CentaurianPrincess Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 I'm disappointed in the lack of asexual dating. When I go on one of the few sites there are people in my area are scarce. Everyone is in far away states or different countries. Link to post Share on other sites
Zerο Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 How would more sites change that? The root of the problem is location and how much smaller the asexual dating pool is. Having more sites would probably exacerbate that. Link to post Share on other sites
LV321 Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 It would be nice, yes. Maybe a talented ace could come along and start that up. Link to post Share on other sites
Autumn Season Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 There are sites. But they aren't very attractive. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 Yeah. The sites I have seen aren't very attractive. I haven't seen any that is for QPRs either :/ But your prob is location. Even if there were more ace dating sites, I highly doubt it would fix your problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Anime Pancake Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 If you think about it, less than 10% of people are asexual. So naturally there will not be many asexual people in a certain place. And less that know about asexuality. And less that are on a dating site. So yeah, the only way is to find asexual meetups or people on the internet that are not nearby in real life. Link to post Share on other sites
Assemble Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 Why I can't do that anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
NerotheReaper Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 It would be nice to have more people to pick from, but it is based on the sexuality itself. Asexuality isn't really common, so the pool is already small and not many choices are there. Then the chances of there being an asexual in your area, and who is around your age is very very small. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 It would be great if there were more ace dating sites. I'm always on the lookout for more dating sites that are ace friendly but they are a very few. I think it would be a wonderful idea if someone talented would start one up.The location issue isn't old news to me. I have tried out OKcupid and found it hard to find decent matches near me and when i try further they are usually overseas and not interested in an LDR. Yeah.It would be nice to have more people to pick from.I always find it hard to find fellow aces let be aro aces. Link to post Share on other sites
nanogretchen4 Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 I think the problem right now is that most asexuals are not out, and way too many of the asexuals who are out are putting their time and energy into incompatible mixed relationships instead of making any serious effort to find one another. Link to post Share on other sites
Acesomeness Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 Well, there is this one: Miscellaneace It's for aces and ace spectrum people, for all genders, for dating, queer platonic relationships, friendships and more. Link to post Share on other sites
CentaurianPrincess Posted January 20, 2017 Author Share Posted January 20, 2017 23 hours ago, Jayce said: It would be great if there were more ace dating sites. I'm always on the lookout for more dating sites that are ace friendly but they are a very few. I think it would be a wonderful idea if someone talented would start one up.The location issue isn't old news to me. I have tried out OKcupid and found it hard to find decent matches near me and when i try further they are usually overseas and not interested in an LDR. Yeah.It would be nice to have more people to pick from.I always find it hard to find fellow aces let be aro aces. If you're aromantic then why do you want a relationship? I thought aromantic meant you don't want a partner at all? Link to post Share on other sites
CentaurianPrincess Posted January 20, 2017 Author Share Posted January 20, 2017 21 hours ago, nanogretchen4 said: I think the problem right now is that most asexuals are not out, and way too many of the asexuals who are out are putting their time and energy into incompatible mixed relationships instead of making any serious effort to find one another. Yes I agree with this. What I should have said was I wish there was more visiblity. I think many aces are not online or have never thought consciously about whether they are ace or not. I'm sure there are aces that don't know what it's called. I was like that. Link to post Share on other sites
gisiebob Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 3 minutes ago, spacefae said: If you're aromantic then why do you want a relationship? I thought aromantic meant you don't want a partner at all? it's ok to make the wrong assumptions Link to post Share on other sites
CentaurianPrincess Posted January 20, 2017 Author Share Posted January 20, 2017 1 minute ago, gisiebob said: it's ok to make the wrong assumptions I just don't understand. I thought aromantic meant they don't desire a partner at all. Could someone please explain? Link to post Share on other sites
gisiebob Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 Just now, spacefae said: I just don't understand. I thought aromantic meant they don't desire a partner at all. Could someone please explain? easy, the word you defined has a root word that your definition did not contain. I meant that the answer is easy, not that my explanation necessarily would be, sorry if yer still confussled. Link to post Share on other sites
Autumn Season Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 6 minutes ago, spacefae said: I just don't understand. I thought aromantic meant they don't desire a partner at all. Could someone please explain? I guess everyone has their own reasons. But one explanation is: A committed relationship doesn't have to be romantic. And not all aros feel uncomfortable in a romantic relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
