon that physical contact to keep me sane. The problem I have is that everyone else associates it with really romantic of sexual feelings, which I don't. People who I think might be attracted to me make me really uncomfortable and I don't like them touching me. The people I trust nowadays aren't willing to touch me so I spend a lot of time wrapped up in duvets and blankets. Not quite the same thing Link to post Share on other sites
Ramiel Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 I used to be really uncomfortable with touching, but as I get older I find that I like holding hands with my friends, and the occasional hug. Problem is it makes me hella confused about what romance really is... well, whatever. Not a big deal I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
cooliocool Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 I'm very averse to touch and I definitely wouldn't like to cuddle with people. I only like to cuddle and hug my blankets and pillows. Link to post Share on other sites
Ettina Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 Another ace-aro who likes to cuddle. I still live with my parents because I'm autistic, and I'm lucky that pretty much anytime I need a hug I can ask them or my younger brother. Link to post Share on other sites
Solar-Flarey Posted January 30, 2017 Author Share Posted January 30, 2017 On 1/22/2017 at 2:01 PM, ElijahH said: Wow, This thread actually answers a lot of questions I've had about myself. I'm very selective about who I'm willing to cuddle with, it requires a certain level of trust for me to want physical contact with a specific person. But I absolutely crave it and can get quite touched starved. When I was in high school I had a whole host of people who'd hug me whenever we met and where quite happy for me to cuddle them. I was in a relationship then, so it was never seen weird and I never had to worry about other people. It wasn't until I left high school and lost that support network that I realised how much I relied upon that physical contact to keep me sane. The problem I have is that everyone else associates it with really romantic of sexual feelings, which I don't. People who I think might be attracted to me make me really uncomfortable and I don't like them touching me. The people I trust nowadays aren't willing to touch me so I spend a lot of time wrapped up in duvets and blankets. Not quite the same thing I'm glad that this has helped you! In regards to feelings being paired with cuddles, I completely understand. I'm often frustrated by the confusion, but I can't just avoid contact entirely! Pillows are nice but they don't give the same wholesome feeling as another human being. I've found that as I grew older it has become gradually more difficult to be physically close with people. The older I get, the more my peers expect romantic and/or sexual implications. Or even worse, develop feelings for me based on my snuggly nature. The best I can do is be as clear as I can about my intentions and hope they understand. From one snuggler to another do what makes you happy. Be Happy. Link to post Share on other sites
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