Questions about Asexual Relationships

[L8Comer]

From what I've read so far, it appears to me that asexuality is a sexual orientation just the same as homosexuality or heterosexuality, so for that reason, I ask is it even really possible for an asexual to be in a long-term committed relationship with a "sexual person"? Wouldn't it be as difficult as a heterosexual and a homosexual in a relationship? Am I missing something? How does a sexual/asexual relationship work out? And finally, would it be better for two asexual people to form a relationship together, than to try and work through the issues of dealing with a sexual person?

[Derp]

Yes, it would. The reason that hasn't happened more often is that we've been so scattered around, and it's been hard to find someone local. That hasn't stopped a few intercontinental relationships from happening, though.

The other thing is that many people were already married to a sexual person when they found out they were asexual, and decided to work things out rather than throw away years of marriage.

[sonofzeal]

From what I've read so far, it appears to me that asexuality is a sexual orientation just the same as homosexuality or heterosexuality, so for that reason, I ask is it even really possible for an asexual to be in a long-term committed relationship with a "sexual person"?

Yes, but you're right that it causes difficulty, in the same way that a neat freak being married to a slob will cause difficulty.

Wouldn't it be as difficult as a heterosexual and a homosexual in a relationship? Am I missing something?

There's a difference between sexual/asexy relationships and hetero/homo relationships, in that most asexuals distinguish between sexual attraction and romantic attraction. A gay guy married to a straight girl would feel neither while she'd feel both, but an asexual guy would at least experience the romantic attraction, and to many, that's enough.

How does a sexual/asexual relationship work out?

Often they don't. Sometimes though, the sexual partner is willing to give up sex, or the asexual partner is willing to have sex or perform sexual actions for their partner anyway, out of a desire to make their partner happy.

And finally, would it be better for two asexual people to form a relationship together, than to try and work through the issues of dealing with a sexual person?

In theory yes. And some people on AVEN will argue that's the only option. But you can't control who you love, and I believe there's sufficient evidence to say that asexuals can and do fall in love with sexuals. And if the love is mutual, sometimes it can overcome obstacles like that.

Any other questions?

[ghosts]

There's a difference between sexual/asexy relationships and hetero/homo relationships, in that most asexuals distinguish between sexual attraction and romantic attraction. A gay guy married to a straight girl would feel neither while she'd feel both, but an asexual guy would at least experience the romantic attraction, and to many, that's enough.

Yup, thanks for pointing that out. I did want to add something- I think that sexual attraction and romantic attraction could vary among sexuals. For example- when you hear of a man being identified as "homosexual", you'd think that they would be attracted romantically and sexually to other males. However, it might be possible for a homosexual male to be sexually attracted to other men, but not be romantically attracted to men- only to women. Or maybe they don't feel romantic attraction at all to either sex.

[zyralm]

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[SpirallingSnowy]

Yeah i was going to say something but everything i could of said has already been covered, :) and well lol!!!

[Cate Perfect]

And finally, would it be better for two asexual people to form a relationship together, than to try and work through the issues of dealing with a sexual person?

In theory yes. And some people on AVEN will argue that's the only option. But you can't control who you love, and I believe there's sufficient evidence to say that asexuals can and do fall in love with sexuals. And if the love is mutual, sometimes it can overcome obstacles like that.

I've always been wary of mixed relationships because it seems to me that life is difficult enough without choosing to have a primary relationship with someone from whom you are fundamentally different. It doesn't seem fair to either partner; one will feel unloved and frustrated and the other will feel pressured and uncomfortable.

I *do* have great respect for people who can make it work--if that's not proof of commitment then I don't know what is--and I think it *can* work, but it's a lot of work and compromise and not every person is put together in such a way to make those compromises. (I'm not, for one. I chose not to date rather than have a mixed relationship.)

[Rabger]

Well, for starters, asexuality isn't an orientation like heterosexuality or whatever. Asexuality is an orientation like sexuality. Hetero-, homo-, etc are sub-orientations and can be part of either. Secondly, aexuals just like sexuals have a huge range. There are successful sexual/asexual relationships. Now, no doub you can't expect it to work out if both are on the far extremes, but you can't expect a relationship to work out even between 2 sexuals if theyre on the far extremes.

I wouldn't say that its somehow better to be between asexual/asexual that asexual/sexual. It depends on the people involved. With my ex and myself, the orientation difference wasn't really an issue, we worked it out in the beginning of the relationship and made sure to keep the lines of communication open.