CentaurianPrincess Posted January 20, 2017 Author Share Posted January 20, 2017 1 minute ago, Autumn Season said: I guess everyone has their own reasons. But one explanation is: A committed relationship doesn't have to be romantic. And not all aros feel uncomfortable in a romantic relationship. So like a commitment with a best friend and there's no romantic actions involved? Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 Quote one explanation is: A committed relationship doesn't have to be romantic. And not all aros feel uncomfortable in a romantic relationship. I genuinely don't get this either, and it generally devolves into a circular discussion about what makes a relationship romantic. Personally, I'd say that commitment is one of the big factors (not the only one) that makes a relationship romantic, as opposed to friendship. So if you're committed, it's a long, long way to being romantic, to the extent it's difficult to tell the difference. And if an aro feels comfortable in a romantic relationship, how are they aro? Link to post Share on other sites
Autumn Season Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 6 minutes ago, spacefae said: So like a commitment with a best friend and there's no romantic actions involved? Yes, for instance. Sharing responsibilities like a married couple, sharing affection (like between friends) but not being in love and maybe not doing anything which is typically considered romantic (like kissing). Also, even somebody who doesn't intrinsically want to share their life with one partner, can have a lot of practical reasons to compromise in this way. (Being afraid of ending up alone when all friends are married etc.) Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 That just sounds like friends sharing a house to me. Link to post Share on other sites
CentaurianPrincess Posted January 20, 2017 Author Share Posted January 20, 2017 32 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said: That just sounds like friends sharing a house to me. I had a sexual partner who didn't understand being a romantic ace and said if we weren't having sex then we were just roomates. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 1 hour ago, spacefae said: If you're aromantic then why do you want a relationship? I thought aromantic meant you don't want a partner at all? Aromantic's don't experience romantic attraction but they can desire a QPR, I don't desire romance but will never say no to a QPR should it ever happen^^ Link to post Share on other sites
CentaurianPrincess Posted January 20, 2017 Author Share Posted January 20, 2017 3 minutes ago, Jayce said: Aromantic's don't experience romantic attraction but they can desire a QPR, I don't desire romance but will never say no to a QPR should it ever happen^^ What is a QPR, please? Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 3 minutes ago, Jayce said: Aromantic's don't experience romantic attraction but they can desire a QPR, I don't desire romance but will never say no to a QPR should it ever happen^^ How is a QPR different to the kind of scenario Autumn describes above? Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 25 minutes ago, spacefae said: I had a sexual partner who didn't understand being a romantic ace and said if we weren't having sex then we were just roomates. I've heard that before, from fellow sexuals, and I don't agree. There's more to a relationship than sex, and it doesn't default to room-mates without it. But for most sexuals, the lack of sex will permeate the rest of the relationship in terms of feeling less connected, less of an organic unit. Link to post Share on other sites
CentaurianPrincess Posted January 20, 2017 Author Share Posted January 20, 2017 2 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said: I've heard that before, from fellow sexuals, and I don't agree. There's more to a relationship than sex, and it doesn't default to room-mates without it. But for most sexuals, the lack of sex will permeate the rest of the relationship in terms of feeling less connected, less of an organic unit. Sometimes I think it's sad that they think love is sex. People say love and sex aren't the same, but to sexual it appears that it is love to them. Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 Quote People say love and sex aren't the same, but to sexual it appears that it is love to them No, they're not the same to most sexuals. For one thing, people have sex without being in love. But sex is, generally, the most visceral, intense, intimate way of sharing and expressing love and gives a kind of energy to a relationship that's lacking without it. There's a phrase 'necessary, but not sufficient' - you need it, but you need other things too. They just don't get mentioned much on AVEN because AVEN is about asexuality. Relationships break up over lack of trust, lack of communication, lack of shared attitudes just as much. They're all necessary too. The common analogy is that a car is more than an engine, but you wouldn't want a car without an engine, however much you loved the rest of the car. Or similarly, a house is more than a bathroom, but you wouldn't want a house without a bathroom, however much you loved the rest of the house. Link to post Share on other sites
Kai99 Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 2 hours ago, Autumn Season said: I guess everyone has their own reasons. But one explanation is: A committed relationship doesn't have to be romantic. And not all aros feel uncomfortable in a romantic relationship. What? See, this is the reason why you shouldnt make labels for every small difference of feeling, especially if no one can pin point what fits in the label and what doesnt. If being aro means desiring a relationship with no romantic gestures than how is that different from a romantic ace who hates romantic gestures? If you desire any monogamous relationships that should definitly put you to the romantic asexual category. Link to post Share on other sites
Autumn Season Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 20 minutes ago, Kai99 said: What? See, this is the reason why you shouldnt make labels for every small difference of feeling, especially if no one can pin point what fits in the label and what doesnt. If being aro means desiring a relationship with no romantic gestures than how is that different from a romantic ace who hates romantic gestures? If you desire any monogamous relationships that should definitly put you to the romantic asexual category. I meant to say that aros do not fall in love. And that everything else is irrelevant to their (a)romantic orientation. (This is how I understand the orientation.) As a romantic who wants their partner to return their feelings, it makes a difference to me whether my partner is aro or not. Link to post Share on other sites
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